BeatRoute Magazine AB Edition December 2018

THE VIDIOT
rewind to the future
by Shane Sellar
BlacKkKlansman
Crazy Rich Asians
Little Italy
BlacKkKlansman
One telltale sign African-Americans have
secretly invaded the KKK is if members take a
knee during the Confederate National Anthem.
Fortunately, the black Klansman in this dramedy
is only orally affiliated with the hate group.
Ron Stallworth (John David Washington)
makes a name for himself as Colorado’s first
black police officer by answering a Ku Klux Klan
membership ad. Pretending to be white while
speaking with David Duke (Topher Grace),
Stallworth infiltrates the organization. But when
the Klan asks to meet in-person, Stallworth has a
white officer (Adam Driver) impersonate him.
Inspired by Stallworth’s book, director Spike
Lee takes a number of liberties with the source
material in order to make the story timely and
more impactful. While the levity of the script is
startling, the performances are first-rate.
Conversely, you can tell whites have infiltrated
the Black Panther Party when mayonnaise
appears on the condiment table.
Christopher Robin
The most important lesson Winnie the Pooh
can teach children is how to spot depression
in donkeys.
Thankfully, this fantasy about Pooh manages
to keep sharp objects away from Eeyore.
Years after he left his stuffed animal friends
behind to attend boarding school, Christopher
Robin (Ewan McGregor) is now a businessman
struggling to keep his job and his family from
falling apart. However, one day while his wife
(Hayley Atwell) and children are in the country,
Christopher is visited by his old plush bear Winnie
the Pooh, who wants to reinstall Christopher
with the joy and optimism missing from his
adult life.
While the lifelike menagerie is a sight to
behold and the narrative of rediscovering your
childhood is serviceable, the nostalgia angle has
been done to death in a number of superior
family films.
Incidentally, you can convert any child’s toy
into an adult toy by simply adding handcuffs.
Crazy Rich Asians
The easiest way to distinguish between rich
and poor Asians is the wealthy ones wear
gold-plated surgical masks.
Mind you, as this romantic-comedy points out,
well-heeled Asians can also be extremely rude.
Rachel (Constance Wu) agrees to attend her
boyfriend Nick’s (Henry Golding) friend’s wedding
in Singapore. During their visit, Rachel is introduced
to Nick’s well-to-do relatives (Gemma
The Meg
18 | DECEMBER 2018 • BEATROUTE
Chan, Awkwafina, Ken Jeong), whom she gets
along with swimmingly. However, the matriarch
of the family (Michelle Yeoh) feels that Rachel is
not the right fit for her son, while others accuse
her of being a gold-digger.
Although it does shatter stereotypes with its
all-Asian cast and enamors with the pageantry
associated with Asian nuptials, this aptly cast
adaptation of the 2013 best-seller does little to
differentiate itself from the typical Caucasian
rom-com formula.
In fact, the only difference between Asian
and Caucasian families is that the former doesn’t
banish their elders.
Incredibles 2
The downside to being in a super-powered
family is that your siblings will always reveal
your secret identity to your archrival.
Unfortunately, when the alias of the heroine
in this animated-adventure is exposed, it threatens
everyone.
When Violet’s (Sarah Vowell) alter ego is
revealed she withdraws from the spotlight.
Meanwhile, her mother, Elastigirl (Holly Hunter),
has ventured out on her own to prove to the
public that superheroes are beneficial. On the
home front, Mr. Incredible (Craig T. Nelson) has
become the main caregiver to the rest of his
powerful brood.
Picking up right where the original left off
14-years ago, this overdue sequel fails to succeed,
or even match, its predecessor. Lacking sufficient
laughs and worthwhile action, the script to this
follow up suffers from serious lulls, recycled plot
points and a lackluster villain.
Little Italy
The single greatest contribution Italian cuisine
has made to Western civilization is heartburn.
However, this romantic-comedy maintains
that pizza is a much better offering
than indigestion.
When her work visa expires, culinary student
Nikki (Emma Roberts) must return to Toronto.
While her family (Alyssa Milano, Adam Ferrara)
is happy to see her, their pizza business has been
suffering ever since they had a spat with their
partner and his son, Leo (Hayden Christensen).
As the former friends feud, Leo and Nikki
form a relationship that will force both parties to
make amends, and update their menus.
Brimming with bad Italian stereotypes
and even worse acting, this American/Canadian
co-production is better left in the oven.
Although it borrows from Romeo and Juliet, the
leads lack the chemistry to dethrone the starcrossed
lovers.
Incidentally, if Leo plans on marrying Nikki
he’s going to have to get a divorce from his
mamma first.
The Meg
Every time a scientist discovers a new species
it means we get to eradicate an old one.
However, considering the size of the specimen
in this action-thriller we should exterminate four.
A billionaire (Rainn Wilson) recruits an
underwater research team to probe Marianas
Trench for untold riches. But an encounter
with a Megalodon leaves his oceanographer (Li
Bingbing) and her crew stranded down there.
Now, it is up to covert naval officer Jonas Taylor
(Jason Statham) to reach the submersible without
being swallowed by the gigantic jaws of the
prehistoric predator.
Spending way too much time on a superfluous
love story, this American-Chinese
adaptation of the 1997 novel is surprisingly
boring for a giant shark movie. It doesn’t help
that the bulk of the man vs. animal action
occurs at the very end.
Besides, the easiest way to kill a megalodon
is to steer them towards that floating
garbage patch.
Searching
The worst part about going missing nowadays
is the media uses online photos of you embellished
with a dog’s snout.
Thankfully, the abducted teenager in this
mystery stopped using Snapchat months ago.
When David’s (John Cho) 16-year-old
doesn’t come home after spending the night
at a friend’s, the single dad accesses her
electronic devices only to discover she has
been leading a double life online. A detective
(Debra Messing) is soon assigned to the case,
but her involvement only results in more
questions about the girl’s whereabouts and
whom she was involved with.
Told entirely through the lens of phones,
laptops and CCTV, this cyber-thriller does what
similarly shot films have tried in the past but
manages to avoid gimmickry. Meanwhile, the
white-knuckle narrative is relatable and helps to
counterbalance the film’s shaky-cam tendencies.
Lastly, if someone hasn’t posted a selfie online
in an hour it usually means they’re dead.
Besides, the point to having super-powers is
so you can fly away from your family.
He’s an Artificial Tree Hugger. He’s the…
Vidiot
FILM