Devonshire ezine Spring 19

LIFE IS DIFFICULT... ...continued
and continents to assist humanity in
living well. All have developed their
methodologies and I often think
of counselling and psychotherapy
as a modern day, secular form of
non-dogmatic ministry, based on
acceptance and empowerment of
the individual.
First we have to identify what is
stopping us being fulfilled. This
is easier to do in the safety of a
confidential, non-judgemental,
therapeutic relationship. Through
talking about our difficulties, joys,
hopes, confusion and innermost
fears we get to loosen the stifling
grip of self-doubt, peer beyond
the obfuscating fog of confusion
and move towards clarity on what
accompanying emotions effectively,
and then chose to respond in new
more empowering ways towards the
world at large.
Therapy sadly doesn’t provide
any magic bullets. The therapist
tends to avoid the trap of offering
explicit advice – how often do we
ask for advice but either reject it,
feel diminished by it or simply feel
unable to follow it? So although
therapists will offer their expertise
in addressing particular problems,
they are primarily looking to support
people in changing their patterns
of interpreting and responding to
the world. It’s a case of “Give a man
a fish and he’ll eat for a day…”. The
therapist’s role is to provide the
with instances in which all these
damaging outcomes have occurred.
Happily, they are usually a temporary,
natural part of the process of selfexamination
and signal only the
growing pains of therapy. Skilled
therapists will notice the pitfalls of a
blaming mentality or an inappropriate
dependency on themselves and use
those insights to help clients explore
those dis-empowering patterns and
assume ultimate responsibility for
their current experience, whilst
acknowledging the impact of the past,
social, political and environmental
factors beyond the individual’s
control. Though it may take some
time, with this new-found responseability
clients find the capacity to
communicate more effectively, feel
more empathy for others and support
others more fully.
Through talking about our difficulties,
joys, hopes, confusion and innermost
fears we get to loosen the stifling grip
of self-doubt
we want. Through discussion and
reflection on patterns of thinking
and behaving, feeling and relating
we develop self-awareness. With
more self-awareness we cultivate
the capacity to exercise more choice,
instead of snapping back into default
reactions. The therapist can draw
on their training and experience
to support the development of this
capacity to think psychologically,
thereby enabling clients to gain
more clarity and response-ability.
For example, we might find ourselves
standing back from situations that
used to trigger us into anger or
collapse, instead finding the ability to
observe the thoughts and feelings that
are triggered, internally attend to the
conditions to help clients find their
own discernment, courage and
confidence to become themselves
as fully as they wish.
People have expressed many concerns
about entering therapy to me over
the years. These range from getting
bogged down in the past, to fostering
dependency on the counsellor, to
being “selfish”. A recurring worry
is that it will encourage a blaming
attitude towards parents or early
care-givers, as often much power is
attributed to the early developmental
experiences we have in childhood in
forming our attitudes and behaviours
in the present. These fears cannot
be unduly dismissed. I am familiar
I am grateful every day to have, or
be earning, the trust of my clients.
I am conscious of what a privilege
it is to hold the hopes, dreams,
disappointments, fears and foibles
of others. My training featured
many hours of personal group
and individual therapy, as well as
hundreds of hours in placements
learning how to work safely and
skilfully with clients before receiving
accreditation. It is vital to check
the credentials of therapists before
working with them and often a
personal recommendation is a helpful
way to find someone you can trust.
So, how do we choose to live this “one
wild and precious life”, as the recently
departed poet and champion of
compassion Mary Oliver put it? The
more we can find the capacity to
open the more we can move beyond
the difficulty and honestly declare:
Life is beautiful.
Freddy Weaver
100 CONTENTS COUNTRYSIDE VISIT
FOOD & DRINK THINGS TO DO