Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 410 March 20, 2019

The term “ghosting”
originated in 2011,
but people have
been vanishing from
relationships without a
trace for much longer. It
can be confusing when
someone you thought
you had a connection
with fades away without
a warning, leaving you
feeling sad and angry.
I’m pretty sure I’ve
been ghosted again,
and I’m getting really
tired of it. I just want
to meet someone nice
that I can hang with
and also have sex—I
guess a boyfriend...
maybe. I keep
meeting guys where
it’s very hot and heavy
in the beginning,
texting and sending
pics all the time, then
we hook up once and
they drop off the face
of the planet. I don’t
think there’s anything
weird that I’m doing
sexually, but guys just
disappear. How can I
stop this from
THOMAS
TALKS
ABOUT: GHOSTING
happening? - Male,
Gay, 22
It can very frustrating
when you’re into
someone and they
seem to be too, then
poof, they’re gone!
There isn’t any way to
make someone stay
around or interested
if they don’t want to
be. But you can be
very clear with what
you’re looking for
from the beginning.
Depending on where
you’re meeting people,
you may need to be
even clearer. Sure, you
could meet a boyfriend
on a hookup app, but
you’re also likely to
get a lot of one-time
hookups. Ask people
what they’re looking
for, and then believe
them. If someone says
“just fun,” don’t try and
make them a boyfriend.
If you’re friends with
any past hookups,
you could also ask for
feedback. It’s possible
you’re doing something
in the sheets you’re not
aware of.
I went on a few dates
with a guy. It was fun
and all, but no big
sparks. All of this took
place over maybe
six weeks. I wasn’t
interested, so I just
stopped hanging with
him and hitting him
up. Then he showed
up at my work, caused
a scene, and almost
got me fired. I felt
shitty, because he was
so upset, but I also
thought he was being
very dramatic. I think
I might have dodged
a bullet. At what
point do I need to
tell someone that I’m
over it instead of just
backing off? I don’t
think I did anything
wrong, but similar
stuff has happened
before. - Male, Gay, 21
Tough question! And
I think it’s different for
everyone and depends
on the connection with
the other person. I
would say that it’s OK
to fade away when you
don’t feel a connection,
but when that person
asks you to hang out
again, don’t blow them
off: Be clear you’re
not interested. People
HATE being in the
unknown or feeling led
on. It causes anxiety
and leads people to
act out (like show up at
your work). You might
think you’re being nice
by not being direct,
but you’re actually just
prolonging the end.
Just pull the band-aid
off next time. it’s OK to
not be into someone
and let them know.
Sex/Love/Relationship advice? Send your questions to: ThomasTalksAbout@gmail.com
@ThomasWhitfield84