22042019 - ACUTE HUNGER: Outrage as IDP children feed on onion leaves

Vanguard, MONDAY, APRIL 22, 2019 —33
Happy marriage is like roses – sweetsmelling
but thorny – Francis Ewherido
Francis Ewherido is a columnist
of more than six years in
Vanguard Newspaper. He is also a
chartered insurance broker, media
consultant, marriage counsellor
and youth coach. His book, Life
lessons from MUDIPAPA, will be
launched soon. In this interview
with the Arts Editor, OSA MBONU-
AMADI, Ewherido talks about his
life, p<strong>as</strong>sions, marriage and his
new book. Excerpts:
Maybe we should start with this
book you wrote; what is it about?
The question most people <strong>as</strong>k
is: Is this a novel or a book? It is a
book on marriage, not a novel,
even though it is a story. But it
goes beyond marriage. It is about
life generally. It is about a life of
a fictional character; his struggles
<strong>as</strong> a bachelor, marriage, work,
bringing up his <strong>children</strong>, career
– everything.
Are you that fictional
character?
No, it’s a story of probably over
a hundred people put together.
The story of many people I’ve
come across are in the book.
Apart from what you write in
the newspaper, do people come
to you for counselling?
Regularly. I counsel married
people. I work with a lot of youths.
I do a lot of mentorship. In fact, I
do more of mentoring than
counselling these days; it’s
b<strong>as</strong>ically looking at your life, life
of your peers, where you went
wrong, things you have done
right, and putting everything
together to see that people coming
behind you are better human
beings, and that’s something I am
p<strong>as</strong>sionate about.
I don’t believe that you have to
wait for government before you do
things. Somehow, we can make
little impact within our little
environment. Sometimes I invite
youths. If I see that your life is
floundering and you don’t know
what to do, I call you, sit you down,
and talk to you.
What environment gives you
the opportunity to encounter the
people you counsel or mentor; is
it the church, school…?
Across – in the church,
workplace – anywhere I come
across young people or people
who are younger in marriage. I
have been married now for 20
years so when I see younger people
in marriage making mistakes in
little things which I have
overcome in the p<strong>as</strong>t, or things I
never even overcome, I call them
and help straighten their lives out.
And at the end of the day,
mountains will become molehills
for some of them.
Your background is m<strong>as</strong>s
communication, insurance and
you write a column for Vanguard;
why did you choose to be dealing
with the problems of marriage
and relationship instead of your
country’s business environment
which is nothing to write home
about?
I also write on insurance. I have
a weekly column on insurance on
Business A.M, it’s a relatively new
paper published by Philip Isakpa
who worked in Vanguard before
going to BusinessDay Newspaper.
Before I started writing the weekly
column, since 2004, I have been
part of the team
preparing people for
marriage in the
church.
That w<strong>as</strong> how I
took more interest in
marriage. And over
time, I w<strong>as</strong> giving
talks in the church.
They invite me
sometimes outside
the church, and I find
out it made a lot of
impact over time
and I <strong>as</strong>ked myself:
‘why don’t you do it
on a larger scale?’
But I kept dillydallying
until 2013
when my brother,
Senator Pius
Ewherido, died. It
w<strong>as</strong> a terrible
experience. It left a
lot of void and pains.
(So the question
became) how does
one keep busy so <strong>as</strong>
to lock out these pains?
It w<strong>as</strong> in the course of it that I
wrote a few articles and sent them
to Vanguard. Chioma Gabriel
w<strong>as</strong> Saturday Editor then. By
November 16, 2013, they started
publishing the articles. I didn’t
even know. They just called me and
informed me that my column h<strong>as</strong>
started. That w<strong>as</strong> how we started.
Like I said, I also write on
insurance. For someone who h<strong>as</strong>
a regular job that starts from 8.00
a.m. to 6.00 p.m. daily, to keep
two columns is tough. It’s just the
p<strong>as</strong>sion for writing that is driving
one. I’ve had that p<strong>as</strong>sion for
writing for about 35 years now.
My first articles appeared in 1985
<strong>as</strong> letter to the Guardian. Since
then I have been writing
regularly.
When your name is mentioned
today, the first place one’s mind
would go is marriage and
relationship; <strong>as</strong> such it won’t be
wrong to say you are an expert in
that field…
I am scared of that title, ‘expert’.
We jokingly tell people that
marriage is a school where no one
graduates. So we are all students.
It’s just that some of us are PhD
students while some are in their
first degrees, secondary schools,
and primary schools. Some of our
marriages have worked and
therefore we have good stories to
tell. Don’t forget too that my first
degree is in m<strong>as</strong>s communication.
Have you ever taken up a job
<strong>as</strong> a regular journalist?
Yes, I started with journalism,
Ffrom there, I moved to Public
Relations, and then to advertising.
It w<strong>as</strong> through PR that I got
involved in insurance in 1994
when I w<strong>as</strong> employed <strong>as</strong> head of
the Department of Corporate
Affairs of IGI. One day, we were in
a meeting considering a policy
draft, one of my bosses, Bola
Osunsanya, looked at me and
found out that I w<strong>as</strong> lost. So he
<strong>as</strong>ked, “Is the presence of Francis
really necessary in this meeting?”
and another said, “Me too, I
wonder o.” So they <strong>as</strong>ked me to
excuse them. I found the experience
very, very humiliating. That w<strong>as</strong>
the day I vowed that I w<strong>as</strong> going to
get chartered in insurance, even if
it would mean putting the
certificate under my pillow.
So after a few years, I started
•Francis Ewherido, Photo by Osa Mbonu-Amadi
studying insurance. As I studied, I
fell in love with it. It w<strong>as</strong> not
something I planned.
Today you have accomplished
all that, and even risen to be the
MD of an insurance company.
Back to marriage and
relationship: leave all that the
Bible says about the marriage
institution being ordained by
God; do you think that marriage
is compatible with the true nature
of man?
What is the true nature of man?
Look at the animals in the
forests, they don’t get married but
they live just fine without
problems with the opposite sex.
Mudipapa, <strong>as</strong> a child,
wanted to be a Catholic
priest; but to be a priest
meant he w<strong>as</strong> not going
to get married; from the
domestic animals in his
home, he saw how the
males fought amongst
themselves over mating
rights; so Mudipapa
told himself that there
must be good in this
thing these animals
were fighting over
Is marriage not something
society invented believing it will
solve some problems they have
observed in the society?
I am one of those people who
believe that marriage w<strong>as</strong>
instituted by God. We are higher
animals; we are not like the other
animals in the forest. We are
different. Those other animals
don’t have the kind of
responsibilities that humans have.
And even within the animal
kingdom, there are some species
of animals whose partnerships are
for life, though there is no formal
declaration of them <strong>as</strong> husband
and wife.
We need the family for an orderly
society. One of the problems we
have in Nigeria today is the
breaking down of family and
family values; whether it’s youths
who are into drugs, or adults
misbehaving and all that. When
people who were brought up in
good families with good values go
out into the society, you
will see it. Take your time
to read the crime pages
of Vanguard, for
instance, you will find
that many of those
criminals are people
from broken homes.
I believe we need to go
back to the family to
repair the society. We
need to go back to stable
marriages. We may talk
about the economic
situation <strong>as</strong> fuelling
crimes and all that; but
we should <strong>as</strong>k ourselves:
why are many <strong>children</strong>
from poor but good
families not involved in
those crimes?
Breakdown of family
values is responsible for
a larger part of the
problems we have in the
society today.
But sometimes too
you see some <strong>children</strong> from good
homes involved in crimes and
other delinquent behaviours; how
would you explain that?
Every human being is a product
of nature and nurture. Those who
have more than one child will
notice that <strong>children</strong> have some
natural traits they grow up with.
There is nothing you can do about
them. It is what you tell some of
them not to do that they will do.
No two up-bringing should be the
same. You have to study the
character of every child and attend
to that child according to the
character. The problem we have is
that many parents use the generic
approach in bringing up <strong>children</strong>.
In some other c<strong>as</strong>es, the parents are
too busy to even pay attention to
the <strong>children</strong>. Parenting is t<strong>as</strong>king.
It requires enormous sacrifices,
and that is what we are talking
about in this book, MUDIPAPA.
Some <strong>children</strong> start stealing at
the age of two. When you see such
tendencies, don’t say he is too
young, he will outgrow it.
Whenever you notice anything
negative, start correcting it, even
though at very early stages
<strong>children</strong> don’t understand
everything you try to impart into
them, but it registers in their subconsciousness.
As they grow up,
those things you say will begin to
make meaning to them. But you
must say them. Just be piling them
up in their sub-consciousness. One
day, they must understand. That
h<strong>as</strong> been my experience.
Some <strong>children</strong> from good and
wealthy homes go to boarding
houses in schools and start
stealing, what is the problem?
Not all <strong>children</strong> should be taken
to the boarding house, for instance.
You don’t just take a child and dump
that child in the boarding house. If
you have a sickly child, for instance,
keep him at home. If you have a
child who bed-wets and is very
sensitive, keep him at home. You
destroy him when you take him to
the boarding house. If you have a
child who steals, keep him at home
until he is out of it.
Why do we have many broken
homes and marriages today than
before?
It does not mean that marriages
before were better. What happened
is that before, in the home, there w<strong>as</strong>
only one voice – that of the man.
Now, there are two voices.
Feminism?
The woman h<strong>as</strong> gone to school.
Some men have not come to terms
with that. Times have gone when
the man takes decision unilaterally.
Many women in those days simply
suffered in silence. Another problem
is upbringing. The day you start
parenting is the day you start
preparing your <strong>children</strong> for
marriage. Many people going into
marriage today are not prepared
for marriage. Some women cannot
cook (or run the home) and some
men are not responsible. Courtship
is also a factor. It is a period of time
when you <strong>as</strong>sess somebody, do a
fe<strong>as</strong>ibility study and <strong>as</strong>k yourself
some fundamental questions: is this
what I want? Can I spend all my life
with this person? These days, sex is
all they are interested in. The
problem with putting sex on the
front burner is that it blurs your
vision; you will no longer notice
things you are supposed to notice.
People also get into marriages with
different expectations without
sitting down to discuss those things.
The questions should be: What do
you want from this marriage? What
is marriage to you?
Marriage b<strong>as</strong>ically is for
companionship. God said it is not
good for man to be alone. And he
gave him a companion. If one
marries for companionship, then
the issue of childlessness cannot be
a re<strong>as</strong>on for breakup. First, it is for
companionship, then for
procreation, and then for bringing
up the <strong>children</strong> properly. But when
you put procreation before
companionship, there may be a
problem. You must also have core
values. If your core value is Anglican
for instance, marry an Anglican.
First decide what you can live with
and what you cannot live it.
Let’s talk about this book you’ve
written which is about to be
launched; what’s the meaning of
this title, MUDIPAPA?
MUDIPAPA is a nickname (of the
protagonist). His real name is
Mudiaga Orien. His
granddaughter could not
pronounce Mudiaga. The child
<strong>as</strong>ked the grandfather his name.
The grandfather said ‘Mudiaga’
while the mother told her it is ‘Papa.’
“You say your name is Mudiii…but
mummy says you are papa. It means
your name is Mudi-papa. So the
name stuck.
Mudipapa, <strong>as</strong> a child, wanted to
be a Catholic priest, but to be a priest
meant he w<strong>as</strong> not going to get
married. From the domestic
animals in his home, he saw how
the males fought amongst
themselves over mating rights so
Mudipapa told himself that there
must be good in this thing these
animals were fighting over. He
looked forward to experiencing
whatever it may be. Upon discovery
that the priesthood will be an
obstacle to his experiencing what
those animals were fighting over,
he decided to abandon his ambition
of becoming a priest. Instead he
opted to have a happy marriage.
But Mudipapa initially had
courtship problems. Although he
solved the courtship problems and
got married, he w<strong>as</strong> to discover that
happy marriage is like roses – sweetsmelling
but h<strong>as</strong> thorns that will
occ<strong>as</strong>ionally prickle you <strong>as</strong> you
touch the roses.