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The Lord’s Goodness by<br />
Nancy Manzari<br />
“Nancy,” my husband said. My heart<br />
dropped. The tone of his voice and the<br />
way he said my name told me something<br />
was very wrong.<br />
“It’s Matthew; there’s been an accident.”<br />
His voice was shaky as he told me Matthew<br />
had been electrocuted while cutting trees.<br />
“Is he okay? Is he alive?” I asked.<br />
I never expected Darren to say Matthew<br />
might not make it. Those words turned my knees<br />
to noodles. I couldn’t even walk as the tears<br />
flowed from my eyes.<br />
Darren tried to soothe me. “You have to calm<br />
down and get to the hospital. I will be there as<br />
soon as I can get a plane home.” He was out of the<br />
country on business.<br />
I grabbed my shoes and looked for my car<br />
keys, thinking to myself that this couldn’t be<br />
happening again. It had only been two years since a<br />
wakeskating accident had almost taken Matthew’s<br />
life. I felt physically ill and like I was having an outof-body<br />
experience, but somehow I managed to get<br />
into my car.<br />
I wanted to pray, but God knows I couldn’t. I just<br />
didn’t know what to pray for. I could barely figure out<br />
how to drive and get to the hospital, much less form<br />
coherent words. Thank goodness for the navigation<br />
system in my car! I just kept begging God, pleading<br />
with Him to keep my son alive, reminding Him how<br />
young Matthew was and how much he had left to<br />
do for God. Then Psalm 27 came to mind. I began to<br />
recite it over and over again:<br />
The Lord is my light and my salvation—<br />
so why should I be afraid?<br />
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from<br />
danger, so why should I tremble?…<br />
Though a mighty army surrounds me,<br />
my heart will not be afraid.<br />
Even if I am attacked,<br />
I will remain confident.…<br />
For he will conceal me there when troubles<br />
come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He<br />
will place me out of reach on a high rock.<br />
Then I will hold my head high<br />
above my enemies who surround me.<br />
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts<br />
of joy, singing and praising the Lord with<br />
music.<br />
Hear me as I pray, O Lord.<br />
Be merciful and answer me!<br />
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk<br />
with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I<br />
am coming.”… You have always been my<br />
helper.<br />
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,<br />
O God of my salvation! …<br />
Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness<br />
while I am here in the land of the living.<br />
Wait patiently for the Lord.<br />
Be brave and courageous.<br />
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.<br />
These verses gave me the strength to keep driving.<br />
They also protected my mind as it raced wildly with<br />
anxious thoughts. Anyone who is a parent can<br />
imagine the fears that were going through my mind. I<br />
was desperate to see my baby. I needed to hold him<br />
and hug him and tell him how much I loved him.<br />
I arrived at the hospital feeling completely sick. Not<br />
knowing where to go or how to find him just added<br />
to the helplessness I was already feeling. God, in His<br />
grace, met me in my time of need and put someone<br />
directly in my path who could lead me to Matthew.<br />
When I arrived at the ICU, they allowed me to see<br />
Matthew. It was the scariest moment of my life. My<br />
child was almost unrecognizable. His head was so<br />
incredibly swollen and deformed, it literally looked<br />
like a giant square sitting on top of his shoulders. And<br />
the machines—they were everywhere. Tubes were<br />
running to and fro between Matthew’s body and<br />
those machines. He lay so still.<br />
Could this be my son?<br />
But then I saw his feet, those unmistakable feet. I<br />
smiled, and I touched them. They were his, and they<br />
were unhurt. Matt was alive. This was my first answer<br />
to prayer.<br />
I quickly realized I had a very difficult phone call<br />
to make to Matthew’s brother, Darren Jr., who lives<br />
in Louisiana. My sons are very close. This news would<br />
surely bring much pain. Matthew and Darren Jr. had<br />
been homeschooled for most of their lives, and they<br />
had been best friends growing up. If you saw<br />
one, you saw the other. People didn’t even<br />
know they were brothers because they didn’t<br />
fight like most siblings, and they had all of the<br />
same interests.<br />
When Darren Jr. arrived and saw Matthew,<br />
he immediately said, “I know my brother.<br />
He wants to hear music.” He took his<br />
phone out of his pocket and put on a song<br />
he knew Mathew would want to hear.<br />
Matthew began blinking as if to say yes.<br />
With those blinks, we knew Matthew<br />
was in there, somewhere, underneath<br />
all the wires and bandages.<br />
In a situation like this, I found<br />
myself praying for everything—from Matthew<br />
waking up, to moving a finger, to recognizing<br />
someone’s voice. Praise God, with each passing day,<br />
those things slowly began to happen. We could see<br />
God’s hand of mercy and grace at work all around us.<br />
The victories we experienced, however, were often<br />
challenged by negative reports. Our experience in<br />
the hospital was like a roller coaster ride. There were<br />
so many ups and downs! One moment we’d be<br />
celebrating Matthew overcoming a milestone, and<br />
then the very next second, we’d find ourselves on our<br />
knees in inconsolable pain. In one breath we were<br />
told Matthew was going to live, but with the very<br />
next breath, we learned it would be weeks before<br />
he was out of the woods. We’d hear Matthew’s vital<br />
organs were functioning perfectly, followed by the<br />
statement that his arms might have to be amputated.<br />
In a moment’s notice, it seemed the world could start<br />
spinning out of control!<br />
When the doctor told us about Matthew’s possible<br />
amputation, I wanted to scream at the top of my<br />
lungs, “Take those words back!” All I could think<br />
about was Matthew and Bobbye Jean’s unborn baby.<br />
Matthew had to be able to hold his baby. It was all I<br />
could do not to say to the doctors, “God will have the<br />
last word in this matter!” And God did. I could give so<br />
many examples of Matthew overcoming the odds—<br />
only because of the gracious hand of God.<br />
During Matthew’s recovery, I realized how<br />
important it was for me to remember to thank God<br />
for the many miracles I had witnessed since day<br />
one of the accident—for the beating heart, moving<br />
finger, blinking eye, spoken word.… So often after<br />
a prayer would be answered, I would quickly move<br />
on to praying for the next miracle. I needed to praise<br />
God for all of the things that He’d already done for<br />
Matthew’s healing. Not only am I sure this pleased<br />
God, but it also helped me remember how far we<br />
had come. And in my remembrance, my faith was<br />
strengthened so that I could face the next challenge.<br />
18 www.kojministries.org
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