The Happiness Myth By DR. CAROLINE LEAF
Mindfulness When you scroll through Instagram, it is evident we are all searching for happiness; a “happiness” that usually consists of us smiling in front of commodities like money, cars or even “likes” on a picture. Marketing ads for new products almost always mention “happiness” as an end goal, whether we are watching an advertisement for a new soda, new holiday or a new drug. Smiling, happy people stare at us from billboards as we drive to work or walk around our neighborhood—there is no escaping it; life is all about happiness…right? WRONG! When it comes to our mental health, our understanding of happiness has overtaken the human condition. Whereas previous generations saw grief, anxiety and even fear as natural parts of human existence, for many of us today these (very normal) human emotions are an anathema or curse. Sadness has almost become like a sin; often we are just told to “suck it up” or “don’t show it.” Indeed, many people are told there is something wrong with them biologically if they are sad for more than two months after losing a loved one, or if they are traumatised from a disturbing experience like war. What then is a “normal” grieving period? What is a “normal” response to violence and bloodshed? It is perfectly normal to be sad, unhappy or stressed at times—we should not be ashamed of these emotions. It is perfectly normal to be sad, unhappy or stressed at times—we should not be ashamed of these emotions. Rather than worrying about what we feel, we should ask ourselves why we feel this way, or what is the root of the emotion, and how we can work on finding healing. Don’t mask the unhappiness; try to understand and resolve it. Our mental struggles actually help us build stronger characters and make us more resilient. Pretending to always be happy, on the other hand, or feeling guilty for not always being happy, is dangerous and will not help us grow emotionally or mentally. Part of the issue is that we often don’t know who we are. While many people are given labels and told there is something intrinsically wrong with their brain because they are sad or unhappy, others are told that being themselves is not enough to make them happy, and “that is why you need to buy this product”. It is easy to see how, beneath all these conflicting messages, we don’t even know how to be satisfied discovering who we are, nor are we comfortable getting to know ourselves, with all the good and not-so-good bits. Yet we can hardly be “happy” if we don’t even know our own identity, as I discuss in my book The Perfect You. When we are rooted in a firm sense of our own belonging, we will find life more bearable, more interesting and more joyful despite periods of sadness! Discovering our unique, one-of-a-kind way of thinking is a challenge that can bring out the best of us. I have found repeatedly in my research, clinical experience and personal life that excitement rises when we adopt a positive attitude and persist in the face of a difficult task, which includes getting to know who we are! One of the greatest feelings in life is understanding something or completing an activity after a mental, and perhaps even physical, struggle. This leads to a sense of achievement as we rise to the challenge, contributing to our overall sense of pleasure, even if we are not always “smiling” and “happy” during the process. 3 3