2018 Edition Vol 5 Issue 20 DIGITAL

LETTERS
Aunt Silvia
Dear Aunt Sylvia,
I am a 51-year old lady married to an
educated man with three adorable children.
Both my husband and I are working and
I would say, we are financially ok. Some
years ago, my husband became sick and
he was advised by the doctor to work
less. That drastically changed our income
situation and made me earn more than my
husband. Recently, I noticed that he is not
the same man he used to be. He gets irritated
easily and often accuses me of insulting and
disrespecting him. The reality is that I’ve
always tried to make my husband happy, but
it seems my efforts are not enough. Sadly,
the quarrel has reached a point that I fear
it could cost us our marriage. Please help me
out.
Monica (Nkawkaw, Ghana)
QUOTES
“Some of the
biggest challenges in
relationships come
from the fact
that most people
enter a relationship
in order to get
something: they’re
trying to find
someone who’s
going to make
them feel good. In
reality, the only
way a relationship
will last is if
you see your
relationship as a
place that you go
to give, and not a
place that you go
to take.”
― Anthony Robbins
“A woman knows
the face of the
man she loves as
a sailor knows the
open sea.”
― Honore de Balzac
Dear Monica,
Thank you for your mail. I feel so sorry to
hear that your marriage is heading to the
rock, simply because you earn more than
your husband. Although, I must admit that
your story is not new or a surprise. Sadly,
we all seem to forget the vow we made
during the wedding: for better, for worse.
As a couple, you are supposed to work
together as a team; unfortunately, some
men have culturally, allowed psychology of
gender to block their reality of life. It is a
good wife that wants to share her income
with the rest of the family, rather than
insisting that the husband is the “head
of the family,” as such, must bear all the
financial burdens on the family. Why can’t
your husband see this obvious reality and
praise your efforts?
That said, I am not there in your family
to verify your husband’s claims about you;
if your behaviour has suddenly changed
and you have become bossy simply due
to the new economic situation, which
favours you, then, your husband has a
point – and ground to complain. I assume
there were no major family problems
when your husband was earning more
than you. That shows he wants the best
for his family. I would seriously advise
you to make sure your new financial
advantage does not come with pride or
disrespect for your husband. On the other
hand, I strongly request your husband
to show appreciations to you for your
financial contribution. Equally, it is not
new to know that many African men have
problems when their wives earn more
than they do. In most cases, based on
It is a good wife that wants
to share her income with
the rest of the family, rather
than insisting that the
husband is the “head of the
family,” as such, must bear
all the financial burdens on
the family. Why can’t your
husband see this obvious
reality and praise your
efforts?”
that inferiority complex or inherit cultural
trends and gender consciousness, many
men tend to read unnecessary meanings to
or create wrong interpretations of innocent
actions of their wives, simply because their
wives are financially better than them.
This leads to friction in the marriage or
relationship.
I advise you to make sure your new
financial situation does not change your
attitude, duties in the family. Equally, your
husband must appreciate your contribution
and make sure his new situation does not
influence his judgement of you and your
actions. I hope you both find a common
ground and enjoy your marriage. Good
luck.
Yours,
Aunt Sylvia
www.katakata.org
DEC 2018 Issue 20 Kata kata cartoon magazine
29