Storyline Fall 2020

While maybe not as much as in
decades past, there still seems
to be an expected order of steps
in life – graduate, find a job, get
married, have kids. For Carter and
me, we were ticking off the boxes;
we got married in 2007 after our
post-secondary education, found
employment, and were enjoying
life as a young couple. Since we
were married young (I was 21), we
wanted to wait a few years before
having kids so we could settle into
married life together first. About 5
or so years in we felt ready for the
next step: start a family.
Well, months passed … and months turned
into years … and we found ourselves
wondering if we could even have kids.
What do you do when what you’re
anticipating will happen … simply doesn’t
come to pass? Can you relate? With COVID-19,
I’m sure a lot of people can relate; you had
plans for something to happen this year only
to have it put on hold – perhaps indefinitely.
For us, there was a lot of tentative but honest
pillow talk. How badly did we want to have
children? Should we get tested for infertility?
Should we explore fertility treatments or
adoption? There was a lot we had to sort out,
not only individually but as a couple.
I remember several years ago Heather
Wile was praying for me during a one-onone
meeting with her in her office, and
she asked God to grant Carter and me the
deepest desire of our hearts. I remember
tears streaming down my face because at
that point I just didn’t even know what the
deepest desire of my heart was anymore.
Did I really want to be a mom? What if I didn’t?
What if I did, but didn’t want to adopt or
pursue fertility options? There was a lot of
angst in my heart. And while Carter and
I were always open and transparent with
each other, we didn’t really talk about it with
others. Sure, our small group knew, and our
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