Grand Summer Fall 2019

dren are “good” at something, and when
you are good at one thing, inevitably, you
must be “bad” at something else.
When adults praise this way, it gives
the impression that talents are fixed. If a
child struggles with something or experiences
a failure, the implication is that
they must be bad at it. For example, if a
child receives a poor score on an assignment
at school, they may not attribute
this failure to lack of effort or preparation,
but may believe it is because they
are “bad” at that subject. This leaves no
room for motivation to improve or try
again.
What I have learned is that we should
be praising effort and progress. We can
praise a child’s critical thinking or problem
solving strategies. Imagine the impact
of your words if you praised a child’s
persistence and determination in a moment
of struggle. “I admire how you keep
trying different strategies to solve that issue.”
“I notice that you never give up!” If
we praised acts of kindness and empathy,
how would this affect the behaviour of
our children? Perhaps we should shift our
focus to highlighting our children’s character,
rather than their accomplishments.
I no longer offer the statement, “I
am proud of you.” to my students or
my children. This implies that children
should strive to make me proud. It is a
source of external motivation, when what
we are truly seeking is for our grandchildren
to be intrinsically motivated to learn
and improve. Now, I offer the thought,
“You should be proud of yourself.” What
a powerful shift. Children know that
they have the ability to work hard and to
succeed. They are not in comparison to
other children, only to their own progress
and growth. They should not strive to
earn the approval of the adults around
them, but to be the best version of themselves.
So, keep praising your grandchildren,
but perhaps take a moment to be mindful
of what it is you are choosing to reward.
Accomplishments may come and go, but
the character of who our grandchildren
are becoming and their values for effort
and determination will carry them far in
life.
Kelly Cleeve is a passionate educator with
14 years experience. She is a graduate student
at the University of British Columbia, a wife and
a mother of two beautiful boys.
Island Catholic Schools
Committed to educating
the “whole” child in a Christcentered
community of learning.
Island Catholic Schools: with schools located
in Victoria, Duncan and Port Alberni.
For more information call 250-727-6893
or visit www.cisdv.bc.ca
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Summer/Fall 2019 17