Island Parent Spring 2023

SPRING 2023 

Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years 

FREE COPY 

Redefining 

Family 

Self-Care for 

Moms Made Easy 

Asking 

for Help 

GRAND 

A Special Feature 

for Grandparents

Did you know 

about BusReady? 

Children 

12 and under 

ride for free! 

It’s the educational program 

for kids by BC Transit. 

Visit busready.bctransit.com to learn more. 

2 Island Parent Magazine IslandParent.ca

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“When I examine myself and my method of 

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IslandParent.ca 

Spring 2023 3

SPRING 2023 


FREE COPY 

In Every 

Issue 

5 

Fast Forward 

SUE FAST 

TABLEOFCONTENTS 

10 

Self-Care for Moms 

Made Easy 

KATE BORSATO 

12 

Asking for Help 

NATASHA MILLS 

14 

How to Tell 

Your Child About 

Your Mental 

Health Struggles 

DR. JILLIAN ROBERTS 

18 

Redefining 

Family 

ERIKA PALMER 

28 

How to Nurture 

an Emerging Reader 

LINDSAY COULTER 

6 

Need to Know 

9 

I ❤ Island 

20 

Businesses You 

Need to Know 

20 

Dad Speak 

MICHAEL MORRELL 

24 

Aging as 

an Adult 

JULIA MAIS 

32 

Teaching Kids 

Realistic Expectations 

Around Money 

LINDSAY PLUMB 

33 

Special Feature 

GRAND 

Vol. VI, Ed. I 

grandmag.ca 

Thou Shalt! 

A Grandparent’s Guide to 

Doing Away with the Rules 

Grand Boundaries 

10 Baby Shower Gifts 

34 

Thou Shalt! 

LINDA ROGERS 

36 


for Grandparents-to-Be 

EVA BILD 

38 


DR. ALLISON REES 

22 

What’s for Dinner 

EMILLIE PARRISH 

26 

Family Resource Directory 

26 

Kids’ Reads 

CHRISTINA VAN STARKENBURG 

30 

Play 

31 

Preschool & Child Care 

Directory 

On the 

Cover 

Emiliyah S (8 mos) 

Photo by 

Chris Higginbottom 

chrishigginbottom.ca 

Redefining 

Family 

Self-Care for 

Moms Made Easy 

Asking 

for Help 

GRAND 

A Special Feature 

for Grandparents 

Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca 

Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca 

Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca 

RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca 

Island Parent Magazine, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a 

bimonthly publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on 

resources and businesses for Vancouver Island families. Views expressed are not 

necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without 

the permission of the publisher. Island Parent is distributed free in selected areas. 

Annual mail subscriptions (7 issues) are available for $21 (GST included). 

Canadian Publication Mail Product Sales Agreement 40051398. ISSN 0838-5505. 

Island Parent Magazine 

250-388-6905 islandparent.ca 

518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5 

A proud member of 

BC 


FASTFORWARD 

10 

Ways to Make the 

World a Better Place 

1. Give your time, skills and/or money 

to a good cause. Not only can this help 

the community but it can also improve 

our health, ease feelings of loneliness and 

broaden our social networks. Whether you 

go the official route through a volunteer 

organization or come up with ideas and 

charities of your own, it’s a win-win-win. 

2. Instead of driving, walk or ride 

bikes. What better way is there to get 

outside and cover some ground than going 

for a spin? Not only is it easy on the 

environment but it’s also great exercise 

and a good way to improve mood. 

3. Get creative—and involve others. 

A good example of this is Fernwood’s 

Pole Painting Project (Fernwood.ca). The 

installation of over 100 brightly painted 

telephone poles has helped slow traffic 

and discourage graffiti while bringing the 

community together and creating warm, 

friendly spaces. 

4. Gather family, friends and neighbours. 

Keep it low key and informal, 

don’t worry about a messy house or a 

fancy meal, the point is to get together to 

enjoy each other’s company and connect 

despite everyone’s hectic schedules and/or 

the busy day-to-day. 

5. Unplug. Maybe not for a weekslong 

digital detox, but maybe at least 

a few times a day. Or create some nophone 

and no-screen zones in your home: 

in bed, at meals, outdoors. Play a first-tolook 

game where the first person to check 

their phone has to wash the dishes or 

walk the dog. 

6. Go out—outside, out on the town 

or out of your comfort zone. With 

the weather warming up, it’s easier to 

get outdoors, go on a road trip or try 

something new. Watch how your mood 

improves—and how that can spread to 

others around you. 

7. Spread kindness. Hold a door open 

for someone, offer to help carry somebody’s 

groceries, drive patiently, bake for 

a neighbour. 

8. Express gratitude. Did someone go 

above and beyond for you? Say so! Did 

something work out or fall into place? 

Create a family ritual of reflecting on all 

the good things that happen each day. Or 

create a gratitude journal and invite kids 

to add daily entries. 

9. Reduce your carbon footprint. 

Remember Earth Day is April 22. For a 

Footprint Calculator and to learn about 

ways to walk softly on the earth, visit 

footprintnetwork.org. 

10. Do what you love—that alone will 

inspire others. For work and for play, 

doing what we love brings us—and often 

those around us—joy. Better yet is doing 

what we love with those we love. 

PRESCHOOL–GRADE 12 

Be curious. Be kind. Be brave. Be you. 

admissions@qms.bc.ca 

www.qms.bc.ca 



NEEDTOKNOW 

Earth 

Day 

2023 

Designed to raise awareness of 

environmental action and how we 

can all make a difference, Earth Day, 

on April 22, is your chance to get 

involved. In addition to raising environmental 

awareness among many 

citizens and organizations across 

the country, this campaign also encourages 

people to take action. This 

year the campaign will be unveiled 

on April 6. To find out more and how 

you can make a difference not only 

on Earth Day but every day, visit 

earthday.ca. 

Pulling 

Together 

Volunteers are integral to invasive 

plants management and habitat 

restoration in Saanich. Share your 

energy with the parks you love, 

invest in the spirit of ecosystem 

restoration and build lasting relationships—all 

through volunteering. 

If you’re interested in getting your 

group involved with Pulling Together, 

Saanich Parks, Recreation and Community 

Services wants to hear from 

you! Neighbourhood groups, school 

groups, environment clubs, Scout 

and Guide groups, businesses and 

faith groups—everyone is welcome. 

To register as a restoration volunteer, 

visit saanich.ca. 


Money 

Stuff 

with 

Moms 

How do things work in your 

household? Who does the 

majority of the financial chores? 

Do you have separate bank 

accounts? What works well for 

you, and why? Your input to the 

conversation has incredible value 

because we can all do better if 

we know better. Money Stuff 

with Moms is all about answering 

money-related questions just 

like these. Peek behind the curtain 

to see how other moms do money 

with local hosts Lindsay Plumb 

and Meghan Chomut in their 

podcast Money Stuff with Moms 

on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and 

all the other podcast apps. 

I am proud 

to continue 

my support 

of parents, 

families and 

youth in 

Oak Bay- 

Gordon Head. 

MLA Murray Rankin 

Oak Bay – Gordon Head 

Murray.Rankin.MLA@leg.bc.ca 250-472-8528 



Float 

the 

Boat 

The Maritime Museum of BC is 

running their third annual fundraising 

campaign called “Float the 

Boat.” This campaign has a goal of 

$25,000 and will run from now to 

April 30. Throughout the campaign 

the museum will be marking milestones 

by filling a tank with water to 

float the boat higher and higher. 

Supporting this year’s campaign 

helps fund the comprehensive 

proposal to move the Maritime 

Museum into the Steamship 

Terminal Building, a perfect 

waterfront space. 

mmbc.bc.ca 

Feel 

Out 

Loud 

Kids Help Phone aims to help transform 

Canada’s youth mental health 

landscape, starting with the Feel Out 

Loud fundraising campaign to raise 

$300M. It is the largest fundraising 

campaign supporting youth mental 

health in Canada’s history. The campaign 

is a call to action on behalf of 

the 8.2 million young people in Canada 

who need space to express their 

feelings with confidence, because 

the issues that this group faces are 

more complex than ever. The Feel 

Out Loud fundraising campaign will 

help ensure that young people are 

seen and heard 30 million times. 

youtube.com/ 

watch?v=Z0mphDDrMfo 


I ❤ ISLAND 

Can’t send Mom to a spa for 

Mother’s Day? Bring the spa to her! 

Cordova Candles 

Cordova Candle Co is an independent candle 

company out of Victoria. Candles are ethically 

produced in small batches using sustainable ingredients 

and packaging. Their mission is simple: 

to create candles with captivating scents and the 

best ingredients. 

cordovacandleco.com 

Sea Silk Cleansing Oil 

Seaflora’s Sea Silk Cleansing Oil will keep Mom’s 

skin barrier happy, healthy and balanced with a 

non-comedogenic, vegan, seaweed-infused oil 

cleanser. Gently dissolves makeup, sunscreen 

and daily grime without disturbing the skin’s natural 

oils or clogging pores. 

seafloraskincare.com 

It’s the Balm 

LK Cosmetics The Balm lip balm will put an end to 

dry, chapped lips. Get softer and more hydrated 

lips with this nourishing mask made with natural 

healing plant extracts such as Pomegranate, 

Blueberry, Cajupti and Centella Asiatica. Vegan, 

cruelty free and free of parabens and phthalates. 

lkcosmetics.ca 



HEALTH 

Self-Care 

for Moms 

Made Easy 

If you’re a mom or mom-to-be, I’d bet that “self-care” can 

be…a bit of a touchy subject. You’ve certainly heard enough 

about it, sometimes being told that self-care is the answer to 

all your challenges, or that having some alone time will do the 

trick. 

Many moms receive the message that self-care is about 

pampering—spa-like bubble baths or pedicures. No wonder 

it’s a bit frustrating to hear that term, self-care, because it just 

doesn’t seem like such simple things could make much of a difference 

to your sense of overwhelm or exhaustion. 

So let’s start with a more realistic definition. Self-care simply 

refers to all the things you do to help yourself feel well, including 

meeting your very basic needs. This can range from things 

like brushing your teeth, to booking a massage, to actually 

showing up for that pap test. Sure, your self-care routine might 

include a manicure, but it might also include regular counseling 

sessions. Self-care isn’t extra or frivolous. 

Self-care refers to all the things you do to meet your needs in 

the different areas of your life. We’re talking emotional, physical, 

social, intellectual and spiritual needs. If we want to feel 

joy and ease, we must address our own needs so that we have 

the capacity to welcome those positive experiences. When we 

think of self-care this way, we can understand that this isn’t 

something you only do when your kids are asleep or with the 

sitter. 

Self-care also doesn’t have to be so involved, difficult, and 

consuming. You don’t have to commit to daily workouts, frequent 

meditations or significantly shift your life in order for 

your efforts to count. It can be easy. 

Self-care is essential, but our approach has to be more realistic 

so that it’s not just another source of stress or an un-checked 

item on the to-do list. It’s important to shift the conversation so 

that what’s supposed to support your mental well-being doesn’t 

become another way you feel like a failure. 

So what stops moms from practicing self-care? 

Your schedule is fully booked! Timing is often the biggest 

obstacle that stands in the way of moms weaving self-care into 

their lives. You can’t find the time when it feels like a huge extra 

task on the to-do list. For moms struggling to find their groove in 

early motherhood, taking care of yourself feels like another thing 

you have to do. When you neglect it, it feels like another thing 

you’re NOT doing—and that can bring you down. So many of us 

see the day slip by without taking a moment for ourselves. And the 

biggest mistake is thinking that self-care has to happen outside of 

your time with your kids. Because for many, that time is fleeting. 

Guilt. Mom guilt makes no exceptions for self-care. Taking care 

of your needs is not selfish. Taking time for yourself is not luxurious. 

Self-care is not frivolous. When you take care of yourself, 

you’re better able to become the mom you want to be. When you 

look after your needs, your partner benefits, your kids benefit. 

Everyone wins! You matter so much. Your well-being affects others. 

You deserve your own attention, love and energy. 

How should we define realistic self-care? 

Making self-care easy for moms is about simplifying what 

the concept means to begin with. Believe that self-care is realistic 

otherwise it’s never going to happen. 

What is self-care, really? 

Look for ways to incorporate self-care during the times that 

you are with your kids. This might sound hard, but trust me, 

it’s an important mindset shift. And sure, exercising with a toddler 

climbing at your feet is less than ideal, but it’s better than 

not exercising at all. 

In my own journey as a mom, making this mental shift was a 

game changer. I started looking for ways to infuse my day with 

things that were for me, like my music, my candles or oils, my 


adult colouring book, or the route that I like to walk. These were 

subtle shifts but started to make me feel like my preferences and 

needs matter too. I am hoping you can start doing the same. 

Here are three areas to being exploring easy 

and attainable self-care: 

Your Body. When thinking about self-care for your body, 

think about all of your physical needs. Nutrition, hydration, 

rest, comfort. You need some kind of movement (ideally every 

day, if you can). When considering how to care for your body, 

ask yourself if there are things you do for your kids that you 

neglect to do for yourself. Moms often go to great lengths to 

prepare healthy meals for their kids, for example, but their 

own meals are an afterthought. I’ve been there too, snacking on 

the kids’ leftovers. But why? What if you could also consider 

your own nutritional needs? What impact would that have on 

you? You might even ask yourself in this moment: what are 

some easy ways that I could take better care of my physical 

self? Jot down a few ideas, and remember, keep it simple! 

Your Mind. Taking care of your mind means making 

sure that your emotional and intellectual needs are considered. 

You’re allowed to keep investing in your interests and 

hobbies. You have the need to learn and grow! Being a mom 

shouldn’t put a stop to that. So what interests have you put 

aside? Anything you’ve been curious about? Any new hobbies 

you’d like to explore? I know that life looks different now, 

and you likely don’t have the time to do hobbies like you did 

before. Can you find easier ways to fit this in? For example, 

instead of setting up an elaborate oil painting area, what if you 

tried a travel-size watercolour setup that is easy to pick up and 

put down? Even watching videos or tutorials about your hobbies 

can spark that interest again. 

On the emotional side, it can be helpful to check in with 

yourself daily by simply asking: “How am I doing? Where am I 

at?” Notice what comes up when you ask that question. Listening 

to yourself is self-care. Remember that. And if you discover 

some emotions that are harder to sit with on your own, it 

might be a good time to reach out to a friend or a professional 

to support you. 

Your Environment. Have you ever felt stressed out and 

then gone on a cleaning rampage and felt so much better afterwards? 

Or maybe you redecorated your living room mantle, 

hung a couple pictures or bought a new house plant and suddenly 

your mood improved? Well, that’s no coincidence! Your 

surroundings influence your mood. Think about the area in 

your home where you spend most of your time. Is there anything 

about that space that you need to change to help your 

mood? Creating a calm space in your home could be an act of 

self-care because it helps you feel more at ease. What you’re 

aiming to do here is notice how your space affects you and then 

doing something small to bring comfort. 

Remember that self-care is personal: what works for your 

friend might not work for you. Allow yourself to explore, try 

different things, and drop the things that don’t seem to help. 

You are worthy and deserving of your time and energy too; 

becoming a parent doesn’t mean that you fall off the priority 

list. Little by little, with time and intention, you’ll find your 

place back on that list and continue to move toward well-being. 

Kate Borsato is a Registered Clinical Counsellor 

in BC, and the founder of the Canadian Perinatal 

Wellness Collective, a team of perinatal mental health 

therapists across Canada. Kate also creates self-help 

and educational resources for moms’ mental wellness. 

perinatalcollective.com and kateborsato.com 



HEALTH 

Asking 

for Help 

just finished a 90-minute Zoom appointment with a psychiatrist 

and it was possibly the most important call of my 

I 

life. 

It wasn’t easy. 

I had to advocate hard for this support through my family 

doctor—which I am grateful for—but truly, it was a struggle. 

I had to be consistent, following up on what felt like 

trivial trial-and-error suggestions for medications and their 

amounts, stopping and starting for years. 

I always felt pushback at getting a referral for a psychiatrist 

because the “waitlist was too long” or “I should try 

these other things first.” If I’m being honest, I didn’t feel 

seen— but that’s due in part to our overworked system. 

YOUR MISSION AWAITS! 

THE AMAZING BRENTWOOD 

AvengersStationCanada.com 

© 2023 MARVEL 


I’ve tried addressing the issues holistically while also blaming 

hormones and things like Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder 

(PMDD) which are probably part of the problem. 

But finally, six months ago, after two gruelling years of 

following up on my anxiety as a twin mom of three, my doctor 

connected me to someone within mental health who listened 

for a quick assessment. At the time, the intensity of my 

anxiousness was so great that she was able to expedite the 

process from a full year’s wait to today. 

So I finally got to meet with the psychiatrist and she was 

fantastic. This call was the type of dedicated care I wish 

could be accessible to everyone— especially mothers. 

We spoke of my early childhood, traumas, anxieties and 

how they have seemingly translated into why I too often feel 

dysfunctional today. 

“I can tell you are strong,” the psychiatrist reassured me, 

“and that you just carry on with life. You’ve adapted to 

being high functioning with high anxiety, but it must be exhausting 

doing so.” 

I felt seen. 

What baffles me is how difficult it was to make this call 

happen though, and to finally receive a clinical diagnosis of 

three distinct types of anxiety (and probably ADHD) after 

nearly 34 years of life. 

The silver lining is that the demands of motherhood were 

the very thing to dismantle my ability to “just cope” in life 

and drive transformative self-improvement instead. 

We have a plan and I feel liberated. 

Some might call my revealing all of this as oversharing, 

but I feel called to enlighten anyone struggling to advocate 

hard for yourself. 

If I can vulnerably support just a handful of you in the 

process of bettering my mental health, then I feel fulfilled. 

Natasha Mills, an Islander of almost 30 years, 

enjoys sharing the journey of parenthood and all 

Vancouver Island has to offer on her lifestyle blog. 

@mommamillsblog, mommamillsblog.com. 



HEALTH 

How to Tell Your Child About 

Your Mental Health Struggles 

What is the best way to share my 

mental health diagnosis with my 

child? 

There is no simple answer to that 

question. It will depend on the child— 

their age and level of maturity. It will 

also depend on the child’s current circumstances. 

We never want children to 

adopt the role of “parent” to their moms 

and dads, and we never want children to 

process with the child. They may even encourage 

the parent to bring the child into 

a session to discuss the diagnosis during a 

family therapy session. If parents are ever 

in doubt about how their mental health is 

affecting the wellbeing of their child, they 

should reach out to a child psychologist 

or therapist. Getting your child help, 

while you are receiving help, would be an 

excellent idea. 

to be frugal, as your mental health is tied 

to the health of every other area of your 

life. 

With all of this in mind, here are some 

guidelines for how to disclose your mental 

illness to your child: 

Preschool & Younger: 

Children this young typically do not 

need to know the diagnosis. This is a 

time to shelter stress, as much as is possible, 

from your child. Ask family and 

friends to come in and help you with the 

children as much as possible. 

Early Elementary School: 

Children this young should be sheltered 

similarly to preschool children, 

except they could likely handle you explaining 

that you are “not feeling well.” 

It is important to reassure them and tell 

them not to worry about you. Explain 

that you are getting help and will be better 

soon. 

feel like they are somehow to blame for 

how their parents are feeling. Sometimes 

though, circumstances would require 

the child to have some understanding of 

what is happening for their parent. This 

is especially true if they needed to stay 

with an extended family member temporarily 

during a parent’s treatment. 

If a parent is struggling with mental 

health challenges, it is critically important 

to get help. It’s not only necessary 

for the parent’s wellness but also for the 

health of the family as a whole. An important 

part of treating mental illness is 

talk therapy and the therapist involved 

can help a parent navigate the disclosure 

The first step is always to talk to your 

family doctor to see if there is any support 

available that would be covered by 

your provincial health care plan. Unfortunately, 

there are often long wait times 

for this help, and so if you do not have 

extended medical that covers psychotherapy, 

you may need to reach into your 

savings or ask for financial assistance 

from others to pay for the treatment you 

need. Until our governments recognize 

the value of providing coverage for most 

mental health services we need to find 

other ways to get what is needed to heal. 

As hard as it may be to spend or borrow 

the money required, this is not the time 

Mid-Elementary School: 

Children at this age could manage 

knowing a little more. You could explain 

that you do not “feel well in your mind” 

or “in your heart.” It will still be very 

important to reassure them, be clear that 

this is not their fault in any way and explain 

that you are getting the best help 

available. Leave them with a feeling of 

hope that things will be better soon. 

Older Elementary School & 

Middle Years: 

Older kids could handle a name for 

what you are facing. You could say, “I 

have an illness called depression. It means 

that I have deep feelings of sadness inside 

me that I cannot shake off. It drains 

me of my energy and makes me want to 

sleep all the time. It is nobody’s fault. It is 

not my fault, and it is certainly not your 

fault!” Share with your child everything 

that you are doing to feel better and give 

them hope that things will be better soon. 


Adolescents & Young Adults: 

This is the time to have the kind of 

conversation you may have been wanting 

to have with your child for a while. They 

could handle more detailed information. 

It’s generally an appropriate time to 

explain the medical basis for the mental 

illness. You can talk about genetic factors 

and environmental factors. You could 

explain in more depth the treatment 

you are receiving. You can give your 

children updates on how you’re doing 

and what your medical professionals are 

suggesting. You can also ask a child of 

this age for a little assistance. Ask them 

to help around the house. Ask them to 

go for walks with you. Allow them a 

sense of agency and give them a way to 

participate in the family’s goal of getting 

you better. This is also the time to talk 

to your adolescent children about any 

genetic risk factors they may have inherited 

and what to be on the lookout for in 

their own lives. Talk about what it means 

to practice good mental health care. 

When the time is right, I would encourage 

you to bring the notion of advocacy 

into these discussions with your children. 

Discuss how your family can raise awareness 

about mental health and spread the 

message that the world needs to lose the 

stigma and focus on getting help to those 

who need it. 

Finally, some parents find it helpful 

to keep a journal where they write to 

their child about what is happening for 

them during their illness, how they are 

feeling and how they are trying to get 

better. They save this journal and share 

with their children once they are adults. 

This can help the children understand 

what the parent was going through during 

a time when they were too young to 

hear the full story, and may even provide 

meaningful insight if they are struggling 

with mental health challenges of their 

own. 

Learn a new sport or refine 

your skills: come join our 

rock climbing teams! 

Registration 

for recreational 

and competitive 

teams open now. 

All levels 

welcome! 

Ages 6–18. 

Details and registration at climbtheboulders.com 

The Boulders Climbing Gym 

1627 Stelly’s Cross Road | Saanichton, BC | 250.544.0310 

Dr. Jillian Roberts is a child psychologist, 

UVic professor and mother. She is the author of 

Kids, Sex and Screens: Raising Strong, Resilient 

Children in the Sexualized Digital 

Age and CEO and founder 

of MindKey Health mental 

health clinics with locations 

in Victoria, Sidney and soonto-be 

in the Western Communities. 

drjillianroberts.com 



MOM’SPOV 

The 

Spectator’s 

Seat 

I 

leave work early. I am excited and nervous for my son 

to play his first handball game at his school. It’s the first 

team sport that any of my children have participated in. 

My husband and I settle on the bench next to all the other 

parents. We’re ready to cheer. 

Our principal, (who is also the coach) explains the spectating 

rules. I read three sets of approved encouraging words 

on the wall that are suggested cheers. One poster states: 

“Need more effort.” This phrase annoys me. Are we encouraging 

or offering negative connotation with this phrase? It is 

bordering on constructive criticism. Should parents cheering 

really be giving feedback as a coach would? 

The game begins. I don’t know the rules, but we learn 

along with the kids about how many steps are permitted and 

pivoting. I embrace the positivity of “Good try” as my standard 

cheering words and clapping for both teams. There are 

also lots of “ohhhs” and “ahhhs” and “so close” yelled from 

all around us. 

The game is intense. We are getting slaughtered. I learn 

we are playing against a Grade 5 team, but my son and his 

teammates are in Grade 4. They will only play Grade 5s due 

to a lack of coaches for Grade 4 teams. An extra challenge 

for our team. The other team is also much taller than our 

team and they are fast at intercepting throws. 

Handball reminds me of basketball because opponents are 

blocking you as you try to shoot. However, the net is lower 

and similar to a hockey or soccer net. 

Oh no, the pressure. My son is suddenly in goal. That is 

a tough position. Some shots go in, but he looks like he is 

having fun. I’m nervous for him. I would not want that position, 

but this is not about me. I offer an encouraging smile 

when he looks my way. I guess the teammates all take turns 

in playing every position. That’s good. 

As the ball reaches the back of the net again, the parent 

next to me snidely comments: “I think we need a new goalie.” 

I’m appalled. My son is in goal, but even if it wasn’t my 

son why would you say such a thing? Is this how some parent 

spectators get out of hand at children’s sports games? 

I say nothing. I don’t like confrontation. My husband offers 

a supporting look in my direction. I decide once this 

parent realizes who my son is he will likely feel bad and that 

is enough for me. I continue to watch the game. My only 

comforting thought is that there is no way my son would 

have heard the comment over all his teammates and the opposing 

team shouting “I’m open,” and “Pass to me.” 

It’s the last few minutes of the game. The score is discouragingly 

high for the other team. We have no goals. Some of 

our players can’t take their eyes off the scoreboard. They are 

distracted. They are not blocking their opponents anymore. I 

think they have given up. One player starts crying. I feel bad 

for that player. It’s an emotional rollercoaster playing sports. 


None of this matters though. They are 

out there to have fun and exercise. 

After the game, I tell my son the 

score does not matter. They are getting 

a great workout, learning how to pass 

the ball and learning about sportsmanship. 

My son can’t wait for the next 

game. I’m glad he has taken the whole 

game in stride. He lines up with a smile 

on his face and completes his elbow 

bump sportsmanship with each player 

on the opposing team. I’m excited for 

the next game too. 

I think back to the only team sport 

that I played in elementary. I was on 

our 4 x 100m relay team. I was a nervous 

wreck. I ran too fast. I did not 

pass the baton in the passing zone. It 

was my fault our team was disqualified. 

I was devastated. I knew the rules, but 

in the moment and with the nerves, I 

was just too fast before the pass. My 

son knows this story and that it’s okay 

to make mistakes and fail. 

My son’s team finishes the season 

with three goals in total. They were 

close to scoring goals many other times. 

More importantly, my son had fun. He 

played all the positions. His coaches 

were great. He even made each coach 

a bracelet and we wrote them each a 

thank you card. He enjoyed a great 

workout and improved his throwing 

and catching skills. He’s looking forward 

to playing again next year, and I 

am looking forward to watching. I feel 

I’ll be better prepared and ready to empathize 

with all the emotions that come 

along with sports too. 

Serena Beck works full-time 

as a Technical Writer. She loves 

to write, travel and swim at the 

beach with family and friends. 



PARENTING 

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hen is your Anniversary?” 

“W I looked down at my daughter’s 

young friend wondering if I had 

heard her correctly. I asked her to repeat 

herself. 

“Your anniversary. When you and 

your husband were married.” 

Yup, I had heard her correctly. Feeling 

a bit stunned that an eight-year-old 

was interested in such things, I stammered 

out “Well, we’re not technically 

married, so we don’t really have an anniversary.” 

She looked confused. 

“But if you’re not married, then how 

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did you have her?!” She motioned towards 

my daughter. 

The already-awkward conversation 

became even more awkward as I wondered 

how much I was responsible for 


Summer FUN at GNS 

telling her about how you didn’t need to have a marriage 

certificate to create a life. 

“Well, um, you don’t have to be married to have a 

baby…” I managed to tell her, feeling my face becoming 

flushed. 

The young girl still looked quite alarmed, and I could tell 

she was about to ask more questions I wasn’t at all prepared 

to answer. Thankfully a friend standing nearby picked up on 

the conversation and quickly interjected. 

“Parents and families all look different,” she explained. 

“Not everyone is married, and some used to be married but 

aren’t any longer.” 

And there it was. Parents and families all look different. 

I’ll never know if that young girl went home and announced 

to her parents that her friend’s parents weren’t 

married, but I didn’t get any messages from them asking for 

clarification or saying she couldn’t hang out with my child 

any longer. I’m hoping if she did tell her parents, they explained 

that families come in all shapes and sizes. 

Because that’s the thing—over time, the definition of family 

has drastically shifted. Gone are the days of families 

consisting strictly of a married heterosexual couple and their 

children. Today it’s not uncommon for children to have two 

dads, two moms, or any other adult figure(s) raising them. 

Grandparents or other adults sometimes step in to raise 

children when the parents need help. And, as in our case, a 

growing number of couples choose not to get married before 

they start a family. 

I grew up in the 1980s with divorced parents, as did almost 

half of my friends. Some of us had step-parents and 

step-siblings, while others lived with a single parent. I still 

see this reflected in some of my child’s friends, and I imagine 

I will see it even more as she gets older. 

As house prices rise many people are choosing to have 

grandparents, other family members or even friends live with 

them. This then creates a whole new type of family. 

The point is that a family certainly doesn’t have to be 

“traditional” to be considered a family. Families are made 

up of care and love, no matter the size or composition. 

Glenlyon Norfolk School is offering a variety 

of fun summer camps for students age 3 to 17. 

Arts, cooking, baking, field hockey, day camps, 

kayaking and more—our summer programs 

offer something for everyone! 

www.mygns.ca/summer-fun 

IB CONTINUUM 

CONTINUUM DE L’IB 

CONTINUO DEL IB 

Erika Palmer is a writer living in Victoria with her 

husband and daughter. She believes most problems 

can be solved with a good cup of tea and a huge 

piece of chocolate. 



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I 

pull the tape gun across the top of a box, hearing the 

sharp sound of the tape peeling from the rest of the roll. 

Another box, one of many. This one is filled with my son’s 

baby pictures. I exhale and think back to the specific photo 

shoot. Thinking ourselves artistic, we took macro snapshots 

of my son and stretched them across canvas: the curvature of 

a tiny ear, his mouth with baby fuzz above his lip, a tuft of 

nascent hair on his head. We used to call him “Kiwi.” 

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I realize in this moment, I will soon become a statistic. 

The “we” will inevitably dissipate and end in yet another 

divorced dad. Before that though, there is this peculiar period 

of pulling two people apart who were once so enmeshed. 

Moving vans, paper trails, lawyers, memories. The moment 

my five-year-old son stands frozen at his bedroom doorway, 

seeing his room in boxes. Dividing calendar years into weekson 

and weeks-off. What will Christmas look like? Birthdays? 

My new role as a single dad would continue to feel uncomfortable, 

and things that were once simple would take 

on a new, stranger colour. I wanted to arrange playdates for 

20 Island Parent Magazine 

IslandParent.ca

my young son but approaching married women when picking 

up my kid from school for this purpose felt clunky and unwelcome. 

Invites to parties became scarce. I had to adjust to a new 

kind of logistical communication with his mother. Clashing 

schedules. Trying to remember who had what. Meanwhile, the 

confusion on my child’s face was palpable, and I lacked the 

toddler verbiage to help him understand our new normal. 

It took me three months of flying through different counselors 

until I eventually found one that gave me the tools I needed, 

and I used his array of coping mechanisms like the multi-tools 

in a Swiss Army Knife. His thoroughness and compassion 

mixed with his ability to disagree and question my thought processes 

was invaluable. When I leaned into my vulnerabilities, 

he enveloped me with kindness. I was grateful to employ these 

new tools, giving me more peace and clarity to figure out my 

life’s “whys?” To discover what is meant to be a dad. To be a 

human. 

I devoured family-style podcasts and self-development articles. 

I went for long bike rides. I had lengthy, challenging conversations 

with myself. I was trying to figure out how to exist 

as a single dad. 

My experience is far from unique. While my West Coast casual 

mentality likes to think the statistics are lower on this side 

of the country, I found that BC actually came in slightly higher 

for divorce rates at 39% of the population. Despite this whopping 

figure, I found that support and community for single men 

was sparse. After months of trying to find my new place in the 

world, I realized that I no longer wanted to go this alone. I 

needed an expanded community. 

Since I struggled to find the support I was looking for, I endeavoured 

to create this myself. Luckily, I now find myself in 

a place where I have the time and ability to help change the 

status quo for men in a similar situation. Men who are looking 

to thrive in their new roles, with the ultimate goal of making 

huge strides in their kids’ lives. I know I don’t have the answers 

to a puzzle I myself am still putting together, but sometimes 

I’m lucky enough to share my story with others who have gone 

through a similar experience, and for them to share their stories 

with me. 

A tribe works best when we uplift each other in our own 

journeys. We evolve through mutual understanding. I’m just 

a guy who supports some other guys going through it all, 

through ideas and collaboration. I’m at the start of exploring 

these new possibilities, and I know there is a need out there for 

dads struggling to find their place, their community, and just 

a little bit of support. This could be simply listening to your 

story and sitting in that space with you or figuring out ways I 

can offer some of the solutions that continue to help propel me 

forward. 

Separation with kids involved can be scraggly, uncomfortable 

and precarious, but you’re not alone. 

Michael Morrell is an empathetic father 

wanting to hear your story. Contact him at 

michaelrhmorrell@gmail.com. 

Pick Up Your Copy of 

the 2023 Island Parent 

Family Resource Guide 

2 0 2 2 

Family Fun & 

Entertainment 

Health & Wellness 

New Parent Resources 

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Coming this May! 



WHAT’SFORDINNER 

The Joy of Sandwiches 

See airplanes, 

seaplanes, helicopters 

and more at the 

BC Aviation Museum 

Learn about BC’s aviation 

history from early bush planes 

to bombers and beyond! 

When I was a new mom, I lived on sandwiches. They were pretty much the 

only thing I had the time/energy/mental power to put together. And they 

always hit the spot. 

Sandwiches are great for using up pantry staples. They’re always an option...even 

when you haven’t had time to go to the grocery store. Add some chopped-up vegetables 

and you’ve got a complete meal that didn’t take a lot of time to prepare. Perfect 

for on-the-go dinners. Something that I’m going to need to rely on as we roll around 

into baseball season! 

Cold sandwiches are the stuff of lunchboxes. Here are four hot sandwiches that are 

quick to prepare and packed with protein. 

When grilling sandwiches there are several options: 

Under the broiler: Broil on high for 2–4 minutes on each side. Or if you don’t have 

time to watch over your sandwiches, broil on low for 5–8 minutes instead. 

Sandwich maker/waffle iron: Sandwich makers were all the rage in the 1990s. 

Akin to the air-fryer today. If you happen to own one, they are definitely the EASIEST 

way to grill a sandwich. 

Stovetop option: We don’t happen to have room for extra appliances in our tiny 

townhouse kitchen. So we make grilled sandwiches by heating a frying pan on medium. 

Then we place a cast iron pan on top to give it that pressed sandwich feel. Frying 

a sandwich takes 2–4 minutes on each side, depending on how hot your pan is. 

Summer Hours, May 1 to Sept 30: 

10am to 4pm, Thurs through Tues 

Winter Hours, Oct 1 to Apr 30: 

11am to 3pm, Thurs through Tues 

For special days and events 

go to bcam.net. 

Fancy Cheese Toasts 

Honestly, is there anything better than a grilled cheese sandwich? However, if you’re feeding 

a lot of people and don’t want to spend the time to make a bunch of individual grilled cheese 

sandwiches, cheese toasts are a good alternative. Children love them, and you can make a bunch 

at once. 

Raid your pantry to make fancy cheese toast. Pull out whatever you’ve got and let everyone 

build their fancy toasts! 

6 Slices of bread 3 Tbsp butter 1 1 ⁄2 cups of grated cheese 

Fun toppings: chopped tomato, crispy bacon, thinly sliced onion, roasted red pepper, zucchini 

medallions, spinach, thinly sliced apple. 

Butter each slice of bread on one side. Place the bread on a baking sheet, butter side up. 

Let everyone decorate their own toasts with whatever fun toppings they want. Then divide the 

cheese between the slices of bread. Broil for 2 to 4 minutes until the cheese browns. 

Grilled Peanut Butter & Banana 

This was my favorite as a kid. It’s a sweet treat as well as a protein-packed sandwich. 

4 Slices of bread 2 Tbsp butter 

1⁄4 cup of peanut butter 1 large banana, chopped into thin circles 

1910 Norseman Road, Sidney 

250-655-3300 | bcam.net 

Make a peanut butter sandwich with bananas in it. If you want, you can add a bit more sweetness 

with a drizzle of honey or chocolate chips. Butter the outside of the sandwich to add flavour 

and prevent it from sticking to the grill. Grill for 2 to 4 minutes on each side, until the bread is 

toasted and the sandwiches are warmed through. 


Scrambled Egg Sandwiches 

Fried egg sandwiches were my go-to when I was pregnant with my 

daughter. However, they can be a bit time-consuming to make if you’ve 

got a few people to feed. Here’s a recipe that allows you to make a 

bunch of egg sandwiches all at once. 

These can be served open-faced like a cheese melt, however, I’ve 

written the recipes for a closed-faced grilled sandwich which is a bit 

more filling. 

8 eggs 1 ⁄2 cup of milk 

1⁄2 tsp salt & black pepper, to taste 1 Tbsp oil 


2 Tbsp mayonnaise 1 tomato 

1 bunch of washed spinach 4 slices of cheddar cheese 

Mix the eggs, milk, salt, and pepper in a large bowl. Heat the oil in 

a saucepan over medium-high. Add the egg mixture and place the lid 

on the pot. After about 2 minutes, stir the eggs with a spoon. If they 

have started to set, then continue stirring, scraping the spoon along the 

bottom of the pot until all the eggs are fully cooked. If the eggs haven’t 

started to set, put the lid back on and let them cook for another few 

minutes. Make egg sandwiches with mayonnaise, spinach, tomatoes, 

scrambled eggs, and cheese. Butter the outside of the sandwiches. 

Grill for 2 to 4 minutes on each side, until the bread is toasted and the 

cheese is melted. 

The Ultimate Beans on Toast 

Beans on toast are definitely a dish that inspires nostalgia. However, 

it’s a bit like KD, in that it never tastes quite as good as you remember. 

This recipe adds a bit more flavor and pizzazz to this simple dish. 

1 medium onion 1 red pepper 

1 clove of garlic 1 Tbsp oil 


1 can of baked beans in tomato sauce (14 oz) 

1 cup of grated mozzarella 

Finely slice the onion and red pepper. Mince the garlic. Saute the 

vegetables in a small frying pan on medium-high heat until soft, about 

5 minutes. Butter each slice of bread on one side and lay them out on a 

baking sheet, butter side up. Divide the baked beans among the slices 

of bread. Add a large forkful of the cooked vegetables on top of the 

baked beans, then top with grated cheese. Broil on high for 2 to 4 minutes 

until the cheese is melted and starting to brown. 

Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with her 

two busy children. You can find more of her recipes 

in her recently released cookbook Fermenting Made 

Simple. fermentingforfoodies.com 

SUMMER CAMPS 

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• CLIMBING & OUTDOOR 

at 

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See complete camps listings online: 

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Presented by 

Summer Camps 2023 

• Basketball Co-Ed • Judo 

• Youth Leadership • Soccer Co-Ed 

• Girl Power • Track & Field 

• Vikes Kids • Vikes Sports 

• Land Explorers • Softball 

• Mini Vikes • Swim Camp 

Full Day 

• Yoga 

• Outdoor Rock • Tennis Camp 

Explorers • Archery 

• Fencing 

and more! 



PARENTING 

Aging 

as an 

Adult 

As a frustrated eight-year old, I 

remember writing a poem called 

“when I am nine” that described all 

the many possibilities the world would 

have to offer me when I was just a little 

bit older—old enough to get my ears 

pierced was the main one—but also, old 

enough to stay up later, old enough to 

have more friends over for my birthday 

party, not quite old enough to babysit 

yet but old enough to start thinking 

about the coveted Saint John Ambulance 

course. 

Now, of course, growing older has 

less appeal, and with a milestone birthday 

approaching I’m realizing that the 

second half of my life will be quite different 

from the first. Ahead of me are inevitable 

life events, ones I am fortunate 

not to have experienced yet: my parents 

passing, health problems, my hair going 

grey. And yet, I realize that for the rest 

of my life I will look back at myself now 

and wish I was that young again. As one 

friend put it, growing older is a gift, or, 

as my grandmother always used to say, 

it’s better than the alternative. 

The other day I went to a new hairdresser. 

I’m not for everyone, he warned me. 

Then he proceeded to tell me that my 

hair was “losing pigmentation.” 

Yeah, you’ll have a big grey streak 

here, he noted matter-a-factly as he 

combed through my part. I texted my 

What’s App mom friend group after the 

appointment to vent. Everyone chimed 

in how they were starting to get greys 

too. When I mentioned it to my Pilates 

teacher, she simply stated well, that is 

what happens as we get older as if expecting 

anything else just didn’t make 

sense. 

My daughter is starting kindergarten 

soon and one of the things I’ll have 

to grapple with in the second half of 

my life is her growing up. Life as I’ve 

known it for the past few years is ending 

and in its place is a new life with an 

older child, one who talks and wipes her 

own bum and doesn’t need a highchair 

or soft food or sleep sacs or Baby Yum 

Yums. At soccer, she now kicks the ball 

instead of just running over it. She can 

sit through plays and go hiking without 

a carrier. Although there’s still the occasional 

tantrum, she more often negotiates 

with the prowess of a Bay Street 

lawyer. 

Recently, we went on a plane for the 

first time since the pandemic. It was the 

first time in my daughter’s memory. She 

got scared of the small bathrooms and 

didn’t go the entire time. As we landed, 

she started crying because her ears hurt 

and she had refused to suck on the candy 

we’d given her. After we landed back 

home, I tried to comfort her by telling 

her what a great traveller she’d been. 

You know, the plane is the worst part 

of travelling—it’s being in other places 

that’s really fun and seeing different 

people. She looked at me and countered 

but the plane was the best part! 

It was then that I realized how many 

more wonderful things are ahead of me 

in this next decade. I’ll have a not-solittle 

child who just enthused about flying 

minutes after wailing from ear pain 

and not peeing for hours. She dances 

in the living room and makes cards to 

give to everyone she meets. We can go 

camping without hauling a pack and 

play and sippy cups. We can sit in coffee 

shops without running after her the 

whole time. Soon, she’ll have sleepovers 


SHAWNIGAN 

SUMMER CAMPS 

Come experience a new sport or activity, and for those 

that have serious athletic goals enjoy the opportunity of 

working with some of our world class coaches. 

in our rec room and have crushes and 

play in real soccer games. We can learn 

about stars and make models of the solar 

system. Eventually, she can get her 

ears pierced and we can get pedicures 

together. Maybe she’ll even make me 

pancakes. She looks forward to getting 

older too—being able to read soon, using 

a real computer, being a cool “big 

kid.” 

It’s time I start seeing the bright side 

as well. Life might be different with a 

few grey hairs, but it’s also the start of a 

new era. A different season of parenting. 

Although I may already have my ears 

pierced and be well past the babysitting 

stage, I also have a lot to look forward 

to as well—regardless of the ticking of 

time. 

Julia Mais is a policy 

and communications professional 

in Victoria. She looks 

for beauty in the everyday 

through writing, photography 

and the outdoors. She 

lives in a messy, cheesefilled 

home with her husband and preschooler. 

RUGBY 

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SHAWNIGAN.CA/SUMMERCAMPS 

1975 Renfrew Road, Shawnigan Lake, BC 



FAMILY 

RESOURCE 

DIRECTORY 

The Family Resource 

Directory is designed 

to highlight the caring 

community that we are 

a part of. This directory 

showcases organizations 

and businesses that provide 

services and support for 

families and children. 

KIDS’READS 

Cheers to the 

Women We Know 

If you’ve looked at a calendar recently, 

you might’ve noticed that Mother’s 

Day is creeping up on us quite quickly. 

In honour of that special day, let’s focus 

on the women who inspire us, from those 

who know who they are and what they 

want to be, to those who are still figuring 

that out. No matter which mother-like 

figure you’re celebrating or remembering 

this month, I hope you and your children 

find these women inspirational too. 

Navigate is an award-winning 

school, recognized nationally and 

internationally for our innovative 

approach to blended learning. 

We’ve implemented the new BC 

curriculum and built unique, flexible 

learning options for every student. 

This allows us to meet a diverse 

range of student needs, abilities 

and learning styles. 

Discover more at 

NavigateNIDES.com 

Thriving Roots 

Wilderness School 

Thriving Roots provides hands-on, wilderness 

education and counselling services for youth 

and adults. Our year-long programs and summer 

camps are immersive in nature, fostering 

connection to land and community through 

earth-based skills, play, music and more. 

thrivingroots.org info@thrivingroots.org 

Anne and Her Tower of Giraffes by 

Karlin Gray and illustrated by Aparna 

Varma (Kids Can Press, 2022) explores 

the story of Dr. Anne Innis Dagg, who 

was the first Western individual to study 

wild animal behaviour. Anne adored 

giraffes. She wanted to know everything 

there was to know about them. But Anne 

had a problem. There wasn’t a lot of 

information known about giraffes when 

she was growing up. So, she decided to 

study them for herself. 

The delightful and warm illustrations, 

breathe life into this beautifully written 

biography. And if you have a budding 

giraffologist in your life, the book also 

contains a Q&A with Anne as well as 

some additional resources for you to explore. 

For ages 4 to 7. 

A Person Can Be… by Kerri Kokias 

and illustrated by Carey Sookocheff (Kids 

Can Press, 2022) highlights how hard it 

can be to figure out who we are. So often 

we are labeled as one thing or the other, 

but A Person Can Be… reminds us that 

we can be both. In this story, where the 

illustrations tell a story all their own, we 

learn we can be brave and afraid. We can 

be lonely and not on our own. We can be 

this and that, it doesn’t have to be one or 

the other. For ages 4 to 7. 

The International Day of the Girl by 

Jessica Dee Humphreys and the Hon. 

Rona Ambrose and illustrated by Simone 

Shin (Kids Can Press, 2020) celebrates 

nine girls from around the world who 

have stood up in their own unique ways, 

26 Island Parent Magazine

from getting a school built in Northern 

Canada to making communities safer in 

Russia and refugee camps. For ages 8 to 

12. 

Walking for Water by Susan Hughes 

and illustrated by Nicole Miles (Kids 

Can Press, 2021) is about a thirteen-yearold 

boy who noticed that his twin sister 

stopped going to school because she was 

needed at home to help out with all of 

the chores. That didn’t feel right to him 

so he decided to do something about it 

and help out even though it was weird 

and unusual for a boy to collect the water. 

This is a beautiful story about equality 

and sibling love. For ages 4 to 7. 

Her Epic Adventures: 25 Daring Women 

who Inspire a Life Less Ordinary by 

Julia De Laurentiis Johnston and illustrated 

by Salini Perera (Kids Can Press, 

2021) features 25 snapshots of different 

women who have done incredible things 

from Bessie Coleman, the first Black 

aviatrix, to In-Young Ahn, the first South 

Korean woman to conduct research in 

Antartica, to Arunima Sinha, the first 

female amputee to climb Mount Everest. 

Each of these well researched tales 

sheds a bit of light into some phenomenal 

woman to inspire your kids to live lives 

that are less ordinary. For ages 8 to 12. 

Between these five books, there are 

more than 30 women (and a few men) 

that are worth celebrating any month 

of the year. Maybe you don’t think the 

special woman in your child’s life is as 

inspiring or noteworthy as the women 

on this list. But to expand on Kokias and 

Sookocheff’s idea: you can be anonymous 

and known, and you can be “imperfect 

and treasured.” And so, I hope you have 

a wonderful Mother’s Day no matter 

who you choose to celebrate. 

Christina Van 

Starkenburg lives in 

Victoria with her husband, 

children and cat. She is the 

author of One Tiny Turtle: 

A Story You Can Colour 

and many articles. To read more of her work 

and learn about her upcoming books visit 

christinavanstarkenburg.com. Facebook: 

facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg 

and Twitter: @Christina_VanS. 

STAGES 

Summer Programs 

Running This July & August 

Preschool Dance Camps 

For 3-5 year olds in Ballet, Jazz, 

Musical Theatre & Tap 

Youth Dance Camps 

For dancers 6-12 years old in 

Jazz, Hip Hop & Acrobatics 

Dance Intensive 

For dancers 11 years old & up with 

Jazz, Ballet, Hip Hop & Acrobatics 

Little Dancers Classes 

Are running through the summer for 

those 18 months to 3 years old 

Come Dance With Us 

Call (250) 384-3267, email: stagesdance@shaw.ca, 

or visit us at www.stagesdance.com 



LEARN 

How to Nurture 

an Emerging Reader 

ost big ideas don’t seem like big 

“Mideas at first. So, be on the lookout 

for little ones that seem kind of hohum, 

let-me-floss-first kind of ideas.” 

I saved this quote, but sadly not the 

attribution. I love it. 

Years ago, I heard about a program in 

Canada and the U.S. that brought young 

kids to read to shelter cats—a reciprocal 

program to serve emerging readers 

and emerging adoptees! It inspired me to 

launch a similar pilot project last spring. 

The world is coming undone. Experiences 

of suffering and challenges to the 

human spirit are on the rise. It’s led me 

to embark on projects, initiatives, and 

volunteering that I can’t not do. As a 

co-founder of EPIC nature school in Victoria, 

for K–Grade 5, I knew this pilot 

project could benefit youth and animals 

in search of their fur-ever home. 

I reached out to the local Victoria 

SPCA branch. “Can I bring kids a few 

times a month to read to cats?” They 

said, “Yes!” 

At EPIC, a founding principle is to address 

disconnection from the self, others 

and the living world. It’s a significant 

step to reconcile some of the root causes 

of our climate emergency and ecological 

collapse. School is also a wounding place 

for kids. The classroom often lacks the 

emotional safety kids require to be at 

rest, free from alarm. If you’re alarmed, 

you cannot learn. 

Kids are under great pressure to read 

by certain age, from a one size fits all 

formula. The pressure to read— from 

parents, peers and teachers—can put its 

unfolding on pause. The child also adds 

their own pressure to perform. It may 

explain, a genre of children’s books called 

“Reluctant Reader.” What an unfortunate 

and defeating label. 

The benefits of reading to cats for 

the kids is they can read aloud free 

from correction, minus judgement from 

their peers, and take a break from what 

doesn’t work at school. Many children 

took this task on as their job! “I must 

read to this cat” one child announced. 

Kids 5 to 10 years old brought in board 

books, picture books, chapter books and 

novels. They also read books about cat 

behaviour, cat breeds and wild felines. 

Kids get a cozy room with one cat and 

take turns meeting various cat personalities. 

Some are playful kittens, others 

quiet seniors and many required space 

and time to warm up. There are options 

to read in outdoor “catio,” a room with 

a couple of cats and outside of dog kennels, 

too. Kids also sat in or out of a 

bunny enclosure. 

Children (and their parents) signed 

up because the program sounds fun and 

unusual. Often families had allergies 

in the home and couldn’t be pet owners. 

Children also learned about animal 

care—from bunnies to skinny pigs to 

dogs and rats—like the benefits of calm 

energy, how to read body language and 

what they eat. 

Benefits to the animals were a calm, 

quiet presence in child form. Cats felt a 

friendly stroke or scratch in an unfamiliar 

place, a cozy lap to call their own or 

someone to meet their play energy! Being 

in the company of kids tells staff more 

about the animals’ personalities. This can 

make them more adoptable. A true opportunity 

for cat enrichment. 

Side effects of this humble program has 

children connecting to more sources of 

energy and love to support them. They 

discover animals are great listeners. Kids 

could also be themselves and feel unconditional 

acceptance. A few participants 

became foster families or pet owners, 

too. Surprise! 

You can also create better ways to 

be in this world together. Help kids see 

themselves as part of something bigger. 

I recommend: 

Reach out to your local animal shelter. 

Visit the space to see what its looks 

and feels like. 

Ask the shelter the best day and time 

to visit. 


Take small groups of five kids. 

Read to pets at home! 

I arrange visits based on what works 

best for the shelter and when I can supervise. 

I always bring a variety of books, 

too. Parents are often eager to attend. I 

choose professional development days, 

after school or on a holiday. Invite kids 

from your school, neighbourhood, local 

Girl Guides or Scouts or home learning 

community. 

Highlights this year include seeing 

kittens only a few hours old, watching 

animals heal from an injury, celebrating 

adoptions and petting skinny pigs (AKA 

hairless Guinea Pigs)! Each visit is like 

opening a well-wrapped present. We 

never know who we’ll meet. 

I am grateful for this partnership with 

the Victoria branch of the SPCA. Time 

spent in relationship with non-human kin 

is fundamental to human wellbeing. It’s 

uplifting to support kids to reach their 

potential. You’ll witness generosity and 

compassion for themselves and community, 

too. 

Register Now! 

July–Aug 2023 

Summer Camps 

Campers will explore the life of pollinators, shoreline 

plants, inter-tidal special and coastal birds, practice 

their discovery skills, expression of gratitude and 

respect for self and others through play! 

We are escited to offer week-long camps in July and 

August as well as one-day camps on August 8th, 9th, 

10th and 11th. We incorporate COVID-19 advisories into 

our programming and daily routines to ensure a safe 

and fun experience for all campers. 

Lindsay Coulter is a writer, 

educator, facilitator, naturalist, 

community catalyst, soul 

activist, mentor, and 

dedicated mother of 

two. She’s the Director 

of Communications, Culture 

and Community at EPIC 

Learning Centre, a forest 

and nature school in Victoria. Find her 

@SaneAction on Instagram and Facebook. 



PLAY 

GREATER VICTORIA 

Frozen Jr. 

Earth Day Celebration Event 

Join CRD Regional parks naturalists this Earth Day (April 22) from 

11–2 at the Elk/Beaver Lake Regional Park Nature Centre (at Beaver 

Beach). You’ll be guided through fascinating exhibits, displays 

and various activities suitable for all ages. Guided walks will introduce 

your family to the incredible nature and animals that make 

up our beautiful parks. crd.bc.ca/parks 

COWICHAN VALLEY 

Over 60 students from grades 4 through 11 from St John’s 

Academy Shawnigan Lake are excited to perform Frozen Jr. for 

the residents of Cowichan Valley at the Cowichan Performing Arts 

Centre on April 21 and 22. Revisit Elsa, Anna and the rest of Arendelle 

in this show for all ages! Tickets available now. 

cowichanpac.ca/event/frozen-jr-02 

NANAIMO & AREA 

Spring Fling & Easter Things 

On Saturday, April 1 visit the Courtenay Museum between 11–2 

to celebrate Spring and Easter in the Comox Valley. This family 

friendly event will include many different activities, prizes, a dinosaur 

egg hunt, fun kids crafts and even a petting zoo with chicks, 

rabbits, ducklings, hedgehogs and more! Admission by donation. 

courtenaymuseum.ca/events/spring-fling-and-easter-things 

Science in the Park 

This Earth Day (April 22) join the Regional District of Nanaimo 

Parks and Recreation at Moorecroft Regional Park in Nanoose 

from 11–2 for a family day filled with fun. Families will learn about 

the biodiversity of the park and how they can help to protect the 

earth with science games, art projects and nature exploration 

hikes. rdn.bc.ca/recreation 

COMOX VALLEY 

Need help with the Affordable Child Care Benefit? 

Looking for child care? Taking care of children? 

Need child care training? 

Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources. 

Victoria & Gulf Islands: 250-382-7000 

Sooke: 250-642-5152 ext 239 West Shore: 250-940-4882 

Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231 

PacificCare (Ladysmith North): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273 

gov.bc.ca/ChildCareResourceReferralCentres 

Your community’s best source of 

child care information and resources. 

Funding for the CCRR is provided by the province of B.C. 


PRESCHOOL&CHILDCAREDIRECTORY 

v Comprehensive programs for 

Preschool through Grade 11 

v Delivering academic excellence through 

music, dance, drama and visual arts 

v Outstanding educators, 

locations and facilities 

www.ArtsCalibre.ca 250.382.3533 

ENROLL 

TODAY! 

Come Learn & Grow with Us! 

FULL TIME 3–5 DAYCARE 

PART TIME PRESCOOL 

BEFORE & AFTER SCHOOL CARE 

Cloverdale Childcare Society 

Vic West Site 

at Vic West Elementary School 

cloverdalechildcare.com 

250.995.1766 cloverdale@shawbiz.ca 

Christ Church Cathedral Childcare 

& Jr. Kindergarten..................250-383-5132 

ECE and specialist teachers provide an 

outstanding all day licensed program for 

2.5–5 year olds at our Fairfield and 

Gordon Head locations. 

cathedralschool.ca 

Licensed child care facility with spots available for children 

aged 3-5 years. Contact us to book a tour today! 

Victoria Social Innovation Centre: 1004 North Park St 

littlephoenixchildcare.ca 

director@littlephoenixchildcare.ca 778-269-2273 

Pre-School 

Junior Kindergarten 

PacificChristian.ca 

250-479-4532 

Educational Excellence to the Glory of God 

SEEDLINGS 

Forest Education 

Where nature becomes the Teacher! 

Seedlings Forest Education is a Nature based program 

that includes After School Care, Nature Preschool, Parent 

Workshops, Saturday Seedlings, Summer Camps and more! 

250-880-0660 seedlingsforesteducation.com 

Nestled on 4 acres of lush west coast forest, our Award 

winning, Nature based program will not disappoint! 

While firmly embracing the Reggio-Emila (Italy) Philosophy our 

dedicated team of educators use the environment as the third 

teacher as we encourage your child throughout their day. 

Our purpose built facilities have been handmade using the 

trees from our forest. Come take a virtual tour on our website! 

lexieslittlebears.ca Waitlist: 250-590-3603 

BC Award of Excellence in Childcare & Prime Minister’s Award of Excellence in Early Childhood Education. 



PARENTING 

Teaching Kids Realistic 

Expectations Around Money 

Being a busy parent is no easy feat, 

especially in today’s society where 

the cost of living is high and everything 

seems to be available at the touch of a 

button. It’s essential to teach our kids 

about realistic expectations and the value 

of hard work in this fast-paced world to 

that things cost money, and it’s necessary 

to prioritize our needs and wants to make 

sure we can afford what we need. 

2. Teach them about delayed gratification: 

It’s easy for kids to want everything 

they see, but it’s crucial to teach them the 

differentiate between needs and wants 

and to make responsible financial decisions. 

4. Encourage them to earn their own 

money: Teach your kids that money is 

earned, not just given. Encourage them 

to take on small jobs around the house or 

in the neighborhood to earn money. This 

will teach them the value of hard work 

and help them appreciate the things they 

have. 

5. Set realistic expectations: It’s important 

to set realistic expectations for your 

children. Teach them that success takes 

time and hard work, and that instant 

gratification is not always possible. Encourage 

them to work hard towards their 

goals and celebrate their successes along 

the way. 

6. Emphasize the importance of education: 

Education is essential in today’s 

society. Encourage your children to study 

hard and pursue their dreams. Show 

them that education is the key to unlocking 

opportunities and achieving their 

goals. 

7. Teach them to give back: Finally, 

teach your children the value of giving 

back. Encourage them to volunteer and 

help others in need. This will help them 

develop a sense of empathy and gratitude 

and appreciate the things they have. 

help them become the wonderful adults 

we hope for them to be one day. 

Here are a few tips to help you get 

started: 

1. Start with the basics: Talk to your 

children about the cost of living and why 

it’s essential to budget and save. Explain 

value of waiting and saving up for things 

they want. Explain that sometimes we 

have to wait and work hard to get what 

we want, but it’s worth it in the end. 

3. Lead by example: Children learn by 

observing their parents. Show them the 

importance of budgeting, saving, and 

living within your means. Teach them to 

Any mindful step you take in the direction 

you want your children to follow 

will reap benefits. Our world needs 

people with a strong work ethic, financial 

responsibility and appreciation for the 

things they have—and you are raising 

them! 

Lindsay Plumb is an Accredited 

Financial Counsellor 

(Canada) and founder of Pretty 

Money Club, Black Is the New 

Red and MOOLA Financial 

Coaches & Advisors. 


Vol. VI, Ed. I 

GRAND 

grandmag.ca 

Thou Shalt! 

A Grandparent’s Guide to 

Doing 


Away with the Rules 


10 Baby Shower 

Spring 2023 

Gifts 

33

Grandparenting 

Thou Shalt! 

I 

grew up with a lot of shibboleths and 

thou shalt nots. Thou shalt not make a 

mess, thou shalt not make a peep, thou 

shalt not reach for another cookie, thou 

shalt not say “love” when talking about 

food, thou shalt not question the conventional 

wisdom or upset the status quo. 

My husband and I wrote anarchist 

songs, Brown Bag Blues, and toured a 

show called Jabber Disease. We brought on 

“Thou shalt!” in poem and song, paeans 

to seven beautiful virtues. 

Pride is a goodie. Watch any kitty 

when she catches herself in the mirror, 

Thou shalt not was a tune with infinite 

variations. In church, where we 

were washed in the blood of the lamb, 

which turned out to be propaganda, they 

preached the Seven Deadly Sins and my 

life ambition turned out to be turning sin 

into mindful practice. 

They say suppression invites subversion. 

I fancied myself a subversive and 

got arrested a few times. Call me arrested 

mother, grandmother and great grandmother. 

I’m still getting busted. 

a window. Yikes. Is that me or a more 

formidable she? Babies smile in the mirror 

and that is before they hear they are 

too smart or not smart enough, too ugly 

or too beautiful. I love you, we say. Keep 

smiling. Draw yourself over and over. 

Paint yourself proud. Colour your world. 

Greed is gathering. We make picture 

after picture of images we love. We gather 

friends when we play in the park near 

our house, say “Hello friend!” to every 

new face. We gather berries to cook and 


shells to paint. We gather music. Every 

last thing makes a sound and we listen, 

greedy for birdsong and, ocean wailing, 

footsteps drumming sidewalks, all notes 

for our scores. Soundwalks are great. Is 

this greed? If so, bring it on. 

Wrath is war on bullies. Whoever said 

righteous indignation is bad? When is 

a wrong not a wrong? Get mad at the 

window that smacked the sparrow. Get 

mad at the thug smacking a smaller kid. 

There are bad guys and good guys. Fairy 

tales tell us that, and kids need to know 

how to deal with oppression. Read the 

stories that tell us to love ourselves, be 

bigger, set an example. Get mad and use 

our words. Rage at the bad stories on TV 

and man and woman up for warriordom. 

Fight for clean air and clean water, for 

peace. 

Lust is hunger for knowledge. Aren’t 

we hungry all the time, for truth and 

beauty. Lust drives us to smell the flowers, 

collect leaves, read books, climb trees 

so we can see forever. Some kids like 

small collections that fit in their pockets. 

Sometimes we go for walks and gather. 

What is this pebble, this egg, this caterpillar 

(be gentle) this moss, this bug? 

Every last thing has a story, a life. We 

gather people too. Safe strangers are fun. 

Sometimes they tell you their stories and 

sometimes it’s fun to guess. 

Envy is admiration. We listen to music 

and copy the sounds. We look at art 

and aspire to paint. We dance to the 

rhythms in poetry. We envy the sunset 

for its’ beautiful regret and sunrise for 

its’ promise. We want to be the light. That 

is the meaning of genius, joining the 

envious “I” to the “Us” so we are one, all 

moving parts in the great circle of life. 

Look at this, look at that, we say. Choose 

the best parts, the ones that fit with our 

mandate to be the best us. 

Gluttony. Do cookies ever taste as good 

as batter? We take, then bake, our bellies 

filled before we load the oven: bread 

dough, whole bowls of berries, spoonfuls 

of honey. Food is for pleasure and 

for life. Who said we shouldn’t love it? 

Be greedy, little ones, and take enough 

to share, all our fingers in the same pie, 

because everyone deserves a taste. We 

decorate brown paper bags, ride the bus 

downtown and give happy lunches, all 

our pleasures combined in one joyful 

afternoon. 

And most important of all is sloth, 

the pure joy of rest, doing nothing but 

breathe and dream. First, we find a soft 

bed of grass or moss, clover if we’re 

lucky, then we lie down to experience 

the luxury of rainbows or starry nights. 

We look up and watch the shapes of our 

ancestors playing hide and go seek with 

future kids through clouds as fleecy as 

the sheep we count on our way to sleep. 

Of all the deadly sins, sloth is the most 

pleasant because S is for satiation when 

we fill ourselves with sunshine and story. 

Sin away kids. Thou shalt! We’re a big 

club. Everyone welcome. Grammalinda’s 

got your back. 

Linda Rogers is a poet, 

novelist, essayist, journalist, 

editor and songwriter. 

WHAT WILL YOUR 

LEGACY BE? 

Make a BIG difference. 

Support local children and 

youth with a gift in your will. 

(250) 475-1117 ext. #102 

Victoria.BigBrothersBigSisters.ca 



Shop 


for Grandparents-to-Be 

I 

have just had the immense pleasure 

of meeting my first grandchild! He 

is such a delicious little blob of goo. 

So soft and warm. I have always loved 

babies and am happy to cuddle any baby 

at all. But my own son’s baby feels very 

special indeed. 

My daughter-in-law, Chloë, and my 

son, Simon, who live in Ontario, were 

very conscientious in curating a wishlist 

for their baby shower. So I thought 

I would share some of those items the 

new parents liked the best and found 

the most useful. And I have added some 

of my favourites, too. 

1. Swift Playard by MaxiCosi 

Chloë absolutely loves this. She says 

it’s super clutch to have a shallow bassinet 

where the baby can sleep in the 

living room, and where they can change 

a quick diaper. Later it will convert to 

a deeper playard which can fold up and 

come along on trips to friends’ houses. 

I like that it’s got wooden legs— 

makes it feels like furniture instead of 

camping equipment. And it’s very light 

and easy to set up; I was able to do it 

with no trouble. maxicosi.com/ca-en/ 

swift-playard-05430-mc-ca-en.html 

2. Happy Island Diaper Service 

Simon is so impressed with the Diaper 

Service they are using in Ontario. 

He very much wanted to use cloth diapers, 

but they live in an apartment with 

coin-operated laundry. So washing their 

own diapers is a difficult proposition. 

The Diaper Service delivers clean diapers 

every week and take the dirty ones 

away. Diaper service is comparable in 

price to using disposables, but it’s better 

for the environment. 

My mother, the baby’s Great Grandmother, 

is paying for the diaper service 

for the first few months. It makes her 

feel very useful! happyislanddiapers. 

com 

3. The Yoyo2 stroller from BabyZen 

Very compact, the Yoyo2 folds up in 

a snap to the size of a carry-on suitcase. 

Light enough for Chloë to lug up to their 

3rd floor walk-up. There are several attachments 

for it: a bassinet for new babies, 

clips for the car-seat, a yoyo-board 

for the big-sibling when the next baby 


comes, even skis for deep snow! It’s 

steady, with a low centre of gravity, but 

easily manoeuvrable. It’s quite pricey, 

but several households pitched in at 

the baby shower and it seems to have 

been well worth it! babyzen.com/pages/ 

yoyo2-stroller-birth 

(Simon and Chloë recommend consulting 

this comparison chart on Reddit: 

reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/z2qwrs/comparison_of_travel_ 

strollers_details_in_the) 

4. Herschel Settlement Sprout 

Backpack Diaperbag 

This backpack comes in many colours. 

Trim and compact, with many 

separate compartments and a changing 

pad. Will need an extra wetbag if 

parents are using cloth diapers, but 

that’s easy enough to get (see #5). Both 

parents agreed they could carry this bag 

with confidence. So stylish that Simon’s 

fashionista Great-Aunt was happy to 

select it for the baby shower. westcoastkids.ca/settlement-sprout 

5. Colibri Wet 

Colibri is a Manitoba company with 

wetbags in a whole raft of sizes, colours 

and patterns. Good quality at a great 

price. Wetbags are useful for so much 

more than wet diapers. Bathing suits, 

toiletries, snacks, sandwiches. A great 

parenting hack! colibricanada.com/collections/regular-wet-bags 

6. Beluga Baby Wrap 

This Canadian company makes soft 

and stretchy sustainable bamboo fabric 

wraps, just over in Vancouver! While 

learning to use a baby wrap might 

seem scary, it’s really no more complicated 

than tying your shoelaces. Simon 

learned in an afternoon and loves to 

wear the baby around the house and out 

on walks in the neighbourhood. It really 

is the cosiest, easiest way to keep a baby 

soothed, while getting chores done, and 

a great way for parents to bond with the 

baby. belugababy.ca 

7. The Make My Belly Fit Universal 

Jacket Extender 

This is a brilliant idea, invented by a 

Dad in Montreal. It’s a panel that zips 

into most jackets to create space first 

for the growing pregnancy tummy, and 

later for the baby in a wrap or carrier. It 

has a removable fleece layer for colder 

climates. A really thoughtful gift that 

Chloe used all winter. And Simon can 

use it when he baby-wears too! makemybellyfit.com/products/universaljacket-extender 

8. ErgoPouch Cocoon Swaddle 

Sack 

As Chloë said, this was clutch in the 

early days when baby needed to be 

swaddled to be comfortable but the 

parents were still figuring things out. 

Later, when the baby can roll over, you 

can open the sleeve holes so baby’s arms 

can be free. Being swaddled helps baby 

calm down because of the slight pressure 

on their body. And it also keeps 

them warm and cosy through the night. 

The ErgoPouch was invented by an Australian 

mom—Alina Sack! ergopouch. 

com/products/pouches 

9. Organic Cotton Baby Gowns 

from Parade 

I loved dressing my own babies in 

baby nightgowns. Not only did they 

look so cute and old-fashioned, but the 

nightgowns were so easy to pull up for 

diaper-changes in the dark. And no 

need to thread legs back into pants, or 

snap fasteners with sleepy fingers. The 

organic cotton gowns (and all sorts of 

other baby clothes) from Parade come in 

lots of colours and patterns, including 

a wide selection of genderneutral ones. 

And the cotton jersey is thick and warm 

and holds up to many many washes. 

When I found out Chloë and Simon 

had not received any little gowns at the 

shower, I sent a batch of these off to 

them. They use them all the time. parade.ca/collections/organic-baby-gowns 

10. Copper Pearl Premium Burp 

Cloths (in the Bloom pattern) 

So pretty with their flowery pattern 

(and there are many other patterns to 

choose from), but also thick and absorbent 

to catch baby spit-up. A lower 

price-point item, always good to include 

on a baby shower wish-list. copperpearl.com/products/premium-burpcloths-bloom 

Bonus Item 

Really more of an “Oh Wow you’re 

pregnant!” gift: A is for Advice (The Reassuring 

Kind): Wisdom for Pregnancy 

by Ilana Stanger-Ross. Ilana is a Registered 

Midwife in Victoria. Her book is 

full of up-to-date, evidence-based, gentle 

information and advice for pregnant 

parents. It’s wonderfully comforting 

and beautifully designed with great illustrations. 

I send it off (via bookstores 

on the internet) to anyone in my circle 

who gets pregnant. And they all love it. 

Being a grandparent is full of surprises 

and joys. I didn’t expect to feel so 

moved by seeing my son parent his baby 

so sweetly. I never thought about how I 

would feel to see my parents hold their 

first great-grandchild. I think that was a 

high point in my life. 

With Simon and Chloë and the little 

one living so far away, I am going to 

be a Zoom-Ma, who checks in via the 

computer screen on the weekend. I will 

miss a lot, I know. But I certainly can 

engage in one of the time-honoured joys 

of grandparenting—shopping for the 

baby! Enjoy! 

Eva Bild is a childbirth, parenting 

and lactation educator and doula 

trainer. She has been working 

with new families since 1992. 

Eva is the founder of the 

Mothering Touch Centre. She is the mother of 

three wonderful adults, but most excitingly, 

she is now a grandmother! evabild.ca 



Grandparenting 


My daughter is growing into her role 

of mother with grace, wisdom and 

patience. Yes, I know I’m biased, 

but it is a remarkable thing to witness. I 

believe this to be one of the most meaningful 

experiences of my lifetime along 

with being a parent myself. The determination 

that could bring me to my knees 

when I was her mother is one of her 

greatest gifts as a mother herself. It provides 

her with the strength to make decisions 

based on her beliefs and values. 

There are many boundaries to consider 

between parents and grandparents. How 

much time do we give or ask for when it 

comes to babysitting? Or, as a grandparent, 

when are you stretching yourself too 

much? I see a reluctance in my daughter 

to ask me to babysit while she teaches 

yoga or goes to an appointment if it is 

outside of my usual Nana Day. So, I make 

a point of checking in any spare moment 

I have which tends to be an hour or two, 

here or there, a few times a week. We 

check in with each other. Am I asking too 

much, I know you have your own life, Mom. 

Or, are you wanting some company or have 

you got plans? 

Other boundaries include the role we 

play in our relationships. While I have 

taught parenting for decades, I am not 

my daughter’s parenting expert. I’m her 

mom, the only woman on the planet who 

can be her mom. Imagine how allergic 

she would feel to my advice if it was 

unsolicited and coming from judgment 

or wanting to teach her how to be a better 

parent. Fortunately, my own mom 

modelled this boundary for me. She stood 

back, respected my choices, and didn’t 

interfere with our parenting. 

I’m grateful that there is so much information 

available to parents now. More 

than that, I’m grateful that my daughter 

beats to her own heart. She doesn’t buy 

into some of the theories that suggest you 

can spoil children by responding to their 

needs. 

These questions are asked by both parents 

and grandparents: 

How do we have serious or difficult 

conversations when we see things differently? 

What would be an issue that I 

would feel compelled to discuss? What 

are the important points of parenting 

that I would want to share? If I see or 

hear something that concerns me, what 

is my belief? What is important about 

this issue? What is the need or value that 

it represents? 

A recipe for bringing things up: 

Choose a time to talk when there are 

no distractions or children present. 

Ask permission. Would you be comfortable 

with me stating a concern? 

Stick to the facts, not what you think 

but what you can specifically observe. 

When I hear or see __________. And state 

what need or value you are concerned 

about. 

Watch your body language. Your adult 

child may be exhausted, uncertain and 

already riddled with feelings of guilt. 

Have a soft face and a gentle tone. 

If the statement doesn’t land, stop talking. 

Go slow so that you have time to feel 

things out and to listen to the response. 

Get curious. 

If what you say is making sense and 

well received express gratitude. I appreciate 

our ability to talk about these things. 

Remind your child that we learn as we 

go, and we are all doing our best. 

We tend to repeat what we learned in 

our own families growing up when it 

comes to boundaries. If we are fortunate, 

healthy boundaries come easily. If the 

boundaries were blurred we may have 

some blind spots yet, we can educate ourselves 

and develop our awareness. 

As parents, we learn through our successes 

and failures. We don’t have all the 

answers up front. We gather knowledge 

day to day by looking back if something 

didn’t go well or if we are feeling guilty. 

Boundaries that matter usually represent 

respect for time, privacy, emotional and 

physical safety, people’s autonomy, and 

the need to belong and be loved. 

I remember very clearly, two times 

that my mother spoke up. Once, when my 

daughter was four and I was sick with 

the flu. My daughter was climbing all 

over me and not letting me sleep. I said 

something awful like, if you keep waking 

me up, I’m going to get sicker. With that, 

my mother spoke sternly and said, she 

doesn’t need that kind of responsibility for 

your health. 

The second incident came years later 

when she was in her late 80s. I started 

going to her apartment to clean it. I was 

on my knees cleaning her toilet bowl. 

Standing behind me, I heard her say, Dr. 

Rees! I can hire a cleaner, I just want you to 

be my daughter. 

With a loving connection, and healthy 

boundaries we can navigate those invisible 

lines. We can create what works for 

everyone and enjoy loving and being 

loved. 

Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator, 

counsellor and coach at 

LIFE Seminars (Living in Families 

Effectively), lifeseminars.com 


TRavel to snowy forests, scorched savannaH and the darkest depths of the ocean, 

and meet animals all over the globe. 

BUY TICKETS AT 

imaxvictoria.com 



SUMMER 

CAMPS 

and more! 

Qwanoes.ca 

1-888-997-9266

Island Parent Spring 2023

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