Island Parent Spring 2023
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years: Redefining Family • Self-Care for Moms Made Easy • Asking for Help • How to Nurture an Emerging Reader • Teaching Kids Realistic Expectations Around Money • GRAND: A Special Feature for Grandparents
Vancouver Island’s Parenting Resource for 35 Years: Redefining Family • Self-Care for Moms Made Easy • Asking for Help • How to Nurture an Emerging Reader • Teaching Kids Realistic Expectations Around Money • GRAND: A Special Feature for Grandparents
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SPRING <strong>2023</strong><br />
Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>’s <strong>Parent</strong>ing Resource for 35 Years<br />
FREE COPY<br />
Redefining<br />
Family<br />
Self-Care for<br />
Moms Made Easy<br />
Asking<br />
for Help<br />
GRAND<br />
A Special Feature<br />
for Grandparents
Did you know<br />
about BusReady?<br />
Children<br />
12 and under<br />
ride for free!<br />
It’s the educational program<br />
for kids by BC Transit.<br />
Visit busready.bctransit.com to learn more.<br />
2 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Preschool for today’s child<br />
...and tomorrow’s inner child.<br />
FULL DAY<br />
Program<br />
starting Fall<br />
<strong>2023</strong>!<br />
Young children possess boundless<br />
imagination, perfect openness to the<br />
world and all its beauty, and the inborn<br />
idea that anything is possible. We<br />
believe that these wonderful gifts<br />
should not fade with age.<br />
With an innovative program enriched<br />
by music, dance, theatre and visual<br />
arts, our goal is to enable children<br />
to fully explore and express these<br />
gifts in an endless variety of ways.<br />
Inspiring and nurturing today’s child<br />
firmly implants their future inner child<br />
– that playfulness, creativity, vision and<br />
confidence that will enable them to<br />
realize their dreams.<br />
Preschool to Grade 12 www.ArtsCalibre.ca 250-382-3533<br />
“When I examine myself and my method of<br />
thought, I come to the conclusion that the<br />
gift of fantasy has meant more to me than<br />
my talent for absorbing knowledge.”<br />
– Albert Einstein<br />
SUMMERTIME<br />
CAMP FUN!<br />
All <strong>2023</strong> summer camps are CO-ED*<br />
LEGO® EV3 ROBOTICS<br />
TENNIS LOVE<br />
From Kindergarten to Grade 6 — SMS has more than 30 camps. Adventure,<br />
learning, and having fun. Everyone gets a free camp T-shirt<br />
LITTLE ARTISTS CAMP<br />
REGISTER<br />
TODAY!<br />
stmarg.ca/camps/summer-camps<br />
250-479-7171<br />
*except Coder Girl Camp<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 3
SPRING <strong>2023</strong><br />
Vancouver <strong>Island</strong>’s <strong>Parent</strong>ing Resource for 35 Years<br />
FREE COPY<br />
In Every<br />
Issue<br />
5<br />
Fast Forward<br />
SUE FAST<br />
TABLEOFCONTENTS<br />
10<br />
Self-Care for Moms<br />
Made Easy<br />
KATE BORSATO<br />
12<br />
Asking for Help<br />
NATASHA MILLS<br />
14<br />
How to Tell<br />
Your Child About<br />
Your Mental<br />
Health Struggles<br />
DR. JILLIAN ROBERTS<br />
18<br />
Redefining<br />
Family<br />
ERIKA PALMER<br />
28<br />
How to Nurture<br />
an Emerging Reader<br />
LINDSAY COULTER<br />
6<br />
Need to Know<br />
9<br />
I ❤ <strong>Island</strong><br />
20<br />
Businesses You<br />
Need to Know<br />
20<br />
Dad Speak<br />
MICHAEL MORRELL<br />
24<br />
Aging as<br />
an Adult<br />
JULIA MAIS<br />
32<br />
Teaching Kids<br />
Realistic Expectations<br />
Around Money<br />
LINDSAY PLUMB<br />
33<br />
Special Feature<br />
GRAND<br />
Vol. VI, Ed. I<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Thou Shalt!<br />
A Grandparent’s Guide to<br />
Doing Away with the Rules<br />
Grand Boundaries<br />
10 Baby Shower Gifts<br />
34<br />
Thou Shalt!<br />
LINDA ROGERS<br />
36<br />
10 Baby Shower Gifts<br />
for Grandparents-to-Be<br />
EVA BILD<br />
38<br />
Grand Boundaries<br />
DR. ALLISON REES<br />
22<br />
What’s for Dinner<br />
EMILLIE PARRISH<br />
26<br />
Family Resource Directory<br />
26<br />
Kids’ Reads<br />
CHRISTINA VAN STARKENBURG<br />
30<br />
Play<br />
31<br />
Preschool & Child Care<br />
Directory<br />
On the<br />
Cover<br />
Emiliyah S (8 mos)<br />
Photo by<br />
Chris Higginbottom<br />
chrishigginbottom.ca<br />
Redefining<br />
Family<br />
Self-Care for<br />
Moms Made Easy<br />
Asking<br />
for Help<br />
GRAND<br />
A Special Feature<br />
for Grandparents<br />
Jim Schneider Publisher publisher@islandparent.ca<br />
Sue Fast Editor editor@islandparent.ca<br />
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager kristine@islandparent.ca<br />
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager raeleigh@islandparent.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine, published by <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Group Enterprises Ltd., is a<br />
bimonthly publication that honours and supports parents by providing information on<br />
resources and businesses for Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> families. Views expressed are not<br />
necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without<br />
the permission of the publisher. <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> is distributed free in selected areas.<br />
Annual mail subscriptions (7 issues) are available for $21 (GST included).<br />
Canadian Publication Mail Product Sales Agreement 40051398. ISSN 0838-5505.<br />
<strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine<br />
250-388-6905 islandparent.ca<br />
518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5<br />
A proud member of<br />
BC<br />
4 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
FASTFORWARD<br />
10<br />
Ways to Make the<br />
World a Better Place<br />
1. Give your time, skills and/or money<br />
to a good cause. Not only can this help<br />
the community but it can also improve<br />
our health, ease feelings of loneliness and<br />
broaden our social networks. Whether you<br />
go the official route through a volunteer<br />
organization or come up with ideas and<br />
charities of your own, it’s a win-win-win.<br />
2. Instead of driving, walk or ride<br />
bikes. What better way is there to get<br />
outside and cover some ground than going<br />
for a spin? Not only is it easy on the<br />
environment but it’s also great exercise<br />
and a good way to improve mood.<br />
3. Get creative—and involve others.<br />
A good example of this is Fernwood’s<br />
Pole Painting Project (Fernwood.ca). The<br />
installation of over 100 brightly painted<br />
telephone poles has helped slow traffic<br />
and discourage graffiti while bringing the<br />
community together and creating warm,<br />
friendly spaces.<br />
4. Gather family, friends and neighbours.<br />
Keep it low key and informal,<br />
don’t worry about a messy house or a<br />
fancy meal, the point is to get together to<br />
enjoy each other’s company and connect<br />
despite everyone’s hectic schedules and/or<br />
the busy day-to-day.<br />
5. Unplug. Maybe not for a weekslong<br />
digital detox, but maybe at least<br />
a few times a day. Or create some nophone<br />
and no-screen zones in your home:<br />
in bed, at meals, outdoors. Play a first-tolook<br />
game where the first person to check<br />
their phone has to wash the dishes or<br />
walk the dog.<br />
6. Go out—outside, out on the town<br />
or out of your comfort zone. With<br />
the weather warming up, it’s easier to<br />
get outdoors, go on a road trip or try<br />
something new. Watch how your mood<br />
improves—and how that can spread to<br />
others around you.<br />
7. Spread kindness. Hold a door open<br />
for someone, offer to help carry somebody’s<br />
groceries, drive patiently, bake for<br />
a neighbour.<br />
8. Express gratitude. Did someone go<br />
above and beyond for you? Say so! Did<br />
something work out or fall into place?<br />
Create a family ritual of reflecting on all<br />
the good things that happen each day. Or<br />
create a gratitude journal and invite kids<br />
to add daily entries.<br />
9. Reduce your carbon footprint.<br />
Remember Earth Day is April 22. For a<br />
Footprint Calculator and to learn about<br />
ways to walk softly on the earth, visit<br />
footprintnetwork.org.<br />
10. Do what you love—that alone will<br />
inspire others. For work and for play,<br />
doing what we love brings us—and often<br />
those around us—joy. Better yet is doing<br />
what we love with those we love.<br />
PRESCHOOL–GRADE 12<br />
Be curious. Be kind. Be brave. Be you.<br />
admissions@qms.bc.ca<br />
www.qms.bc.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 5
NEEDTOKNOW<br />
Earth<br />
Day<br />
<strong>2023</strong><br />
Designed to raise awareness of<br />
environmental action and how we<br />
can all make a difference, Earth Day,<br />
on April 22, is your chance to get<br />
involved. In addition to raising environmental<br />
awareness among many<br />
citizens and organizations across<br />
the country, this campaign also encourages<br />
people to take action. This<br />
year the campaign will be unveiled<br />
on April 6. To find out more and how<br />
you can make a difference not only<br />
on Earth Day but every day, visit<br />
earthday.ca.<br />
Pulling<br />
Together<br />
Volunteers are integral to invasive<br />
plants management and habitat<br />
restoration in Saanich. Share your<br />
energy with the parks you love,<br />
invest in the spirit of ecosystem<br />
restoration and build lasting relationships—all<br />
through volunteering.<br />
If you’re interested in getting your<br />
group involved with Pulling Together,<br />
Saanich Parks, Recreation and Community<br />
Services wants to hear from<br />
you! Neighbourhood groups, school<br />
groups, environment clubs, Scout<br />
and Guide groups, businesses and<br />
faith groups—everyone is welcome.<br />
To register as a restoration volunteer,<br />
visit saanich.ca.<br />
6 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Money<br />
Stuff<br />
with<br />
Moms<br />
How do things work in your<br />
household? Who does the<br />
majority of the financial chores?<br />
Do you have separate bank<br />
accounts? What works well for<br />
you, and why? Your input to the<br />
conversation has incredible value<br />
because we can all do better if<br />
we know better. Money Stuff<br />
with Moms is all about answering<br />
money-related questions just<br />
like these. Peek behind the curtain<br />
to see how other moms do money<br />
with local hosts Lindsay Plumb<br />
and Meghan Chomut in their<br />
podcast Money Stuff with Moms<br />
on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and<br />
all the other podcast apps.<br />
I am proud<br />
to continue<br />
my support<br />
of parents,<br />
families and<br />
youth in<br />
Oak Bay-<br />
Gordon Head.<br />
MLA Murray Rankin<br />
Oak Bay – Gordon Head<br />
Murray.Rankin.MLA@leg.bc.ca 250-472-8528<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 7
Float<br />
the<br />
Boat<br />
The Maritime Museum of BC is<br />
running their third annual fundraising<br />
campaign called “Float the<br />
Boat.” This campaign has a goal of<br />
$25,000 and will run from now to<br />
April 30. Throughout the campaign<br />
the museum will be marking milestones<br />
by filling a tank with water to<br />
float the boat higher and higher.<br />
Supporting this year’s campaign<br />
helps fund the comprehensive<br />
proposal to move the Maritime<br />
Museum into the Steamship<br />
Terminal Building, a perfect<br />
waterfront space.<br />
mmbc.bc.ca<br />
Feel<br />
Out<br />
Loud<br />
Kids Help Phone aims to help transform<br />
Canada’s youth mental health<br />
landscape, starting with the Feel Out<br />
Loud fundraising campaign to raise<br />
$300M. It is the largest fundraising<br />
campaign supporting youth mental<br />
health in Canada’s history. The campaign<br />
is a call to action on behalf of<br />
the 8.2 million young people in Canada<br />
who need space to express their<br />
feelings with confidence, because<br />
the issues that this group faces are<br />
more complex than ever. The Feel<br />
Out Loud fundraising campaign will<br />
help ensure that young people are<br />
seen and heard 30 million times.<br />
youtube.com/<br />
watch?v=Z0mphDDrMfo<br />
8 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
I ❤ ISLAND<br />
Can’t send Mom to a spa for<br />
Mother’s Day? Bring the spa to her!<br />
Cordova Candles<br />
Cordova Candle Co is an independent candle<br />
company out of Victoria. Candles are ethically<br />
produced in small batches using sustainable ingredients<br />
and packaging. Their mission is simple:<br />
to create candles with captivating scents and the<br />
best ingredients.<br />
cordovacandleco.com<br />
Sea Silk Cleansing Oil<br />
Seaflora’s Sea Silk Cleansing Oil will keep Mom’s<br />
skin barrier happy, healthy and balanced with a<br />
non-comedogenic, vegan, seaweed-infused oil<br />
cleanser. Gently dissolves makeup, sunscreen<br />
and daily grime without disturbing the skin’s natural<br />
oils or clogging pores.<br />
seafloraskincare.com<br />
It’s the Balm<br />
LK Cosmetics The Balm lip balm will put an end to<br />
dry, chapped lips. Get softer and more hydrated<br />
lips with this nourishing mask made with natural<br />
healing plant extracts such as Pomegranate,<br />
Blueberry, Cajupti and Centella Asiatica. Vegan,<br />
cruelty free and free of parabens and phthalates.<br />
lkcosmetics.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 9
HEALTH<br />
Self-Care<br />
for Moms<br />
Made Easy<br />
If you’re a mom or mom-to-be, I’d bet that “self-care” can<br />
be…a bit of a touchy subject. You’ve certainly heard enough<br />
about it, sometimes being told that self-care is the answer to<br />
all your challenges, or that having some alone time will do the<br />
trick.<br />
Many moms receive the message that self-care is about<br />
pampering—spa-like bubble baths or pedicures. No wonder<br />
it’s a bit frustrating to hear that term, self-care, because it just<br />
doesn’t seem like such simple things could make much of a difference<br />
to your sense of overwhelm or exhaustion.<br />
So let’s start with a more realistic definition. Self-care simply<br />
refers to all the things you do to help yourself feel well, including<br />
meeting your very basic needs. This can range from things<br />
like brushing your teeth, to booking a massage, to actually<br />
showing up for that pap test. Sure, your self-care routine might<br />
include a manicure, but it might also include regular counseling<br />
sessions. Self-care isn’t extra or frivolous.<br />
Self-care refers to all the things you do to meet your needs in<br />
the different areas of your life. We’re talking emotional, physical,<br />
social, intellectual and spiritual needs. If we want to feel<br />
joy and ease, we must address our own needs so that we have<br />
the capacity to welcome those positive experiences. When we<br />
think of self-care this way, we can understand that this isn’t<br />
something you only do when your kids are asleep or with the<br />
sitter.<br />
Self-care also doesn’t have to be so involved, difficult, and<br />
consuming. You don’t have to commit to daily workouts, frequent<br />
meditations or significantly shift your life in order for<br />
your efforts to count. It can be easy.<br />
Self-care is essential, but our approach has to be more realistic<br />
so that it’s not just another source of stress or an un-checked<br />
item on the to-do list. It’s important to shift the conversation so<br />
that what’s supposed to support your mental well-being doesn’t<br />
become another way you feel like a failure.<br />
So what stops moms from practicing self-care?<br />
Your schedule is fully booked! Timing is often the biggest<br />
obstacle that stands in the way of moms weaving self-care into<br />
their lives. You can’t find the time when it feels like a huge extra<br />
task on the to-do list. For moms struggling to find their groove in<br />
early motherhood, taking care of yourself feels like another thing<br />
you have to do. When you neglect it, it feels like another thing<br />
you’re NOT doing—and that can bring you down. So many of us<br />
see the day slip by without taking a moment for ourselves. And the<br />
biggest mistake is thinking that self-care has to happen outside of<br />
your time with your kids. Because for many, that time is fleeting.<br />
Guilt. Mom guilt makes no exceptions for self-care. Taking care<br />
of your needs is not selfish. Taking time for yourself is not luxurious.<br />
Self-care is not frivolous. When you take care of yourself,<br />
you’re better able to become the mom you want to be. When you<br />
look after your needs, your partner benefits, your kids benefit.<br />
Everyone wins! You matter so much. Your well-being affects others.<br />
You deserve your own attention, love and energy.<br />
How should we define realistic self-care?<br />
Making self-care easy for moms is about simplifying what<br />
the concept means to begin with. Believe that self-care is realistic<br />
otherwise it’s never going to happen.<br />
What is self-care, really?<br />
Look for ways to incorporate self-care during the times that<br />
you are with your kids. This might sound hard, but trust me,<br />
it’s an important mindset shift. And sure, exercising with a toddler<br />
climbing at your feet is less than ideal, but it’s better than<br />
not exercising at all.<br />
In my own journey as a mom, making this mental shift was a<br />
game changer. I started looking for ways to infuse my day with<br />
things that were for me, like my music, my candles or oils, my<br />
10 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
adult colouring book, or the route that I like to walk. These were<br />
subtle shifts but started to make me feel like my preferences and<br />
needs matter too. I am hoping you can start doing the same.<br />
Here are three areas to being exploring easy<br />
and attainable self-care:<br />
Your Body. When thinking about self-care for your body,<br />
think about all of your physical needs. Nutrition, hydration,<br />
rest, comfort. You need some kind of movement (ideally every<br />
day, if you can). When considering how to care for your body,<br />
ask yourself if there are things you do for your kids that you<br />
neglect to do for yourself. Moms often go to great lengths to<br />
prepare healthy meals for their kids, for example, but their<br />
own meals are an afterthought. I’ve been there too, snacking on<br />
the kids’ leftovers. But why? What if you could also consider<br />
your own nutritional needs? What impact would that have on<br />
you? You might even ask yourself in this moment: what are<br />
some easy ways that I could take better care of my physical<br />
self? Jot down a few ideas, and remember, keep it simple!<br />
Your Mind. Taking care of your mind means making<br />
sure that your emotional and intellectual needs are considered.<br />
You’re allowed to keep investing in your interests and<br />
hobbies. You have the need to learn and grow! Being a mom<br />
shouldn’t put a stop to that. So what interests have you put<br />
aside? Anything you’ve been curious about? Any new hobbies<br />
you’d like to explore? I know that life looks different now,<br />
and you likely don’t have the time to do hobbies like you did<br />
before. Can you find easier ways to fit this in? For example,<br />
instead of setting up an elaborate oil painting area, what if you<br />
tried a travel-size watercolour setup that is easy to pick up and<br />
put down? Even watching videos or tutorials about your hobbies<br />
can spark that interest again.<br />
On the emotional side, it can be helpful to check in with<br />
yourself daily by simply asking: “How am I doing? Where am I<br />
at?” Notice what comes up when you ask that question. Listening<br />
to yourself is self-care. Remember that. And if you discover<br />
some emotions that are harder to sit with on your own, it<br />
might be a good time to reach out to a friend or a professional<br />
to support you.<br />
Your Environment. Have you ever felt stressed out and<br />
then gone on a cleaning rampage and felt so much better afterwards?<br />
Or maybe you redecorated your living room mantle,<br />
hung a couple pictures or bought a new house plant and suddenly<br />
your mood improved? Well, that’s no coincidence! Your<br />
surroundings influence your mood. Think about the area in<br />
your home where you spend most of your time. Is there anything<br />
about that space that you need to change to help your<br />
mood? Creating a calm space in your home could be an act of<br />
self-care because it helps you feel more at ease. What you’re<br />
aiming to do here is notice how your space affects you and then<br />
doing something small to bring comfort.<br />
Remember that self-care is personal: what works for your<br />
friend might not work for you. Allow yourself to explore, try<br />
different things, and drop the things that don’t seem to help.<br />
You are worthy and deserving of your time and energy too;<br />
becoming a parent doesn’t mean that you fall off the priority<br />
list. Little by little, with time and intention, you’ll find your<br />
place back on that list and continue to move toward well-being.<br />
Kate Borsato is a Registered Clinical Counsellor<br />
in BC, and the founder of the Canadian Perinatal<br />
Wellness Collective, a team of perinatal mental health<br />
therapists across Canada. Kate also creates self-help<br />
and educational resources for moms’ mental wellness.<br />
perinatalcollective.com and kateborsato.com<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 11
HEALTH<br />
Asking<br />
for Help<br />
just finished a 90-minute Zoom appointment with a psychiatrist<br />
and it was possibly the most important call of my<br />
I<br />
life.<br />
It wasn’t easy.<br />
I had to advocate hard for this support through my family<br />
doctor—which I am grateful for—but truly, it was a struggle.<br />
I had to be consistent, following up on what felt like<br />
trivial trial-and-error suggestions for medications and their<br />
amounts, stopping and starting for years.<br />
I always felt pushback at getting a referral for a psychiatrist<br />
because the “waitlist was too long” or “I should try<br />
these other things first.” If I’m being honest, I didn’t feel<br />
seen— but that’s due in part to our overworked system.<br />
YOUR MISSION AWAITS!<br />
THE AMAZING BRENTWOOD<br />
AvengersStationCanada.com<br />
© <strong>2023</strong> MARVEL<br />
12 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
I’ve tried addressing the issues holistically while also blaming<br />
hormones and things like Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder<br />
(PMDD) which are probably part of the problem.<br />
But finally, six months ago, after two gruelling years of<br />
following up on my anxiety as a twin mom of three, my doctor<br />
connected me to someone within mental health who listened<br />
for a quick assessment. At the time, the intensity of my<br />
anxiousness was so great that she was able to expedite the<br />
process from a full year’s wait to today.<br />
So I finally got to meet with the psychiatrist and she was<br />
fantastic. This call was the type of dedicated care I wish<br />
could be accessible to everyone— especially mothers.<br />
We spoke of my early childhood, traumas, anxieties and<br />
how they have seemingly translated into why I too often feel<br />
dysfunctional today.<br />
“I can tell you are strong,” the psychiatrist reassured me,<br />
“and that you just carry on with life. You’ve adapted to<br />
being high functioning with high anxiety, but it must be exhausting<br />
doing so.”<br />
I felt seen.<br />
What baffles me is how difficult it was to make this call<br />
happen though, and to finally receive a clinical diagnosis of<br />
three distinct types of anxiety (and probably ADHD) after<br />
nearly 34 years of life.<br />
The silver lining is that the demands of motherhood were<br />
the very thing to dismantle my ability to “just cope” in life<br />
and drive transformative self-improvement instead.<br />
We have a plan and I feel liberated.<br />
Some might call my revealing all of this as oversharing,<br />
but I feel called to enlighten anyone struggling to advocate<br />
hard for yourself.<br />
If I can vulnerably support just a handful of you in the<br />
process of bettering my mental health, then I feel fulfilled.<br />
Natasha Mills, an <strong>Island</strong>er of almost 30 years,<br />
enjoys sharing the journey of parenthood and all<br />
Vancouver <strong>Island</strong> has to offer on her lifestyle blog.<br />
@mommamillsblog, mommamillsblog.com.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 13
HEALTH<br />
How to Tell Your Child About<br />
Your Mental Health Struggles<br />
What is the best way to share my<br />
mental health diagnosis with my<br />
child?<br />
There is no simple answer to that<br />
question. It will depend on the child—<br />
their age and level of maturity. It will<br />
also depend on the child’s current circumstances.<br />
We never want children to<br />
adopt the role of “parent” to their moms<br />
and dads, and we never want children to<br />
process with the child. They may even encourage<br />
the parent to bring the child into<br />
a session to discuss the diagnosis during a<br />
family therapy session. If parents are ever<br />
in doubt about how their mental health is<br />
affecting the wellbeing of their child, they<br />
should reach out to a child psychologist<br />
or therapist. Getting your child help,<br />
while you are receiving help, would be an<br />
excellent idea.<br />
to be frugal, as your mental health is tied<br />
to the health of every other area of your<br />
life.<br />
With all of this in mind, here are some<br />
guidelines for how to disclose your mental<br />
illness to your child:<br />
Preschool & Younger:<br />
Children this young typically do not<br />
need to know the diagnosis. This is a<br />
time to shelter stress, as much as is possible,<br />
from your child. Ask family and<br />
friends to come in and help you with the<br />
children as much as possible.<br />
Early Elementary School:<br />
Children this young should be sheltered<br />
similarly to preschool children,<br />
except they could likely handle you explaining<br />
that you are “not feeling well.”<br />
It is important to reassure them and tell<br />
them not to worry about you. Explain<br />
that you are getting help and will be better<br />
soon.<br />
feel like they are somehow to blame for<br />
how their parents are feeling. Sometimes<br />
though, circumstances would require<br />
the child to have some understanding of<br />
what is happening for their parent. This<br />
is especially true if they needed to stay<br />
with an extended family member temporarily<br />
during a parent’s treatment.<br />
If a parent is struggling with mental<br />
health challenges, it is critically important<br />
to get help. It’s not only necessary<br />
for the parent’s wellness but also for the<br />
health of the family as a whole. An important<br />
part of treating mental illness is<br />
talk therapy and the therapist involved<br />
can help a parent navigate the disclosure<br />
The first step is always to talk to your<br />
family doctor to see if there is any support<br />
available that would be covered by<br />
your provincial health care plan. Unfortunately,<br />
there are often long wait times<br />
for this help, and so if you do not have<br />
extended medical that covers psychotherapy,<br />
you may need to reach into your<br />
savings or ask for financial assistance<br />
from others to pay for the treatment you<br />
need. Until our governments recognize<br />
the value of providing coverage for most<br />
mental health services we need to find<br />
other ways to get what is needed to heal.<br />
As hard as it may be to spend or borrow<br />
the money required, this is not the time<br />
Mid-Elementary School:<br />
Children at this age could manage<br />
knowing a little more. You could explain<br />
that you do not “feel well in your mind”<br />
or “in your heart.” It will still be very<br />
important to reassure them, be clear that<br />
this is not their fault in any way and explain<br />
that you are getting the best help<br />
available. Leave them with a feeling of<br />
hope that things will be better soon.<br />
Older Elementary School &<br />
Middle Years:<br />
Older kids could handle a name for<br />
what you are facing. You could say, “I<br />
have an illness called depression. It means<br />
that I have deep feelings of sadness inside<br />
me that I cannot shake off. It drains<br />
me of my energy and makes me want to<br />
sleep all the time. It is nobody’s fault. It is<br />
not my fault, and it is certainly not your<br />
fault!” Share with your child everything<br />
that you are doing to feel better and give<br />
them hope that things will be better soon.<br />
14 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Adolescents & Young Adults:<br />
This is the time to have the kind of<br />
conversation you may have been wanting<br />
to have with your child for a while. They<br />
could handle more detailed information.<br />
It’s generally an appropriate time to<br />
explain the medical basis for the mental<br />
illness. You can talk about genetic factors<br />
and environmental factors. You could<br />
explain in more depth the treatment<br />
you are receiving. You can give your<br />
children updates on how you’re doing<br />
and what your medical professionals are<br />
suggesting. You can also ask a child of<br />
this age for a little assistance. Ask them<br />
to help around the house. Ask them to<br />
go for walks with you. Allow them a<br />
sense of agency and give them a way to<br />
participate in the family’s goal of getting<br />
you better. This is also the time to talk<br />
to your adolescent children about any<br />
genetic risk factors they may have inherited<br />
and what to be on the lookout for in<br />
their own lives. Talk about what it means<br />
to practice good mental health care.<br />
When the time is right, I would encourage<br />
you to bring the notion of advocacy<br />
into these discussions with your children.<br />
Discuss how your family can raise awareness<br />
about mental health and spread the<br />
message that the world needs to lose the<br />
stigma and focus on getting help to those<br />
who need it.<br />
Finally, some parents find it helpful<br />
to keep a journal where they write to<br />
their child about what is happening for<br />
them during their illness, how they are<br />
feeling and how they are trying to get<br />
better. They save this journal and share<br />
with their children once they are adults.<br />
This can help the children understand<br />
what the parent was going through during<br />
a time when they were too young to<br />
hear the full story, and may even provide<br />
meaningful insight if they are struggling<br />
with mental health challenges of their<br />
own.<br />
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Dr. Jillian Roberts is a child psychologist,<br />
UVic professor and mother. She is the author of<br />
Kids, Sex and Screens: Raising Strong, Resilient<br />
Children in the Sexualized Digital<br />
Age and CEO and founder<br />
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in the Western Communities.<br />
drjillianroberts.com<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 15
MOM’SPOV<br />
The<br />
Spectator’s<br />
Seat<br />
I<br />
leave work early. I am excited and nervous for my son<br />
to play his first handball game at his school. It’s the first<br />
team sport that any of my children have participated in.<br />
My husband and I settle on the bench next to all the other<br />
parents. We’re ready to cheer.<br />
Our principal, (who is also the coach) explains the spectating<br />
rules. I read three sets of approved encouraging words<br />
on the wall that are suggested cheers. One poster states:<br />
“Need more effort.” This phrase annoys me. Are we encouraging<br />
or offering negative connotation with this phrase? It is<br />
bordering on constructive criticism. Should parents cheering<br />
really be giving feedback as a coach would?<br />
The game begins. I don’t know the rules, but we learn<br />
along with the kids about how many steps are permitted and<br />
pivoting. I embrace the positivity of “Good try” as my standard<br />
cheering words and clapping for both teams. There are<br />
also lots of “ohhhs” and “ahhhs” and “so close” yelled from<br />
all around us.<br />
The game is intense. We are getting slaughtered. I learn<br />
we are playing against a Grade 5 team, but my son and his<br />
teammates are in Grade 4. They will only play Grade 5s due<br />
to a lack of coaches for Grade 4 teams. An extra challenge<br />
for our team. The other team is also much taller than our<br />
team and they are fast at intercepting throws.<br />
Handball reminds me of basketball because opponents are<br />
blocking you as you try to shoot. However, the net is lower<br />
and similar to a hockey or soccer net.<br />
Oh no, the pressure. My son is suddenly in goal. That is<br />
a tough position. Some shots go in, but he looks like he is<br />
having fun. I’m nervous for him. I would not want that position,<br />
but this is not about me. I offer an encouraging smile<br />
when he looks my way. I guess the teammates all take turns<br />
in playing every position. That’s good.<br />
As the ball reaches the back of the net again, the parent<br />
next to me snidely comments: “I think we need a new goalie.”<br />
I’m appalled. My son is in goal, but even if it wasn’t my<br />
son why would you say such a thing? Is this how some parent<br />
spectators get out of hand at children’s sports games?<br />
I say nothing. I don’t like confrontation. My husband offers<br />
a supporting look in my direction. I decide once this<br />
parent realizes who my son is he will likely feel bad and that<br />
is enough for me. I continue to watch the game. My only<br />
comforting thought is that there is no way my son would<br />
have heard the comment over all his teammates and the opposing<br />
team shouting “I’m open,” and “Pass to me.”<br />
It’s the last few minutes of the game. The score is discouragingly<br />
high for the other team. We have no goals. Some of<br />
our players can’t take their eyes off the scoreboard. They are<br />
distracted. They are not blocking their opponents anymore. I<br />
think they have given up. One player starts crying. I feel bad<br />
for that player. It’s an emotional rollercoaster playing sports.<br />
16 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
None of this matters though. They are<br />
out there to have fun and exercise.<br />
After the game, I tell my son the<br />
score does not matter. They are getting<br />
a great workout, learning how to pass<br />
the ball and learning about sportsmanship.<br />
My son can’t wait for the next<br />
game. I’m glad he has taken the whole<br />
game in stride. He lines up with a smile<br />
on his face and completes his elbow<br />
bump sportsmanship with each player<br />
on the opposing team. I’m excited for<br />
the next game too.<br />
I think back to the only team sport<br />
that I played in elementary. I was on<br />
our 4 x 100m relay team. I was a nervous<br />
wreck. I ran too fast. I did not<br />
pass the baton in the passing zone. It<br />
was my fault our team was disqualified.<br />
I was devastated. I knew the rules, but<br />
in the moment and with the nerves, I<br />
was just too fast before the pass. My<br />
son knows this story and that it’s okay<br />
to make mistakes and fail.<br />
My son’s team finishes the season<br />
with three goals in total. They were<br />
close to scoring goals many other times.<br />
More importantly, my son had fun. He<br />
played all the positions. His coaches<br />
were great. He even made each coach<br />
a bracelet and we wrote them each a<br />
thank you card. He enjoyed a great<br />
workout and improved his throwing<br />
and catching skills. He’s looking forward<br />
to playing again next year, and I<br />
am looking forward to watching. I feel<br />
I’ll be better prepared and ready to empathize<br />
with all the emotions that come<br />
along with sports too.<br />
Serena Beck works full-time<br />
as a Technical Writer. She loves<br />
to write, travel and swim at the<br />
beach with family and friends.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 17
PARENTING<br />
BYTE CAMP<br />
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hen is your Anniversary?”<br />
“W I looked down at my daughter’s<br />
young friend wondering if I had<br />
heard her correctly. I asked her to repeat<br />
herself.<br />
“Your anniversary. When you and<br />
your husband were married.”<br />
Yup, I had heard her correctly. Feeling<br />
a bit stunned that an eight-year-old<br />
was interested in such things, I stammered<br />
out “Well, we’re not technically<br />
married, so we don’t really have an anniversary.”<br />
She looked confused.<br />
“But if you’re not married, then how<br />
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did you have her?!” She motioned towards<br />
my daughter.<br />
The already-awkward conversation<br />
became even more awkward as I wondered<br />
how much I was responsible for<br />
18 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Summer FUN at GNS<br />
telling her about how you didn’t need to have a marriage<br />
certificate to create a life.<br />
“Well, um, you don’t have to be married to have a<br />
baby…” I managed to tell her, feeling my face becoming<br />
flushed.<br />
The young girl still looked quite alarmed, and I could tell<br />
she was about to ask more questions I wasn’t at all prepared<br />
to answer. Thankfully a friend standing nearby picked up on<br />
the conversation and quickly interjected.<br />
“<strong>Parent</strong>s and families all look different,” she explained.<br />
“Not everyone is married, and some used to be married but<br />
aren’t any longer.”<br />
And there it was. <strong>Parent</strong>s and families all look different.<br />
I’ll never know if that young girl went home and announced<br />
to her parents that her friend’s parents weren’t<br />
married, but I didn’t get any messages from them asking for<br />
clarification or saying she couldn’t hang out with my child<br />
any longer. I’m hoping if she did tell her parents, they explained<br />
that families come in all shapes and sizes.<br />
Because that’s the thing—over time, the definition of family<br />
has drastically shifted. Gone are the days of families<br />
consisting strictly of a married heterosexual couple and their<br />
children. Today it’s not uncommon for children to have two<br />
dads, two moms, or any other adult figure(s) raising them.<br />
Grandparents or other adults sometimes step in to raise<br />
children when the parents need help. And, as in our case, a<br />
growing number of couples choose not to get married before<br />
they start a family.<br />
I grew up in the 1980s with divorced parents, as did almost<br />
half of my friends. Some of us had step-parents and<br />
step-siblings, while others lived with a single parent. I still<br />
see this reflected in some of my child’s friends, and I imagine<br />
I will see it even more as she gets older.<br />
As house prices rise many people are choosing to have<br />
grandparents, other family members or even friends live with<br />
them. This then creates a whole new type of family.<br />
The point is that a family certainly doesn’t have to be<br />
“traditional” to be considered a family. Families are made<br />
up of care and love, no matter the size or composition.<br />
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IB CONTINUUM<br />
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CONTINUO DEL IB<br />
Erika Palmer is a writer living in Victoria with her<br />
husband and daughter. She believes most problems<br />
can be solved with a good cup of tea and a huge<br />
piece of chocolate.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 19
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I<br />
pull the tape gun across the top of a box, hearing the<br />
sharp sound of the tape peeling from the rest of the roll.<br />
Another box, one of many. This one is filled with my son’s<br />
baby pictures. I exhale and think back to the specific photo<br />
shoot. Thinking ourselves artistic, we took macro snapshots<br />
of my son and stretched them across canvas: the curvature of<br />
a tiny ear, his mouth with baby fuzz above his lip, a tuft of<br />
nascent hair on his head. We used to call him “Kiwi.”<br />
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I realize in this moment, I will soon become a statistic.<br />
The “we” will inevitably dissipate and end in yet another<br />
divorced dad. Before that though, there is this peculiar period<br />
of pulling two people apart who were once so enmeshed.<br />
Moving vans, paper trails, lawyers, memories. The moment<br />
my five-year-old son stands frozen at his bedroom doorway,<br />
seeing his room in boxes. Dividing calendar years into weekson<br />
and weeks-off. What will Christmas look like? Birthdays?<br />
My new role as a single dad would continue to feel uncomfortable,<br />
and things that were once simple would take<br />
on a new, stranger colour. I wanted to arrange playdates for<br />
20 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
my young son but approaching married women when picking<br />
up my kid from school for this purpose felt clunky and unwelcome.<br />
Invites to parties became scarce. I had to adjust to a new<br />
kind of logistical communication with his mother. Clashing<br />
schedules. Trying to remember who had what. Meanwhile, the<br />
confusion on my child’s face was palpable, and I lacked the<br />
toddler verbiage to help him understand our new normal.<br />
It took me three months of flying through different counselors<br />
until I eventually found one that gave me the tools I needed,<br />
and I used his array of coping mechanisms like the multi-tools<br />
in a Swiss Army Knife. His thoroughness and compassion<br />
mixed with his ability to disagree and question my thought processes<br />
was invaluable. When I leaned into my vulnerabilities,<br />
he enveloped me with kindness. I was grateful to employ these<br />
new tools, giving me more peace and clarity to figure out my<br />
life’s “whys?” To discover what is meant to be a dad. To be a<br />
human.<br />
I devoured family-style podcasts and self-development articles.<br />
I went for long bike rides. I had lengthy, challenging conversations<br />
with myself. I was trying to figure out how to exist<br />
as a single dad.<br />
My experience is far from unique. While my West Coast casual<br />
mentality likes to think the statistics are lower on this side<br />
of the country, I found that BC actually came in slightly higher<br />
for divorce rates at 39% of the population. Despite this whopping<br />
figure, I found that support and community for single men<br />
was sparse. After months of trying to find my new place in the<br />
world, I realized that I no longer wanted to go this alone. I<br />
needed an expanded community.<br />
Since I struggled to find the support I was looking for, I endeavoured<br />
to create this myself. Luckily, I now find myself in<br />
a place where I have the time and ability to help change the<br />
status quo for men in a similar situation. Men who are looking<br />
to thrive in their new roles, with the ultimate goal of making<br />
huge strides in their kids’ lives. I know I don’t have the answers<br />
to a puzzle I myself am still putting together, but sometimes<br />
I’m lucky enough to share my story with others who have gone<br />
through a similar experience, and for them to share their stories<br />
with me.<br />
A tribe works best when we uplift each other in our own<br />
journeys. We evolve through mutual understanding. I’m just<br />
a guy who supports some other guys going through it all,<br />
through ideas and collaboration. I’m at the start of exploring<br />
these new possibilities, and I know there is a need out there for<br />
dads struggling to find their place, their community, and just<br />
a little bit of support. This could be simply listening to your<br />
story and sitting in that space with you or figuring out ways I<br />
can offer some of the solutions that continue to help propel me<br />
forward.<br />
Separation with kids involved can be scraggly, uncomfortable<br />
and precarious, but you’re not alone.<br />
Michael Morrell is an empathetic father<br />
wanting to hear your story. Contact him at<br />
michaelrhmorrell@gmail.com.<br />
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<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 21
WHAT’SFORDINNER<br />
The Joy of Sandwiches<br />
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Learn about BC’s aviation<br />
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When I was a new mom, I lived on sandwiches. They were pretty much the<br />
only thing I had the time/energy/mental power to put together. And they<br />
always hit the spot.<br />
Sandwiches are great for using up pantry staples. They’re always an option...even<br />
when you haven’t had time to go to the grocery store. Add some chopped-up vegetables<br />
and you’ve got a complete meal that didn’t take a lot of time to prepare. Perfect<br />
for on-the-go dinners. Something that I’m going to need to rely on as we roll around<br />
into baseball season!<br />
Cold sandwiches are the stuff of lunchboxes. Here are four hot sandwiches that are<br />
quick to prepare and packed with protein.<br />
When grilling sandwiches there are several options:<br />
Under the broiler: Broil on high for 2–4 minutes on each side. Or if you don’t have<br />
time to watch over your sandwiches, broil on low for 5–8 minutes instead.<br />
Sandwich maker/waffle iron: Sandwich makers were all the rage in the 1990s.<br />
Akin to the air-fryer today. If you happen to own one, they are definitely the EASIEST<br />
way to grill a sandwich.<br />
Stovetop option: We don’t happen to have room for extra appliances in our tiny<br />
townhouse kitchen. So we make grilled sandwiches by heating a frying pan on medium.<br />
Then we place a cast iron pan on top to give it that pressed sandwich feel. Frying<br />
a sandwich takes 2–4 minutes on each side, depending on how hot your pan is.<br />
Summer Hours, May 1 to Sept 30:<br />
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Winter Hours, Oct 1 to Apr 30:<br />
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For special days and events<br />
go to bcam.net.<br />
Fancy Cheese Toasts<br />
Honestly, is there anything better than a grilled cheese sandwich? However, if you’re feeding<br />
a lot of people and don’t want to spend the time to make a bunch of individual grilled cheese<br />
sandwiches, cheese toasts are a good alternative. Children love them, and you can make a bunch<br />
at once.<br />
Raid your pantry to make fancy cheese toast. Pull out whatever you’ve got and let everyone<br />
build their fancy toasts!<br />
6 Slices of bread 3 Tbsp butter 1 1 ⁄2 cups of grated cheese<br />
Fun toppings: chopped tomato, crispy bacon, thinly sliced onion, roasted red pepper, zucchini<br />
medallions, spinach, thinly sliced apple.<br />
Butter each slice of bread on one side. Place the bread on a baking sheet, butter side up.<br />
Let everyone decorate their own toasts with whatever fun toppings they want. Then divide the<br />
cheese between the slices of bread. Broil for 2 to 4 minutes until the cheese browns.<br />
Grilled Peanut Butter & Banana<br />
This was my favorite as a kid. It’s a sweet treat as well as a protein-packed sandwich.<br />
4 Slices of bread 2 Tbsp butter<br />
1⁄4 cup of peanut butter 1 large banana, chopped into thin circles<br />
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250-655-3300 | bcam.net<br />
Make a peanut butter sandwich with bananas in it. If you want, you can add a bit more sweetness<br />
with a drizzle of honey or chocolate chips. Butter the outside of the sandwich to add flavour<br />
and prevent it from sticking to the grill. Grill for 2 to 4 minutes on each side, until the bread is<br />
toasted and the sandwiches are warmed through.<br />
22 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Scrambled Egg Sandwiches<br />
Fried egg sandwiches were my go-to when I was pregnant with my<br />
daughter. However, they can be a bit time-consuming to make if you’ve<br />
got a few people to feed. Here’s a recipe that allows you to make a<br />
bunch of egg sandwiches all at once.<br />
These can be served open-faced like a cheese melt, however, I’ve<br />
written the recipes for a closed-faced grilled sandwich which is a bit<br />
more filling.<br />
8 eggs 1 ⁄2 cup of milk<br />
1⁄2 tsp salt & black pepper, to taste 1 Tbsp oil<br />
8 Slices of bread 2 Tbsp butter<br />
2 Tbsp mayonnaise 1 tomato<br />
1 bunch of washed spinach 4 slices of cheddar cheese<br />
Mix the eggs, milk, salt, and pepper in a large bowl. Heat the oil in<br />
a saucepan over medium-high. Add the egg mixture and place the lid<br />
on the pot. After about 2 minutes, stir the eggs with a spoon. If they<br />
have started to set, then continue stirring, scraping the spoon along the<br />
bottom of the pot until all the eggs are fully cooked. If the eggs haven’t<br />
started to set, put the lid back on and let them cook for another few<br />
minutes. Make egg sandwiches with mayonnaise, spinach, tomatoes,<br />
scrambled eggs, and cheese. Butter the outside of the sandwiches.<br />
Grill for 2 to 4 minutes on each side, until the bread is toasted and the<br />
cheese is melted.<br />
The Ultimate Beans on Toast<br />
Beans on toast are definitely a dish that inspires nostalgia. However,<br />
it’s a bit like KD, in that it never tastes quite as good as you remember.<br />
This recipe adds a bit more flavor and pizzazz to this simple dish.<br />
1 medium onion 1 red pepper<br />
1 clove of garlic 1 Tbsp oil<br />
6 Slices of bread 2 Tbsp butter<br />
1 can of baked beans in tomato sauce (14 oz)<br />
1 cup of grated mozzarella<br />
Finely slice the onion and red pepper. Mince the garlic. Saute the<br />
vegetables in a small frying pan on medium-high heat until soft, about<br />
5 minutes. Butter each slice of bread on one side and lay them out on a<br />
baking sheet, butter side up. Divide the baked beans among the slices<br />
of bread. Add a large forkful of the cooked vegetables on top of the<br />
baked beans, then top with grated cheese. Broil on high for 2 to 4 minutes<br />
until the cheese is melted and starting to brown.<br />
Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with her<br />
two busy children. You can find more of her recipes<br />
in her recently released cookbook Fermenting Made<br />
Simple. fermentingforfoodies.com<br />
SUMMER CAMPS<br />
• RECREATION • SPORT DEVELOPMENT • HIGH PERFORMANCE<br />
• CLIMBING & OUTDOOR<br />
at<br />
UVic!<br />
Develop skills, meet new friends, explore<br />
creativity and experience exciting activities<br />
in a fun, safe and positive environment!<br />
REGISTRATION OPENS APRIL 3!<br />
See complete camps listings online:<br />
vikescamps.com<br />
Presented by<br />
Summer Camps <strong>2023</strong><br />
• Basketball Co-Ed • Judo<br />
• Youth Leadership • Soccer Co-Ed<br />
• Girl Power • Track & Field<br />
• Vikes Kids • Vikes Sports<br />
• Land Explorers • Softball<br />
• Mini Vikes • Swim Camp<br />
Full Day<br />
• Yoga<br />
• Outdoor Rock • Tennis Camp<br />
Explorers • Archery<br />
• Fencing<br />
and more!<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 23
PARENTING<br />
Aging<br />
as an<br />
Adult<br />
As a frustrated eight-year old, I<br />
remember writing a poem called<br />
“when I am nine” that described all<br />
the many possibilities the world would<br />
have to offer me when I was just a little<br />
bit older—old enough to get my ears<br />
pierced was the main one—but also, old<br />
enough to stay up later, old enough to<br />
have more friends over for my birthday<br />
party, not quite old enough to babysit<br />
yet but old enough to start thinking<br />
about the coveted Saint John Ambulance<br />
course.<br />
Now, of course, growing older has<br />
less appeal, and with a milestone birthday<br />
approaching I’m realizing that the<br />
second half of my life will be quite different<br />
from the first. Ahead of me are inevitable<br />
life events, ones I am fortunate<br />
not to have experienced yet: my parents<br />
passing, health problems, my hair going<br />
grey. And yet, I realize that for the rest<br />
of my life I will look back at myself now<br />
and wish I was that young again. As one<br />
friend put it, growing older is a gift, or,<br />
as my grandmother always used to say,<br />
it’s better than the alternative.<br />
The other day I went to a new hairdresser.<br />
I’m not for everyone, he warned me.<br />
Then he proceeded to tell me that my<br />
hair was “losing pigmentation.”<br />
Yeah, you’ll have a big grey streak<br />
here, he noted matter-a-factly as he<br />
combed through my part. I texted my<br />
What’s App mom friend group after the<br />
appointment to vent. Everyone chimed<br />
in how they were starting to get greys<br />
too. When I mentioned it to my Pilates<br />
teacher, she simply stated well, that is<br />
what happens as we get older as if expecting<br />
anything else just didn’t make<br />
sense.<br />
My daughter is starting kindergarten<br />
soon and one of the things I’ll have<br />
to grapple with in the second half of<br />
my life is her growing up. Life as I’ve<br />
known it for the past few years is ending<br />
and in its place is a new life with an<br />
older child, one who talks and wipes her<br />
own bum and doesn’t need a highchair<br />
or soft food or sleep sacs or Baby Yum<br />
Yums. At soccer, she now kicks the ball<br />
instead of just running over it. She can<br />
sit through plays and go hiking without<br />
a carrier. Although there’s still the occasional<br />
tantrum, she more often negotiates<br />
with the prowess of a Bay Street<br />
lawyer.<br />
Recently, we went on a plane for the<br />
first time since the pandemic. It was the<br />
first time in my daughter’s memory. She<br />
got scared of the small bathrooms and<br />
didn’t go the entire time. As we landed,<br />
she started crying because her ears hurt<br />
and she had refused to suck on the candy<br />
we’d given her. After we landed back<br />
home, I tried to comfort her by telling<br />
her what a great traveller she’d been.<br />
You know, the plane is the worst part<br />
of travelling—it’s being in other places<br />
that’s really fun and seeing different<br />
people. She looked at me and countered<br />
but the plane was the best part!<br />
It was then that I realized how many<br />
more wonderful things are ahead of me<br />
in this next decade. I’ll have a not-solittle<br />
child who just enthused about flying<br />
minutes after wailing from ear pain<br />
and not peeing for hours. She dances<br />
in the living room and makes cards to<br />
give to everyone she meets. We can go<br />
camping without hauling a pack and<br />
play and sippy cups. We can sit in coffee<br />
shops without running after her the<br />
whole time. Soon, she’ll have sleepovers<br />
24 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
SHAWNIGAN<br />
SUMMER CAMPS<br />
Come experience a new sport or activity, and for those<br />
that have serious athletic goals enjoy the opportunity of<br />
working with some of our world class coaches.<br />
in our rec room and have crushes and<br />
play in real soccer games. We can learn<br />
about stars and make models of the solar<br />
system. Eventually, she can get her<br />
ears pierced and we can get pedicures<br />
together. Maybe she’ll even make me<br />
pancakes. She looks forward to getting<br />
older too—being able to read soon, using<br />
a real computer, being a cool “big<br />
kid.”<br />
It’s time I start seeing the bright side<br />
as well. Life might be different with a<br />
few grey hairs, but it’s also the start of a<br />
new era. A different season of parenting.<br />
Although I may already have my ears<br />
pierced and be well past the babysitting<br />
stage, I also have a lot to look forward<br />
to as well—regardless of the ticking of<br />
time.<br />
Julia Mais is a policy<br />
and communications professional<br />
in Victoria. She looks<br />
for beauty in the everyday<br />
through writing, photography<br />
and the outdoors. She<br />
lives in a messy, cheesefilled<br />
home with her husband and preschooler.<br />
RUGBY<br />
GIRLS ONLY ICE HOCKEY<br />
BOYS ICE HOCKEY<br />
BASKETBALL<br />
SQUASH<br />
FIELD HOCKEY<br />
MULTI RACKET SPORT — TENNIS,<br />
PICKLE BALL & SQUASH<br />
FIGURE SKATING<br />
YOGA & DANCE<br />
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AGED<br />
GROWING DOME ORGANIC GARDENING<br />
REGISTER TODAY<br />
SHAWNIGAN.CA/SUMMERCAMPS<br />
1975 Renfrew Road, Shawnigan Lake, BC<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 25
FAMILY<br />
RESOURCE<br />
DIRECTORY<br />
The Family Resource<br />
Directory is designed<br />
to highlight the caring<br />
community that we are<br />
a part of. This directory<br />
showcases organizations<br />
and businesses that provide<br />
services and support for<br />
families and children.<br />
KIDS’READS<br />
Cheers to the<br />
Women We Know<br />
If you’ve looked at a calendar recently,<br />
you might’ve noticed that Mother’s<br />
Day is creeping up on us quite quickly.<br />
In honour of that special day, let’s focus<br />
on the women who inspire us, from those<br />
who know who they are and what they<br />
want to be, to those who are still figuring<br />
that out. No matter which mother-like<br />
figure you’re celebrating or remembering<br />
this month, I hope you and your children<br />
find these women inspirational too.<br />
Navigate is an award-winning<br />
school, recognized nationally and<br />
internationally for our innovative<br />
approach to blended learning.<br />
We’ve implemented the new BC<br />
curriculum and built unique, flexible<br />
learning options for every student.<br />
This allows us to meet a diverse<br />
range of student needs, abilities<br />
and learning styles.<br />
Discover more at<br />
NavigateNIDES.com<br />
Thriving Roots<br />
Wilderness School<br />
Thriving Roots provides hands-on, wilderness<br />
education and counselling services for youth<br />
and adults. Our year-long programs and summer<br />
camps are immersive in nature, fostering<br />
connection to land and community through<br />
earth-based skills, play, music and more.<br />
thrivingroots.org info@thrivingroots.org<br />
Anne and Her Tower of Giraffes by<br />
Karlin Gray and illustrated by Aparna<br />
Varma (Kids Can Press, 2022) explores<br />
the story of Dr. Anne Innis Dagg, who<br />
was the first Western individual to study<br />
wild animal behaviour. Anne adored<br />
giraffes. She wanted to know everything<br />
there was to know about them. But Anne<br />
had a problem. There wasn’t a lot of<br />
information known about giraffes when<br />
she was growing up. So, she decided to<br />
study them for herself.<br />
The delightful and warm illustrations,<br />
breathe life into this beautifully written<br />
biography. And if you have a budding<br />
giraffologist in your life, the book also<br />
contains a Q&A with Anne as well as<br />
some additional resources for you to explore.<br />
For ages 4 to 7.<br />
A Person Can Be… by Kerri Kokias<br />
and illustrated by Carey Sookocheff (Kids<br />
Can Press, 2022) highlights how hard it<br />
can be to figure out who we are. So often<br />
we are labeled as one thing or the other,<br />
but A Person Can Be… reminds us that<br />
we can be both. In this story, where the<br />
illustrations tell a story all their own, we<br />
learn we can be brave and afraid. We can<br />
be lonely and not on our own. We can be<br />
this and that, it doesn’t have to be one or<br />
the other. For ages 4 to 7.<br />
The International Day of the Girl by<br />
Jessica Dee Humphreys and the Hon.<br />
Rona Ambrose and illustrated by Simone<br />
Shin (Kids Can Press, 2020) celebrates<br />
nine girls from around the world who<br />
have stood up in their own unique ways,<br />
26 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine
from getting a school built in Northern<br />
Canada to making communities safer in<br />
Russia and refugee camps. For ages 8 to<br />
12.<br />
Walking for Water by Susan Hughes<br />
and illustrated by Nicole Miles (Kids<br />
Can Press, 2021) is about a thirteen-yearold<br />
boy who noticed that his twin sister<br />
stopped going to school because she was<br />
needed at home to help out with all of<br />
the chores. That didn’t feel right to him<br />
so he decided to do something about it<br />
and help out even though it was weird<br />
and unusual for a boy to collect the water.<br />
This is a beautiful story about equality<br />
and sibling love. For ages 4 to 7.<br />
Her Epic Adventures: 25 Daring Women<br />
who Inspire a Life Less Ordinary by<br />
Julia De Laurentiis Johnston and illustrated<br />
by Salini Perera (Kids Can Press,<br />
2021) features 25 snapshots of different<br />
women who have done incredible things<br />
from Bessie Coleman, the first Black<br />
aviatrix, to In-Young Ahn, the first South<br />
Korean woman to conduct research in<br />
Antartica, to Arunima Sinha, the first<br />
female amputee to climb Mount Everest.<br />
Each of these well researched tales<br />
sheds a bit of light into some phenomenal<br />
woman to inspire your kids to live lives<br />
that are less ordinary. For ages 8 to 12.<br />
Between these five books, there are<br />
more than 30 women (and a few men)<br />
that are worth celebrating any month<br />
of the year. Maybe you don’t think the<br />
special woman in your child’s life is as<br />
inspiring or noteworthy as the women<br />
on this list. But to expand on Kokias and<br />
Sookocheff’s idea: you can be anonymous<br />
and known, and you can be “imperfect<br />
and treasured.” And so, I hope you have<br />
a wonderful Mother’s Day no matter<br />
who you choose to celebrate.<br />
Christina Van<br />
Starkenburg lives in<br />
Victoria with her husband,<br />
children and cat. She is the<br />
author of One Tiny Turtle:<br />
A Story You Can Colour<br />
and many articles. To read more of her work<br />
and learn about her upcoming books visit<br />
christinavanstarkenburg.com. Facebook:<br />
facebook.com/christinavanstarkenburg<br />
and Twitter: @Christina_VanS.<br />
STAGES<br />
Summer Programs<br />
Running This July & August<br />
Preschool Dance Camps<br />
For 3-5 year olds in Ballet, Jazz,<br />
Musical Theatre & Tap<br />
Youth Dance Camps<br />
For dancers 6-12 years old in<br />
Jazz, Hip Hop & Acrobatics<br />
Dance Intensive<br />
For dancers 11 years old & up with<br />
Jazz, Ballet, Hip Hop & Acrobatics<br />
Little Dancers Classes<br />
Are running through the summer for<br />
those 18 months to 3 years old<br />
Come Dance With Us<br />
Call (250) 384-3267, email: stagesdance@shaw.ca,<br />
or visit us at www.stagesdance.com<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 27
LEARN<br />
How to Nurture<br />
an Emerging Reader<br />
ost big ideas don’t seem like big<br />
“Mideas at first. So, be on the lookout<br />
for little ones that seem kind of hohum,<br />
let-me-floss-first kind of ideas.”<br />
I saved this quote, but sadly not the<br />
attribution. I love it.<br />
Years ago, I heard about a program in<br />
Canada and the U.S. that brought young<br />
kids to read to shelter cats—a reciprocal<br />
program to serve emerging readers<br />
and emerging adoptees! It inspired me to<br />
launch a similar pilot project last spring.<br />
The world is coming undone. Experiences<br />
of suffering and challenges to the<br />
human spirit are on the rise. It’s led me<br />
to embark on projects, initiatives, and<br />
volunteering that I can’t not do. As a<br />
co-founder of EPIC nature school in Victoria,<br />
for K–Grade 5, I knew this pilot<br />
project could benefit youth and animals<br />
in search of their fur-ever home.<br />
I reached out to the local Victoria<br />
SPCA branch. “Can I bring kids a few<br />
times a month to read to cats?” They<br />
said, “Yes!”<br />
At EPIC, a founding principle is to address<br />
disconnection from the self, others<br />
and the living world. It’s a significant<br />
step to reconcile some of the root causes<br />
of our climate emergency and ecological<br />
collapse. School is also a wounding place<br />
for kids. The classroom often lacks the<br />
emotional safety kids require to be at<br />
rest, free from alarm. If you’re alarmed,<br />
you cannot learn.<br />
Kids are under great pressure to read<br />
by certain age, from a one size fits all<br />
formula. The pressure to read— from<br />
parents, peers and teachers—can put its<br />
unfolding on pause. The child also adds<br />
their own pressure to perform. It may<br />
explain, a genre of children’s books called<br />
“Reluctant Reader.” What an unfortunate<br />
and defeating label.<br />
The benefits of reading to cats for<br />
the kids is they can read aloud free<br />
from correction, minus judgement from<br />
their peers, and take a break from what<br />
doesn’t work at school. Many children<br />
took this task on as their job! “I must<br />
read to this cat” one child announced.<br />
Kids 5 to 10 years old brought in board<br />
books, picture books, chapter books and<br />
novels. They also read books about cat<br />
behaviour, cat breeds and wild felines.<br />
Kids get a cozy room with one cat and<br />
take turns meeting various cat personalities.<br />
Some are playful kittens, others<br />
quiet seniors and many required space<br />
and time to warm up. There are options<br />
to read in outdoor “catio,” a room with<br />
a couple of cats and outside of dog kennels,<br />
too. Kids also sat in or out of a<br />
bunny enclosure.<br />
Children (and their parents) signed<br />
up because the program sounds fun and<br />
unusual. Often families had allergies<br />
in the home and couldn’t be pet owners.<br />
Children also learned about animal<br />
care—from bunnies to skinny pigs to<br />
dogs and rats—like the benefits of calm<br />
energy, how to read body language and<br />
what they eat.<br />
Benefits to the animals were a calm,<br />
quiet presence in child form. Cats felt a<br />
friendly stroke or scratch in an unfamiliar<br />
place, a cozy lap to call their own or<br />
someone to meet their play energy! Being<br />
in the company of kids tells staff more<br />
about the animals’ personalities. This can<br />
make them more adoptable. A true opportunity<br />
for cat enrichment.<br />
Side effects of this humble program has<br />
children connecting to more sources of<br />
energy and love to support them. They<br />
discover animals are great listeners. Kids<br />
could also be themselves and feel unconditional<br />
acceptance. A few participants<br />
became foster families or pet owners,<br />
too. Surprise!<br />
You can also create better ways to<br />
be in this world together. Help kids see<br />
themselves as part of something bigger.<br />
I recommend:<br />
Reach out to your local animal shelter.<br />
Visit the space to see what its looks<br />
and feels like.<br />
Ask the shelter the best day and time<br />
to visit.<br />
28 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Take small groups of five kids.<br />
Read to pets at home!<br />
I arrange visits based on what works<br />
best for the shelter and when I can supervise.<br />
I always bring a variety of books,<br />
too. <strong>Parent</strong>s are often eager to attend. I<br />
choose professional development days,<br />
after school or on a holiday. Invite kids<br />
from your school, neighbourhood, local<br />
Girl Guides or Scouts or home learning<br />
community.<br />
Highlights this year include seeing<br />
kittens only a few hours old, watching<br />
animals heal from an injury, celebrating<br />
adoptions and petting skinny pigs (AKA<br />
hairless Guinea Pigs)! Each visit is like<br />
opening a well-wrapped present. We<br />
never know who we’ll meet.<br />
I am grateful for this partnership with<br />
the Victoria branch of the SPCA. Time<br />
spent in relationship with non-human kin<br />
is fundamental to human wellbeing. It’s<br />
uplifting to support kids to reach their<br />
potential. You’ll witness generosity and<br />
compassion for themselves and community,<br />
too.<br />
Register Now!<br />
July–Aug <strong>2023</strong><br />
Summer Camps<br />
Campers will explore the life of pollinators, shoreline<br />
plants, inter-tidal special and coastal birds, practice<br />
their discovery skills, expression of gratitude and<br />
respect for self and others through play!<br />
We are escited to offer week-long camps in July and<br />
August as well as one-day camps on August 8th, 9th,<br />
10th and 11th. We incorporate COVID-19 advisories into<br />
our programming and daily routines to ensure a safe<br />
and fun experience for all campers.<br />
Lindsay Coulter is a writer,<br />
educator, facilitator, naturalist,<br />
community catalyst, soul<br />
activist, mentor, and<br />
dedicated mother of<br />
two. She’s the Director<br />
of Communications, Culture<br />
and Community at EPIC<br />
Learning Centre, a forest<br />
and nature school in Victoria. Find her<br />
@SaneAction on Instagram and Facebook.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 29
PLAY<br />
GREATER VICTORIA<br />
Frozen Jr.<br />
Earth Day Celebration Event<br />
Join CRD Regional parks naturalists this Earth Day (April 22) from<br />
11–2 at the Elk/Beaver Lake Regional Park Nature Centre (at Beaver<br />
Beach). You’ll be guided through fascinating exhibits, displays<br />
and various activities suitable for all ages. Guided walks will introduce<br />
your family to the incredible nature and animals that make<br />
up our beautiful parks. crd.bc.ca/parks<br />
COWICHAN VALLEY<br />
Over 60 students from grades 4 through 11 from St John’s<br />
Academy Shawnigan Lake are excited to perform Frozen Jr. for<br />
the residents of Cowichan Valley at the Cowichan Performing Arts<br />
Centre on April 21 and 22. Revisit Elsa, Anna and the rest of Arendelle<br />
in this show for all ages! Tickets available now.<br />
cowichanpac.ca/event/frozen-jr-02<br />
NANAIMO & AREA<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> Fling & Easter Things<br />
On Saturday, April 1 visit the Courtenay Museum between 11–2<br />
to celebrate <strong>Spring</strong> and Easter in the Comox Valley. This family<br />
friendly event will include many different activities, prizes, a dinosaur<br />
egg hunt, fun kids crafts and even a petting zoo with chicks,<br />
rabbits, ducklings, hedgehogs and more! Admission by donation.<br />
courtenaymuseum.ca/events/spring-fling-and-easter-things<br />
Science in the Park<br />
This Earth Day (April 22) join the Regional District of Nanaimo<br />
Parks and Recreation at Moorecroft Regional Park in Nanoose<br />
from 11–2 for a family day filled with fun. Families will learn about<br />
the biodiversity of the park and how they can help to protect the<br />
earth with science games, art projects and nature exploration<br />
hikes. rdn.bc.ca/recreation<br />
COMOX VALLEY<br />
Need help with the Affordable Child Care Benefit?<br />
Looking for child care? Taking care of children?<br />
Need child care training?<br />
Call your local CCRR for free referrals and resources.<br />
Victoria & Gulf <strong>Island</strong>s: 250-382-7000<br />
Sooke: 250-642-5152 ext 239 West Shore: 250-940-4882<br />
Cowichan Valley: 250-746-4135 local 231<br />
PacificCare (Ladysmith North): 250-756-2022 or 1-888-480-2273<br />
gov.bc.ca/ChildCareResourceReferralCentres<br />
Your community’s best source of<br />
child care information and resources.<br />
Funding for the CCRR is provided by the province of B.C.<br />
30 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
PRESCHOOL&CHILDCAREDIRECTORY<br />
v Comprehensive programs for<br />
Preschool through Grade 11<br />
v Delivering academic excellence through<br />
music, dance, drama and visual arts<br />
v Outstanding educators,<br />
locations and facilities<br />
www.ArtsCalibre.ca 250.382.3533<br />
ENROLL<br />
TODAY!<br />
Come Learn & Grow with Us!<br />
FULL TIME 3–5 DAYCARE<br />
PART TIME PRESCOOL<br />
BEFORE & AFTER SCHOOL CARE<br />
Cloverdale Childcare Society<br />
Vic West Site<br />
at Vic West Elementary School<br />
cloverdalechildcare.com<br />
250.995.1766 cloverdale@shawbiz.ca<br />
Christ Church Cathedral Childcare<br />
& Jr. Kindergarten..................250-383-5132<br />
ECE and specialist teachers provide an<br />
outstanding all day licensed program for<br />
2.5–5 year olds at our Fairfield and<br />
Gordon Head locations.<br />
cathedralschool.ca<br />
Licensed child care facility with spots available for children<br />
aged 3-5 years. Contact us to book a tour today!<br />
Victoria Social Innovation Centre: 1004 North Park St<br />
littlephoenixchildcare.ca<br />
director@littlephoenixchildcare.ca 778-269-2273<br />
Pre-School<br />
Junior Kindergarten<br />
PacificChristian.ca<br />
250-479-4532<br />
Educational Excellence to the Glory of God<br />
SEEDLINGS<br />
Forest Education<br />
Where nature becomes the Teacher!<br />
Seedlings Forest Education is a Nature based program<br />
that includes After School Care, Nature Preschool, <strong>Parent</strong><br />
Workshops, Saturday Seedlings, Summer Camps and more!<br />
250-880-0660 seedlingsforesteducation.com<br />
Nestled on 4 acres of lush west coast forest, our Award<br />
winning, Nature based program will not disappoint!<br />
While firmly embracing the Reggio-Emila (Italy) Philosophy our<br />
dedicated team of educators use the environment as the third<br />
teacher as we encourage your child throughout their day.<br />
Our purpose built facilities have been handmade using the<br />
trees from our forest. Come take a virtual tour on our website!<br />
lexieslittlebears.ca Waitlist: 250-590-3603<br />
BC Award of Excellence in Childcare & Prime Minister’s Award of Excellence in Early Childhood Education.<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 31
PARENTING<br />
Teaching Kids Realistic<br />
Expectations Around Money<br />
Being a busy parent is no easy feat,<br />
especially in today’s society where<br />
the cost of living is high and everything<br />
seems to be available at the touch of a<br />
button. It’s essential to teach our kids<br />
about realistic expectations and the value<br />
of hard work in this fast-paced world to<br />
that things cost money, and it’s necessary<br />
to prioritize our needs and wants to make<br />
sure we can afford what we need.<br />
2. Teach them about delayed gratification:<br />
It’s easy for kids to want everything<br />
they see, but it’s crucial to teach them the<br />
differentiate between needs and wants<br />
and to make responsible financial decisions.<br />
4. Encourage them to earn their own<br />
money: Teach your kids that money is<br />
earned, not just given. Encourage them<br />
to take on small jobs around the house or<br />
in the neighborhood to earn money. This<br />
will teach them the value of hard work<br />
and help them appreciate the things they<br />
have.<br />
5. Set realistic expectations: It’s important<br />
to set realistic expectations for your<br />
children. Teach them that success takes<br />
time and hard work, and that instant<br />
gratification is not always possible. Encourage<br />
them to work hard towards their<br />
goals and celebrate their successes along<br />
the way.<br />
6. Emphasize the importance of education:<br />
Education is essential in today’s<br />
society. Encourage your children to study<br />
hard and pursue their dreams. Show<br />
them that education is the key to unlocking<br />
opportunities and achieving their<br />
goals.<br />
7. Teach them to give back: Finally,<br />
teach your children the value of giving<br />
back. Encourage them to volunteer and<br />
help others in need. This will help them<br />
develop a sense of empathy and gratitude<br />
and appreciate the things they have.<br />
help them become the wonderful adults<br />
we hope for them to be one day.<br />
Here are a few tips to help you get<br />
started:<br />
1. Start with the basics: Talk to your<br />
children about the cost of living and why<br />
it’s essential to budget and save. Explain<br />
value of waiting and saving up for things<br />
they want. Explain that sometimes we<br />
have to wait and work hard to get what<br />
we want, but it’s worth it in the end.<br />
3. Lead by example: Children learn by<br />
observing their parents. Show them the<br />
importance of budgeting, saving, and<br />
living within your means. Teach them to<br />
Any mindful step you take in the direction<br />
you want your children to follow<br />
will reap benefits. Our world needs<br />
people with a strong work ethic, financial<br />
responsibility and appreciation for the<br />
things they have—and you are raising<br />
them!<br />
Lindsay Plumb is an Accredited<br />
Financial Counsellor<br />
(Canada) and founder of Pretty<br />
Money Club, Black Is the New<br />
Red and MOOLA Financial<br />
Coaches & Advisors.<br />
32 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
Vol. VI, Ed. I<br />
GRAND<br />
grandmag.ca<br />
Thou Shalt!<br />
A Grandparent’s Guide to<br />
Doing<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
Away with the Rules<br />
Grand Boundaries<br />
10 Baby Shower<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong><br />
Gifts<br />
33
Grandparenting<br />
Thou Shalt!<br />
I<br />
grew up with a lot of shibboleths and<br />
thou shalt nots. Thou shalt not make a<br />
mess, thou shalt not make a peep, thou<br />
shalt not reach for another cookie, thou<br />
shalt not say “love” when talking about<br />
food, thou shalt not question the conventional<br />
wisdom or upset the status quo.<br />
My husband and I wrote anarchist<br />
songs, Brown Bag Blues, and toured a<br />
show called Jabber Disease. We brought on<br />
“Thou shalt!” in poem and song, paeans<br />
to seven beautiful virtues.<br />
Pride is a goodie. Watch any kitty<br />
when she catches herself in the mirror,<br />
Thou shalt not was a tune with infinite<br />
variations. In church, where we<br />
were washed in the blood of the lamb,<br />
which turned out to be propaganda, they<br />
preached the Seven Deadly Sins and my<br />
life ambition turned out to be turning sin<br />
into mindful practice.<br />
They say suppression invites subversion.<br />
I fancied myself a subversive and<br />
got arrested a few times. Call me arrested<br />
mother, grandmother and great grandmother.<br />
I’m still getting busted.<br />
a window. Yikes. Is that me or a more<br />
formidable she? Babies smile in the mirror<br />
and that is before they hear they are<br />
too smart or not smart enough, too ugly<br />
or too beautiful. I love you, we say. Keep<br />
smiling. Draw yourself over and over.<br />
Paint yourself proud. Colour your world.<br />
Greed is gathering. We make picture<br />
after picture of images we love. We gather<br />
friends when we play in the park near<br />
our house, say “Hello friend!” to every<br />
new face. We gather berries to cook and<br />
34 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
shells to paint. We gather music. Every<br />
last thing makes a sound and we listen,<br />
greedy for birdsong and, ocean wailing,<br />
footsteps drumming sidewalks, all notes<br />
for our scores. Soundwalks are great. Is<br />
this greed? If so, bring it on.<br />
Wrath is war on bullies. Whoever said<br />
righteous indignation is bad? When is<br />
a wrong not a wrong? Get mad at the<br />
window that smacked the sparrow. Get<br />
mad at the thug smacking a smaller kid.<br />
There are bad guys and good guys. Fairy<br />
tales tell us that, and kids need to know<br />
how to deal with oppression. Read the<br />
stories that tell us to love ourselves, be<br />
bigger, set an example. Get mad and use<br />
our words. Rage at the bad stories on TV<br />
and man and woman up for warriordom.<br />
Fight for clean air and clean water, for<br />
peace.<br />
Lust is hunger for knowledge. Aren’t<br />
we hungry all the time, for truth and<br />
beauty. Lust drives us to smell the flowers,<br />
collect leaves, read books, climb trees<br />
so we can see forever. Some kids like<br />
small collections that fit in their pockets.<br />
Sometimes we go for walks and gather.<br />
What is this pebble, this egg, this caterpillar<br />
(be gentle) this moss, this bug?<br />
Every last thing has a story, a life. We<br />
gather people too. Safe strangers are fun.<br />
Sometimes they tell you their stories and<br />
sometimes it’s fun to guess.<br />
Envy is admiration. We listen to music<br />
and copy the sounds. We look at art<br />
and aspire to paint. We dance to the<br />
rhythms in poetry. We envy the sunset<br />
for its’ beautiful regret and sunrise for<br />
its’ promise. We want to be the light. That<br />
is the meaning of genius, joining the<br />
envious “I” to the “Us” so we are one, all<br />
moving parts in the great circle of life.<br />
Look at this, look at that, we say. Choose<br />
the best parts, the ones that fit with our<br />
mandate to be the best us.<br />
Gluttony. Do cookies ever taste as good<br />
as batter? We take, then bake, our bellies<br />
filled before we load the oven: bread<br />
dough, whole bowls of berries, spoonfuls<br />
of honey. Food is for pleasure and<br />
for life. Who said we shouldn’t love it?<br />
Be greedy, little ones, and take enough<br />
to share, all our fingers in the same pie,<br />
because everyone deserves a taste. We<br />
decorate brown paper bags, ride the bus<br />
downtown and give happy lunches, all<br />
our pleasures combined in one joyful<br />
afternoon.<br />
And most important of all is sloth,<br />
the pure joy of rest, doing nothing but<br />
breathe and dream. First, we find a soft<br />
bed of grass or moss, clover if we’re<br />
lucky, then we lie down to experience<br />
the luxury of rainbows or starry nights.<br />
We look up and watch the shapes of our<br />
ancestors playing hide and go seek with<br />
future kids through clouds as fleecy as<br />
the sheep we count on our way to sleep.<br />
Of all the deadly sins, sloth is the most<br />
pleasant because S is for satiation when<br />
we fill ourselves with sunshine and story.<br />
Sin away kids. Thou shalt! We’re a big<br />
club. Everyone welcome. Grammalinda’s<br />
got your back.<br />
Linda Rogers is a poet,<br />
novelist, essayist, journalist,<br />
editor and songwriter.<br />
WHAT WILL YOUR<br />
LEGACY BE?<br />
Make a BIG difference.<br />
Support local children and<br />
youth with a gift in your will.<br />
(250) 475-1117 ext. #102<br />
Victoria.BigBrothersBigSisters.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 35
Shop<br />
10 Baby Shower Gifts<br />
for Grandparents-to-Be<br />
I<br />
have just had the immense pleasure<br />
of meeting my first grandchild! He<br />
is such a delicious little blob of goo.<br />
So soft and warm. I have always loved<br />
babies and am happy to cuddle any baby<br />
at all. But my own son’s baby feels very<br />
special indeed.<br />
My daughter-in-law, Chloë, and my<br />
son, Simon, who live in Ontario, were<br />
very conscientious in curating a wishlist<br />
for their baby shower. So I thought<br />
I would share some of those items the<br />
new parents liked the best and found<br />
the most useful. And I have added some<br />
of my favourites, too.<br />
1. Swift Playard by MaxiCosi<br />
Chloë absolutely loves this. She says<br />
it’s super clutch to have a shallow bassinet<br />
where the baby can sleep in the<br />
living room, and where they can change<br />
a quick diaper. Later it will convert to<br />
a deeper playard which can fold up and<br />
come along on trips to friends’ houses.<br />
I like that it’s got wooden legs—<br />
makes it feels like furniture instead of<br />
camping equipment. And it’s very light<br />
and easy to set up; I was able to do it<br />
with no trouble. maxicosi.com/ca-en/<br />
swift-playard-05430-mc-ca-en.html<br />
2. Happy <strong>Island</strong> Diaper Service<br />
Simon is so impressed with the Diaper<br />
Service they are using in Ontario.<br />
He very much wanted to use cloth diapers,<br />
but they live in an apartment with<br />
coin-operated laundry. So washing their<br />
own diapers is a difficult proposition.<br />
The Diaper Service delivers clean diapers<br />
every week and take the dirty ones<br />
away. Diaper service is comparable in<br />
price to using disposables, but it’s better<br />
for the environment.<br />
My mother, the baby’s Great Grandmother,<br />
is paying for the diaper service<br />
for the first few months. It makes her<br />
feel very useful! happyislanddiapers.<br />
com<br />
3. The Yoyo2 stroller from BabyZen<br />
Very compact, the Yoyo2 folds up in<br />
a snap to the size of a carry-on suitcase.<br />
Light enough for Chloë to lug up to their<br />
3rd floor walk-up. There are several attachments<br />
for it: a bassinet for new babies,<br />
clips for the car-seat, a yoyo-board<br />
for the big-sibling when the next baby<br />
36 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
comes, even skis for deep snow! It’s<br />
steady, with a low centre of gravity, but<br />
easily manoeuvrable. It’s quite pricey,<br />
but several households pitched in at<br />
the baby shower and it seems to have<br />
been well worth it! babyzen.com/pages/<br />
yoyo2-stroller-birth<br />
(Simon and Chloë recommend consulting<br />
this comparison chart on Reddit:<br />
reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/z2qwrs/comparison_of_travel_<br />
strollers_details_in_the)<br />
4. Herschel Settlement Sprout<br />
Backpack Diaperbag<br />
This backpack comes in many colours.<br />
Trim and compact, with many<br />
separate compartments and a changing<br />
pad. Will need an extra wetbag if<br />
parents are using cloth diapers, but<br />
that’s easy enough to get (see #5). Both<br />
parents agreed they could carry this bag<br />
with confidence. So stylish that Simon’s<br />
fashionista Great-Aunt was happy to<br />
select it for the baby shower. westcoastkids.ca/settlement-sprout<br />
5. Colibri Wet<br />
Colibri is a Manitoba company with<br />
wetbags in a whole raft of sizes, colours<br />
and patterns. Good quality at a great<br />
price. Wetbags are useful for so much<br />
more than wet diapers. Bathing suits,<br />
toiletries, snacks, sandwiches. A great<br />
parenting hack! colibricanada.com/collections/regular-wet-bags<br />
6. Beluga Baby Wrap<br />
This Canadian company makes soft<br />
and stretchy sustainable bamboo fabric<br />
wraps, just over in Vancouver! While<br />
learning to use a baby wrap might<br />
seem scary, it’s really no more complicated<br />
than tying your shoelaces. Simon<br />
learned in an afternoon and loves to<br />
wear the baby around the house and out<br />
on walks in the neighbourhood. It really<br />
is the cosiest, easiest way to keep a baby<br />
soothed, while getting chores done, and<br />
a great way for parents to bond with the<br />
baby. belugababy.ca<br />
7. The Make My Belly Fit Universal<br />
Jacket Extender<br />
This is a brilliant idea, invented by a<br />
Dad in Montreal. It’s a panel that zips<br />
into most jackets to create space first<br />
for the growing pregnancy tummy, and<br />
later for the baby in a wrap or carrier. It<br />
has a removable fleece layer for colder<br />
climates. A really thoughtful gift that<br />
Chloe used all winter. And Simon can<br />
use it when he baby-wears too! makemybellyfit.com/products/universaljacket-extender<br />
8. ErgoPouch Cocoon Swaddle<br />
Sack<br />
As Chloë said, this was clutch in the<br />
early days when baby needed to be<br />
swaddled to be comfortable but the<br />
parents were still figuring things out.<br />
Later, when the baby can roll over, you<br />
can open the sleeve holes so baby’s arms<br />
can be free. Being swaddled helps baby<br />
calm down because of the slight pressure<br />
on their body. And it also keeps<br />
them warm and cosy through the night.<br />
The ErgoPouch was invented by an Australian<br />
mom—Alina Sack! ergopouch.<br />
com/products/pouches<br />
9. Organic Cotton Baby Gowns<br />
from Parade<br />
I loved dressing my own babies in<br />
baby nightgowns. Not only did they<br />
look so cute and old-fashioned, but the<br />
nightgowns were so easy to pull up for<br />
diaper-changes in the dark. And no<br />
need to thread legs back into pants, or<br />
snap fasteners with sleepy fingers. The<br />
organic cotton gowns (and all sorts of<br />
other baby clothes) from Parade come in<br />
lots of colours and patterns, including<br />
a wide selection of genderneutral ones.<br />
And the cotton jersey is thick and warm<br />
and holds up to many many washes.<br />
When I found out Chloë and Simon<br />
had not received any little gowns at the<br />
shower, I sent a batch of these off to<br />
them. They use them all the time. parade.ca/collections/organic-baby-gowns<br />
10. Copper Pearl Premium Burp<br />
Cloths (in the Bloom pattern)<br />
So pretty with their flowery pattern<br />
(and there are many other patterns to<br />
choose from), but also thick and absorbent<br />
to catch baby spit-up. A lower<br />
price-point item, always good to include<br />
on a baby shower wish-list. copperpearl.com/products/premium-burpcloths-bloom<br />
Bonus Item<br />
Really more of an “Oh Wow you’re<br />
pregnant!” gift: A is for Advice (The Reassuring<br />
Kind): Wisdom for Pregnancy<br />
by Ilana Stanger-Ross. Ilana is a Registered<br />
Midwife in Victoria. Her book is<br />
full of up-to-date, evidence-based, gentle<br />
information and advice for pregnant<br />
parents. It’s wonderfully comforting<br />
and beautifully designed with great illustrations.<br />
I send it off (via bookstores<br />
on the internet) to anyone in my circle<br />
who gets pregnant. And they all love it.<br />
Being a grandparent is full of surprises<br />
and joys. I didn’t expect to feel so<br />
moved by seeing my son parent his baby<br />
so sweetly. I never thought about how I<br />
would feel to see my parents hold their<br />
first great-grandchild. I think that was a<br />
high point in my life.<br />
With Simon and Chloë and the little<br />
one living so far away, I am going to<br />
be a Zoom-Ma, who checks in via the<br />
computer screen on the weekend. I will<br />
miss a lot, I know. But I certainly can<br />
engage in one of the time-honoured joys<br />
of grandparenting—shopping for the<br />
baby! Enjoy!<br />
Eva Bild is a childbirth, parenting<br />
and lactation educator and doula<br />
trainer. She has been working<br />
with new families since 1992.<br />
Eva is the founder of the<br />
Mothering Touch Centre. She is the mother of<br />
three wonderful adults, but most excitingly,<br />
she is now a grandmother! evabild.ca<br />
<strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca<br />
<strong>Spring</strong> <strong>2023</strong> 37
Grandparenting<br />
Grand Boundaries<br />
My daughter is growing into her role<br />
of mother with grace, wisdom and<br />
patience. Yes, I know I’m biased,<br />
but it is a remarkable thing to witness. I<br />
believe this to be one of the most meaningful<br />
experiences of my lifetime along<br />
with being a parent myself. The determination<br />
that could bring me to my knees<br />
when I was her mother is one of her<br />
greatest gifts as a mother herself. It provides<br />
her with the strength to make decisions<br />
based on her beliefs and values.<br />
There are many boundaries to consider<br />
between parents and grandparents. How<br />
much time do we give or ask for when it<br />
comes to babysitting? Or, as a grandparent,<br />
when are you stretching yourself too<br />
much? I see a reluctance in my daughter<br />
to ask me to babysit while she teaches<br />
yoga or goes to an appointment if it is<br />
outside of my usual Nana Day. So, I make<br />
a point of checking in any spare moment<br />
I have which tends to be an hour or two,<br />
here or there, a few times a week. We<br />
check in with each other. Am I asking too<br />
much, I know you have your own life, Mom.<br />
Or, are you wanting some company or have<br />
you got plans?<br />
Other boundaries include the role we<br />
play in our relationships. While I have<br />
taught parenting for decades, I am not<br />
my daughter’s parenting expert. I’m her<br />
mom, the only woman on the planet who<br />
can be her mom. Imagine how allergic<br />
she would feel to my advice if it was<br />
unsolicited and coming from judgment<br />
or wanting to teach her how to be a better<br />
parent. Fortunately, my own mom<br />
modelled this boundary for me. She stood<br />
back, respected my choices, and didn’t<br />
interfere with our parenting.<br />
I’m grateful that there is so much information<br />
available to parents now. More<br />
than that, I’m grateful that my daughter<br />
beats to her own heart. She doesn’t buy<br />
into some of the theories that suggest you<br />
can spoil children by responding to their<br />
needs.<br />
These questions are asked by both parents<br />
and grandparents:<br />
How do we have serious or difficult<br />
conversations when we see things differently?<br />
What would be an issue that I<br />
would feel compelled to discuss? What<br />
are the important points of parenting<br />
that I would want to share? If I see or<br />
hear something that concerns me, what<br />
is my belief? What is important about<br />
this issue? What is the need or value that<br />
it represents?<br />
A recipe for bringing things up:<br />
Choose a time to talk when there are<br />
no distractions or children present.<br />
Ask permission. Would you be comfortable<br />
with me stating a concern?<br />
Stick to the facts, not what you think<br />
but what you can specifically observe.<br />
When I hear or see __________. And state<br />
what need or value you are concerned<br />
about.<br />
Watch your body language. Your adult<br />
child may be exhausted, uncertain and<br />
already riddled with feelings of guilt.<br />
Have a soft face and a gentle tone.<br />
If the statement doesn’t land, stop talking.<br />
Go slow so that you have time to feel<br />
things out and to listen to the response.<br />
Get curious.<br />
If what you say is making sense and<br />
well received express gratitude. I appreciate<br />
our ability to talk about these things.<br />
Remind your child that we learn as we<br />
go, and we are all doing our best.<br />
We tend to repeat what we learned in<br />
our own families growing up when it<br />
comes to boundaries. If we are fortunate,<br />
healthy boundaries come easily. If the<br />
boundaries were blurred we may have<br />
some blind spots yet, we can educate ourselves<br />
and develop our awareness.<br />
As parents, we learn through our successes<br />
and failures. We don’t have all the<br />
answers up front. We gather knowledge<br />
day to day by looking back if something<br />
didn’t go well or if we are feeling guilty.<br />
Boundaries that matter usually represent<br />
respect for time, privacy, emotional and<br />
physical safety, people’s autonomy, and<br />
the need to belong and be loved.<br />
I remember very clearly, two times<br />
that my mother spoke up. Once, when my<br />
daughter was four and I was sick with<br />
the flu. My daughter was climbing all<br />
over me and not letting me sleep. I said<br />
something awful like, if you keep waking<br />
me up, I’m going to get sicker. With that,<br />
my mother spoke sternly and said, she<br />
doesn’t need that kind of responsibility for<br />
your health.<br />
The second incident came years later<br />
when she was in her late 80s. I started<br />
going to her apartment to clean it. I was<br />
on my knees cleaning her toilet bowl.<br />
Standing behind me, I heard her say, Dr.<br />
Rees! I can hire a cleaner, I just want you to<br />
be my daughter.<br />
With a loving connection, and healthy<br />
boundaries we can navigate those invisible<br />
lines. We can create what works for<br />
everyone and enjoy loving and being<br />
loved.<br />
Dr. Allison Rees is a parent educator,<br />
counsellor and coach at<br />
LIFE Seminars (Living in Families<br />
Effectively), lifeseminars.com<br />
38 <strong>Island</strong> <strong>Parent</strong> Magazine <strong>Island</strong><strong>Parent</strong>.ca
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