GRAND Vol VI, Ed III

Vol. VI, Ed. III
GRAND
grandmag.ca
Summertime Is
Grandparent Time
Helping Kids
Face Their Fears
Relearning
History
A Tour to Kiixin

Explore
Relearning History
A Tour to Kiixin
The sky is overcast but the rain is
holding off as we gather at the Kiixin
Tour Office on the East Government
Dock in Bamfield. There are 10 of my
family members present, spanning three
generations, all eager to follow a Traditional
Knowledge Holder through lush
rainforest to an ancient village site on
the west coast of Vancouver Island. Stella
Peters introduces herself as our guide for
the morning, and it’s clear at once that
we’re in good hands. There’s a final washroom
run once we’ve signed our paperwork,
and then we pile into our cars and
following Stella’s truck a short distance
back down the Bamfield Highway and
onto a private gravel road.
With two giant carved figures to welcome
us, the trailhead is impossible to
miss. The figures are Nutchkoa and Hominiki,
we later learn, the first ancestors
of the Huu-ay-aht, one of the Nuu-chahnulth
peoples. As impressive as they are,
the two figures are significantly smaller
than the original carvings first erected in
the village of Kiixin over 160 years ago.
Taken from Kiixin in 1911, the original
figures now stand watch in the lobby
of the Royal BC Museum. New, full-size
figures were carved and installed at the
entrance to the House of Huu-ay-aht at
Pachena Bay in 2000.
As we join the other tour participants
in the shelter at the trailhead, Stella
shares this and more. “Journey with our
ancestors” is one of the taglines of the
tour—and with Stella’s guidance that is
exactly what we do. Her words and visual
materials take us from the distant past to
the present. We learn about the ancient
site itself, a 19th century village and fortress
that shows evidence of continuous
occupation for at least 3,000 years—and
as much as 5,000 years, according to oral
tradition. We learn about the archeological
surveys that Stella participated in—
and her Nation’s decision not to proceed
with a full-scale excavation. We learn
about the traditional skills and practices
that allowed the Huu-ay-aht to live in
this area for millennia. Best of all, we
receive this information from a Traditional
Knowledge Holder rather than an
“outside,” non-indigenous source.
As we move through time, Stella’s
words inevitably lead to more painful
territory—the decimation of the Huu-ayaht
population as the result of European
diseases, the loss of cultural treasures to
19th and 20th century collectors, and the
tragic consequences of the residential
school system. These are difficult but
necessary subjects, and Stella discusses
them in a manner that is both matterof-fact
and sensitive to the presence of
children on the tour.
With our guide’s introduction complete,
we start down the rainforest trail
towards the village site. The trail is not
particularly long (at least not for our
family of hikers), but we take our time,
moving carefully down flights of stairs
and over long sections of boardwalk.
There are frequent stops as well, as
Stella points out things of interest. I’m
fascinated by the culturally modified
trees—ancient cedars with strips of bark
removed for clothing and basket-making,
and other trees with entire planks missing
for cradles, boxes and houses.
Finally, we reach our destination. I’ve
had the privilege of visiting many west
coast beaches and coves, but this one is
particularly breathtaking. It’s a strategic
grandmag.ca

BRIGHT BEGINNING
location as well as a picturesque one, set
for defensive reasons “between the rugged
outer coast and the protected inner
waters of Barkley Sound.” Today there’s
a bear waiting to greet us as we reach the
sand. We keep a respectful distance, and
the bear eventually wanders off—into
the very section of the forest where Stella
was planning to lead us. While we wait
for the bear to wander a little further, we
take out our packed lunches and have a
quick picnic.
Kiixin was the traditional capital village
of the Huu-ay-aht, and it remains a
sacred site. According to Parks Canada,
“it is the only known First Nations village
of more than 100 villages on the southern
B.C. coast that still features significant,
standing traditional architecture.”
To see the remains of these structures
in person, and to hear dramatic stories
from a descendant of the resourceful and
courageous people who lived on the site
for millennia, is an unforgettable experience.
As a child growing up in Nanaimo, I
had very little knowledge of the complex
indigenous cultures that existed on Vancouver
Island before the first newcomers
disembarked from their ships. The curriculum
didn’t cover much local history
back then, and what I did learn mostly
began with the arrival of European explorers
in the 1700’s.
Things are different for my grandchildren—and
for that I am profoundly
grateful. I am especially grateful to Stella
Peters and other Traditional Knowledge
Holders across the Island who are sharing
their stories and cultural teachings
so generously. We can’t change the past,
but we can certainly be intentional about
how we go forward—and learning what
we didn’t know before is an essential part
of that process.
Kiixin Tours are offered from the May
long weekend to Labour Day. While the
4-hour morning tour worked best for
our extended family, there is also an
evening tour, which includes songs and
drumming on the beach. Headlamps or
flashlights and a towel or blanket to sit
on are required on the evening tour. The
hike into Kiixin is rated “moderate plus,”
thanks to uneven terrain, potentially
slippery boardwalks and a steep flight
of stairs down to the beach. According
to the tour website, people with injuries,
mobility challenges or hiking-restricted
medical conditions cannot be accommodated.
Children aged seven and older are welcome
on the tour, as long as they are accompanied
by a parent or guardian aged
19 years or older. For more information,
visit kiixin.ca/tour.
Rachel Dunstan Muller is a
children’s author, storyteller,
podcaster and grandmother.
You can find her podcasts
Hintertales: Stories from the
Margins of History and Sticks
and Stones and Stories
through her website at
racheldunstanmuller.com.
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grandmag.ca
Vol. VI, Ed. III 3

Grandparenting
Helping Kids Face Their Fears
Every child passes through that
stage of being afraid of monsters—under
the bed, in dark
corners, down in the basement—it
seems to be a universal childhood fear.
This fear can take root before a child
is at an age when a parent can even
reason with them and provide logical
explanations, and even then, that
assurance rarely seems to allay such
deep-seated phobias. And some children’s
fairy tales only serve to fan the
fire—the witch in Hansel and Gretel
who cooks children, the giant in Jack
and Beanstalk who will “grind Jack’s
bones to make his bread” or the big,
bad wolf in The Three Little Pigs who is
out to devour some piggies.
I’ve had these experiences with
my own sons, and now predictably,
my young grandson seems to be going
through the same phase. This was
made clear to me on a recent trip to
the public library. Whenever we visit
the library, I turn my grandson lose in
the children’s section where he will
often tuck himself away with a book
that catches his interest. On this particular
visit, I didn’t notice he had his
nose in a book about monsters until
he asked me to put it back because it
was scaring him. As we walked home
afterwards, I noticed he wouldn’t hold
my hand. Any time I extended my
hand to him, he shied away from me to
the other side of the sidewalk. When I
asked him what was wrong, he said he
didn’t want to hold my hand because
he was afraid I was going to turn into
a monster. So I asked him: “You’ve
known me seven years now, have I ever
turned into a monster?” His answer? “I
don’t think so, but sometimes you look
pretty scary.”
Well…I asked.
How best to handle this touchy subject
of childhood fears and phobias?
In my own childhood, the prevailing
approach by many parents at that time
was a no-nonsense one—there are no
such thing as monsters. Period. Simple
as that. It was as if a child’s fears were
not be “indulged.” I was raised with
this approach and can attest that it did
nothing other than cause me to feel
ashamed and somehow inadequate. Although
on one level, I trusted the word
of my parents (that they wouldn’t lie
to me), but their logic simply could not
quell my fears. I still took the basement
steps two at a time and insisted
on my bedroom door being left open
with the hall light on. My fear of the
dark was so innate and so irrational
that it overruled all common sense until
I was well into my teens.
As a result, my approach with my
own children was very different. Having
been a victim of my own fears, I
didn’t want to make my children feel
bad about experiencing their own. So
I listened, hugged and validated their
concerns. I actually found it helpful
to confess my own childhood fears
to them as a way of illustrating that
at some point, these anxieties which
seem so overwhelming when we’re
young, gradually lessen or fall away
as we grow into adulthood. And yet, I
also readily admitted to them that even
in adulthood, I still have some fears I
continue to grapple with.
4 GRAND grandmag.ca

I am pleased to see books in the
public library that address the topic
of childhood fears. I’ve read several
stories with my young grandson that
illustrate the mastering of a particular
phobia. While reading these stories, I
am quick to point out the accompanying
feeling of accomplishment and
pride the child experiences by the
end of the book. Many of these books
employ a well-trusted behavioural
therapy technique in which children
are gradually exposed to their fears
in a safe, secure environment. Take
the fear of spiders, for instance, yet
another phobia of mine! Reading
books together about spiders and their
importance in our ecosystem might
be a way to start addressing this fear.
Having a child look at illustrations and
photos, even gently encouraging them
to touch those photos, can help to desensitize
their fear.
Pointing out spiders in one’s outdoor
environment and watching them
build a web or collecting a spider in a
bug box are some further ideas to help
with desensitising. I am a firm believer
that steps like this help make fears
more manageable. Those fears may
never be calmed, but at least we can
develop coping skills that can serve us
well later on in life.
Susan Gnucci is a local
author and a proud “nonna”
to two young grandsons. She
enjoys sharing her experiences
as a grandparent.
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Vol. VI, Ed. III 5

Grandparenting
Summertime Is Grandparent Time
Summertime often means more
time for grandparents to spend
with grandchildren. Sometimes
that’s a vacation or cottage getaway.
Sometimes it’s a childcare-in-the-city
situation. Either way, it may be a time
where grandparents get more day-to-day
interaction with their grandkids who are
not in school. With lots of activities and
destinations to choose from, how does a
grandparent decide what to do?
You may want to think about activities,
which, while being fun and novel, will
also support academic learning. Some
of these will be obvious, but some might
have benefits you have not thought of.
Take the dolls tea party, for example.
Set the table for tea time with the dolls,
stuffed animals and action figures—don’t
forget about the beloved cars and trucks.
Discuss patterns, distributing one napkin
to each creature, anticipating the needs
of others. Pouring out the “tea” and passing
the cookies provides practice in turntaking
and polite pleases and thank yous.
If you want to go all out, how about
baking the cookies? Choose a really simple
recipe with few ingredients. But even
a three-year-old can help to measure and
pour and stir. Cooking is a great way to
reinforce math concepts (measurements
of volume and weights, setting timers,
talking about temperatures).
Baking is also an opportunity for practicing
fine motor skills, pouring, cutting
(butter, with a table knife, for example—
nothing sharp!), blending butter into
flour. It gives kids a chance to experience
and talk about textures (powdery flour,
greasy butter) which they don’t feel
every day, as well as smells: cinnamon,
lemon peel, cloves. Not to mention the
way soft dough become crisp cookie—it’s
not magic, it’s chemistry!
Building with blocks provides lots
of opportunities to practice fine motor
coordination and engineering skills. Of
course it all starts with you building a
tower and your grandchild knocking it
down. A great exercise in turn taking!
A little later, set up a small construction
and challenge your grandchild to copy
it. Then ask them to set you a challenge.
Create enclosures for toys animals and
dinosaurs. Make a house for the dolls.
Lots of opportunities for telling stories.
With older kids (4 and up) grandparents
can teach them card games. Start
with sorting the cards into red and black,
or suits, or numbers versus face cards.
Progress to Memory where all the cards
are laid out face down and each player
turns over two at a time. The goal is to
remember where the cards are and find
matching pairs. Games like War and
PishePasha great starting games that
don’t require small kiddy-hands to hold
fanned-out cards (that’s a difficult fine
motor skill!). By the time kids are 6 or
7, they can learn Crazy Eights or Gin
Rummy. And I know eight-year-olds who
play Bridge!
Outdoor play is a great time to develop
gross motor skills, like running, kicking
and throwing.
These skills take a long time to develop
and kids need a lot of practice! Take the
opportunity to discuss things we CAN
kick and throw (balls in the field, stones
into the water) and those we must not.
There are lots of games you can create
around throwing stones into the ocean
or a lake: who can throw it farther (of
course), who can hit that log, who can
do the silliest throw, who can throw over
their shoulder. But just meditatively tossing
stones in the water can make space
for conversation and connection.
Time outdoors also promotes healthy
eye development. Studies have shown
that spending a couple of hours a day
outdoors reduces the incidence of myopia
(short-sightedness). It seems that the
bright light of the outdoors, and the opportunity
to focus on the far-away things
give the eyes the stimulation they need.
On Vancouver Island we are so lucky
to have relatively easy access to the shore
and the ocean.
There are so many opportunities there
for wildlife observation, exploring tide
pools, building sand castles, collecting
pebbles or driftwood. But remember that
just being outdoors, with unstructured
time is hugely beneficial for children—
and everyone else. The fresh air, the sunshine
(remember sunscreen, hats, and
the hydrantion), and the freedom is what
summer is all about!
Eva Bild, MA, AdvCD(DONA), LCCE
is a Childbirth and Lactation
Educator, and Birth Doula
Trainer. She has been teaching
and supporting childbearing
families in Victoria since 1994.
She become a grandmother this year!
6 GRAND grandmag.ca

September
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IslandParent.ca
Summer 2023 7

Gone are the days of rocking chairs and
recliners. Today’s grandparents are more
likely to be rock climbing or going for a run
than they are to be rocking or reclining.
Vol. VI, Ed. III
RAND
grandmag.ca
We’re an active and diverse group—an engaged,
evolving and powerful force. We’re
mentors, nurturers, keepers of secrets.
We’re caregivers, child care providers,
dessert-before-dinner defenders. We’re
historians, spiritual guides and the holders
of family stories.
GRAND celebrates who you are as a grandparent
and who you are as an individual.
You love spending time with your grandchildren
and you’re happy in your other
roles: at work, in the community and on
your own. GRAND acknowledges that you
are not “one or the other”—an “either/or”
version of yourself—you are many different
things to many different people. And to
yourself.
Summertime Is
Grandparent Time
Helping Kids
Face Their Fears
Jim Schneider Publisher
publisher@islandparent.ca
Sue Fast Editor
editor@islandparent.ca
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager
kristine@islandparent.ca
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager
raeleigh@islandparent.ca
GRAND, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a digital
publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing
information on resources and businesses for families and a forum
for the exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not
necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be
reproduced without the permission of the publisher.
518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5
Relearning
History
A Tour to Kiixin
250-388-6905 grandmag.ca
A proud member of
BC
With an Island perspective that speaks
to an international readership, GRAND is
the source for on-the-go grandparents of
up-to-the-minute and thought-provoking
information and ideas—on everything from
having fun, staying fit and things to do to
travel, leisure, health and technology. Think
of GRAND as a trusted friend who happily
shares those “senior moments” (in the
best sense of the words!) and keeps you
informed and connected to the issues and
ideas that really matter. After reading an
issue of GRAND, you should feel inspired,
up-to-date and informed.
We’re here for you: from helping you
figure out where you fit in to tackling your
most perplexing questions, sharing your
greatest discoveries and celebrating your
deepest joys.
GRAND features articles on topics ranging
from the importance of storytelling,
cooking with your grandkids and community
superheroes, to photographing your
grandkids, gift-giving and grandparenting
from afar. There are ideas and inspiration
to help keep you in-the-know and connected,
there’s a guide to investing in your
grandchildren’s future and there’s tech
support that will help you face your fears
and embrace the cloud.
GRAND is as diverse and engaged as you
are. Together, we’re a powerful and positive
force—in our grandchildren’s lives and
in our communities.
8 GRAND grandmag.ca

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Summer 2023 9