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Sound inside

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The Sound Inside 9/17/19 28

CHRISTOPHER I’m twelve point five percent lesbian. Just kidding. There was this girl in high

school. She was in my humanities class. We dated for a bit. Attended a couple

of seminal school dances. It was pretty cool for a few months. But she

eventually dumped me for a thirty-four-year-old South American masseuse

with dreads and a Lexus.

BELLA

That sounds like writing.

CHRISTOPHER Sorry. Her name was Evelyn. Evelyn Boyer. She played the piano. She had

pretty hands.

BELLA

Pretty Hands Evelyn. Did you—

CHRISTOPHER Yeah, Evelyn popped my cherry. And then we followed that up with a handful

of semi-chaste erotic experiences, but I think she got bored. I’m pretty sure

every time we tried to have sex we were wearing ultra-festive holiday

sweaters.

BELLA

I was actually going to ask you if you loved her.

CHRISTOPHER We mostly played chess and watched "Mystery Science Theater 3,000”.

Awkward pause.

CHRISTOPHER I’m about as sexually inclined as your standard, run-of-the-mill parking

meter…

Another awkward pause.

CHRISTOPHER I sort of don’t even like being touched, actually.

A silence.

CHRISTOPHER Thank you for dinner and the wine.

Bella exits and returns with a pillow and a blanket.

BELLA

Thank you for the conversation.

BELLA(to AUDIENCE)

And then he does that.

He reaches up and touches her face.

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