Sound inside
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The Sound Inside 9/17/19 28
CHRISTOPHER I’m twelve point five percent lesbian. Just kidding. There was this girl in high
school. She was in my humanities class. We dated for a bit. Attended a couple
of seminal school dances. It was pretty cool for a few months. But she
eventually dumped me for a thirty-four-year-old South American masseuse
with dreads and a Lexus.
BELLA
That sounds like writing.
CHRISTOPHER Sorry. Her name was Evelyn. Evelyn Boyer. She played the piano. She had
pretty hands.
BELLA
Pretty Hands Evelyn. Did you—
CHRISTOPHER Yeah, Evelyn popped my cherry. And then we followed that up with a handful
of semi-chaste erotic experiences, but I think she got bored. I’m pretty sure
every time we tried to have sex we were wearing ultra-festive holiday
sweaters.
BELLA
I was actually going to ask you if you loved her.
CHRISTOPHER We mostly played chess and watched "Mystery Science Theater 3,000”.
Awkward pause.
CHRISTOPHER I’m about as sexually inclined as your standard, run-of-the-mill parking
meter…
Another awkward pause.
CHRISTOPHER I sort of don’t even like being touched, actually.
A silence.
CHRISTOPHER Thank you for dinner and the wine.
Bella exits and returns with a pillow and a blanket.
BELLA
Thank you for the conversation.
BELLA(to AUDIENCE)
And then he does that.
He reaches up and touches her face.