2020 Issue 6 Nov/Dec - Focus Mid-Tenn Magazine

especially with animals
and she moved in with us
in May 2011 the day school
ended for the year.” Seven
months later, George and
Ernie officially adopted her.
She is now 20 and mother
to their first grandchild.
They couldn’t stop with
Destiny. “We continued to
seek out foster to adopt
children as well as children
whose goal was family
reunification. In 2014 we
heard of a sibling pair — a
boy and girl who were
eight named James and
Jessie. They moved in with
us in August of 2014 and
we were lucky enough
to adopt them in June of
2015,” recalled Ernie. This
happened just two weeks
before the Supreme Court
ruling allowing same-sex
marriage.
“Up until that time, only
one gay parent could
adopt through the state,”
Ernie explained referring to
Tennessee, “and then you
would have to do a second
parent adoption separately
after finalization. In this
case a judge in Sumner
county allowed us to adopt
jointly without the benefit
of marriage yet.” They were
eventually wed August 29,
2015.
They went on to adopt
three more children at
different times that were all
around the age of 17. “Jay is
our daughter who is almost
21 and now lives in Texas.
We adopted Jay in June
2017. Cody is our son that
came to live with us in May
2019 and we adopted him
in May 2020 — two months
before he turned 18. He is
currently a senior in high
school and graduates this
May,” said Ernie.
Melody moved in with
them when she was 13 and
lived with them for three
years before moving to
another pre adoptive home
in 2019. “Through no fault
of hers, the placement
didn’t work out and she
was moved to a foster
home. She contacted us
and asked if we could see
if she could come back
to us,” remembers Ernie.
They contacted DCS and
her guardian ad litem
who, along with her entire
foster care team, agreed
to allow her to move
back in with them in May
2020. Typically there is a
six month waiting period
before one can adopt
their foster child, but
since Melody lived with
them previously, the judge
waived this requirement
and they were able to
adopt her in August 2020.
She is also a senior in high
school and will graduate
this May.
Love, Guidance and
Structure
When asked why they
decided on adoption,
Ernie said, “We realize
the importance of family
reunification when
possible, but throughout
our journey we met and
heard of so many children
— especially the older
ones — that needed a
forever home. We were
at the place in our lives
where we had the means
and maturity to offer our
love and home to children
forever.”
He acknowledged
teenagers are hard to place
and usually have trauma
backgrounds that can be
challenging but says with
love and guidance and
structure these children
can flourish and have very
successful lives. “They
bring so much to us in so
many ways. Our lives have
been forever changed for
the better,” said Ernie. They
currently have a 13-year-old
foster son who has been
with them for a little over
a year. Ernie said he will be
available for adoption and
they will decide if the fit is
a good one for everyone.
Private vs State
Ernie and George have
only fostered and adopted
through state licensed
foster agencies. They never
felt the need to use private
or religious agencies
but do take advantage
of support groups and
counseling through
Catholic charities and
similar programs. “I know
that there has been talk
that some of their divisions
or branches can be nonfamily
friendly. We have
never experienced this in
almost 10 years of contact.
Everyone has been very
supportive of us and our
kiddos,” said Ernie.
He did reveal that during
their first encounter
with adoption during
a Department of Child
Services (DCS) Child and
Family Team Meeting
(CFTM), they were
discussing adoption and
the flow of events that
would take place and
a team member made
a comment something
like “I’m not entirely
comfortable with a gay
parent adopting.”
Ernie said their adoption
specialist from the foster
agency immediately
spoke up and told them
that this sort of talk
was completely out of
line and would not be
continued or maybe some
legal representation was
needed. “Nothing ever
was said again,” Ernie said
with a smile.
Self-Evaluate Before
Taking the Leap
Ernie said they’ve had
quite a few allies in their
journey and are forever
grateful for all of the
support and love. He does
urge others to do their
research and understand
exactly what you are
getting into. “It is a lifelong
responsibility that not
everyone can handle.
We chose to foster first
and see how we were as
parents, a couple and a
family,” explained Ernie.
You must know your
rights, your child’s rights
and the law. Ernie said the
journey is very fulfilling
but can be overwhelming
— especially being
LGBT+. “The schools,
doctors, therapists, kids
friends and parents can
sometimes judge or have
a preconceived thought of
what my family is or should
be. Being an advocate
for yourself and your kids
along with having a thick
skin sometimes can be
very helpful. Emotions can
override the best interests
and I guess picking and
choosing your battles is
the best way to put it,”
according to Ernie.
Life in a New Light
“Adoption is such a
wonderful thing. It made
us see life and what’s
important in a much
different light,” Ernie
said. While he admits
parenting can be tiring,
overwhelming and time
consuming, he said there
is no greater reward than
seeing a child grow and
become themselves. “The
progress we have seen in
our kids both adoptive and
foster is so satisfying and
gives a sense of purpose
every day.”
CHEERS! / NOV+DEC 2020 / focusmidtenn.com / Page 25