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Once you’ve had your fill of random video<br />
contacts, you might want to return to your online<br />
dating options to seek real connection. When<br />
you’re online dating, the endless chats can all start<br />
to feel the same. So instead of staying on the<br />
surface, try going deep. Once you’ve decided that<br />
you might click with someone, instead of the usual<br />
questions and awkward flirtations, propose asking<br />
each other the famous 36 questions set forth by<br />
psychologist Arthur Aron (https://nyti.<br />
ms/30Nhkim). Designed to be answered in order<br />
by two people sitting face to face, the questions<br />
begin light and build in intensity, with the goal of<br />
encouraging vulnerability and building intimacy. It<br />
might go nowhere, but it will certainly be more<br />
interesting than the usual dating app chat.<br />
Now, the last topic is a bit touchy. Okay, very<br />
touchy. Okay, it’s touch—physical touch. Gentle<br />
physical touch does a ton of good for our bodies<br />
and minds—from lowering the effects of stress to<br />
triggering the release of oxytocin and cortisol.<br />
Touch deprivation, which can result from long<br />
periods of not being touched, can result in<br />
increased feelings of anxiety and depression,<br />
difficulty sleeping, and heightened stress.<br />
But what can you do when touching someone<br />
who isn’t already a part of your immediate circle is<br />
dangerous? You give yourself the sensations of<br />
touch that your body needs. For sexual touch, this<br />
means that when you masturbate, rather than<br />
falling into your regular routine, slow down and<br />
pay attention to the sensations of your skin.<br />
Outside of sexual touch, even taking time to<br />
mindfully rub a gentle hand across your own arm<br />
or down your own neck can trigger the<br />
physiological benefits of touch. (According to a<br />
2017 study, the ideal touching speed is between 3<br />
and 5 centimeters per second.) Mindfulness of<br />
touch sensations can also help--pay attention to<br />
the feeling of your foot against the ground or the<br />
coolness of water as it flows down your throat.<br />
Embrace other tactile comforts such as a taking a<br />
hot bath, using a weighted blanket, or snuggling<br />
with a pet.<br />
None of this is a substitute for the joy of<br />
spending time out in the world with beloved<br />
friends and attractive strangers. But for now, it just<br />
might get you through until Ms. ‘Rona is gone. At<br />
the very least, it should get you started.<br />
Your friend,<br />
Allie<br />
To submit your own question, email Allie at<br />
Allie@focusmidsouth.com. <strong>Focus</strong> <strong>Mid</strong>-South reserves<br />
the right to edit letters for length and clarity.<br />
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