SandScript 2021

REPUDIATION
Mauricia Manuel
How do I present myself to the world, to my family?
Show who I am when I’ve barely had enough time to figure it out.
I’ve been up against the ropes, bound by sealed lips for too long,
shushed and dismissed when my views are too different.
I become a know-it-all when showing passion for facts, “too eager to show off.”
But keeping quiet implies “I’m too good to fit in.”
Sometimes I hold my tongue,
but my temper tends to slip passed gritted teeth.
I’ll kick and curse only to still go unheard,
labeled less of a lady by the ears my venom reached.
Always encouraged by pinched finger tips sliding across lips
silencing my opinions, my plea to be me.
I can smile politely and wait my turn to speak, maybe go unnoticed
or I can be the child my mother forged from observation.
Loud and demanding of attention,
hated by all, but standing with strength.
Cutting others with the sharpness of her tongue,
rolling eyes and snapping fingers until she feels she’s won.
Believing such a hard shell is always necessary loses your courtesy,
the softness gone from your face and mind, becoming an obtuse persona.
I’m only wanting to speak how I feel, say what I want, to be who I am,
without being accused of being my mother’s daughter.
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