GRAND Fall 2021

Vol. IV, Ed. III
grand
grandmag.ca
On-the-Job Training
Learning from our
grandchildren
5Photo
Sharing Apps
Grandparent Giving
Financial help that
makes a difference
Q&A
Linda
Rogers
Poet,
Novelist,
Essayist &
Kid-at-Heart

Your donations help Family Services of Greater Victoria
provide the following professional programs
and services to families in the region.
Family Services
of Greater Victoria
Programs and Services
Caught in the Middle
Mediation for Couples
Counselling/Therapy Services
New Ways for Families ®
Art/Play Therapy Techniques
Parent Support & Resources
Facilitated Parent–Child Connection Separation Resource Services
In-Person & Telehealth Services
Support for Grandparents
Learn more about our services and how to donate
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2 Grand grandmag.ca

Contents
4
6
10
12
14
16
18
20
22
24
26
7 Grand: Ideas + Inspiration
Profile: Linda Rogers
On the importance of celebrating and
supporting families and why a healthy
world depends on healthy children.
On-the-Job Training
The lessons our grandchildren teach us.
Rachel Dunstan Muller
Grandparent Giving
Financial help that makes a difference
to young families.
Lindsay Plumb
Five Photo Sharing Apps
for Families
From Keepy to 23Snaps, here’s our
round up of the best.
Travel with Grandkids
How the planning process can be as
fun as the trip.
Cathy Larsen
10 Things to Consider and/or
Have on Hand Before Your
Grandkids Visit
It’s not just the things that count, it’s the
thought that goes into grandkid visits, too.
Eva Bild
A Little Kindness Goes
a Long Way
How to encourage a young child’s
natural kindness.
Susan Gnucci
Sleep Solutions for
Grandkid Sleepovers
How to prepare for a successful
sleepover.
Sukkie Sandhu
‘Grand’ Feelings
The logistics of long-distance
grandparenting.
Allison Rees
Planned Giving
How to give a charitable gift after
you’re gone.
Janet Gadeski
On the Cover
Carson (6 months)
with Linda Rogers
Photo by
Sofee Rogers
Vol. IV, Ed. III
GRAND
grandmag.ca
On-the-Job Training
Learning from our
grandchildren
5 Photo
Sharing Apps
Grandparent Giving
Financial help that
makes a difference
Q&A
Linda
Rogers
Poet,
Novelist,
Essayist &
Kid-at-Heart
The Multi-Generational
Bucket List
Jim Schneider Publisher
publisher@islandparent.ca
Sue Fast Editor
editor@islandparent.ca
Kristine Wickheim Account Manager
kristine@islandparent.ca
RaeLeigh Buchanan Account Manager
raeleigh@islandparent.ca
Grand, published by Island Parent Group Enterprises Ltd., is a quarterly
publication that honours and supports grandparents by providing information
on resources and businesses for families and a forum for the
exchange of ideas and opinions. Views expressed are not necessarily
those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the
permission of the publisher. Grand is distributed free in selected areas.
ISSN 0838-5505 518 Caselton Place, Victoria, BC V8Z 7Y5
Made famous by the Hollywood
movie of the same name, The
Bucket List has become much
more than a pre-death to-do list. As a
tool for the entire family, the multigenerational
goal list—a collaborative
endeavour—lets you create a list for a
family life of no regrets. Ever dreamed
of ‘glamping’ in the Clayoquot sound?
How about heli-skiing the “Island
Alps” in Strathcona Park? Snorkelling
with the salmon in Campbell River?
Add each to-do to your list and start
making plans! And remember: kids
make great travel companions—not
only do they add an extra level of energy,
curiosity and excitement, but
they often open up conversations and
create social connections that might
not otherwise occur.
So gather young and old and write
down your top to-do’s. From road
trips, day hikes or a trip to the museum,
to learning to row, picking blackberries
for pie or bike riding along the
Trans-Canada Trail, Vancouver Island
offers a lifetime’s worth of things to
add to—and then check off—your
family’s bucket list.
To that end, this issue of GRAND
features articles on topics ranging from
travelling with grandkids, 10 things
to have on hand when your grandkids
visit and the five top photo-sharing
apps, to sleepover solutions, grandparent
giving and learning from our
grandchildren while “on-the-job.”
There’s 7 Grand, a compilation of
ideas and inspiration to help keep you
in-the-know and connected to community,
there’s an article on the “grand
feelings” and logistics of long-distance
grandparenting and there’s a profile
on poet, novelist, essayist and kid-atheart,
Linda Rogers, on the importance
of celebrating and supporting children
and families.
We hope this issue of GRAND inspires
you to celebrate those you love,
to make—and tackle!—plans that excite
and inspire you, and to appreciate
every moment we have together.
250-388-6905 grandmag.ca
A proud member of
BC
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 3

Ideas + Inspiration
7Grand
Letters to
Seniors
Letters to Seniors supports
isolated seniors with encouraging,
meaningful handwritten
letters sent by volunteers of
all ages. The program consists
of two phases:
Phase One: Volunteers of
all ages send drawings/short
cheerful cards/letters to seniors.
Phase Two: Youth and seniors
who are eager to build a
connection with one another
join the pen-pal format of the
program, where they send
letters back and forth and
discuss their interests and
hobbies. Letters to Seniors is
seeking seniors to participate.
If you are interested, email
info@volunteergrandparents.
ca.
Create Your
Own Cookbook
A custom cookbook is a beautiful—albeit
time-consuming—
gift. Several online publishing
platforms such as Blurb
(blurb.com) and Shutterfly
(shutterfly.com) offer a special
layout for the project, and
it’s easy to upload photos,
ingredients lists and directions.
Fill it with cherished
family recipes and the next
time you’re all together, gather
your grandkids and make your
favourites for a family meal.
What I Love About
Grandma/Grandpa:
A Fill in the Love Book
The concept of the book
is simple: Each page has a
prompt that your grandkid fills
in, including things like, “I love
how you always say __” and
“Your __ is the best __ ever.”
It’s perfect for kids who are
too young to write long cards
on their own, or even for older
kids who find communicating
hard. And it’s a great project
for each grandparent and
grandchild to do together as a
gift for the other grandparent.
knockknockstuff.com.
4 Grand grandmag.ca

Lifelong
Learning
Elders Assistance
Pilot Program
Bridges Healing
Notebook
Go Big at Butchart
this Christmas
Learn about writing, cooking,
wellness, sports, business,
relationships and more, with
each topic taught by an expert.
Through programs like
Masterclass and Skillshare,
you can access thousands of
classes about topics ranging
from Animation to Wilderness
Survival—and everything in
between. Both platforms offer
per class options along with
unlimited access based on
membership. For more information,
visit masterclass.com
or skillshare.com.
Métis Nation British Columbia
(MNBC) is launching Elders
Assistance Pilot Program to
help low-income Elders buy
health-related necessities.
Eligibility is based on Elders
that currently access Old Age
Security (OAS) and the Guaranteed
Income Supplement
(GIS). The funds can be used to
purchase items including hearing
aids, dentures, walkers,
glasses, and more, totalling up
to $2,500. Applicants must be
MNBC citizens or be in the application
process. Visit mnbc.
ca/news/2021/metis-nationbritish-columbia-launcheselders-assistance-pilotprogram.
Bridges for Women’s 2021
Bridges to Healing Workbook
is now available. This selfpaced
workbook is for women
(transgender and cisgender),
non-binary, and two-spirit people
who identify as a part of
the women’s community and
who have been impacted by
violence or trauma at any time
in their lives. It is full of practical
tips and techniques to help
individuals understand and
overcome the impacts of trauma,
and begin to heal and set
and achieve personal goals.
For more information and to
order a print copy ($32.95 plus
shipping and handling), visit
bridgesforwomen.ca.
Sample the winter sights and
tastes on a tour of the Saanich
Peninsula this Christmas.
Travel in a Tesla Signature
Model S 85 or Model 3, the
world’s first fully-electric,
solar-powered touring sedans.
Or, for bigger groups, ride in
the Tesla Model X SUV for 6.
Your 4- to 8-hour Tesla Tour
will visit Butchart Gardens
with optional visits to Butterfly
Gardens or your choice of
Saanich-area vineyards, honey
farms, distilleries and tearooms
(tasting fees included,
admission fees and meals not
included). Admission tickets,
starting at $779.49 for groups/
families up to 6, may be purchased
online: viator.com.
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 5

Profile
Linda Rogers
Linda Rogers is a novelist, essayist, journalist, editor and songwriter. She is
past Victoria Poet Laureate, Canadian People’s Poet, and President of the
League of Canadian Poets, and the BC Federation of Writers. Linda has published
29 books—including poetry, children’s books, fiction, non-fiction—and
has been included in a number of anthologies. She has received the Leacock
Prize, the National Poetry Prize, the Dorothy Livesay Prize, the Gwendolyn
MacEwen Prize and the Milton Acorn Award in Canada, among others. Linda is
the mother of three, step-mother of one, grandmother of four and is married to
blues mandolinist Rick Van Krugel. She values and celebrates children and families
and believes “a healthy world depends on healthy children.” When asked
to take part in GRAND’s Q & A being a grandparent, she answered: “…there is
NOTHING more important to me. You could give me an option, “…talk about
grandparenting or receive the Nobel Prize” and that would be a no brainer. I’d
LOVE to answer your questions.”
Q. How many children do you have?
What are their names?
I have a stepdaughter, Eva, and
three sons Sasha, Keefer and Tristan,
plus a bunch of kids we regard as family
who outgrew us in different ways,
some of whom revisit with affection.
Others are spirit kids now, the ones
who didn’t survive the trauma of colonisation:
Tony, Clyde, Russell.
Q. How many grandchildren do you
have? What are their names and
ages? Where do they live?
Four grandchildren: Sophie, 28,
James Sage, 26, Olive, 19, and Isabel,
13, all of whom live in Victoria. Wahoo!
Q. What do you love most about being
a grandparent? Least?
What I love most is knowing that
child-love is an inherited characteristic.
When children are respected, it
is learned behaviour. I love watching
my family nourish their children the
way they grow their gardens, and no
matter how embarrassing I may be as
a non-adult adult, something has resonated:
respect for human rights and
especially the rights of children. I love
having a hand in the development of
their passion and watching them grow
into themselves.
I least like what I love most, watching
them grow, because growth means
independence and my ultimate redundancy
except the part about retaining
the important things, passion for
truth and beauty, respect for life in all
its forms.
Q. How is being a grandparent different
than being a parent?
Not much different except instead
of opposing our parents we occasionally
oppose our kids who might sometimes
feel the temptation think we
are inspiring crazy in their precious
life projects. One of them mentioned
“Undermining authority.” Yes. Right.
Bring it on. That is the job description.
The only rule is kindness, kids.
Q. What was important to you as a
parent when you were raising your
own children?
It was important to me that my children
knew their own worth and respected
the value of others. I hoped to
lead them into experiences that would
give them joy for the rest of their lives
and that they would be kind. As a
feminist, I realised that what my sons
6 Grand grandmag.ca

observed and experienced at home
would affect their attitude toward
women. Sometimes that led to some
infamous lectures. I admonished them
to “behave and respect” in front of
girlfriends, who were, I hope, grateful.
One of my favourite experiences was
“the Lothario one of infinite charm,”
changing a very challenging diaper
in front of an old girlfriend, as in old
friend, who said. “This is the moment
we’ve all been waiting for.” Hahahaha.
I hoped my kids would be good people
leading good lives, and so far, so good.
My kids grew up on a sheep farm
between two reserves. The benefit of
learning about an old, albeit horrifically
assaulted, culture from their friends,
the honour of being included in ceremony,
reinforced their home values.
Q. What is most important to you as a
grandparent?
Nothing much has changed. A new
child is like falling in love again. This
time, your hands aren’t so much on
the wheel, so the ride can be even
more exhilarating. Almost irresponsible
love. My worst transgression as a
grandparent is standard grandparent
behaviour—babies are to be adored
and given in to so long as it is safe. If
their parents entrust them to us, they
can just forget about their expectations.
Mine are that they have a beautiful
time. As before, I have one rule.
Be safe and be kind.
The only time I doled out discipline
was when my grandson, going
through the 10-year-old chubby stage
before he went vertical, was called
“F*****”—by a FRIEND??? As he got
in my car, he yelled back “F*****!” so I
dumped him out and suggested he and
his friend, the little horribles, could
walk home from school and make
nice. Luckily, that stage passed.
Recently, when our youngest, Isabel,
brought two girlfriends over for popsicles,
I started in on a homily about
mean girls and exclusion. “We know
that,” they replied in unison and rolled
their eyes. When I told our grandsonin-law,
Sumeet, about this reaction to
grandma wisdom he said, in his wisdom,
“You’re not 13, Linda.” True.
grandmag.ca
Just because I know everything at
my advanced age, does not give me
licence to rattle on. No one is paying
me to lecture anymore.
Q. You have said “a healthy world
depends on healthy children.” How
can we, as a community/society, help
ensure our children—and in turn our
world—stay healthy?
It starts in law, in writing like the
sermon on the Mount, the lovely beatitudes
and in other spiritual prescriptions.
The commandment should say,
Do unto others, especially babies. The
way we nourish children will determine
their world view, the way they
become custodians of nature and each
other. There is enough in this world
for everyone. No one needs excess.
We do great harm expecting children
to sacrifice childhood to compete for
excess. They need to play together and
to pass on fair play to the next generation.
That is what we owe them. To
each according to his need, the justice
of moderate need. Sadly, that needs to
be legislated because we have not yet
as a capital-driven civilisation been
able to absorb the holy laws without
twisting them into competitiveness.
Q. It has been said that you and your
partner, Rick Van Krugel, are really
adult children and that the inside of
your house looks like the inside of
your brains, very cluttered and whimsical.
How do these qualities lend
themselves to being a grandparent?
It is true. We are naughty children,
sharing a perverse sense of humour
and delight in the phenomenal world,
most of which we have brought home
to the disgust of our children, who
foresee our deaths as cleanup jobs and
delight of our grandchildren, who will
inherit the stuff. We are known as the
Honorable Cluttertons in some circles,
Rick, who must adopt and fix everything,
is far worse than me, and our
house is a veritable museum of friendships
and enthusiasms. Unfortunately
many of our friends have been artists
and they are all present on our walls
and in the air, constantly chattering,
pictures words and music all around
us, all the time.
Vol. IV, Ed. III 7

Q. You jumped off a mountain in Turkey?
Why?!
I am not physically brave, but we
were travelling with Naomi, the
16-year-old recklessly-brave daughter
of the band leader of Sweet Papa Lowdown,
and she challenged me to jump
“to impress my grandchildren.” So I
did. After a scary start (not enough
wind) it was glorious. My grandchildren
were not overly impressed, but
they were used to my impulsivities so
maybe it seemed normal.
Q. What part did your grandparents
play in your life? What did you learn
from them?
I had two grandmothers, one of
whom died the week I was born but
may have left me with spiritual thirst
and flapper gaiety, and the other who
was shrouded in the martyrdom of
war casualty. Her husband, my grandfather,
was a brilliant young man
gassed at Ypres and left with a chronic
case of TB which didn’t kill him for 40
years, all of which they spent in quarantine.
My grandfathers were wonderful.
The one who was an invalid had every
talent imaginable, the delight in
which he passed on because we broke
some of the rules of his isolation. He
was a phenomenal athlete (and was
still allowed to golf) who had played
soccer for Scotland and also represented
Scotland as a singer at the Chicago
World Fair. He was the Seaforth
Highlander who sang for the Germans
at the famous Christmas armistice.
His life was a tragedy in some sense,
but also a triumph over adversity
because he passed on his love of art,
reading, music and gamesmanship.
My other grandfather, a descendent
of the Trollope and Hopkins literary
families gave me another sense of the
importance of story and love of animals.
Two lovely men.
Q. What do you hope your grandchildren
learn from you?
I think they have learned to laugh
through their tears, to do what they
love, to raise beautiful kids and create
beauty from whatever is in front of
them, whether it is 26 notes, a lump of
clay, a 2'x4' or a sidewalk begging for
chalk.
Q. How have you passed along traditions
and skills, in particular poetry?
Music? Writing? Story telling?
I was thrilled recently when our
granddaughter Olive was told by her
lit teacher that her writing was full
of surprises. That made me so happy
because “surprising” means embracing
risk, going for truth and beauty,
no matter how elusive. The bonus was
that, almost simultaneously, Joyce
Carol Oates wrote the same comment
about my writing when she was
awarding the Carter Vanderbilt Cooper
short story prize. I love that Olive
is free to express her ideas. I hope I
gave her permission.
My husband is a, can I say, brilliant
musician. He is very uptight about
screwing lids on jars, which makes
me insane, but totally reckless when
he is playing his mandolin. I love that.
He has passed on that enthusiasm to
the kids, one of whom is actively playing.
The problem with Sophie, who
writes songs, is that she has so many
enthusiasms and gifts, encouraged by
her parents and grandparents, it is
hard to find time for all of them. Now
that she is a mother, artist, carpenter,
jewelry maker, singer etc she is giving
the quality time to her son. No wonder
he is in tune already and actually
said “Grampa” at four months. Lucky,
beautiful boy.
There is a stubborn dyslexic gene
in my former husband’s family, which
inhibited confidence in reading and
writing. My kids spelled phonetically.
Too bad they didn’t grow up speaking
Turkish, a phonetic language. My
youngest, Tristan, and I co-conspired
to write Frankie Zapper and the Disappearing
Teacher after a sadistic teacher
sent him to the blackboard to spell onomatopoeia.
They are all readers now
and Olive is one who might be a writer
if she chooses.
Of course, they have been exposed
to everything we love and they pick
and choose.
Q. How did you help your children—
and how do you help your grandchildren—find
their talents and
strengths? To explore their creativity?
My children have warned me not to
be toooooo responsive when their kids
express enthusiasm or show aptitude
because that can be the kiss of death. I
8 Grand grandmag.ca

am liable to jump in the air and drown
them in praise and accessories at the
slightest provocation. Sage recently
told me he has enough art supplies for
a lifetime. Okay I get it, no more pastels.
I LOVE pastels, the beautiful colours.
Creative selves are happy selves.
I love to see kids overcome by joy, but
sometimes I have to listen and hold
back. They get to choose, not me.
A while back, I was with Kwagiulth
artist Billy Cook and his kids while Billy
finished a silver belt buckle for my
husband. In his culture, kids learn by
watching. I jumped in and ran around
the studio he shared with his brother
Rande, stealing Rande’s coloured pencils
and paper. “They want to draw!”
I said. Of course they did. Billy also
knew they needed to watch and learn
patience. William, who cried that day
because he wanted a belt buckle, was
told he would get a buckle when he
made it himself. Now that is cultural
teaching. William is becoming a beautiful
artist and his dad will teach him
to engrave when he is ready and has
promised I can gift him the silver. I
cannot wait!
Grandparenting is not only your
own family but all the families. I love
it when grown-ups I have known all
their lives still call me “Gramalinda”
although one granddaughter, who will
remain nameless, threatened to put
her best friend’s cheeks in the toaster
for calling me that. They remain best
friends and I stole her line for The Empress
Letters.
Q. What are some of your favourite
things to do and places to go with
your grandchildren?
That is the hardest question to
answer because, at this time (during
the pandemic), the only possible trips
are in our heads…no high tea at Venus
Sophia (sadly shut), no mucking
with germy clay or cooking together,
and certainly no concerts, theatre
or galleries, no promised excursion
to London or elsewhere for the two
youngest whose turn it is to choose a
destination. I like to go any place with
my grandchildren from film to farm,
especially the spit on the Armour farm
grandmag.ca
at Saltspring Island where extended
family also waits for this to be over. At
last.
We have had birthday parades, messenger
and skype this year, all sadly
lacking. I paint cards and order gifts
online, catching hell for air transport
pollution from one zealot. July was a
blessed window before Delta dawn
(and yes we are writing a song about
that) and we went to Butterfly World
and Sea Cider Winery via Tally Ho
Tours to celebrate Rick and Sophie’s
birthdays. Now we are knuckling
down again after a few wonderful
hugs for a brutal winter.
This year I hope to publish a book
called Mother, the Verb, Swan Sister
Treasures, which is a collection of
art, writing, photography, music and
filmmaking by activist women and
allies. My granddaughter, Sophie Rogers
Dhaul’s art is on the cover. Youth
contributors include Isla Cook and
Olive Rogers. We are all mothers of
invention and I hope the book will be
a celebration of renewed awareness
of the value in matriarchy, balanced
culture, the old leading the young and
the young leading the old, that came
out of a very dark time in our shared
history.
Q. What do you wish for your grandchildren?
I wish them lives that are as gloriously
fulfilling as the one I have had,
where, as a feminist, I fought for
rights they enjoy and, as a human,
tried to live the beautitudes. I wish
them luck in finding partners who
love them and work that fulfills them.
I hope they are able to give and receive
with grace. I hope that they are in the
majority of humans who respect other
cultures and life forms and strive to
protect the planet from greed.
Q. What would you like your grandchildren
to remember most about
you?
I would like them to remember that,
although I was a person who talked to
everyone and dressed the way I felt,
sometimes to comic extremes, my
intentions were good. I don’t mind if
they have a retrospective laugh about
everything but the day I risked my life
and possibly his job wearing a unicorn
mask into Capital Savings to greet my
granddaughter’s then boyfriend, Sumeet.
Hey, I wasn’t carrying. I would
like them to remember my bread and
my lettuce wrap, my frittata and curries,
my chutney and trifle, but not the
year I made Brussels sprout salad at
Christmas.
Q. Do you have any wise words or stories
to share with other grandparents
to help them in their role raising their
grandchildren?
I have the same advice I give about
life in general. Be authentic. Kids and
cats know the difference. Share your
joy and be honest about your sorrows.
Give generously. It is true there is
more joy and giving, but also remember
to receive with gratitude. They
are treasures. Show them the ways
in which expectation is the enemy of
joyful creativity. The act of creation is
its own reward. Show don’t tell. They
learn by mimicry. Love them and then
love them some more. There is never
too much. Don’t be afraid to phone an
adult child and leave embarrassing
singing messages their friends might
hear on their answering machines, “I
just called to say I love you,” because
those old tapes are your most valuable
legacy. IMHO.
Vol. IV, Ed. III 9

GRANDparenting
On-the-Job Training
Minutes after my first grandchild’s
birth, I held him with
nine parts wonder…and one
part trepidation. From the down on
his head to his impossibly tiny toenails,
Kieran was perfect. It was love
at first sight. But would it be mutual, I
wondered.
I can laugh now, but at the time the
self-doubt was real.
I grew up thousands of kilometres
from my own grandparents, so while
I treasured our annual visits, they
weren’t part of my daily life. On the
other hand, my parents and in-laws
were all wonderful grandparents to
my own brood, so it’s not that I didn’t
have good role models. But still I worried.
I was young for a grandmother,
inexperienced and untrained. How
could I possibly live up to such a revered
title?
I’d felt the same irrational anxiety
years before when I’d held my youngest
child for the first time, my first and
only boy. I was a mother of daughters—four
of them; I had no experience
with sons. Would he see through
me? Would he judge me an imposter?
In the end, of course, I learned to be
my son’s mother the same way I’d
learned to be the mother of his sisters:
one day and stage at a time, by trial
and error and paying attention—the
secret of any good relationship!
In the almost seven years since Kieran
was born I’ve been blessed with
three more grandkids, and each in
turn has taught me something important.
As the oldest, Kieran has perhaps
taught me the most. He taught me that
if I get down to his level when he’s
telling me something, we can see eye
to eye—which in turn tells him that he
has my undivided attention. He taught
me that from that same level it’s easier
to see the world from his perspective,
and that this has its own rewards, like
at the beach when we comb the sand
for hermit crabs and tiny sea shells.
He taught me that the more interest
I show in his latest Lego creation or
bicycle trick, the more he glows—and
the more likely he is to show me his
next masterpiece. He taught me that
a child’s legs are considerably shorter
than an adult’s legs, and to remember
that when choosing hiking and biking
routes. He taught me that even the
sweetest children get tired and cranky
sometimes, and that’s okay, too.
From Kieran’s little sister Dahlia, I
learned a new lesson: patience. Dahlia
was a confirmed Mommy’s girl for the
first two years of her life, highly suspicious
of any other adult who showed
10 Grand grandmag.ca

her attention. As much as I wanted
to take her into my arms whenever I
saw her, I learned to wait for her cues
that she was ready. The more willing I
was to let her make the first move, the
more quickly I earned her trust. I no
longer have to wait for hugs now that
Dahlia is an exuberant 4-year-old, but
the importance of being sensitive to a
grandchild’s cues has stayed with me.
At three and a half, my granddaughter
Rhea isn’t afraid to ask for exactly
what she wants. Just the other day I
offered to serve her milk in the special
“puppy” cup that her own mother had
used as a child. To my surprise, Rhea
politely declined and asked instead
for the orange mug visible in the open
cupboard behind my head—orange
being one of her favourite colours.
Her reaction caught me off guard; I’d
been excited to share something that
had been passed down through four
generations. But as I handed her the
orange mug, I realized that Rhea’s response
was something to be celebrated.
She knew what she wanted and
felt confident and safe enough to ask
for it. And isn’t this confidence exactly
what I want for her as she eventually
grows into adolescence and adulthood?
It was the briefest of exchanges
and yet it made me pause. How often
do I impose my own expectations on
the people I love, at the expense of
learning what they want?
Even two-month-old Micah has had
something to teach me. I’ve made it
a priority to spend time with him as
much as possible since his birth, since
he’s likely to be my last grandchild for
a while. But as often as I visit—at least
every few days—he refuses to slow
down. He’s a little bigger and stronger
each time I see him. His rapid growth
has been a reminder that each stage
in my grandchildren’s lives is fleeting,
and that I need to cherish each moment.
I’m sure there are many more lessons
in store as the seasons keep
turning; I’ve yet to experience the joys
of grandparenting ’tweens or adolescents.
Thankfully the role comes with
excellent on-the-job training!
Rachel Dunstan Muller is a children’s author,
storyteller, podcaster and grandmother.
You can find her two podcasts Hintertales:
Stories from the Margins of History and
Sticks and Stones and Stories through her
website at racheldunstanmuller.com, or
wherever you normally get your podcasts.
Healthy Families, Happy Families
Child, Youth
& Family
Public Health
South Island Health Units
Esquimalt 250-519-5311
Gulf Islands 250-539-3099
(toll-free number for office in Saanichton)
Peninsula 250-544-2400
Saanich 250-519-5100
Saltspring Island 250-538-4880
Sooke 250-519-3487
Victoria 250-388-2200
West Shore 250-519-3490
Central Island Health Units
Duncan 250-709-3050
Ladysmith 250-755-3342
Lake Cowichan 250-749-6878
Nanaimo 250-755-3342
Nanaimo 250-739-5845
Princess Royal
Parksville/Qualicum 250-947-8242
Port Alberni 250-731-1315
Tofino 250-725-4020
North Island Health Units
Campbell River 250-850-2110
Courtenay 250-331-8520
Kyuquot Health Ctr 250-332-5289
‘Namgis Health Ctr 250-974-5522
Port Hardy 250-902-6071
islandhealth.ca/our-locations/
health-unit-locations
Changes with BC Medical Services Plan
premiums mean that families eligible for partial
payment of some medical services and access
to some income-based programs now must
apply for Supplementary Benefits through the
Government of BC. Applications can be done
online and take approximately 15 minutes.
Families who previously qualified for MSP
Premium Assistance should not need to re-apply
if taxes are completed yearly. It is advised to
confirm coverage before proceeding with
treatment to avoid paying out of pocket.
For more information, visit gov.bc.ca/gov/
content/health/health-drug-coverage/msp/
bc-residents/benefits/services-covered-bymsp/supplementary-benefits
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 11

Money &
Finances
Grandparent Giving
Financial help that can make a difference
Raising children now is much different
than times in the past.
Many families require two incomes
along with an income suite just
to get by. Real estate prices have been
a driver of these changes but there are
many other costs that have followed
loan, of a down payment to reduce the
financial stress load. This is an amazing
and generous offering that allows
families to become homeowners.
However, there are many grandparents
who are not in the position to bestow
such a gift who still want to help.
Lindsay Plumb is a
financial coach and
founder of MOOLA
Financial. Download
her free budget
template at pretty
moneyclub.com.
closely behind. It is not uncommon for
groceries to add up to over $1000 each
month, childcare costs are often $900
or more per child and gas has risen to
several hundreds of dollars just to get
to work and back.
This current reality means that
when families are discussing their
finances, it can be a stressful situation
with feelings of overwhelm, regret
and hopelessness. There is no wonder
why money has become the number
one stressor and cause of marital
breakdowns.
We have seen an increase in grandparents
helping parents with a gift, or
Save for Education
The responsibility to save for postsecondary
education weighs heavily
on parents. While children are allowed
to have more than one Registered Education
Savings Plan (RESP) open at a
time, this option adds additional confusion
around grants and bonds especially
during the withdrawal period. You
could encourage the parents to open
the account as soon as possible and
remind them that the BC government
currently offers an additional $1200
grant if applied for between the ages of
6 and 9. Monthly, annual, or one-time
contributions can be sent to the parents
with the understanding that these
funds will be deposited into the RESP.
Help with Extracurriculars
Playing multiple sports along with
learning an instrument and swimming
all in the same season is common
these days. This comes along
with significant costs, often into the
thousands of dollars, for each child
every year. When grandparents offer
to pay for a class or summer camp
they not only help with the parents’
budgeting they also provide a skill
your grandchild will cherish into their
adult years.
Invest for the Future
Teaching the next generation to
invest in their future allows them to
12 Grand grandmag.ca

learn while the mistakes have little
consequence. Include your grandchild
by discussing the investment options
based on your experience and
knowledge, choosing the best fit, and
regularly reviewing the progress and
objectives. With your support, your
grandchild will feel comfortable to ask
questions, make mistakes and learn
valuable lessons that will pay dividends
in perpetuity.
Share Your Stories
History is the best teacher. Sharing
stories of your first paycheque,
how you saved for a house, what pension
plans were offered or the cost of
groceries when your kids were young
give perspective to the current reality.
While they may not be able to follow
in your footsteps they will find their
own path easier.
Give Experiences
During the long, wet, winters on
the island parents are often looking
for activities to fill the weekends.
Unfortunately, indoor activities often
come with a large price tag like those
at museums, movies and trampoline
parks. Many of these establishments
offer annual passes and gift cards
which make wonderful Christmas and
birthday gifts.
Buy the Equipment
If your grandchild is in extracurricular
activities like sports and music,
they likely need new equipment on a
semi-regular basis. Before their next
season starts, take them shopping for
their new baseball glove or hockey
skates and consider making this an
annual event for the two of you.
Offer to Babysit
Babysitters can quickly double the
cost of a night out for a couple looking
for some time alone. Either a sleepover
at your house or a visit to theirs can
mean that mom and dad get to have
some fun and the kids eat ice cream
and stay up late creating memories
with their grandparent.
Any grandparent who wants to
help can find a way that works with
their financial situation, location, and
schedule. Raising children feels harder
now than it used to be so this help
can make a real difference. Regardless
of how you choose to pitch in, please
keep in mind of the additional stress
parents are facing and do your best to
help without judgement of the differences.
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 13

Media &
Technology
Five Photo Sharing
Apps for Families
Keepy
Ever wondered if there was a way
to keep up on and see your grandkids’
artwork, photos and schoolwork? Well
wonder no more. Keepy helps connect
families so they can share pictures,
video clips and mementos. When you
upload pictures, you can include short
video clips and share memories with
family, who can become “fans” of your
child. Reply with video, voice or text
comments. You can also order prints,
canvases, photo books and other keepsakes.
For iOS and Android.
Family Album
This all-in-one resource provides a
secure, private, and easy way to share
your photos with your whole family—
even those who aren’t very tech-savvy.
And it files photos and videos by date
taken in easy-to-navigate digital albums.
FamilyAlbum offers unlimited
photo storage, accessible only to you
and your family, compilation videos
that automatically assemble 1-second
clips of top memories and easy sharing.
There is a browser version, so
anybody with internet access—and
your permission—can join in. For iOS
and Android.
14 Grand grandmag.ca

Tiny Beans
Tiny Beans is like a digital baby
book that lets you track your grandbaby’s
milestones through pictures,
videos, heights, weights and more.
With unlimited photo storage that’s
automatically sorted by date, you get a
digital family journal and a way to remember
all your grandkids’ memorable
moments. Set up automatic email
notifications so you know any time
your kids post new milestones, photos
or videos. For iOS and Android.
23Snaps
23Snaps is a photo-sharing app and
web service that lets you share family
pics in a private and safe way. Like a
digital photo journal, it can be viewed
by as many friends and family as you
choose. See all of your grandchildren’s
photo-worthy moments. Add captions
and stories to photos and videos or
try the photo filters and frames to add
a little more fun. Share a single connected
account through the mobile
app and online or via e-mail. For iOS,
Android or Windows.
Google Photo
Okay, so it’s not an app, but Google
Photo lets you sign in on any device
to start sharing photos so is great for
even the not-so-techy. Make collages,
animations, movies, albums and photo
books and organize all of the above
by people, places and things—using
facial-recognition technology.
There’s also a search feature that lets
you locate photos—even if they aren’t
tagged with a description.
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grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 15

Road Trip
Travel with Grandkids
Cathy Larsen, co-owner of Departures
Travel Sidney, is passionate about sharing
her love of travel—even after 35 years
in the industry. She enjoys life and sees
travel as more than a stamp in her passport!
Find her at departurestravel.com,
facebook.com/DeparturesTravelSidney
and linkedin.com/in/cathylarsen.
Many of us have not only missed
seeing our families during the
past year and a half, but we’ve
missed travelling with them as well.
As domestic travel opens, what better
time to combine the two!
Multi-generational travel has
been popular for some time and
now there is an increase in skipgen
or “gramping” travel, when
grandparents travel alone with the
grandkids, leaving Mom and Dad behind.
It’s a great opportunity to get
to know the grandkids, create lifelong
memories and travel experiences
for your grandchildren. My kids
fondly remember those day trips up
to the BC Forest Discovery Centre in
Duncan, because, who doesn’t love a
train?!
The planning process should be as
fun as the trip itself and when all involved
participate it is sure to be a hit.
If you want to get really creative, how
about a mystery trip? With hidden
clues along the way and the destination
a surprise, it is sure to keep everyone
interested and engaged in the
trip itself. If the thought of the planning
is just too overwhelming, there is
always help by way of your local travel
advisor.
To make the most of your trip, here
are a few tips and ideas to get you
started.
Hold a family meeting. Gather
the troops together and ensure everyone
is on the same page. Are you
looking for an action-packed or relaxing
getaway? Being in agreement
from the beginning will help avoid
disappointment and conflict. You
may have an aspiring marine biologist
that would love a trip to the Shaw
Centre for the Salish Sea in Sidney or
perhaps for the animal lover stop in at
the Pacific Northwest Raptor Centre in
Duncan.
Plan Together. Once you’ve agreed
on the overall concept, plan together.
Involve the grandkids! If they are old
enough to research, have them look
into activities and points of interest
along your route and at your destination.
This way they are invested
and you never know what they may
find! Need a theme? How about
a farm tour, totem discovery tour, cycling
tour or see as many waterfalls as
you can tour.
Consider Everyone’s Needs. Are
there special requirements for accommodation
and restaurants? Separate
bedrooms for the snorers in the
group? Restaurants that offer a menu
to suit everyone’s taste, including
accommodating any food allergies
or preferences. Did you know
your grandson is afraid of heights
or your granddaughter is a vegan?
Having some options in advance will
16 Grand grandmag.ca

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save a lot of time and frustration on
your trip.
Plan for Meltdowns. Adult or child,
there will be at least one. Plan your
day to include some down time, respect
each other’s pace while doing
activities and keep to familiar schedules.
Stopping for meals before everyone
(including grandpa) is hungry.
Stop at the local deli for a picnic lunch
on the beach, stop at the local food
truck or farm-to-table restaurant. And
remember to always have a plan B!
Appoint a Trip Photographer. Perhaps
the most important job of all!
Designate someone as the trip photographer.
To appease multiple volunteers,
you may want to alternate days.
If you have younger grandkids, pick
up some disposable cameras. It’s always
fun to see what has sparked their
interest. If it is a special trip, you may
want to consider hiring a professional
photographer for a couple of hours
or for the day. Either way, you want to
capture those family memories.
We have so many beautiful and
wonderous places to visit on the
island, in the province and across
Canada. Take time to enjoy it with
your grandkids and spend some quality
time together.
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Resources to help in your planning:
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hellobc.com
grandmag.ca
The Lazy Mom’s
Back-to-School
Survival Guide
Q&A
Vol. IV, Ed. III 17
Victor & Edith
Newman
Master Carver
& Textile Artist

GRANDparenting
10 Things to Consider and/or Have
on Hand Before Your Grandkids Visit
Disclaimer: I am not a grandparent—yet!
But I have worked with
new parents for 30 years, and
they have confided in me about the
joys and struggles they have with their
kids’ grandparents. To help grandparents
adapt to their new role in a way
that is satisfying to everyone, here are
some things to keep in mind, tailored,
mostly, for those with grandchildren
ages 2–5.
1. A Car Seat
This is one of the aspects of childcare
that has changed the most in the
last 30 years. It is now recommended
to have children in a car seat or booster
seat until they are about 9 years
old, depending upon their weight and
height. The law states that car seats
should stay rear-facing until children
are one year old, but it is safest for
toddler and pre-schoolers to remain
in a rear-facing car seat for as long as
possible. (bcaa.com/community/childcar-seat-safety).
Having a proper car
seat will make your visit with your
grandchild easier and more fun. So
will knowing how to install and use it.
There are so many beautiful places to
explore and adventure on our beautiful
Island!
2. A Yes-Zone
Grandparents’ houses are good
places for children to learn how others
live, and how to behave in a home
that is not their own. It is a good idea
to set boundaries about what kids can
touch, where they put their shoes,
and which rooms they can go into.
But it will make your time together
so much more pleasant if there is also
a yes-zone: a part of your house or
apartment where nothing is off-limits.
Perhaps declutter your living room so
that everyone can hang out together
without anyone being worried about
the kids getting at your priceless Ming
vase or original Rembrandt. When the
adults can relax, the kids have more
fun, and you can all work on developing
a real and meaningful relationship.
3. Outdoor Time
One of the best ways to deal with
kids who are getting a little grumpy is
to take them outdoors. But do a little
reconnoitering before-hand. Find the
best parks, beaches, and playgrounds
near you. If you are living in the home
where you brought up your kids, you
may know some of those destinations.
But some may have changed! And if
you are living in a new place, you will
need to start from scratch. Chat with
some new parents in your neighbourhood
to get their recommendations.
4. Bath Time
The other best way to cheer up a
grumpy child is to put them in water.
Of course, you might take them swimming,
but that’s a lot of work—and
18 Grand grandmag.ca

during COVID, it’s a little scary. But a
bath in the middle of the day, with exciting
new bath toys, or just some yogurt
containers, a little shampoo, and
an old hand-cranked egg beater, can
be really fun. Drops of food-colouring
added to the bath add interest. Check
out bath crayons. Kids can draw on the
walls and then it all washes off.
5. Snacks
Check with your grandchildren’s
parents about what foods they might
not be allowed, or are allergic to. And
then, within those boundaries, stock
up on snacks. A grandparent who
pulls out cookies or cherries or cucumber
slices at just the right moment
is a hero! Remember how your kids
always had tantrums in the late afternoon?
It’s usually because they are
hungry, and we are making them wait
for supper. Plan for some fresh fruit
and veggies that the kids can nosh on
while they wait for the evening meal.
Then, when dinner is served, they’ve
already eaten their vegetables!
6. Cooking and Baking
Cooking and baking with a grandparent
is often one of kids’ best
memories! Plan a simple baking project.
Buy a little apron, perhaps a small
rolling pin, some fun cookie cutters.
Be aware that for preschoolers, cooking
is a rich sensory process. They
need to feel, grab, taste, smell, clutch,
smear everything! It’s not going to be
tidy, so relax and explore with your
grandchild.
Smell the cinnamon, taste the sugar
and the salt, and the baking powder
(yuck!). Focus on the process, and
don’t worry too much about the product.
Enjoy!
7. Toys
You may be tempted to get a whole
bunch of toys to amuse your grandchildren
while they are visiting. Be
careful! A few toys go a long way. And
they make less mess. Building toys
(blocks, Lego, Duplo) are versatile and
fun for all ages. Puzzles are great, but
make sure they are age-appropriate
and not too frustrating. Think about
grandmag.ca
toys that encourage interaction and
playing together. It’s fun to pull out
the toys your kids played with—if you
still have some of those. Check them
out first. Make sure they are clean,
and complete, and that they meet current
safety standards. A grandparent I
know lays out a Brio track every night
after the kids are in bed, and the kids
come down in the morning to discover
it. They are harsh critics: “Great track
Grampa! But yesterday’s was better!”
A grandmother I know bought
a beautiful tea set for her grandson,
because she had always wanted one
as a child. They had lovely tea parties
together, with the burnt cookies they
had baked! Make sure you have a place
to put all the toys away at the end of
the day. A big toy bin will make cleanup
easy.
8. Gardening
If you like gardening, and have
a garden, think about how you can
share that pleasure with your grandkids.
Can you give them a little spot
they can dig in? A few seeds to “plant?”
A little apron, some tiny gardening
gloves, a small trowel and bucket.
Make sure the tools are real. Plastic
tools are often disappointing. My children’s
grandmother taught them a lot
about the names of flowers and plants,
and weeds, too. That’s a way of sharing
a love of plants even if you don’t
have a garden.
9. Outings
Grandparents have always been
important in teaching children about
their culture and heritage. Taking
your grandchildren to museums, community
festivals and events, concerts
and movies is a great way to do that.
Don’t expect too much of the kids’ attention
span though. Be prepared with
a lot of snacks and a really good attitude
yourself! And be prepared to bail
and go home if it just doesn’t seem like
the right day for this outing. Try again
next year!
10. Downtime
When your grandchildren come to
visit, things can get intense. There
may be too many people, too many
family events, too many outings.
Make sure there is a quiet time every
day, when you and your grandchild
can cuddle and read books or watch a
movie. With any luck, that will turn
into a nap! What a delight! If there
have been several high-energy, eventfilled
days in a row, declare a hang-out
day. Stay home. Wear pyjamas. Eat
cereal. Make playdough (thebestideasforkids.com/playdough-recipe).
Build
a blanket fort. Those memories are
golden!
Eva Bild is the owner
of the Mothering Touch
Centre on Fort Street in
Victoria. She teaches
many of the classes
there, including
the popular
Grandparenting
Class. Visit motheringtouch.ca,
instagram.com/motheringtouch975
or facebook.com/motheringtouch.
Vol. IV, Ed. III 19

GRANDparenting
A Little Kindness
Goes a Long Way
Many years ago, when my sons
were in grade school, much
to their displearsure, I ran an
errand after picking them up at the
end of the school day. All they wanted
to do was get home and relax. The
fact that I dragged them along on my
errand didn’t sit well with either of
them, so they both moped and brooded
in the back seat, their silence a
clear indication of their annoyance.
While waiting at a red light, my attention
was drawn to an old man who
was crossing the street in front of my
car and going at an agonizingly slow
pace. He was thin and hunched over
and reminded me of a bent stick. I was
amazed he could walk without toppling
over!
I could see he was struggling with
two bags of groceries and I saw that
the direction he was headed in would
take him up a hill. Thinking about
how difficult that would be for him, I
pulled my car alongside and offered
him a ride. He gratefully accepted
even though it was apparently only a
few more blocks to his apartment.
After we dropped him off, my sons
asked why I had picked him up. They
were impatient to get home and were
in no mood to share their ride with a
complete stranger. They knew I had
a soft spot when it came to elderly
people, but rather than remind them
of that, I replied, “Because when I’m
a hunched-over old woman, I hope
someone will stop and help me.” That
not only stifled their complaining, but
it also gave them something to think
about on the ride home.
Fast forward 25 years to when I
found myself standing on a street corner
this past Christmas, supporting
my six-year-old grandson as he belted
out Christmas carols by himself from
a songbook in an effort to raise money
for the local food bank. His desire
to do something for all the families
affected financially by Covid-19 far
outweighed his natural inclination to
avoid attention. Watching him screw
up his courage and perform such an
act of kindness warmed my heart.
In an hour of non-stop caroling, he
raised $273 for the local food bank. His
efforts were rewarded with a tour of
the food bank where he saw firsthand
how the money he had earned would
be used.
20 Grand grandmag.ca

I have always found that young
children tend to be naturally kind.
Fostering and encouraging that is our
job as parents and grandparents. You
just never know how much a simple
act of kindness may mean to another
person. It doesn’t have to be anything
big—it could be something as simple
as a smile, a compliment or giving up
one’s seat on a bus. If someone is at an
emotional low, a kind act may mean
everything. It may mean the difference
between a miserable day and a
lift to someone’s spirits, even if that
lift ends up being the only bright spot
in their day.
Showing kindness can also motivate
the recipient to do something kind in
turn for someone else. A “Pay it Forward”
sort of thing. And remarkably,
a kind act is not only beneficial to the
receiver, but to the giver as well. One
can’t help but feel a mixture of pride,
accomplishment and usefulness. It’s
almost like a natural high.
The Covid-19 pandemic has created
extraordinary challenges for all of us.
It has brought to light the importance
of being kind to others, especially
during such trying times. Dr. Bonnie
Henry summed it up aptly with her
request to “Be kind. Be calm. Be safe.”
It’s no surprise that Be Kind was a
cornerstone of her message. After all,
a little kindness can go a long way.
flexibility
for
different
learning
styles
optional
hands-on
learning
activities
support
from a
certified
teacher
gentle and
constructive
feedback
Susan Gnucci is a local author and a
proud “nonna.” She enjoys sharing her
experiences as a grandparent.
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 21

GRANDparenting
Sleep Solutions for
Grandkid Sleepovers
The day has come when Mom and
Dad need a break. Grandparents
having been anticipating and
looking forward to the day where they
can have their grandbaby overnight.
So much excitement in the air for both
the parents and grandparents. Parents
get a night out and grandparent finally
feel helpful. This sets the stage for
such great feelings doesn’t it? Until it’s
time to sleep….
diaper bag and off you go. However, if
your baby is highly sensitive to their
environment they will most surely
protest a night at grandparents but
that doesn’t mean it can’t happen or be
successful, it may just take a bit more
preparation.
There are many things grandparents
and parents can do to prepare the
baby for a successful day and night at
grandparents’ house.
Create the most conducive
environment for sleep.
If grandparents have a room that
they can set up similarly to the baby’s
room at home that would be a great
start. Doesn’t mean you need to redo
the guest room by any means but having
the correct “equipment” is salient.
This can include a “pack and play” to
be used a crib, a sound machine and
portable black out blinds. When the
visit is over, these item can be easily
put away in the closet or go home with
the baby. Also don’t forget the baby’s
sleep clothes and favorite blanket or
stuffy. These transitional objects will
help the baby drift off to sleep more
easily.
The baby’s personality will mostly
dictate whether or not the night at
grandparents is going to go well. If
your baby is easy going, “goes with
the flow” and will sleep anywhere,
then little preparation may be needed
for a parent’s night out. Drop off the
Follow a schedule and routine
through the day.
I know that grandparents want to be
fun and spontaneous and they should!
But only if it’s not time to sleep. Trust
me, if you want to have fun with your
grandbaby, you don’t want to miss the
sleep cues or veer too far off schedule.
This will not be fun for anyone. A
baby that doesn’t sleep, can be cranky.
Keep in mind that an overtired baby is
22 Grand grandmag.ca

MORE difficult to get to sleep. Sure, if
your grandbaby is a little older a little
shift here and there in the schedule
will not be detrimental but if your
grandbaby is under one years old,
then let’s stick to their sleep schedule,
it’ll be much more pleasurable.
Napping is important!
Don’t forget that babies need to
nap. We can forego a nap because
adult sleep needs are not as high as
a baby’s sleep needs. And if a baby is
well rested through the day, then the
baby will be more fun though the day
and easier to put down for bedtime.
The idea “let’s get them tired and they
will sleep through the night,” doesn’t
apply to babies. Again, trust me, it’ll
only backfire on you to not nap the
baby. It’s ok to do an on-the-go nap in
a stroller or carrier if you just can’t
seem to get them down in the crib. Just
try not to abort the nap altogether.
Respect the parents’ hard work.
For many grandparents, their ideas
differ greatly from the baby’s parents.
It may be hard for you to let go of your
ideas and apply the ideas of the parents.
Remember everyone has the baby’s
best interest at heart but nobody
wants to make an already stressful
situation (leaving the baby overnight)
for the parents more stressful.
Likely it has taken a lot of work for
the parents to set up sleep routines
and schedules. As a sleep consultant I
know how anxiety provoking changing
sleep habits can be! So why not
just help the parents keep to their
routine as best as you can? It may also
help with you getting another chance
at watching the baby overnight…wink,
wink. It will also help the parents anxiety
of leaving the baby with you. We
want the parent to enjoy their night
off, not be worried that their baby is
not sleeping.
Have fun!
During wake hours, have a much
fun as possible. Enjoy these precious
times with your grandbaby. You are
a gift to the baby’s parents for taking
the baby overnight and a gift to the
baby for being at great grandparent.
Sukkie Sandhu of
HappyBaby Sleep
Solutions is a Registered
Clinical Counsellor
and Certified
Baby/Child Sleep
Consultant who
works with families
to create health
sleep habits. The cost of a sleep consultation
may be covered under your extended
medical plan. For more information visit
happybabysleepsolutions.com or for a
free evaluation call 250-857-1408.
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 23

GRANDparenting
‘Grand’ Feelings
Dr. Allison Rees is
a parent educator,
counsellor and coach
at LIFE Seminars (Living
in Families Effectively),
lifeseminars.com.
It was July 2020, smack dab in the
middle of lockdown, when I received
a call from my daughter
announcing she was pregnant. Lexy
and her husband, Andrew, had just
purchased a home—in Oregon. A little
bittersweet as I could only enjoy this
remotely. I had the real estate listing
of their house locked in my phone,
going through the pictures daily. I was
so happy for them. I felt like a stalker
when I went on Google Earth. There I
could walk up and down their neighbourhood
like a needy ghost stopping
to stare at their front door. I was aching
to be there with them.
In December, they braved a border
crossing and came to Victoria to spend
Christmas with us. It was a delight to
walk my grand-dog, Oscar and pick up
whatever groceries they needed while
they served their time in quarantine.
Looking at them through a glass door
was way better than staring at them
on Zoom. Finally, we became a bubble.
This took the term family enmeshment
to a new level, especially when
we shared Lexy’s food cravings.
Like all of our visits, time went too
quickly and once again, we found
ourselves saying goodbye. I can usually
contain my tears to drives from an
airport after dropping Lexy and Andrew
off. This time was different; as I
hugged Lexy goodbye, I could feel my
granddaughter between us. More to
love, more to miss and more to worry
about.
The third trimester was traumatic.
At 32 weeks, Lexy had complications,
scary ones. She was admitted to the
hospital, where the doctors were contemplating
a C-section. I found this
out via text message. While the baby
would survive, she would be spending
two months in an incubator. And
what about my daughter? She was so
scared and stressed. How could I help
her? Even if I were to fly down there, I
wouldn’t be allowed to visit her in the
hospital. My only choice was to faint;
the helplessness was overwhelming.
Later that day, she called me. She
had been discharged under the condition
that she would be monitored
closely. She was determined to stay
pregnant as long as she could. Days
turned into weeks, each one feeling
like a miracle. While there were concerns,
Lexy had the backbone to make
tough decisions every day. I tried to
keep my anxiety in check, but I would
become frozen with fear if she didn’t
answer my texts right away. Then I
would hear the ding of a message,
Sorry mom, Andy and I just took Oscar
for a walk. Okay, breathing again.
At 39 weeks, Lexy went into labour.
24 Grand grandmag.ca

I was right there beside them via text.
iPhones don’t faint, so I was good with
this. The greatest relief and thrill
came through a picture. Arlow is her
name.
Time to get down there. I thought I
could drive down, and that felt safe to
me. I even upgraded my car to something
more reliable, but the borders
were closed. Flying was the only option.
Yikes. When I saw all the hoops I
would have to jump through, my anxiety
said, I can’t do this. For about two
hours, I just sat and cried. It is funny
what anxiety can do; not only does it
shrink our ability to think creatively
and rationally, but it tries to stop us
from doing meaningful things. Once
my nervous system calmed down, the
mature and very new grandmother,
part of me, stepped up. When that
happened, nothing would stop me. I
was off.
I was thrilled to see Andrew at the
airport in Oregon. We were able to
catch up on the last seven weeks, the
hospital experience and debrief about
the trauma of childbirth from a different
angle than the mother. There
is so much that we aren’t prepared for
when we have a baby. It is something
that you just don’t get without the experience.
Arriving at their house was surreal.
I’m here now. I’m going to see my baby
and her baby. There are no words, just
grand-feelings.
For 12 glorious days, I vibrated with
love. I was awed by Lexy’s maternal
instincts and moved by Andrew’s care
for both his wife and his daughter. I
fell in love with Arlow, the most beautiful
baby on the planet, who looks so
much like me I’m surprised they didn’t
call her Allison. ;) Every time Lexy
thanked me for cooking or cleaning or
doing a baby shift, I told her it brought
me joy. She was beginning to understand
how wonderful it is for a mother
to love her daughter as I was experiencing
the grand-feelings of loving
them all.
grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 25

Money &
Finances
Planned Giving
giving” is a phrase
that charities use often and
“Planned
donors almost never say! In a
nutshell, it means you create a charitable
gift now that goes to the organization
you love in the future, usually
when you die.
It’s “planned” because it takes some
thought and preparation, and because
you should consult a lawyer and your
financial planner about it. The easiest
planned gift is part of something you
should have anyway: your Will.
Sounds like a lot of work. Is it
complicated?
It’s not really a lot of work. Everyone,
regardless of income or assets,
should have a Will, and everyone
should prepare that Will with the help
of a lawyer and a financial advisor.
Including a charitable gift adds a few
minutes to those conversations and
just a few sentences to your Will.
Why should I consider it?
A gift in your Will lets you make the
gift of a lifetime to a cause you believe
in—a gift you might not be able to afford
while you’re alive.
“People think that leaving money
to a charity will diminish what they
can leave to their kids,” says Colleen
Bradley a specialist in Wills and
estate planning at PGgrowth. “But
because of Canada’s tax regulations,
you can give money to a charity that
you would otherwise give to Canada
Revenue Agency in taxes. And if your
net income in the year of your death is
lower than the amount you give, your
executor can claim a rebate against
26 Grand grandmag.ca

your previous year’s income and add
that to your estate.”
What should I tell my family?
Talking it through with your kids
is a crucial step. Explain that your
charitable donation will offset taxes
on the estate. They’ll be happy to see it
go somewhere other than the tax collector.
And even if they aren’t, says Bradley,
it’s your money. You have the right
to give it to charity.
How does it benefit the charity I
care about?
That charity probably struggles to
support its current programs, launch
new ones, renew buildings and equipment,
perhaps take a risk on something
promising but untried. When it
receives a gift through someone’s Will,
the charity can use that gift for something
special—something it couldn’t
do otherwise. Or it can save and invest
the gift so that the yearly interest
goes on supporting programs you’ve
been giving to year by year. Talk to
the charity you love about using your
bequest in the way you’d like it to be
used.
Anyone can make a bequest. The
amount doesn’t matter—but supporting
a cause you cherish, leaving
a legacy of values as well as financial
disbursements, matters a lot. It’s one of
the most important things you can do
to build the world you’d like to see.
Janet Gadeski is
president of Hilborn,
a publisher sharing
the knowledge
that charities and
their leaders need to
change the world,
and editorial director
for PGgrowth,
a consultancy that
helps charities inspire
donors to include charitable bequests
in their Wills. Reprinted with permission
from Canada Helps, canadahelps.org.
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grandmag.ca
Vol. IV, Ed. III 27