Equations: Dialectic Form (2021)

#47
Lisa has dramatic moments; however, unlike Trish, she is unable to make
them stick. Trish is able to make her dramas go up— they incorporate
myth, history, and the ineluctable nature of hostile circumstances. Lisa is
crass, and when she has panic attacks, they cause discomfort that rivets
negative attention on her vulgarity. Moreover, I am looking for a way out,
an ostensible reason to pursue Trish over Lisa. I learn for the second time
that physical sparks lose their luster over long periods of time— things get
stale, and the movements, gestures, and contours that were once enticing
become repulsive. I see that Lisa and I have mostly a relationship of
convenience, a kind of sham marriage— what never coalesces seems more
important than what does. People become habits to each other and spend
vast amounts of time (months, years, decades, life-times) in sham
relationships just to create the impression of being loved, of belonging
somewhere. That real love never enters the equation is an irrelevant issue
to them. What is real love? Real love is something Trish and I learn
about— a shared movement upwards, a companionship towards higher
realities, an unwillingness to deny that stasis is a dominant factor in the
human world.
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