A Thousand Splendid Suns

Rasheed touched his head with the palm of his hand. He looked at the
blood on his fingertips, then at Mariam. She thought she saw his face
soften. She imagined that something had passed between them, that
maybe she had quite literally knocked some understanding into his head.
Maybe he saw something in her face too, Mariam thought, something that
made him hedge. Maybe he saw some trace of all the self-denial, all the
sacrifice, all the sheer exertion it had taken her to live with him for all
these years, live with his continual condescension and violence, his
faultfinding and meanness. Was that respect she saw in his eyes? Regret?
But then his upper lip curled back into a spiteful sneer, and Mariam
knew then the futility, maybe even the irresponsibility, of not finishing
this. If she let him walk now, how long before he fetched the key from
his pocket and went for that gun of his upstairs in the room where he'd
locked Zalmai? Had Mariam been certain that he would be satisfied with
shooting only her, that there was a chance he would spare Laila, she
might have dropped the shovel. But in Rasheed's eyes she saw murder
for them both.
And so Mariam raised the shovel high, raised it as high as she could,
arching it so it touched the small of her back. She turned it so the sharp
edge was vertical, and, as she did, it occurred to her that this was the
first time that she was deciding the course of her own life.
And, with that, Mariam brought down the shovel This time, she gave it
everything she had.
46.