Dear Dean Magazine: December 22, 2022

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Relationship Renegotiation: “Forgiveness entails renegotiating the nature of one’s relationship, including rules and expectations for future behavior.” There was a study here that found around “28% of participants indicated that the relationship had returned to ‘normal,’ after forgiveness was granted, around 36% reported their relationship had deteriorated and around 32% strengthened. Thus, forgiveness does not guarantee reconciliation.” It is here we find the power and importance of the renegotiation process and desire to do so by both or all individuals involved. If the newly negotiated areas of the relationship are not sufficient or one person is unwilling to move forward, the relationship will continue to struggle. Connected to the renegotiation process is also how one communicates in the aftermath of conflict. From an interpersonal communication perspective, active listening is just as important (if not more) as effectively communicating your own feelings and your non-verbal behaviors play a role in the process and outcome as well. During conflict, a tendency is to focus more so on what you are trying to say – the point you are trying to prove in order to be right – rather than to communicate for the purpose of resolution and listen, in order to really understand what the other person is attempting to convey. It has been found throughout various research studies, that colors, sounds and lighting can affect moods and therefore, effect interactions. These are elements which we often have control over, so it may be worth evaluating your environment to see if initial mood and positive energy can be improved prior to conflict initiating all together. Relationships are a process of give and take. Trying to be right all the time can be detrimental and thinking there is a right and wrong can set couples off track fast. Sometimes, the best resolution is a blend of ideas that come out of tension and initial conflict. Take the time to communicate and try not to give up in moments of fluster and frustration. Conflict can play a positive role if you let it help you If we learn to be better active listeners, we may realize boost your communication effectiveness and propel that there are common grounds we agree upon, more your relationship to new heights. Just like failures so than disagree. Also, it may give you the ability to along the road to success, conflict can aid as a new “walk in their shoes,” if only for a moment, to best birth for discussing greater ways to live in harmony understand why they may feel as they do. through the process of renegotiation and in better understanding the people you love the most. Extending forgiveness non-verbally can be in the form of positive facial expressions, offering a smile, a hug or This holiday season, consider your relationships and nodding that you understand and have compassion in whether there is an opportunity to practice the moment. Also, if we lack awareness of our facial Forgiveness within your life. It can be a life-changing expressions and bodily gestures, it can translate as process for yourself and others. aggression and cause even more conflict to occur. DEAR DEAN MAGAZINE | p.269
BLM-PD BLM-PD BLM-PD BLM-PD. BLM-PD. BLM-PD. BLM-PD BLM-PD In the not too distant future, the US has been taken over by white nationalists, and the institutionalized racism that has underscored the country’s entire history has once again been codified. California has seceded from the US, and a band of strong women plan to start the next civil war following the death of their friend at the hands of the police. This is BLM-PD.
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Dear Dean Magazine: December 22, 2022

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