Pittwater Life April 2023 Issue

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Health & Wellbeing Health & Wellbeing Finding positives in being ‘Selfish’ While there can be a divide between women who choose to have children or not, two sisters are proving they can have one voice on the subject. Charmaine Coxon and Cassandra Magrath have joined forces to self-publish a hand guide for new and experienced mums called The Selfish Mamma. While they are similar in being strong women and each other’s biggest supporters, they have their differences too – Mrs Coxon has two children and runs a marketing business from her Newport home while Miss Magrath is a Melbourne actor and screen writer who doesn’t have children. And while “the selfish mamma” is a separate identity, it is a joint collaboration between the sisters who bounced ideas off each other via Zoom catch-ups. Mrs Coxon lends her voice to the book, while Miss Magrath wrote the six chapters. “I’m the selfish mum,” Mrs Coxon, 38, said. “When I was pregnant I realised there was a socio-economic issue with mums judging other mums. I know of one mum who judged another with three kids because she spent an hour doing her makeup each day. “It shocked me that another mother would say that, or think that it’s selfish. It sparked my awareness of judgment and it opened my eyes into the motherhood arena.” Miss Magrath has also witnessed the judgmental culture when socialising with Mrs Coxon, their other two sisters and her friends who all have children. “I don’t have children myself but I do know how mothers can judge one another,” Miss Magrath, 41, said. “The list of things that mothers have to do is insane – the food prep alone would do my head in, if you’re going to survive you have to put yourself first. “I felt like contributing to something JOINED FORCES: Sisters Charmaine Coxon and Cassandra Magrath. positive with The Selfish Mamma and I wanted to be part of a growing movement, it’s a relatable and funny look at motherhood. “Just mother the way you want to mother and stay in your own lane.” It’s a message echoed by Mrs Coxon, who acknowledged that while there were other “cringey” self-help books on the subject, The Selfish Mamma was a dark-humoured look at typical mothering experiences. And the list is long when you take into account that there is an expectation that all mums do school drop-off and pick-up, make school lunches, have dinner on the table every night, take their children to activities but also spend time with them, work out and look good. “You shouldn’t spend too much money but you also have to work to make money,” she said. “I was actually doing a lot of things out of obligation or out of fear that other mums would judge me. I finally gave myself permission to say no and a toxic friendship was the first thing to go – I do practise everything in my book. “We do a lot out of love for our kids, but now (as the ‘selfish mamma’) I’m probably the most content I’ve ever been.” Now you are more likely to find Mrs Coxon dancing in the loungeroom with her two children because they have the time and energy, rather than saying yes to every invitation. She has also set the tone at home by not washing every day and politely asking her husband to cook twice a week, admitting that “all the little things” have made a big change. One of the biggest changes was being honest with herself and setting boundaries. “The kids have noticed a difference and they do the same things with their friends,” she said. “I’m now more conscientious and aware of my time; I think before committing. We need to stop this judgment of ourselves so we don’t judge other mothers. “Even if just one other mum questions ‘is this working for me?’ it will be worthwhile, hopefully it will ignite a re-look at the way we do things.” Mrs Coxon had a good-natured laugh at her own expense too: “I put myself first – at times.” And is there another project in the works for the sisters? “Maybe a look at female friendships?” said Miss Magrath. “It’s all about taking control of your own space.” – Kat Adamski *The Selfish Mamma is available on Amazon. 50 APRIL <strong>2023</strong> The Local Voice Since 1991
with Rowena Beckenham Regular eye examinations for ‘Thief of Sight’ glaucoma Some 300,000 Australians are affected by glaucoma, an eye disease that if left undiagnosed and untreated can cause blindness. But if detected early, vision loss can be prevented. Just like Kirk Pengilly from iconic Aussie band INXS, 300,000 Australians are affected by glaucoma. “When I got glaucoma it really hit home how lucky I was to not lose my sight,” says Kirk (pictured), who was touring with INXS in the late 1980s when he experienced what felt like daggers being pressed into his eyes. It was only thanks to pioneering laser surgery at the time that his sight was saved from what was an acute angleclosure glaucoma attack. With an estimated 150,000 Australians unaware that they have glaucoma, we should all be treating our eyes to a test – especially those with a direct relative who has glaucoma. If you have glaucoma, those directly related to you – brothers, sisters, sons, daughters – have an almost 1 in 4 chance of developing glaucoma too. Start a conversation and ask your family and friends to book an eye examination. Known as the ‘silent thief of sight’, glaucoma develops slowly for most people, and a considerable amount of peripheral vision may be lost before the problem becomes noticeable. This can affect your ability to maintain a drivers licence and can significantly affect independence. Glaucoma Australia says around three per cent of Australians (3 in 100) will develop glaucoma in their lifetime – yet more than 35 per cent have not undergone regular eye examinations. We know that Australians over 50 years of age are more at risk of developing glaucoma; along with optometrist colleagues Valerie, Rebecca and Stephanie from Beckenham Optometrist in Avalon, in conjunction with Glaucoma Australia, we urge those at risk to have their eye health checked by an optometrist every two years to prevent the irreversible damage caused by glaucoma – and save sight! *More info glaucoma.org.au Comment supplied by Rowena Beckenham, of Beckenham Optometrist in Avalon (9918 0616). Rowena has been involved in all facets of independent private practice optometry in Avalon for more than 20 years, in addition to working as a consultant to the optometric and pharmaceutical industry, and regularly volunteering in Aboriginal eyecare programs in regional NSW. Health & Wellbeing The Local Voice Since 1991 APRIL <strong>2023</strong> 51
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Pittwater Life April 2023 Issue

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