Siouxland Magazine - Volume 5 Issue 3

Siouxland Magazine | BeComing / 38
Ask the Therapist
By Jackie Paulson
Send Your
Questions
to the
Therapist.
have heard of the importance of letting my feelings ‘be
there’ but wonder at what point am I giving feelings such as
depression and anxiety too much attention. I am afraid I will
Q:“I
get stuck in negativity.”
Dear Reader,
This is actually a common exploration that happens
in therapy. The theories I work from as a therapist
often promote a lot of emotional intimacy, which
encourages learning to “be with” emotions rather
than try to dissociate or distract from them. The
idea is that emotions themselves are not actually
a threat. Our belief about those emotions creates
a story that emotions are unsafe and that we
should fix them or get away from them as quickly
as possible, which can become problematic.
Emotions never really go away when we run from
them. Often they just get tucked away. Repressed
emotions can manifest in the body as physical
symptoms if they go unaddressed for a long time.
For this reason, I like to empower people to find the
courage to address their feelings and challenge
the belief that there is anything to fix. I want them to
acknowledge the intelligence of their body-mind.
Often the body knows exactly how to respond to
help wake the individual up to an overall better
well-being. And sometimes, the body does that
through symptoms like depression, anxiety, anger,
etc. Just as the body elicits pain when you put
your hand on something too hot to motivate
you to respond and move it away, the body also
offers you feedback through the emotions and
sensations in your body. I also appreciate that
sometimes states of depression and anxiety can
be patterns that need to be re-patterned, which
requires intentional action in building an opposite
state inside the body-mind.
Ultimately, the answer to this question is highly
individual. First, I encourage anyone who feels they
can relate to access someone who can support them
with reflections that will guide that person in the right
direction for themselves.
Next, learning to attune and track your body’s
“signals” (often felt through sensations through the
body) will be the most helpful skill in understanding
what the best response is at any given time. Practices
such as guided breathwork, yoga, mindfulness, etc.,
can all be helpful in learning the skill of interoception.
Building on this skill does take practice and some
training, but when one learns to do so - it can open
up a vast array of possibilities and personal authority.
In order to really understand when a feeling needs
more space and time from you versus when you are
hijacked by and getting stuck in an emotional state
will often be felt quite subtly within the context of our
body’s internal signals. Pendulation is a word that
describes the practice of moving back and forth. A
lot of emotional regulation and nervous system work
is not about achieving a higher state and staying there
but rather increasing one’s capacity to be flexible
between states, including emotions. For example,
if I have a conflict with my friend and become really
angry, how available do I feel to soften the anger?