The Good Life – March-April 2024

DAD LIFE
Navigatiing THE Conversatiion
A Guide to Discussing Dating with Your Pre-Teen Son
WRITTEN BY: PAUL HANKEL
As your pre-teen son enters a phase of self-discovery
(and hopefully everyday hygiene practices) and begins to
show interest in relationships, every parent must open
up a healthy and supportive dialogue about dating and
appropriate interactions with the opposite sex. While it
may seem challenging, fostering open communication
is essential for your child's emotional and social
development. In terms of my own pre-teen, my goal is to
help him navigate this new territory with confidence and
respect.
Start Early and Keep It Casual
There is no absolute set time that a parent should begin,
“the talk”. Some children mature earlier, some are late
bloomers. However, it is important to set a framework for
dating and healthy relationships as soon as your son can
grasp the concept.
Having conversations about dating shouldn't be a onetime
event; it's a process that should start early and evolve
as your son ages. To begin - introduce casual discussions
about friendships and relationships, creating a foundation
for more in-depth discussions as your child ages. By
incorporating these conversations into everyday life, you'll
make the subject feel more natural and less intimidating
or embarrassing.
Be More of a Listener
One of the keys to effective communication with pre-teens,
especially boys, is active listening. Create an environment
where your son feels comfortable sharing his thoughts
and experiences. By being an active listener, you'll build
trust and encourage your child to seek guidance when
facing challenges.
Share Your Own Experiences
You may be tempted to give advice based on your own
dating experiences, some of which may be negative. It
is important to include a caveat with said experiences
and to impart the fact that everyone’s dating experiences
are wildly different in most cases. By offering personal
anecdotes, you'll humanize the conversation and show
your son that you understand the complexities of
relationships. Share the lessons you've learned along the
way, both the positives and negatives, and impart wisdom
without being too “preachy”.
Discuss Emotional Intelligence
Dating is the ultimate test of emotional intelligence. Help
your son recognize and understand his own emotions
and those of others. Discuss the importance of empathy,
self-awareness, and effective communication in building
meaningful connections. Encourage him to be in touch
with his feelings and in tune with the feelings of those
around him, especially a romantic partner.
Be Ready and Willing to Apologize
When dating, will your son need to know when and how to
apologize? Absolutely. Will he sometimes feel like he isn’t
in the wrong? For sure.
This is one of those universal scenarios that there isn’t
a definitive answer for. I explain it best by saying: just
because you don’t feel like you’re wrong, doesn’t mean
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