The Health bulletin [serial] - University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

e the "Chief of State of the Legal Gov-
ernment-in-exile of All the Russians."
She was booted out of Russia during
the revolution, she says. During the
Second World War, she v^ent to v^ork
for the U. S. government at the pay
rate of a five star general, she claims.
The communication to Flinchum says
that poor Catherine never got paid for
her efforts and she is demanding full
pay from the v\/ar days to the present
along with six per cent interest. Flinchum
said the letter fascinated him but
was out of his department.
His Favorite
Flinchum's favorite letter— more in
the sublime category— is from a lady in
Corpus Christi, Texas, who ran into
trouble when she tried to get a birth
certificate.
"Dear To-Whom-lt-May-Concern," the
letter begins. "Twice before I went
down to the hardware and got a black-
suited, wing-collared, prohibition-favor-
ing, bible-quoting, woman-scorning,
hair-oiled, cracker-barrelled, lawyer to
rite a letter for me in order to get my
certificate.
"Along with these two long letters
asking for my birth certificate, I
was
nice enough to tell you what had happened
to all my kinfolk and who mar-
ried who. Now, I
did
not have to go to
all that trouble seeing as how I
enclose
a dollar each time, one made by the
U. S. Treasury and one by a real good
friend of mine.
But the lady says that she gives
her date of birth.
"My birth was normal although Mama
did say that she thought that I
took to the syrup and cornbread more
than any of the other eight. What hair I
was
had was red and both eyes brown. I
had three dimples. I
cute youngin'. I
before as I
myself, but I
kind
did
really sort of
not tell you all this
of hate to talk about
guess a person has to give
you all this kind of information afore
you let loose of anythng vital. Anyhow,
weighed.
I don't mind if it will help you all. I
forgot what I
Anyhow, you
can't go too much by that. I've dieted
so much that I'm only a few pounds
heavier that what I
weighed back there
in Guilford County, High Point, North
Carolina, on August 26, 1928. (CHECK
AGAIN, IT'S GOT TO BE THERE.)"
The lady had a god reason for want-
ing the birth certificate:
"I'm going to get married when I
get
that birth certificate. You see my good-
looking, tall-in-the-saddle. Democrat-vot-
ing, Virgin-admiring, revival-attending,
fiance sort of has a question. He thinks
I'm either lying about my age or my
virtue.
"Now I've been real nice carrying on
this one-way correspondence with you.
And this is the last dollar in the can.
That three dollars had been saved for
ain't
my trueso, but I
you all, but I
don't
mind giving it to
got no more, so you
all quit kidding about not having no
have no rec-
record of me. Of course, I
ord. No police ever accused me of a
thing. So, don't go making no statement
like that. I'm beginning to suspicion
that one of them Davises that we used
to fuss with has lied their way into a
job with you all— and if that is so, then
get somebody else to check the files-
only one of them ever went to school
and that the low third grade where
they just give you crayons and let you
color all day.
"If is any help to you, my family is
Irish and only granny drinks," the letter
concluded.
Below the signature is a list of who
received a carbon copy of the letter: the
President, the Governor, Billy Graham,
the warden, the UN (Commitee on vitals
and vittles) and the KKK. One copy
apiece!
—From Raleigh News & Observer
September, 1967 THE HEALTH BULLETIN 13