B December 8 - 14 11.pmd - San Gabriel Valley Examiner

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The San Gabriel Valley Examiner
December 8 - 14, 2011
What Is Your New Year's Resolution? Another Diet . . . or Something Different?
The holidays are fast approaching
and soon it will be
time to write out 2012 resolutions.
Eating healthier and getting
more exercise will no doubt
be somewhere on your list.
But is your body really the most
important area that needs improvement?
Or is there something
more challenging that
you may be avoiding . . . like
strengthening your marriage?
And, if you're divorced,
what resolution will you make
to finally seek help? Face itwhether
you left the marriage
or got dumped, we all suffer
the equivalent of a nuclear
bomb in our personal and family
lives, yet we attempt to
move on as if nothing happened.
From my experience working
with divorce recovery
groups across the country, I
see fewer than a third of divorcees
ever get the help they
and their family need. It just
seems too hard, or maybe it
will all go away if we ignore it.
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But unhealed emotions still produce
pain.
And to numb the pain, we
rush into new relationships or
retreat into the daily and timeconsuming
distractions of
parenting or work, without taking
the time or spending the
money to see a therapist or get
involved with a divorce recovery
group.
As a result, most of us never
fully understand the underlying
issues that contributed to our
divorce in the first place and
we set ourselves up for making
the same kinds of mistakes
in the future. Did you know
that divorce rates are much
higher the next time around?
Failing to address the lingering
anger or grief from divorce
- regardless of when it took
place - also makes us more
likely to be depressed and,
consequently, to overeat, to
drink to excess or to engage in
other unhealthy behaviors -
some of which may coinciden-
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tally be on your list of behaviors
to better control in 2012!
The good news is there are
numerous resources to get you
started on the road to recovery.
Website resources include
www.FamilyLifeCenter.net,
www.Family.com as well as
www.Family.org.
Henri J.M. Nouwen has
written several books that can
help with depression, including
Turn my Mourning into Dancing,
The Inner Voice - A Journey
through Anguish to Freedom
and The Wounded
Healer.
The kids are affected by divorce,
too, in ways you may
not even know. Need ideas to
improve your parenting, or to
deal with being a single parent?
Take a look at Dr. Ray
Guarendi's book, You're a Better
Parent Than You Think as
well as any book by James
Dobson, including Love Must
Be Tough, Raising up Boys,
Raising up Girls and The
Strong Willed Child. Suze
Orman has also written several
books that can help you
get finances back in order.
The bigger challenge, of
course, is confronting the
deeper, underlying issues that
most people are afraid to face.
For that, you may need to first
admit you could use some help,
come out of your comfort zone
and join a divorce recovery
group. It's a good place to start.
Growing numbers of
churches offer divorce recovery
workshops and support
groups that are comprised of
people of all ages who have
been through divorce and are
willing to share their experiences
as well as their strategies
for healing and recovery.
By attending a divorce recovery
workshop or support group,
you may also discover some of
the topics you need to focus
on if you find you could benefit
from the help of a therapist.
Maybe just this year you can
let yourself skip the diet when
it comes to your list of New
Year's Resolutions and focus
on something much more
valuable-the head and heart
issues that still need healing.
For many of us, that means
confronting the unresolved
pain of divorce-or the panic
about finding someone newand
taking the necessary steps
toward a more meaningful re-
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covery. By next year it could
mean a healthier and brighter
future for yourself and your
family.
Rose Sweet has written
several books on the topic of
divorce, including A
Woman's Guide to Healing
the Heartbreak of Divorce
and she is a frequent guest
on national radio and television
shows. Her DVD series,
the Catholic's Divorce
Survival Guide, is being used
by divorce recovery groups
across the country. Email her
at rose@rosesweet.com.