4 - Wilmington Town Crier - Wilmington Memorial Library

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Tony Stack walked into
Mickey Reardon's Spirit World
and ordered a double whiskey.
He drank it down, slapped a ten
dollar bill on the bar and walked
out. Blackie Vega, (the bar-
tender) picked it up and was
putting it in his pocket when
Mickey Reardon happened to
walk in and exclaimed, "what
are you doing?" Blackie sheep-
ishly explained, "can you beat
that? Tony Stack leaves a ten
dollar tip and FORGETS to pay
for his drink!"
I don't blame you if you don't
believe that I was a Sunday
School teacher for five years.
Some of those kids of long ago
are today, from clam diggers all
the way up to a Bank President.
Here are a few of the many
answers I got to my questions.
Brian McCarthy: "an Atheist is
one who when Southern Metho-
dist plays Notre Dame in foot-
ball doesn't care who wins."
Joe Ravida: "Holy Orders?
Fish on Fridays."
Mark Aloisi: "we can save our
soles if we walk on our heels."
Howie Murphy: "Choir Loft is
the closest some singers will
ever get to Heaven."
Paradise, Frank Gioia said,
"is when your mother-in-law
lives 3000 miles away."
Folks, I could go on and on
but just one more gem. I asked
Jim Arigo "where was Moses
when the lights went OUT?" Jim
answered. "In the DARK, where
Calendar
FromS-5
(-12 and free for children under
6. Over 180 dealers offer mer-
chandise, antiques and col-
lectibles! Lunch, refreshments
and homemade baked goods will
be available. The rain date is
Monday, October 13th.
This event is wheelchair
accessible, proceeds will benefit
the Harvard Conservation Trust
and Harvard League of Women
Voters.
pl.di..|. WoWr, WmdwW.
1 taMar ta Cri». ttoMfeM
you've been for the last two
years trying to teach us."
I first met Kathy at a
Halloween party. We both won
first prize and neither one of us
was wearing a costume. I asked
her for a kiss and she said, "lips
that touch Wine, will never
touch MINE." "That's Okay," I
replied. "I don't like kissing any-
one with a mustache anyway!"
There are many retirement
homes for former people in vari-
ous professions or occupations
like Letter Carriers who have
Lost their ZIP. Telephone
Operators who have gone Ding-
a-Ling.'
Cooks who have gone, STIR
CRAZY.
Bankers who are OVER-
DRAWN.
Sausage Makers who can't
make Both Ejids Meet, and
Kathy adds, A Padded Cell for
people who write Stupid Jokes
like these.
A travel agent told me about
the beautiful girls in Tahiti. I
asked, "when is it the Best time
to go there?" He smiled and
said, "between 21 and thirty
five"
Most women are like Pianos
Upright, Polished and Grand.
PERSONALITY WINNERS,
Coach Rocky Nelson, Robert
Wessells, Luigi DeMarco, Amy
Beauchamp, Capt. Dan Gately,
John Daley, Paul and Ruth
Haggerty, Amy Sullivan, George
BRMC OFFERS NEW
CHOLESTEROL WORKSHOP
Starting this fall, Boston
Regional Medical Center
(BRMC) is offering a new
Cholesterol Countdown work-
shop.
This two-hour workshop
offers the most current informa-
tion on how to lower cholesterol
and protect against heart dis-
ease. BRMC also offers a choles-
terol check, which is a complete
blood fat profile of total choles-
terol, HDL, LDL, triglycerides
and glucose.
For additional information
BUNDLE OF JOY SPECIAL!
PIECE BABY'S ROOM
Includes CRIB, MATTRESS,
CHANGING TABLE,
and GLIDER I
Soft* Mont
StauUUOik
MfPI - WtBOB
rXBABY FURNITURE
WAREHOUSE STORES Inc
1 General Ave Reading MA
781 942 7978
90 MM Lane, Brairrtrcc MA
7S1-M3-53S3
AMUM
BabyStora-
KMsAlkM
FumKurt, loo!
Open late Thurs in 8pm. Fn Sat 10-5:30. Sun 12-4. Man 10-3. M/C. Visa. Discover
BEFORE YOU BUY ANYWHERE COMPARE OUR PRICES
At portobello road
you will always find a bargain.
Fine furniture and accessories for die home and garden.
Convcnicndy located near Frugal Fannies in Reading, 128/cxit 39.
Hrs: Fn. 9:30-9 • Sal. 9-7 • Sun. 11 6
781-944-3516
Take an additional 10% Off with Ad.
Exp. 9/30 (PiKM sales excluded)
and Mary Poole, all of
WOBURN.
Nancy Edgar, Shirley Mills,
Coach Kevin Teahan, Mike
Provenzano, Adam Corby, Eric
Axon, James Kearney, Scott
Lombardi, Kellen Baker and
Mark Tseng, all of WINCHES-
TER.
Shirley Dunbar, Lorene
Vasquez, Frank Vozzell, Terri
Washisko, Bill and Jane Boivin,
Mary Venezia, Todd and Craig
Higden, Colleen Hobbs, Lee
Preble and Bob Bergeron, all of
BURLINGTON.
Happy Retirement Patrolmen
Rick Nelson and Dennis Farrell,
Karen Murdock, Scott Ming
holla. Paul McCarthy, Mike
Hurley, Tom O'Rourke, Joey
Musgrave, Chamber of Com-
merce Pres. AnnMarie Brennick,
Mark DeMasse, John MacCurtin,
Jr., all of READING.
Heather Berryann, Jessica
Judge, Ellen Correia, Timothy
Rice, Robert Brennan, Robert
Cerretani, John Casoli, Hank
Nasella, Tony and Maureen
Marrec and Jim and Ginny
Beebe, all of WAKEFIELD.
Central School Principal
Kathy Windisch, Pat Driscoll,
Atty. William Solomon, Patricia
Kilty, Mike and Paul Munro,
Lottery Winner Uncle Robert
Simpson, Lions Club Pres.
Henry. D'Entremont, U.S. Navy
Lt. Jay Tangney, Lee DeBell and
Willis Cobb, all of STONEHAM
and/or class schedules and fees
for these and other "Programs
for Your Better Health," contact
the Center for Health Promotion
at 617-979-7057.
ADVENTURE CLUB
HOLDS MEETING
The Alpine Adventure Group
will hold a meeting at 7pm at
the Roudenbush Community
Center, 65 Main Street, Westford.
Margaret G. Doherty. Robyn
Accardi, Shawn Fruh, Brian
Grant, Kevin Cutlip. Ann
Margaret Eames, Tara Forrest,
Melissa Lang, Holly Regan and
Eric and Joe Gulbicki, all of
NORTH READING.
Shana Cintolo, Asad Butt,
Jason Caggiano, Nicole Chiara-
monte, Harry Providakes.
Shabnam Saeed, Katrina Ryan,
Rosetta Russo, Nicole Puppo,
Gina Rabbit, Vincent Reed and
Brian Rosati, all of LYNN*
FIELD.
Doria Maselli, Suzanne
Williams, Joseph Bamberg,
Katey Sullivan, John Considine.
Melissa Shea, Tracy Selig, Paul
Mahoney, Parool Vaidya, Sheila
Walsh, Christopher Raetano,
Matt Haskamp, Gregory
Anderson and Joan Marsi, all of
WILMINGTON.
Lee Bailey, Laurie Ann
Markes, Vincent Messina,
Crystal LeBlanc, Donald Hicks,
Nichole Attobello, Christopher
and Heidi Cassidy, Patricia
Langeleh and Rev. Susan G.
Curtis, all of TEWKSBURY.
DREAMBOAT of the WEEK
is Luisa Quaceci of Wilmington.
Folks, sometimes being a
Business Person, Boss or
Employer isn't a Bed of Roses
especially if my sister Maureen
works for one of them. Maureen
told Kate, "if it weren't for the
good salary, air condition, swim-
ming pool, free theater tickets
and the four weeks vacation, I
swear, I'd quit this stinking job!"
A business man can't win. Ff
he does something wrong he's
fined. If he does something right
he's Taxed.
to present its fall/winter activi-
ties.
This is an open, no-fee club
whose members enjoy biking,
hiking, skiing and socializing.
Information will also be avail-
able on this winter's ski trip to
St. Anton, Austria, membership
is free.
For more information, call"
508-250-3766 or 603-891-0459.
elerans
fuels, inc.
Discount Heating CHI
f ^\fr 7 DAYS A WEEK
09 foal.
M^ V ^ l^r Accepting Fuel
Assistance
Commercial • Residential
Price Subject to Change
KEVIN CGMELCH
1-800-680-8210
WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 10,11,1997-PAGE S-7
Missy Palladino waltzed into
the newspaper office with cigars
for all the men and a box of
expensive candy for the women.
"What's the great occasion
Miss?" I asked. She smiled a
mile wide and shouted, "it's a
boy! It's a boy! Six foot tall and
160 pounds. Zsa Zsa Garbor said,
"It's just as easy to fall in love
with a rich man as a poor man."
Folks, if you think nobody
cares if you're alive - try miss-
ing a couple of car payments.
The psychiatrist told Blackie
Vega. "I wish you would stop
smoking!" "Why''" Blackie
asked, "is it bad for me?" "Who
the heck cares!" the head-
shrinker shouted, "Look you
idiot, you just burned a hole in
my brand new couch!"
An elegantly dressed society
matron was just leaving one of
the season's biggest charity
fundraising parties when a pan-
handler asked her. "Lady, can
you spare a dollar for a poor
man?" "You must be out of your
mind!" she shouted. I spent $500
for a ticket and $600 for this
in
HomeBuyer !S Seminar
with a difference!!
Presented by Winter Hill Federal Savings Bank
Whether you're contemplating the purchase of your flrsi home,
or you're buying for the second, even third time, this free seminar is for you!
-
gown How dare you ask me for
money when I did all that for
you!"
George Gould told his doctor,
"I feel all washed out. I need
something to stir me up. Did
you put something like that in
my prescription 0 " "No," the doc-
tor replied, "you'll find it when
you get my bill."
The police radio blared out,
"attention all cars, investigate a
Nudist Colony in the West side
of the city. Use extreme caution
if a Pinch is necessary."
My Cousin Mario DiMino is
married to Kate but is madly in
love with Edith. His wife found
out last week and declared in no
uncertain terms, "Mario, it's
about time you learn that you
can't have your Kate and Edith
too!"
Bill Boivin had a great day
on the golf course yesterday. He
didn't fall out of the golf cart.
A Real Executive is one who
can return a paper to his red
headed secretary for a third
retyping without getting thrown
back in his Kisser!
The Real Estate and Mortgage Markets have seen dramatic changes over the years.
This seminar targets exint/y what you need to know
to help make the best decisions through the home buying process.
A panel of local experts will ofler'casy-to-understand answers on such topics as:
• Getting Prequalificd & Preapprovcd • I lome Inspections
• Shopping lor the Right Home • I*gal Issues & I)ocuments
• Negotiating the Price cV Terms • Credit Repair
• Obtaining the Right Mortgage • 'And More!!
Wednesday, Sept. I". l l > l >
(>: U) pm in 9:00 pm
icv, ( otintn ( lub, No. Reading
Refreshments Will Be Served
Attendees will:
• Receive a certificate of completion
• Be eligible for Free I'reapproval and
reduction of future closing costs
FREE ADMISSION • SPACE IS LIMITED • RESERVATIONS REQUIRED
Please call Ana DcMatos at 1-800-444-4300 eit. 263. Sign up Today—Don't Mis, Out!
winter hill
federal savings banh
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t Mines in North Reading.
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