women histories, incest sexual abuse. institutionalized. But what if ...

talking feminist
up with corresponding reasons not to. For
example, virgins were eligible to be sacrificed
to volcanoes.
We had no plans to accidentally
'lose it." Instead, we tried valiantly to pawn
it off on someone, to be relieved of it.
Though in some ways it pains me to
remember that time in my life, I am interested
in looking back at the person I used to
be. I kept all the letters she wrote me, and I
still have copies of some letters I wrote her.
"Jen, How was your weekend? Did
you further your fondling with Mark? This
weekend for me was lacking. The man
scene was woeful as usual. Friday night I
went to a party, but everyone there was
older than me, and I was quite the outcast.
Kristi got most inebriated and wigged out
on us. She cried and told this huge sob story
of her life. I cried, too. But then she started
stumbling around, and Dana and this really
cute but preppy guy tried to get her into
bed. They all tripped over the garbage can
and gracelessly plummeted to the floor in
an entangled heap of flailing limbs. It was
supposed to be a serious situation, but it
was the funniest thing, so I buried my head
in my shirt and hoped they didn't realize
that I was laughing uncontrollably. Kristi
managed to bolt out of the dorm room and
sprint down the hall with the three of us following
her right past the security guards.
She vomited in a maze-like trail down the
hall. Interestingly, you can observe the trail
of regurgitated pizza and beer leading to
the study hall that Kristi, in her bacchanalian
frenzy, mistook as the bathroom. It was
soooo funny. I fear that I am too easily
amused these days. Write soon. I obviously
need some genuine stimulus in this dreary
existence. You are my idol. Love, Theresa."
Breaking up with boyfriends is
painful, but losing a girlfriend is much more
difficult. Perhaps my disappointment has to
do with how I've internalized the stereotype
of women as nurturers. I have higher expectations
of my female friends; I expect to
break up with boyfriends, but I hope friendships
will last forever.
winter 1998 - 10
I had thought that Jen and I were so
close, so honest. Now I realize that all along
we had withheld our most important emotions
and opinions. I miss the fun we had,
but I'm also glad that I've matured. It
wasn't Jen I needed to say goodbye to, it was
the person I became when I was with her.
She challenged my creativity and my sense
of humor, but she also encouraged the boycrazy,
alcohol-abusing side of me. I learned
a lot about myself in my brief friendship
with her, things I didn't necessarily like.
Our relationship has come to represent an
awkward and erratic time in my life. Even
so, Pve kept her letters, I hold on to the
memories, and every so often I wonder how
Last August, Louisiana
enacted a statute creating
a second option for mar-
riage. The fact that there
are now two types of for-
mal, legal marriage avail-
able in that state (similar
legislation is pending in
Indiana and California, and
bills have been introduced
in six other states) repre-
sents a true innovation in family law.
Covenant marriage, as the conjugal varia-
tion is called, may make a more serious
commitment possible since the couple
involved agree to counseling, both prior to
marriage and in the event of disputes.
Divorce is possible only after a voluntary
two-year separation or in cases where one
spouse has engaged in abuse, adultery,
abandonment, or the commission of a
felony. Non-covenant marriage is governed
by the old system, whereby either spouse
may declare the marriage irretrievably bro-
ken and seek divorce under no-fault rules.
Although some feminists were con-
cerned that the covenant might make it
more difficult to leave an abusive relation-
ship, the advent of choice in marriage may
Till Do Us Part
Louisiana has
created two
options for marriage.
Why stop
there?
by
Martha Albertson
Fineman
she is doing. After re-reading her letters and
my diaries, I felt that I had to call her. We
talked and talked, as though nothing had
changed since we last spoke. She got another
tattoo; she promises if s her last. She still
dyes her hair, only now if s done professionally
to cover the gray. Despite her Catholicgirl
wishes, she is living with a man and
there are no plans for marriage. Talking to
her again was good, and now I wonder if our
relationship could mature as we have.
Anyway, we promised we'd write.
Theresa Alan is a book editor for the
Geological Society of America. She lives in
Boulder, Colorado
bring more to celebrate than
to protest. By establishing
two forms of legal marriage,
Louisiana formally recog-
nized that the institution has
no preordained characteris-
tics that the state is com-
pelled to enshrine in law. In
fact, covenant marriage
should be used to make a
radical point: the rules defin-
ing who may marry can be reformed over
time as society changes.
From the beginning of our country,
marriage has been referred to as the "basic
building block" of our society. As recently as
the mid-1950s, marriage was the only state-
approved form of sexual intimacy; in all
states, adultery, fornication, and non-marital
cohabitation were punishable under criminal
law. Marriage was also the basis for legal
protection and for the conferral of economic
benefits by the state; an idea that is still an
important part of political rhetoric. For
example, in the recent welfare reform
debates, unmarried mothers were blamed for
everything from their own poverty to general
social disintegration. But even though the
same term is used to describe it, the "mar-