Questions to the Moralist - Personal Web Server - Boston College

In the past years she talked to three parish priests and asked them that whether or
not she can divorce according to her situation. She is a very faithful catholic that she
knows that the church does not allow also. Three of them are all good listeners. They
pray for her, sympathize with her, and so on but no one decide for her how she should do.
Unfortunately I was the fourth person to concern her matter because I have already
been a deacon; I was the same above three of them to be a good, sympathized listener at
last. From my deep conscience I want to tell her that it is ok you can go to divorce, but
not. I ask myself why I do not. Maybe I am afraid of the responsibility which will
influence my bright future. Truly it is. Firstly, I am afraid of committing the sin very
much. If I say it is ok I will take on the responsibility for my decision; if this decision is
wrong I will get the big sin. Secondly, I am afraid that I will be the enemy of two
families. Two families hold the power in the village; they often help church with many
things. Thirdly, others will say that I (a deacon) allow people to divorce.
In China, only very faithful and ardent Catholics come to priests to ask for help when
they are in the fix. For the unfaithful they just do what they want to. So I feel that when
they come they just want to get the exact decision from priests, not an ambiguous advice
or let you listen to the painful story. For Chinese smart priests they seldom made the
mistaken that they make decision for people in the real reality.
As deciding what I did not want to do (I should tell her divorce) my conscience is
upset. Whether or not I should take on the responsibility for injustice? Why do not I
remove the burden for the woman?
One more thing, you know in China the birth control is a fundamental policy written
into the Chinese Constitution. For Catholic families it is a big challenge: if control it
against the canon law; if not it against the constitution. For church in china, it can not
openly preach that Catholics can not birth control. Otherwise, you will be investigated by
government. For me, if I tell my parishioners that they can not the birth control I feel
that I give them the big yoke; if I tell them that they can I feel no peace in my heart.
Thank you for your time!!!
Fr. Bretzke replies:
Thanks for your e-mail, and I wonder if it might be easier to get together to talk these
matters over? Certainly you bring up some tough issues. One thing to keep in mind is
that even the Church recognizes the possibility of legal "separation" of a couple for
serious reasons (like the ones you give). What the Church doesn't allow is re-marriage
without an annulment. So civil divorce can be equated to the "separation" allowed by the
Church; but the Church won't call it "divorce" in the sense of ending a sacramental
marriage.
The birth control issue is also complex, and we'll be discussing this in some detail
later on. However, ultimately you have to let people make the decision which their
consciences tell them is best. Remember here the old theological axiom of "Deus
impossibilia non iubet" (God does not command the impossible).
If you'd like I'd be happy to meet with you to go over these matters.
Fr. Jim
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