Articles Book I - Pg 66-180 (1977) - triadoption

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Arlic/e SEVENTEEN IWGAZINE OCTOBER <strong>1977</strong> REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF E.J. LIFTON by Betty Jean Lifion adoptees search for their parents During lhc past eight monlhs. I havc re. coivod hundreds ol lcllcrs lrom adoplcdorigins. Somctimoe not knowing can seem unboornblo. As one Icon snid: "I holc being low. Thoir slalls hnvc gcncnlogical skPla: they kcop lilos on ndoplcos and nalurel / ! end nonodopled-rondors in rcsponsc lo my nrliclc in SEVENTEEN, "My SC~lcli 101 My Roots" (March. <strong>1977</strong>). aboul o 1ccn.ngc lold I'm no1 old enough lo know." Why dld lhey glvc me up7 11's hnrd lo undcrslond how a molher porenls wilh lhc hopo of molchinp them. Whom do I lind7 Many odoplecs are olraid 01 whom they'll i odoploo's scorch lor hor nalural mother. could givo up her bsby. Ollcn. Iho kids lhlnk lind-or ol bcing lurnud away by lhosc lhcy Whol slruck me mosl nbwl llicso lollere lherc was somcllilng wrong wilh llicm. A locale. Bul lhcy usually lind o vary nico. was how dcsporalely odoplcos necd lo share lhcir lcclings and how lsolnlcd lhoy lrcqucnl qucslion: "Wos I illegilimolo?" Mosl adoplecs' nolurol molhcrs arc ordinary woman who is married and has e family of her own. If the mothor has 001 hid- I ! loo1 wlien lhey don'l. For ollhough lhc ma. young, unmarried womon who could no1 den lhe eorllcr blrlh, sho may be glad lo jorily apoko londcrly oboul lholr ndoplivc ptovido o homo lor their bnbios, who, nllcr hear lrom lhc adoplec. Bul If sho has kcpl parentti, many ol lhosc sarno pcoplo were a painlul doclsion, arrangod for lho baby this painlul secrcl lo herself, shc's likoly lo alraid lo discuss lhcso feelings wilh lhcm. lo bo placed wilh o suilable lnmily. hcsitalo ond lhcn arrange> private meCl. Somo hnld-lo.answor queslions were ropoolcd In every leller, and lhcso arc llic ones I've chosen lo wrile oboul iicrc. Who am I7 Everyono asks "Who Am 17"-bul parliculorly icon.agcrs, sinco odolosconco is Ihc lime lor pulling logelher an idonlily. And lhis Is on cspccisiiy hnrd qucslion lor Somc ol tho leller wrilcrs wore unmarried moltiors who hod reccnliy givcn up thcir bables lor odoplion. Thcy wrolo ol tho ogony they'd gone llirough becnuso ol lho love they lelt lor lhclr child. Mosl hopcd lhol somcdoy lhclr child would search lor Ihom-and lorgivo lhcm. Tho adoplecs did no1 cnpress anger at ing. Few niolhors reluse lo moo1 lhc edoplor-only aboul onc in a hundred. I Ollcn tho nalural rnolhcr is rcluClnnl lo , I reveal tho nomc ol tho lalhcr.'And he may ; be ombivatcn\ nbout hearing llom !he adoplee. Ho may, lor cxamplc. fen1 a / l~nancial claim will be made on him. ! What happcnt allar reunlon? odopled kids lo onswcr, sinco llioy ollen know nolhing aboul lhoir background. One edoploe wrolo: "I canal holp won. being given up-lhcy iusl wanlcd lo know why. One wrolo: "I was never mad ol my rvolher. Evon lliough I don'l know who she Adoplccs who hove bcen reunilcd wilh j one or moro pnrenls soy things like: "I j lee1 bellcr aboul rnyscll." "I1 has changcd i dcring, whorl I mccl sorneono, il lliis person is or wtlol shc's I~ke. I love her because my Idle." "My mind is now ol easo." could bo my brelhcr or sislnr." to me ~ho's my Only nlolhcr." Olhcrs I lhink 11's solo lo say lhal you lind nOl Evon lhough sdoplecs lcaiiro they aro wanlcd lo lliank lhoir mqlhors lor giving so much a parcnl 0s YOU find youlscll. I Iho sons and dauyhlors ol llioir ndoplivc lhcrn a grcal lilo will1 lhcir adoplivo parenls. don'l know ol nny ndoplcc who is sorry shc pnrenls, il they wan1 lo, lhcy sliould bo nblc lo know who lhoir origlnol pnrcnls are loo. Who are they7 A lo1 01 adoplecs lhink aborrl lhcir natural porcnls whcn lhcy look in lho rriirror, wondoring whoso cyes lhoy have, whoso color 01 hair, whose rlosc, whoso body typo. How do I bcgin lo search7 For many roosons. 11's hard lo ligura 0111 whore lo slnrl looklng. You cnn'l scarcli wilhoul o name. which mosl adoplecs don'l havc. Records arc legally sealed in oll bul Iwo slolcs-Alobomo and Kansas-ond adoplion agoncios give only doscripllons ol pnrenls. not idonlifying has searchcd-no rnnller whom she finds. Everyono needs to know lho lrulh. How- ; over, be propnrcd lor a feeling ol lcldown allerrcard. Nalutol parenls aro i"volvcd In / lhcir own lives. Thcy ollun lcclguilly aboul Iho adoplce-and cvcn the adoplivc par- i onls. And the ndoploo finds lhal sho )ins no1 1 magically clicmgcd but is alill lho solno -1 don't know any adoptee Inlormalion. Mony odop- I~VC porcnls dony having person wilh tho soma problems, alltiougli Iho reunion is likoly lo enablo hor lo don1 who's sorry she searchedno matter whom she finds' lnls lnlorrnnllon, and ndop. lees ore ollen alrald lo ask lhcm lor it anyway. WtlCn on ndopleo is with lhcm bcllcr. Mosl adoplcos do no1 loci Ilia1 tho I ' woman lhcy lind Is lholr molhor, bul ratlior a very spc~ial friend. They also lool closor / ClflillCCn. she con oeliliori lo lhcir ndoolivo nnrenls becnuso ~ lhov I All kids a1 one limo or onollior prolend lhnl lhoy'ro odopled, lhal ittoir ruol parents . ~- .~ ' I tho court lor hcr rocordo in lho s1o16 whcro know thcro nro no more sccrols. i llcr adoplion was rnadc final. II It10 lud~o 01 courec, not cvery adoptcc has lo , oro royally who will suddenly oppear and leels she has sliown "good catlso." 110 will rcarch lor hor natural parcnls, bul I boliovo claim lliom. Bul llie ndoploo is nOl inlagin- open hcr lilo. Thin ctinnnel car1 bo ealicri- you havc tho righl lo know your oriuins il ; ' ln0-sI10 really does Ilovo 0lt10r 1)~110111s. SIVC.--and does no1 always work. Tllo bcsl you wan1 lo. As ono lccn wrolc: "I noed my And though silo rrlay dreom llioy IloVC royol roulo is lhrough one of Ill0 niany adoplec pabl in ordor lo linish growing up." blood, she elso worries lliol Ilioy may no1 search groups around Itlo counlry: ALMA nol t,llon ;, rho , ,,,. bc such nico puoplc. in Now Yr~rk arid Cnlil~lnin: Orpllon Voyage OUI or -0 Asorled Oauphlsr" (P*niludi. I? $0). Any. ll's dillicull lo havc n aood opililori ol In Cr!rliucdgo, Co:orado. and Qoslon; Ycs- """ I" """"'0 *" '"""* pen "Or wriru rho svrhor in cars or SCVCN~TEN. HM ihird youlscll when you think you rriigtil Illlvo bad lvrdily's Cll~ldr~.n in Chlcogo, lo rbamc jlrsl a N,. yorr.'~.y. IW. I ... . 14s i ~ i I ;
Adoptees push for 'T 1 right lo S G ~ pa;-eni., ; - SAN FRANCISCO llnl - I( MI% Rlllcrs r~v~~llvcl WIIIIVX "1 III~III'I know whnl lhnl Ill~-lr 11#11111 chllllrcn wlrh nlhcr. ! i lwh hlnry JI Rlllrr~~, WIJI wtlr rlI~'r111~t11 11%. S~.OI,IO~II Ill~'nlll. 'l'llrrc WII~ nl~nlllcr lon~ w1.r. nllnplrd 11s chlhl, rl~hl ypllrr 111 ~~r~~.!~.t11~~1~1Sll 11'1$1 .-I* 111!r..l llrr 111111'~1~, 111111 IIII'II IIr ~llld, 'Thll la A lnurp n~tnlt*r~~Ir rapprw h li Irnrr hrr roclls, llul ihr rmrc)l 111 trnlt I' Ilg'r I*~!I*?.!,. "II~I~~III:II 11 111~ IIIIIQ~I~IYI dny 111 IY Ilfc: f11v1111vl by h i llnn.l~~l, n pnl~l oft. srr~r,t (11 I~VI 8th I:I IIIW~III IWU "WI, )!III nn n plllrlr In II frw f111111tl~~r 111 1111* Atlr~lvlrtl I' Irvnlr ARslnrl lhr fnrmlclnhlc II~. V~rrk~." hllllrs 111111 rwnl Ihc wrrhrnd ('IIIIIIIIIII~I~, 11 [lrlvlllr IIII:~~I~II. 31111.Irr nf $ln!e lIlws 111nl prr. Aftcr "n frt~slrntl~~t! r
Page 4: . . . , , . . , :, ,$. . ':.. . :'
Page 7 and 8: w Y People /n search of parents the
Page 9 and 10: AL~~,MEMBERS.FROML~FT,CHRISPORTER,
Page 13: Sf../ 9 , ,q I/ -I $:...tL...dd C,r
Page 16 and 17: wonlaln of sixty, adopted in infanc
Page 18 and 19: I psychologists, including Margaret
Page 20 and 21: childrcn helped re&ulnrly around tl
Page 23 and 24: CatherlneBunIn was 6 yenrs old and
Page 26 and 27: , . . the told us. "One da at a tim
Page 28 and 29: ,~,otirturd /ror,l /wgr 63 hlule Il
Page 30 and 31: of Suy~enderin~a Child 271 y g m up
Page 32 and 33: Typsaol lrlherr. Some of the wometr
Page 34 and 35: KNOW YOUR RIGHTS j I Somewhere Out
Page 36 and 37: N&W YOUR RlQMS nrstlrvrdlrnm VaRIJS
Page 38 and 39: I'l~nrnix, AAlonn. 21nnclay. Jenll#
Page 40 and 41: . ~.)~oniie.r.' cltcn ~hls uome nd+
Page 44 and 45: .. .: RIPDDIIC #h10 b I S U Len Nan
Page 48: ........ ... .- *,,','. . . . . . .
Page 52 and 53:
The increased availability of abort
Page 54 and 55:
' , ! , . litti, Alc.rnitdi9r, ntld
Page 56 and 57:
SIN(;I.FX \$'I10 AI)OIrT COSTINUEI)
Page 58:
uuaaty I oo, variable, ~lacenients
Page 61 and 62:
- bllhvindmlnl~nr theto),. I'lhm Ih
Page 63 and 64:
v.. .. j :. - into emotional jumble
Page 66 and 67:
Foster caro is a major problem in A
Page 68:
- . . TP rn ~muun. lhlr rtrltar 1 c
Page 71 and 72:
'Pi-ezde'nt~efends court's Action i
Page 73:
Abandoned: 1 Legalities I come. fir
Page 77 and 78:
. - the cases of chlldrcn wllh on a
Page 79:
I WAS A TEST-TUBE nAnY conlinurd/ro
Page 84 and 85:
living" a3 to "hi~c~crInsnrryilIR m
Page 86 and 87:
EV~~Y~O~ Arlccslral grounds: Conlc
Page 88 and 89:
SPECIAL REPORr n~ignu~ls but foundl
Page 90 and 91:
.. ., .. ,. , , . . . '\ SPECIAL RE
Page 92 and 93:
SPECIAL REWRT c!clgccl by 1111 lico
Page 100:
chnrgo, search the con.' - .. i
Page 107 and 108:
'-lfk#ullon;T but all over tbs:~orl
Page 111 and 112:
I . . Soci6ty Helps. I Locals ~ i U
Page 113 and 114:
j ,.. ~ h a : n & - said 1 L,'J~nr,
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Articles Book I - Pg 66-180 (1977) - triadoption

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