october-2009

ROME (CIAMPINO), RIGA, STOCKHOLM (SKAVSTA AND VASTERAS), TAMPERE AND ZADAR | VISIT WWW.RYANAIR.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION
Medea
LAPPED BY THE SEA AND CARESSED
BY THE SUN GODS TRULY PARADISE FOUND.
COUNTRIES: Croatia, Montenegro, Albania,
Greece, Slovenia, Bosnia and Herzegovina,
Bulgaria, FYROM, Turkey and Cyprus.
LANGUAGE: English again.
COUNTY SEAT: Split, Croatia, but as that’s such
an ugly word it will be renamed. Please write in
with suggestions.
THE THEORY: Often thought of as the forgotten
corner of Europe (have you met a man who’s
been to Albania?), this vast swathe on the Med
is revitalised by a new-found unity and funding
for the world’s longest “lazy river” water ride,
which meanders from The City Formerly Known
As Split all the way down to Mersin in southern
Turkey. At about 1,000 miles long, it embodies
Medea’s laid-back way of life, and Europeans get
to ride it for free (Americans: €500).
THE CASE FOR: Albania needs a break – their
national hero is Norman Wisdom (no, really!),
and they failed to win a single medal at the
Beijing Olympics, although weightlifter Romela
Begaj came in sixth.
THE CASE AGAINST: Greek national pride and, we
suspect, political tensions may put a dampener on
things. Still, if you don’t try, you get nowhere, right?
Boris
MOUNTAINS, FORESTS AND THE
GOOD, HONEST HEART OF HEAVY INDUSTRY.
COUNTRIES: Poland, Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania,
Belarus, Slovakia, Hungary, Ukraine, Moldova,
Romania and the Czech Republic – anywhere
where it’s common to see a man with a spade
or a moustache.
LANGUAGE: English, naturally.
COUNTY SEAT: Prague – one of the nicest cities
in the world, and where the remit of the new,
improved Czech Film Commission will be to
overtake Hollywood within fi ve years. A hotline
to Pinewood Studios in the former England will
be mandatory.
THE THEORY: A vast and sprawling county, this is
the East Anglia of Europe, where farming and
industry merge in perfect harmony and a man
with dirt on his hands is greeted like a returning
Viking warrior.
THE CASE FOR: While staunchly proud, many
of the nations that make up Boris are a bit
overlooked in the grander scheme of things.
None are really nailing it economically, but we
think that a fresh identity – plus the chance to
see Tom Cruise and Megan Fox every now and
again – is exactly what’s needed.
THE CASE AGAINST: That name might be a bit racist.
WORLD AFFAIRS
Atlantis
NEW EUROPE’S CAPITAL!
COUNTRIES: Malta.
LANGUAGE: Gbe (as spoken in western Nigeria).
COUNTY SEAT: Marsaskala.
THE THEORY: People have inhabited Malta for
over 7,000 years and, given the damn place is
in the middle of nowhere, that’s all the proof
we need that it’s worth visiting. Due to it being
the capital, the island will soon be swollen to
bursting point by holidaying Tundraticans and
Romans, and thus require a land bridge – which
would keep the Borisians in work for years.
THE CASE FOR: All politicians would be bloody
miles from the rest of the country, and the
language barrier would make visits from foreign
dignitaries as funny and gaffe-prone as if Prince
Philip were in charge. It might just put the
brakes on Nigerian email scammers, too.
THE CASE AGAINST: Valletta might have
something to say about losing its role as
Malta’s capital. But Marsaskala sounds like
a nice fruity liqueur, and we think the 9,000
people who live there will rise to the challenge.
What next? Write to your MEP. Get involved
somehow. Buy a map and a pack of crayons!
Next month: Mars – the great carve-up.
RYANAIRMAGAZINE
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