82 No one is a bigger snob than your barman WINE & DINE TEXT GEORGE JAMES ILLUSTRATION KRISTINA HULTKRANTZ GEORGE THE BARMAN George James THE barman who has worked his way up from pulling pints in pubs, to shaking gimlets for presidents. In each issue George sneaks you in behind the bar of London’s most fashionable events. He’ll even share a drink with you. Why? He loves to drink and wants you to love the drinks he makes.
W e come to your birthday party, your wedding, or even your funeral and we are rarely, if ever, impressed. It’s not because of the waste of money - we have none; it’s not because of the florist you used because, frankly, we didn’t notice the flowers, and it’s not because you had foie gras with pear chutney on the menu, because we stashed our own collection of canapés behind the bar (that’s what we are doing when we are checking things under the bar) and we like them. It’s because of the drinks you want served. We don’t think that they are any good. This could apply to you doing a barbecue party for friends or it could be the wedding of a Saudi prince to a Russian oil baroness, but no matter who you are, you will have fallen into one of two traps. You wanted standard drinks? You are boring. You wanted fabulous cocktails that no one has ever had before? You are an idiot. I have worked at every kind of posh party, from Bar mitzvah’s for Billionaires to orgies for art collectors and yet I still feel like I haven’t been impressed. The best drinks that I have ever made, for anyone, have been mine. I used the Prince’s ingredients sure, but I didn’t follow his recipe. For example, I work with a polish guy who makes the best Moscow Mule you will ever try, he puts his own twist on it with a bit of fresh ginger and lime juice, I also work with an ex actor who nails vodka martinis that would make Daniel Craig ad lib “that’s a damn good martini” but not once have I seen either of these drinks reach the other side of the bar. Aside from the cocktails? OK champagne can be alright for a party but really it’s just bubbly wine, and wine when you actually think about it is a bit like sweet vinegar, and I’m talking good wines, not your average stuff. Everyone wants to save money on beer (because it’s beer) so you end up serving some cheap brand which you wouldn’t even bother steeling (we are all master thieves), and for a soft drink people seem to only have the imagination to combine a couple of fruit juices and give it a silly name. Sometimes I wish I was a chef. Chefs and cocktail barman have had a symbiotic relationship for many “I have worked at every kind of posh party, from Bar mitzvah’s for Billionaires to orgies for art collectors and yet I still feel like I haven’t been impressed.” decades now. They give you quail you give them gin. It works. But I’m jealous of the chefs I know. My favourite chef is a very arrogant short man from Newcastle who consistently talks at a volume of eleven out of ten. No one likes the guy on a personal level and I’m no exception, but I can forgive him, because of his food. He is obsessed with sourcing the best food, and has not been shy of slapping extra zeros on the bill to make sure he’s serving the best. And it is, it really is, textures, tastes, the presentation is fantastic, he expresses himself through his food, and out of this angry short little man comes the most exquisite bites that your mouth will ever savour. And with the current trend being to source food locally, it can often mean lengthy and costly research projects into finding out who can hang my Jersey beef and transport it to the National Gallery in London for the Minister of Jersey, who can ship my Cray fish from Norway to the Swedish embassy in London while keeping them alive. But people will pay for this because they know that quality food is worth paying top dollar for, and if an expert, like that chef, says it should be a certain way, that’s the way it’s going to be. But on the bar it’s a different story. Everyone thinks they know best when it comes to alcohol, the reason being, they drink alcohol. Well, I eat food but I still haven’t really mastered scrambling eggs. Everyone is a wine expert, especially if they once splashed out a grand on a Chablis or if they were given a Pinot Noir by someone who really is into his wine. But being rich doesn’t give you taste. They think that because they love lychees for breakfast then a lychee martini would be a hit. Well they are wrong. And I am bitter. I don’t like serving rubbish to people, I like serving the best, because I can do it. I’m doing the line cook’s job while the guest is wearing head chef’s hat. Let me be creative, let me do my job, I’m not going to go crazy and start making a cumquat mojito, I’m just going to give you good honest booze well mixed and served in the right glass, with the right garnish. 83
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