Volume 1, Issue 3 & 4 - Diverse Voices Quarterly

hours in case we have ED? In case we have? Also, I have somehow never pictured
myself and a gracefully aging woman sitting in twin bathtubs in an open field or
somewhere overlooking the ocean and watching the sunset.
Of course, we also have commercials for adult diapers. Now there’s a chilling
thought. I’m going to assume I went through that stage once in my life, even though I
can’t remember it, but I have a feeling if I go through it again, I will remember it.
Vividly! I wonder if they’ll ever make Depends in the style of thongs and if I’d ever be
able to convince my wife to wear them.
Other ads show grandparents gaily welcoming their grandchildren into their
homes—arms outstretched, smiling (trying to keep their dentures from falling out and
scaring the crap out of the little ones—but someone then comes on to sell us some
goop that glues our teeth to our gums).
I have decided I must have done a terrible job of raising my children. They are
raising theirs in the exact opposite direction. Whatever I did with my own, they didn’t
like and decided to try something else.
Now, I love my grandchildren and like to be with them for at least two hours every
six months or so. I explained to the older ones, I am not a good grandpa and being a
great-grandpa is out of the question. Then the one I least likely suspect of gracing me
with another generation goes out and makes whoopee with his girlfriend. (They forgot
to watch the condom ads on television. Maybe if they had just watched television
instead of…well, you know, I—and them—might not be in this quandary.) So, I now
have a great-granddaughter and a cat both named Callie. I have a feeling the cat will
be easier to deal with, but that’s another whole story.
Diverse Voices Quarterly, Vol. 1, Issue 3 & 4 87