Page 26 THE JEWISH GEORGIAN <strong>January</strong>-<strong>February</strong> <strong>2012</strong> Schwartz on Sports Whenever there isn’t a pick-up game Sunday morning at the MJCCA, I head to the Brill Fitness Center and spend time on the stationary bike. I’m not crazy about exercising this way. You pedal like crazy for 40 minutes, go nowhere, and burn about 300 calories, which will be put back on with one bagel at brunch. <strong>The</strong> only TV tuned to ESPN is down at the other end, and I end up watching a cooking show. I spend most of the time observing what’s going on and thinking about a future humorous feature called ”Observations from the Stationary Bike.” You’ll have to wait for that. After a recent bike session, I showered and then stopped by the Blank gym to watch some of the 30+ cross court league games. I saw a lot of guys I’ve played with previously in the league, as well as pick-up on Saturday and Sunday mornings. <strong>The</strong> first person I saw when I entered the gym was Eric Felner. I asked him about his dad, Joel, who was one of the premier players at the JCC in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Frank Hughes looks strong out there and was playing back-to-back games. He was a great teammate the times we played together. Adam Appel came over from the 18+ league and can still shoot the 3. His number one fan, father Sam, was there cheering Adam on. D.J. Edelson was back playing after taking a year off. He told me that he’s now become a second-round pick. That’s hard to believe, because he was the number one guard in the league for years and certainly one of the hardest players to defend. I watched him drive by me on many occasions. I’d still choose him in the first round. <strong>The</strong> caliber of the play was amazing to me. <strong>The</strong> teams I watched had not one or two excellent players but four or five. That probably has been the biggest change I’ve seen over the years. It certainly made me Jerry Schwartz think about coming back and trying one more year. JEWISH GEORGIAN MAN LAWS. Although I don’t drink beer, I enjoy the Miller Lite beer commercials where they talk about “Man Laws,” the American man’s idea of what it means to be macho. Burt Reynolds is my favorite man of the Square Table. He was great as a vice detective in the movie Sharky’s Machine. That scene where the villain goes crashing backward through a window at the Westin Peachtree Plaza and falls 700 feet to his death was some stunt. I do wish, though, that Burt wouldn’t have lost his two fingers in that torture scene, but I digress. <strong>The</strong> commercials are humorous and I thought it would be fun to develop some “Man Laws” for the <strong>Jewish</strong> <strong>Georgian</strong> sports scene. Somehow, “macho” and “<strong>Jewish</strong> <strong>Georgian</strong> athlete” don’t fit. It’s more like an oxymoron. Most of the guys I know and have played with are great competitors and play hard, but you don’t see tables being overturned, punches being thrown, or a lot of trash talking going on. When the game’s over, guys shake hands and head home. And by the time they get there, the game is already history. So, please accept these “Man Laws” for the <strong>Jewish</strong> <strong>Georgian</strong> athlete in the humorous and good-natured context in which are they are intended: • When exercising in the Brill Fitness Center, all free weights are off limits. You Mama’s wedding dress BY Balfoura Friend Levine Back in 1949, the Communists had overtaken most of China, including Shanghai, where I was born and raised. I had already come to the United States on a student visa to study at the University of Georgia, through the sponsorship of my Uncle Louis Friend, of Eastman, Georgia. By that time, most of the foreigners (non-Chinese) had emigrated from China to the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia, and many Jews went to the newly minted State of Israel. My father, Jacob Friend, originally BY from Poland/Russia and escaping from the repressive tsarist regime to China in 1913, went to Manila from Shanghai on business just before World War II and got stuck there for the war’s duration. My mother, Frieda Friend, also from Russia and called a Stateless Russian (as most of the Jews were called), was given the choice of going to Russia—returning to the Motherland, said the Communist U.S.S.R.—or making aliyah (Hebrew for “moving up”) to Israel. Having a cousin in Haifa, Mama picked Israel. <strong>The</strong> Communists in China allowed her only one piece of luggage for this trip, so among other precious items, she packed my kindergarten report cards, my 1st-grade school uniform (with bloomers!), and <strong>The</strong> Concise Oxford Dictionary, which was the General Knowledge prize awarded to me in 1937, when I was 12 years old. I’m sure she must use the machines, and no grunting allowed. • Don’t ever be caught in high impact, kickboxing, or that Israeli martial arts class. • When two guys are in the gym alone, you never play one-on-one. A game of H-O-R- S-E is more your speed. • No disagreements ever go beyond arguing. Just too many lawyers in the gym. • Tennis is seldom played once the temperature drops below 70 degrees, and, if it does, gloves and heavy clothing are mandatory • Your favorite radio and TV personalities are Steak Shapiro, Matt Chernoff, and Zach Klein. • Never dive for a racquetball shot. If you can’t get it standing, then the other guy deserves the point. • Never slide in a softball game. If you can’t go into second standing, then don’t try and take the extra base. • No basketball player takes the time to stretch before the game, and you better not be caught jumping a rope. You show up one minute before the game starts. • Nobody believes in a hard foul. Guys are helped up from the floor. Patting a guy on the back or saying “nice shot” is common practice. • Nobody uses the Jacuzzi, unless your back hurts or you like bathing with strangers. I could go on and on, but we’re running out of beer. GIVENS. “Givens” is a term my friend Richard Bracker coined. “Givens” are things that are bound to happen if you’re involved in sports or physical activity. <strong>The</strong>y don’t seem logical or rational, but they occur anyway. It doesn’t matter whether you understand why or not. So here are some “Givens” for the <strong>Jewish</strong> <strong>Georgian</strong> sports scene: • When you take a time out during a basketball game and remind everyone not to foul, the first thing that happens when you go Wedding photo of Mr. and Mrs. Jacob L. Friend, July 29, 1923, with the four-inch lace hem of her wedding dress wanted to bring her wedding dress for me as well, but due to limited luggage space, Mama cut off its four-inch lace hem and stashed it in her little sack of embroidered back on the court is a guy on your team fouls somebody. • <strong>The</strong> one time you forget to sign up for the only racquetball court at the JCC, it will be reserved for the next two hours. • <strong>The</strong> guys who look the best and have the best equipment aren’t the best. • When you remind your softball pitcher to throw strikes, he’ll walk the next three batters. • When you get up extra early and rush to the MJCCA Saturday morning for the first basketball game, you’ll be the next player for the second game. • <strong>The</strong> bar or bat mitzvah Sunday brunch will always occur on the day of the championship game. • If there’s a wet spot anywhere on the racquetball court, you’ll slip on it. • You never start the game at the basket where you’ve warmed up or with the same basketball. • <strong>The</strong> only shower available in the locker room will be out of hot water and soap. • <strong>The</strong> guy the other team picks up as a replacement will play the game of his life. • <strong>The</strong> day you leave your ace bandage at home will be the day you sprain your ankle. • <strong>The</strong> weakest player on your team won’t miss a game all year. If you have any “Givens” or “Man Laws” of your own, send them to me at drjsch7@comcast.net, and I’ll include them in a future column. IN REMEMBRANCE. Henry Levi died in October 2011. I had known him since 1978, when he played basketball in the JCC and synagogue leagues. He was a great competitor on the court and nice guy off the court. <strong>The</strong> last time I saw Henry was in the 40+ 4X4 half court league, and, in spite of being ill, he was still playing a game he loved, basketball. He’ll be missed. Until next time, drive for the bucket and score. handkerchiefs. (That was long before the era of facial tissues.) Now forward to 1956, when I was already married, with two youngsters, and finally the proud holder of American citizenship. Now, as an American, I could sponsor my mother’s emigration from Israel to America—and to me in Georgia. Years later, after her death, I came across the little sack of hankies and that now-yellowed lace hem. Just a few years ago, for Mother’s Day, my daughter Sandy surprised me with a beautiful gift. She had taken that lace hem, as well as my parents’ wedding photo, and had them exquisitely framed for posterity. Included in the frame is a card that reads “<strong>The</strong> marriage of Miss Frieda H. Kovarsky to Mr. Jacob L. Friend took place at Harbin on Sunday, July 29th 1923 (16th Ab 5683) Harbin, China. “ Mama’s wedding dress lives with me every time I look at that lovely picture of my parents taken so long, long ago. God Bless America.
<strong>January</strong>-<strong>February</strong> <strong>2012</strong> THE JEWISH GEORGIAN Page 27