here - Health Promotion Agency

When pregnancy goes wrong
SAYING GOODBYE TO
YOUR BABY
A funeral or some other way
of saying goodbye may be a
very important part of
coming to terms with your
loss, however early it
happens. If your baby
dies after 24 weeks of
pregnancy, the hospital must
provide a death certificate
and arrange a burial or
cremation. If you would like
to arrange it yourself or
organise a service, you can
do that. Just speak to the
ward staff and they will tell
you what the arrangements
are in your hospital.
real for you and your family and
help you to grieve. If you don’t wish
to see your baby, it’s still a good
idea to ask hospital staff to take a
photograph for you. You may find
this comforting at a later date. It can
be kept in your notes in case you
wish to see it.
You may find your feelings quite
hard to cope with after a
termination, whether it has been in
early or late pregnancy. It will help
to talk about them. If you would like
to talk to people who have
undergone a similar experience you
can contact ARC (Antenatal Results
and Choices) (see page 150).
L OSING A
BABY
In the UK about 4000 babies every
year are stillborn – the baby is
already dead when it is born. About
the same number die soon after
birth. Often the causes of these
deaths are not known.
If you lose a baby like this, you are
likely to feel very shocked. But you
and your partner may find it
comforting to see and hold your
baby and give your baby a name.
You may also like to have a
photograph of your baby and to
keep some mementos, such as a lock
of hair or the shawl the baby was
wrapped in. All this can help you
and your family to remember your
baby as a real person and can, in
time, help in coming to terms with
your loss. Many hospitals have
a bereavement counsellor (or
voluntary support from someone
whose baby has also died) who will
help you to find the best way for
you and your partner to cope with
your loss.
One of the first questions you are
likely to ask is why your baby died.
The doctors and midwives may not
know. A post-mortem examination
is usually advised, and this may help
to find out, although it doesn’t
always provide the answer. Most
hospitals will offer you an
appointment with the consultant
who can explain to you what is
known. If you are not offered an
appointment, you can ask for one.
It may also help to talk about your
feelings with other parents who have
lost a baby in a similar way. SANDS
(the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death
Society) is an organisation that can
put you in touch with other parents
who can offer friendly help
(see page 150).
You may well want to arrange a
cremation, funeral or service. You
should be able to do so. If the baby
was lost after 24 weeks, the loss will
need to be officially registered as
either a death or a stillbirth. If you
want to arrange a funeral or
cremation and your baby was lost
before 24 weeks, you will need a
certificate from the hospital. Talk to
your midwife or doctor about what
you want to do and to find out what
arrangements are available locally.
You could also consult the hospital
chaplain or rabbi or your own
religious adviser.
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