Donna Saslove And Simon Lugassy - JO LEE Magazine

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EDITOR AT LARGE Sibling Rivalry Teaches Life Skills By Carla Dragnea Bucharest – Romania My husband and I, like most parents, hope that our children will love and appreciate one another. Yet disagreements and fighting among our 10-year-old son and two-anda-half-year-old daughter seem to happen quite frequently. So I’ve decided to research the topic and share my findings with you. The cause of sibling rivalry is competition for limited or scarce resources (i.e. their parent’s love, approval, attention and time). However, sibling rivalry can actually provide valuable life lessons and skills for our children. By interacting with their brothers and sisters, children learn what it means to be part of a relationship. This means giving and receiving, as well as arguing and agreeing. Learning to deal with disagreements among siblings can help children develop skills they will use in social situations now and in their adult years. These skills include negotiation, compromise, assertiveness, conflict resolution, aggression control, and valuing others’ opinions. Children become competitive or feel jealous of their brothers and sisters when they think their parents are spending more time or paying more attention to their siblings. This can cause bickering or even fights. The interaction and/or friction between your children will also depend on their individual personalities. For example, one may be an extrovert who seeks interaction, while the other may be introverted, wanting to spend more time alone. These two personality types may not get along. Sibling relationships can be affected by, or mirror, family conflict. If parents are experiencing marital friction, the children feel the stress and tension, and may fight with one another. It’s a good idea to set some family ground rules or guidelines for sibling behaviour. Getting the children to set their own standards is an important component of gaining buy-in and co-operation. Consider: * Avoiding comparisons – these can lead to competition * Forgetting equality – celebrate each child’s differences and unique abilities, and treat them accordingly * Setting expectations for acceptable behaviour and showing confidence in your children’s abilities to handle their own conflicts * Commending good behaviour * Acknowledging negative feelings * Not reacting to their anger with hostility * Making time for children separately Although it may be difficult for any parent to watch children conflict, there are steps you can take to encourage more loving behaviour. Be sure that you and your spouse set a positive example for your children, and keep open family communication a priority. Parenting is FUN, but at the same time a continuous learning process, which in my opinion makes it worthwhile. JL Jo Lee Power 2011 107
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