Thirty Days to Unlock FCAT Writing Success - Polk County School ...
Thirty Days to Unlock FCAT Writing Success - Polk County School ...
Thirty Days to Unlock FCAT Writing Success - Polk County School ...
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<strong>Thirty</strong> <strong>Days</strong> <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> <strong>Success</strong>:<br />
THE RIGHT COMBINATION<br />
30 – 02 - 06<br />
You are the key <strong>to</strong> your students’ success on <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong>. No<br />
textbook, program or training can match the power of a writing<br />
teacher with a plan. The work of many researchers- Robert<br />
Marzano and Judith Langer among them- has provided the research<br />
base for educa<strong>to</strong>rs <strong>to</strong> finally appreciate the muscle that a strategic<br />
teacher wields.<br />
This document contains thirty days’ worth of suggested strategic<br />
writing instruction. It will be most effective when used as part of<br />
an active writing process classroom. The writing process provides<br />
the general background and flexibility young writers need <strong>to</strong><br />
successfully navigate various writing tasks, <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> included.<br />
30 DAYS TO <strong>FCAT</strong> WRITING SUCCESS provides suggested lessons and<br />
activities targeted <strong>to</strong> the areas students struggle with on the <strong>FCAT</strong><br />
<strong>Writing</strong> Assessment. Each week’s lessons address a specific area of<br />
the Sunshine State Language Arts Standards, the <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong><br />
Assessment Rubric and the Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> Rubric. The lessons<br />
are suggested for eighth and tenth grade language arts classrooms.<br />
Teachers may pick a few gems <strong>to</strong> use, or use the entire<br />
combination of lessons.
Contents<br />
Week 1: <strong>Writing</strong> with Purpose, Audience, & Context in Mind ..................................................................... 6<br />
Week One: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Measurement Categories ............. 7<br />
Day One: Introduction / Review of P-A-C ......................................................................................... 9<br />
Analyzing and Creating <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts ..................................................................................... 9<br />
Raft Strategy ......................................................................................................................................... 9<br />
Introduction / Review of P-A-C ............................................................................................................. 9<br />
Analyzing and Creating <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts ............................................................................................ 10<br />
Descriptions of the <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts: From the Florida Writes! Report on the 2007 <strong>FCAT</strong><br />
<strong>Writing</strong> Assessment ............................................................................................................................ 10<br />
The RAFT Strategy: with Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming Activity .................................................................. 11<br />
Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming Directions ..................................................................................................... 11<br />
Use RAFT <strong>to</strong> Create Content-Specific Prompts ................................................................................... 13<br />
Day Two: Cus<strong>to</strong>mizing and Personalizing ........................................................................................... 13<br />
Day Three, Four and Five: <strong>Writing</strong> Radio Ads .................................................................................... 15<br />
Week One Additional Activities: ......................................................................................................... 17<br />
The SOAPS Strategy: Speaker, Occasion, Audience, Purpose, Subject .............................................. 18<br />
Additional Instructional Extensions for SOAPS: .................................................................................. 19<br />
SOAPS Organizer, With Explanations .................................................................................................. 21<br />
SOAPS Organizer- Blank for Student and Teacher Use ....................................................................... 22<br />
Week Two: Planning and Organizing, <strong>Writing</strong> Introductions and Conclusions.......................................... 23<br />
Week Two: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Measurement Categories ........... 24<br />
Day One: Review the <strong>Writing</strong> Process: ............................................................................................... 27<br />
Prewriting Options: Circle Map, from Thinking Maps ........................................................................ 28<br />
FLEE Map ............................................................................................................................................. 29<br />
Day Two: Introductions ...................................................................................................................... 31<br />
Right from the Start: Effective Leads ................................................................................................. 31<br />
Famous First Movie Lines .................................................................................................................... 32<br />
Introductions: A Few Words for Students.......................................................................................... 33<br />
2
Day Three, Four and Five: Conclusions .............................................................................................. 33<br />
Examining Essays: Leads and Conclusions .......................................................................................... 33<br />
Get Yourself a Tuba ............................................................................................................................. 34<br />
I am Capable of More Than I Think I Am ............................................................................................. 35<br />
The True Source of Love ..................................................................................................................... 36<br />
Dirt Bike ............................................................................................................................................... 37<br />
Click It or Lose It .................................................................................................................................. 38<br />
Leave the Last Cookie ......................................................................................................................... 39<br />
Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach ........................................................................................ 40<br />
Famous Last Movie Lines .................................................................................................................... 41<br />
Additional Activities: ........................................................................................................................... 42<br />
Listing for Prewriting ........................................................................................................................... 42<br />
Directed Free <strong>Writing</strong> .......................................................................................................................... 43<br />
Rough Draft: Focus on Your Organization Skills .................................................................................. 44<br />
A Six Traits Classroom Resource From <strong>Writing</strong>Fix: Organization Revision Notes ............................... 46<br />
Conclusions ......................................................................................................................................... 46<br />
To Conclude, a Few Strategies for Students ....................................................................................... 47<br />
Weeks Three and Four: Support and Elaboration ...................................................................................... 48<br />
Weeks Three and Four: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Measurement<br />
Categories ............................................................................................................................................... 50<br />
Week Three, Day One: ........................................................................................................................ 53<br />
Defining and Understanding Support and Elaboration ....................................................................... 53<br />
Practice Using Imagery For Elaboration .............................................................................................. 54<br />
Elaboration Using Sensory Language .................................................................................................. 55<br />
Hershey Kiss Discovery ........................................................................................................................ 55<br />
The Naming of the Shoe ...................................................................................................................... 55<br />
Sense(ability) Sense(itivity) ................................................................................................................. 55<br />
Sensory Word Chart .......................................................................................................................... 56<br />
Week Three, Day Two: More Strategies for Elaborating on Ideas ...................................................... 57<br />
Focusing the Binoculars ...................................................................................................................... 57<br />
Week Three, Day Four and Five: ......................................................................................................... 58<br />
Five Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating on ideas: Know it & Show it ..................................... 58<br />
3
Using “DRAPES” for Elaborating Persuasive <strong>Writing</strong>: Draw and Shade Your Ideas ............................ 59<br />
Week Four, Day One and Two: ........................................................................................................... 60<br />
Practice Persuasion: The Outrageous Opinions Letter ....................................................................... 60<br />
Week Four, Day Three: ....................................................................................................................... 62<br />
You Have an Opinion, and You Want <strong>to</strong> be Heard! .......................................................................... 62<br />
Week Four, Day Four: ......................................................................................................................... 63<br />
Revise Outrageous Opinion Letter ...................................................................................................... 63<br />
Rewriting for Elaboration Worksheet ................................................................................................. 64<br />
Sentences (Ask these questions of every sentence) ........................................................................... 64<br />
Week Four, Day Five: .......................................................................................................................... 65<br />
Gallery Walk Activity: Directions ....................................................................................................... 65<br />
Week Five: Voice ......................................................................................................................................... 66<br />
Week Five: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Measurement Categories ........... 67<br />
Week Five, Day One: The Exploding Whale Lesson .......................................................................... 70<br />
Article B: Son of Blubber .................................................................................................................... 71<br />
Article C: The Farside Comes <strong>to</strong> Life in Oregon ................................................................................. 73<br />
Lesson: Identifying Voice, Audience and Purpose .............................................................................. 74<br />
Week Five, Day Three: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? ......................................................... 76<br />
Week Five, Day Four: Choose Choice Words ..................................................................................... 78<br />
Through Different Eyes ....................................................................................................................... 79<br />
Week Five, Day Five: Believe It or Not Activity .................................................................................. 80<br />
Additional Combinations of Activities for Week Five: ........................................................................ 81<br />
Ten Teacher or Student-Led Activities for Word Choice .................................................................... 81<br />
A Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> Classroom Resource: ............................................................................................ 82<br />
Voice Response & Revision Notes ....................................................................................................... 82<br />
A Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> Classroom Resource: ............................................................................................ 82<br />
Word Choice Response & Revision Notes ........................................................................................... 82<br />
One Syllable Words ............................................................................................................................. 83<br />
Week Six: 30-02-06(<strong>Thirty</strong> <strong>Days</strong> <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> <strong>Success</strong>) ......................................................................... 84<br />
Week Six: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Measurement Categories ............ 85<br />
Week Six, Day One: ............................................................................................................................. 88<br />
<strong>FCAT</strong> Writes Plan of Action .............................................................................................................. 88<br />
4
Week Six, Day Two and Three: ............................................................................................................ 90<br />
Fun Things <strong>to</strong> do With <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts ................................................................................... 90<br />
Week Six, Day Four and Five: Fine-tune Your Powers of Observation and Description ..................... 91<br />
Stepping In<strong>to</strong> a Painting ...................................................................................................................... 91<br />
The Four Step Critical Method of Observing Art ................................................................................. 92<br />
Additional Combinations of Activities: .............................................................................................. 102<br />
Rewrite <strong>to</strong> Elaborate ......................................................................................................................... 102<br />
S t r e t c h and Write More ...................................................................................................... 104<br />
Sentence ElaborationWorksheet: ..................................................................................................... 105<br />
How <strong>to</strong> Use This Document: These lessons are<br />
suggested for use in the thirty class days leading in<strong>to</strong> the<br />
<strong>FCAT</strong> Writes Assessment. Students need the foundation<br />
that a writing process classroom provides for these<br />
lessons <strong>to</strong> be truly effective. Eighth and tenth grade<br />
language arts classes are the suggested target audience.<br />
It is worthwhile saving the activities in this document for<br />
those grade levels. Other grade levels in a department<br />
may use some of the <strong>Thirty</strong> <strong>Days</strong> <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> <strong>Success</strong><br />
activities, as long as it is part of an overall, intentional,<br />
department-wide plan.<br />
5
Week 1: <strong>Writing</strong> with Purpose, Audience, & Context in Mind<br />
• Day One:<br />
• Day Two:<br />
• Introduce / Review PAC activity<br />
• Analyzing and Creating <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts<br />
• Raft Strategy<br />
• Cus<strong>to</strong>mize your response <strong>to</strong> a generic prompt<br />
• Day Three, Four and Five:<br />
• <strong>Writing</strong> Radio Ads<br />
• Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
• Group Drafting, Revising and Evaluating<br />
• The SOAPS Strategy<br />
6
Week One: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong><br />
Measurement Categories<br />
Grade 8<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.3.1<br />
LA.B.1.3.2<br />
LA.B.1.3.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student organizes information<br />
before writing according <strong>to</strong> the<br />
type and purpose of writing.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused, purposeful,<br />
and reflects insight in<strong>to</strong> the writing<br />
situation; conveys a sense of<br />
completeness and wholeness with<br />
adherence <strong>to</strong> the main idea; and<br />
demonstrates a commitment <strong>to</strong><br />
and an involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion of<br />
this benchmark is assessed by<br />
LA.B.1.3.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.3.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student<br />
drafts and revises<br />
writing that has<br />
an organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical<br />
progression of<br />
ideas.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that has support that<br />
is substantial, specific,<br />
relevant, concrete, and/or<br />
illustrative; has clarity in<br />
presentation of ideas; uses<br />
creative writing strategies<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the purpose of<br />
the paper; and demonstrates<br />
a command of language<br />
(word choice) with freshness<br />
of expression.<br />
7
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents<br />
that have been edited for correct<br />
spelling; correct punctuation, including<br />
commas, colons, and semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; effective sentence<br />
structure; correct common usage,<br />
including subject/verb agreement,<br />
common noun/pronoun agreement,<br />
common possessive forms, and with a<br />
variety of sentence structures, including<br />
parallel structure; and correct<br />
formatting.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the<br />
conventions portion of LA.B.1.3.2.<br />
Correct formatting is not assessed.<br />
Grade 10<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.4.1<br />
LA.B.1.4.2<br />
LA.B.1.4.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student selects and uses<br />
appropriate prewriting<br />
strategies, such as<br />
brains<strong>to</strong>rming, graphic<br />
organizers, and outlines.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused,<br />
purposeful, and reflects insight<br />
in<strong>to</strong> the writing situation, and<br />
demonstrates a commitment<br />
<strong>to</strong> and involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion<br />
of this benchmark is assessed<br />
by LA.B.1.4.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.4.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student drafts<br />
and revises writing<br />
that has an<br />
organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical progression<br />
of ideas, and has<br />
effective use of<br />
transitional devices<br />
that contribute <strong>to</strong> a<br />
sense of<br />
completeness.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and<br />
revises writing that has<br />
support that is substantial,<br />
specific, relevant, and<br />
concrete; uses creative<br />
writing strategies as<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the<br />
purposes of the paper; and<br />
demonstrates a mature<br />
command of language with<br />
freshness of expression.<br />
8
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents that have<br />
been edited for correct spelling; correct<br />
punctuation, including commas, colons, and<br />
common use of semicolons; correct capitalization;<br />
correct sentence formation; correct instances of<br />
possessives, subject/verb agreement, instances of<br />
noun/pronoun<br />
agreement, and the intentional use of fragments<br />
for effect; and correct formatting that appeals <strong>to</strong><br />
readers, including appropriate use of a variety of<br />
graphics, tables, charts, and illustrations in both<br />
standard and innovative forms.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the conventions<br />
portion of LA.B.1.4.2. Correct formatting and use<br />
of graphics are not assessed.<br />
Day One:<br />
Introduction / Review of P-A-C<br />
Analyzing and Creating <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts<br />
Raft Strategy<br />
Introduction / Review of P-A-C<br />
Purpose: Why am I writing this? (To explain, <strong>to</strong> give reasons why, <strong>to</strong> persuade, <strong>to</strong> inform, <strong>to</strong><br />
describe, <strong>to</strong> compare & contrast)<br />
Audience: To whom am I writing? (This influences word choice, sentence structure & content)<br />
Context: Is this a letter, edi<strong>to</strong>rial, article, essay, speech? What is the social, his<strong>to</strong>rical, cultural<br />
setting?<br />
Example: Write an edi<strong>to</strong>rial <strong>to</strong> your local newspaper <strong>to</strong> persuade local citizens <strong>to</strong> become more<br />
involved in the Red Cross in your <strong>to</strong>wn.<br />
P- <strong>to</strong> persuade local citizens <strong>to</strong> become more involved in the Red Cross in your <strong>to</strong>wn<br />
A- local citizens<br />
C- an edi<strong>to</strong>rial <strong>to</strong> your local newspaper<br />
9
Analyzing and Creating <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts<br />
• As a class, or in small groups, students examine <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompts and share with the whole<br />
class what they notice. Post responses on chart paper.<br />
o NOTE: Teacher should help students <strong>to</strong> identify the following:<br />
• types of writing assessed at their grade level (exposi<strong>to</strong>ry &<br />
persuasive)<br />
• different purposes for writing elicited from prompts (<strong>to</strong> explain,<br />
inform, clarify a process, define a concept, convince/persuade)<br />
• two basic components of all prompts: the writing situation and<br />
directions for writing audience identified in persuasive writing<br />
• Read Descriptions of the <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts with students, next page. Emphasize the Department<br />
of Education’s focus on avoiding bias in <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompts. Make the explicit connection<br />
for students between the vague language in the prompts and the goal of avoiding bias.<br />
• Working in groups, students create prompts that are similar <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> prompts. Be sure they<br />
model the criteria of the prompt. It must be general enough so that it does not provide bias.<br />
Must be worded in the same format. Must have an exposi<strong>to</strong>ry and a persuasive prompt.<br />
• Evaluate prompts in small groups or as a class for their effectiveness in meeting the prompt<br />
criteria. Students should use the P-A-C activity <strong>to</strong> analyze the prompt.<br />
Descriptions of the <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts: From the Florida Writes! Report on the 2007<br />
<strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Assessment<br />
Each student taking the <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong>+ assessment is given a booklet in which the <strong>to</strong>pic for writing,<br />
called a prompt, is printed. The prompt serves as a stimulus for writing by presenting the <strong>to</strong>pic and by<br />
suggesting that the student think about some aspect of the <strong>to</strong>pic’s central theme. The prompt does not<br />
contain directives concerning the organizational structure or the development of support.<br />
Prompts are designed <strong>to</strong> elicit writing for specific purposes. For instance, exposi<strong>to</strong>ry prompts ask<br />
students <strong>to</strong> explain why or how, while persuasive prompts require students <strong>to</strong> convince a person <strong>to</strong><br />
accept a point of view or <strong>to</strong> take a particular action. Prompts have two basic components: the writing<br />
situation and the directions for writing. The writing situation orients students <strong>to</strong> the subject, and the<br />
directions for writing set the parameters, such as identifying the audience <strong>to</strong> whom the writing is<br />
directed.<br />
The prompts for the <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong>+ assessment are selected <strong>to</strong> ensure that the subject matter is<br />
appropriate for eighth grade students. In addition, prompts are reviewed for offensive or biased<br />
language relating <strong>to</strong> religion, gender, and racial or ethnic backgrounds. All prompts are reviewed by<br />
members of the Eighth Grade <strong>Writing</strong> Assessment Advisory Committee and are pilot tested on a small<br />
group of students, then field tested on 1,000 students statewide. The DOE annually writes, reviews, pilot<br />
tests, and field tests prompts for potential use.<br />
10
The RAFT Strategy: with Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming Activity<br />
RAFT Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming Activity:<br />
R = Role (Whose perspective are they writing from? Are they a student? A character?)<br />
A = Audience (Who are they writing <strong>to</strong>?)<br />
F = Format (Is it an essay? A letter? A brochure?)<br />
T = Topic (What are they writing about?)<br />
Model for students how you can use RAFT <strong>to</strong> determine the writer’s role, audience, format, and <strong>to</strong>pic<br />
for an <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompt.<br />
In small groups, students will create an original approach <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompts.<br />
Create a Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming activity for students by posting <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompts on chart paper<br />
around the room. Students will have 1-2 minutes at each station <strong>to</strong> create an original RAFT plan for the<br />
prompt.<br />
Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming Directions<br />
Rationale: To activate students' prior knowledge of a <strong>to</strong>pic or <strong>to</strong>pics through movement and<br />
conversation.<br />
Description: While Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming, students will rotate around the classroom in small groups,<br />
s<strong>to</strong>pping at various stations for a designated amount of time. While at each station, students will<br />
activate their prior knowledge of different <strong>to</strong>pics or different aspects of a single <strong>to</strong>pic through<br />
conversation with peers. Ideas shared will be posted at each station for all groups <strong>to</strong> read. Through<br />
movement and conversation, prior knowledge will be activated, providing scaffolding for new<br />
information <strong>to</strong> be learned in the proceeding lesson activity.<br />
Procedure:<br />
1. Generate X number of questions for your <strong>to</strong>pic of study and write each question on a separate piece<br />
of poster board or chart paper. (Note: The number of questions should reflect the number of groups<br />
you intend <strong>to</strong> use during this activity.) Post questions sheets around your classroom.<br />
2. Divide your students in<strong>to</strong> groups of 5 or less. For example, in a classroom of 30 students, you would<br />
divide your class in<strong>to</strong> 6 groups of five that will rotate around the room during this activity.<br />
3. Direct each group <strong>to</strong> stand in front of a homebase question station. Give each group a colored<br />
marker for writing their ideas at the question stations. It is advisable <strong>to</strong> use a different color for tracking<br />
each group.<br />
4. Inform groups that they will have X number of minutes <strong>to</strong> brains<strong>to</strong>rm and write ideas at each<br />
question station. Usually 2-3 minutes is sufficient. When time is called, groups will rotate <strong>to</strong> the next<br />
station in clockwise order. Numbering the stations will make this easy for students <strong>to</strong> track. Group 1<br />
would rotate <strong>to</strong> question station 2; Group 2 would rotate <strong>to</strong> question station 3 and so on.<br />
5. Using a s<strong>to</strong>pwatch or other timer, begin the group rotation. Continue until each group reaches their<br />
last question station.<br />
6. Before leaving the final question station, have each group select the <strong>to</strong>p 3 ideas from their station <strong>to</strong><br />
share with the entire class.<br />
Lip<strong>to</strong>n, L., & Wellman, B. (1998). Patterns and practices in the learning-focused classroom. Guilford, Vermont:<br />
Pathways Publishing.<br />
11
Sample Room Layout for Carousel Brains<strong>to</strong>rming<br />
Question Station #1<br />
Question Station #6<br />
Question Station #2<br />
Question Station #5<br />
Question Station #3<br />
Question Station #4<br />
from Instructional Strategies for Engaging Learners Guilford <strong>County</strong> <strong>School</strong>s TF, 2002<br />
http://its.guilford.k12.nc.us/act/strategies/carousel_brains<strong>to</strong>rming.htm<br />
12
Use RAFT <strong>to</strong> Create Content-Specific Prompts<br />
The RAFT strategy helps students create writing prompts or <strong>to</strong>pics that relate directly <strong>to</strong> the curriculum<br />
they are studying. Using this format, teachers or students can create meaningful prompts that students<br />
enjoy, while their writing assists the teacher <strong>to</strong> assess mastery of material.<br />
RAFT<br />
R = Role (Whose perspective are they writing from? Are they a student? A character?)<br />
A = Audience (Who are they writing <strong>to</strong>?)<br />
F = Format (Is it an essay? A letter? A brochure?)<br />
T = Topic (What are they writing about?)<br />
After they have identified the four elements of RAFT, have them write it out in sentence form. This way,<br />
it looks more like the prompts (or writing <strong>to</strong>pics) that they are familiar with.<br />
I am a (Role) writing a (Format) <strong>to</strong> (Audience) about (Topic). My purpose for writing is <strong>to</strong> (Expand on<br />
<strong>to</strong>pic using a strong verb).<br />
Day Two: Cus<strong>to</strong>mizing and Personalizing<br />
Rationale: We cus<strong>to</strong>mize and upgrade everything from our homes, our cars, our coffee, <strong>to</strong> our<br />
cellphones, and lap<strong>to</strong>ps. We should cus<strong>to</strong>mize and personalize our writing. Let your unique voice shine<br />
through your writing!<br />
Think about the <strong>FCAT</strong> Assessor audience. They read essays from thousands of Florida students who are<br />
limited <strong>to</strong> two prompts. How can a student cus<strong>to</strong>mize his/her writing so it appears original, yet stays on<br />
<strong>to</strong>pic?<br />
Description: Brains<strong>to</strong>rm strategies for addressing vague prompts. For example, in 2009 the exposi<strong>to</strong>ry<br />
prompt directed the student <strong>to</strong> think about and explain why he, she, or someone else saves something.<br />
There are many ways <strong>to</strong> approach “saving” something (save money, save lives, save the planet, save<br />
your soul, save time, etc…). This activity will help students find the right combination of elaborated<br />
detail and vivid language <strong>to</strong> unlock success on the <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Assessment.<br />
Complete the But the Prompt is so BORING activity.<br />
13
Name:_____________________________<br />
Period & Date: ______________________<br />
But the Prompt is so Boring!<br />
Follow these directions and realize that ANY <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompt can come alive. See if you have<br />
what it takes <strong>to</strong> make a boring <strong>to</strong>pic come alive.<br />
Write the most boring <strong>to</strong>pic you can imagine here:<br />
Pass this paper <strong>to</strong> the next person.<br />
Write a question about the prompt. DO NOT ask the very first thing that comes <strong>to</strong> your mind.<br />
Make it a question that nobody else could create.<br />
Pass this paper <strong>to</strong> the next person.<br />
Write down five words that relate <strong>to</strong> the prompt but are NOT OBVIOUS.<br />
Think of some unusual connections <strong>to</strong> the prompt.<br />
______________ _______________ _______________ ________________ ___________________<br />
Pass this paper <strong>to</strong> the next person.<br />
Make up a brief anecdote, quote, or statement <strong>to</strong> grab the<br />
reader’s attention as the first line based on this <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
Pass the paper back <strong>to</strong> the original prompt crea<strong>to</strong>r.<br />
14
Day Three, Four and Five: <strong>Writing</strong> Radio Ads<br />
Rationale: To practice writing for a variety of audiences and purposes, students will create four 30-<br />
second radio advertisements geared <strong>to</strong>ward different radio stations and audiences.<br />
Materials: Teacher will need enough product advertisements individually cut out from the local<br />
Sunday/holiday newspaper for each student <strong>to</strong> receive two items. It is helpful for students <strong>to</strong> see the<br />
product description and price when they are creating their advertisements. Teacher may choose <strong>to</strong> have<br />
students bring these in <strong>to</strong> create an “ad bank” on the first day of the activity then call students up <strong>to</strong><br />
pick out two from the collection.<br />
Day Three-Discuss & Post the following criteria for advertisements-<br />
Purpose: <strong>to</strong> convince your chosen audience <strong>to</strong> purchase your product<br />
Audience: choose from one of the following<br />
-children<br />
-teens<br />
-adults<br />
-senior citizens<br />
Context: the 30-second advertisement will be played on a local radio station during a <strong>to</strong>ugh economic<br />
time.<br />
Students will glue/attach the picture of their product <strong>to</strong> a sheet of paper. On the paper students must<br />
state their chosen audience, radio station chosen from the Central Florida Radio Stations list and write<br />
out their radio commercial.<br />
Day Four-<strong>Writing</strong> for a Different Audience<br />
Students choose a different audience from the list and create a second radio advertisement for each of<br />
their two original products. Students need <strong>to</strong> state their second audience choice and radio station, and<br />
include their new commercial on the same sheet of paper as their first one. Students should share their<br />
commercials with a partner and decide which one they want <strong>to</strong> share with the class.<br />
Day Five- Radio Commercial Performances<br />
Each student will share their favorite original radio advertisement with the class without identifying the<br />
audience they are targeting. Each student will guess the Purpose, Audience & Context the commercial<br />
was written for, and write them down on a 3 X 5 index card. Students can hand in their written radio<br />
ads and the 3X5 index cards for assessment.<br />
15
Central Florida Radio Stations:<br />
Call Letters Description City Audience /Format<br />
Christian<br />
Z88.3 - Positive Hit Music Union Park, FL<br />
WPOZ 88.3 FM<br />
Contemporary, Radio<br />
WLAZ 89.1 FM Kissimmee, FL Spanish, Radio<br />
WPIO 89.3 FM<br />
Godsquad Radio-Alternative<br />
Christian Music & Talk<br />
Titusville, FL<br />
Religious, Radio<br />
WUCF 89.9 FM University of Central Florida Orlando, FL Jazz, Radio<br />
WMFE 90.7 FM Orlando, FL Classical, Radio<br />
WPRK 91.5 FM Rollins College Winter Park, FL College, Radio<br />
WWKA 92.3 FM<br />
K92 - Central Florida's Country<br />
Connection<br />
Orlando, FL<br />
Country, Radio<br />
WPYO 95.3 FM<br />
Power 95.3 - The New #1 for Hip<br />
Hop and R&B<br />
Maitland, FL<br />
Hip Hop, Radio<br />
WHTQ 96.5 FM<br />
96.5 Classic Rock - Orlando's Rock<br />
Experience<br />
Orlando, FL<br />
Classic Rock, Radio<br />
foxy 98.9 FM soft rock 34715, FL<br />
Rock, Oldies, Classic<br />
Rock<br />
WEBG 100.3 FM Big 100.3 - Playing the Biggest Hits Orlando, FL Oldies, Radio<br />
WTKS 104.1 FM Real Radio 104.1 Cocoa Beach, FL Talk, Radio<br />
WOMX 105.1 FM<br />
Mix 1051 - The Best Mix of the<br />
80s, 90s & Today<br />
Orlando, FL<br />
Hot AC, Radio<br />
WXXL 106.7 FM XL 106.7 FM - Today's Hit Music Tavares, FL Top-40, Radio<br />
WDBO 580 AM<br />
AM 580 Central Florida's News,<br />
Weather, & Traffic<br />
Orlando, FL<br />
News/Talk, Radio<br />
WDYZ 990 AM<br />
Radio Disney. Your Music. Your<br />
Way<br />
Orlando, FL<br />
Children's, Radio<br />
WHOO 1080 AM ESPN 1080 - Sports Radio Kissimmee, FL Sports, Radio<br />
WKIQ 1240 AM Eustis, FL Talk, Radio<br />
16
Week One Additional Activities:<br />
Group Drafting, Revising, and Evaluating<br />
Each student needs two sheets of paper and one prompt (student generated or otherwise). Have<br />
students get in<strong>to</strong> groups and number each piece of paper consecutively. Students should remember the<br />
number they started on. They must be in a circle and go in order. Each student adds one line <strong>to</strong> the<br />
essay until they have gone all the way around; being sure their writing is still focused on the same<br />
audience, for the same purpose, and in the same format (context). The purpose is <strong>to</strong> continue <strong>to</strong><br />
support the main message, keeping in mind that they want <strong>to</strong> complete the essays by the end of class.<br />
Students should add detail, support, elaborations, and transitions. Students should try <strong>to</strong> write with a<br />
unified voice so that it sounds like the same person wrote the essay. If you are doing the extension<br />
activity, make sure students write double-spaced.<br />
Extension #1- Next day, pass papers <strong>to</strong> other group and have them revise one or two of the pieces<br />
directly on<strong>to</strong> the paper. Note areas of support. Use the Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> in order <strong>to</strong> address issues direct<br />
students <strong>to</strong> spend five minutes each looking at: Word Choice, Sentence Fluency, Ideas.<br />
Extension #2- Give the essay back <strong>to</strong> the original group and they can edit/type and turn in for a grade.<br />
Also, have them write a brief reflection about the original piece compared with the last, edited and<br />
revised piece.<br />
17
The SOAPS Strategy: Speaker, Occasion, Audience, Purpose, Subject<br />
Rationale: What do good readers do? What is important for reading comprehension? Active reading is<br />
important for comprehension. Research has shown that good readers activate prior knowledge,<br />
establish purpose while reading, make connections, determine the most important ideas, ask questions,<br />
question the author, visualize and create mental images of the text, make inferences, synthesize<br />
information, and use fix-up strategies (e.g., Keene and Zimmerman, 1997; Pearson & Fielding, 1991;<br />
Pressley, 2000).<br />
Reading comprehension is the process of constructing meaning from text (Durkin, 1993). According <strong>to</strong><br />
the RAND group, comprehension is: “the process of simultaneously extracting and constructing meaning<br />
through interaction and involvement with written language. It consists of three elements: the reader,<br />
the text, and the activity or purpose for reading” (RAND Reading Study Group, 2002, p. 11). A major goal<br />
of reading comprehension is <strong>to</strong> help readers develop the knowledge, skills, and they strategies they<br />
need <strong>to</strong> know and be able <strong>to</strong> use <strong>to</strong> become proficient and independent readers (e.g., RAND Reading<br />
Study Group, 2002).<br />
The SOAPS strategy can be used <strong>to</strong> teach students how <strong>to</strong> read and understand narrative and exposi<strong>to</strong>ry<br />
texts. Each text structure has unique characteristics and students can benefit from instruction on how<br />
“<strong>to</strong> read” and understand text. This becomes particularly important with implicit text and messages as<br />
many students have underdeveloped inferential skills. The SOAPS comprehension strategy includes the<br />
following:<br />
SOAPS- Speaker; Occasion; Audience; Purpose; and, Subject.<br />
SOAPS can help students understand the author’s craft by analyzing certain text elements. Students will<br />
be able <strong>to</strong> discuss and identify the SOAPS. This will help them <strong>to</strong> learn how <strong>to</strong> “read the text”, identify<br />
who the speaker is in a text, what the occasion is, who is the audience for the text, identify the purpose<br />
of the author for writing this text, and what is the subject of the text; all of these pieces of information<br />
are important fac<strong>to</strong>rs that can help shape a student’s understanding of a text.<br />
Steps:<br />
1. Start by explaining the purpose and discuss what happens when at times we start <strong>to</strong> read a piece of<br />
text without paying attention <strong>to</strong> some important pieces of information that are at times hidden in the<br />
text. As a result, sometimes we read without developing much comprehension. Share with students that<br />
they can take a piece of text apart and look for certain elements that are sometimes not explicitly stated<br />
by the author. Explain that when they learn how <strong>to</strong> identify these elements it will help them <strong>to</strong> better<br />
understand who the speaker is and what his/her intentions and purpose are for sharing this text/<strong>to</strong>pic,<br />
what the occasion for this text is, for whom this information is written, why the author wrote it, and<br />
what the subject of the text/<strong>to</strong>pic is. Share with them that all of these elements make a big difference<br />
for their comprehension. They will provide them with “a roadmap for reading and understanding the<br />
text”.<br />
18
2. Teach (Model). Select a piece of text for the purpose of teaching this strategy. Provide every student<br />
with a copy of that text and a copy of the SOAPS template. Explain each element of the SOAPS strategy<br />
and what it involves. Show students how you identified each element in the text. Demonstrate using an<br />
overhead projec<strong>to</strong>r, a board, a whiteboard, or a computer (whatever resources might be available <strong>to</strong><br />
you). Use think alouds and explain your thinking process and how you used the SOAPS strategy <strong>to</strong><br />
identify different pieces of vital information in the text.<br />
The following is an example for secondary grades (use the SOAPS blank line master <strong>to</strong> demonstrate the<br />
following and adjust text level <strong>to</strong> match the appropriate grade level).<br />
The forced migration of Greek intellectuals and businessmen from Asia Minor <strong>to</strong> Greece in 1921 (due <strong>to</strong><br />
the Great Fire of Smyrna and the persecution by the Turks) prompted an explosion of culture, language,<br />
and literature in Greece.<br />
Use think alouds and use a whole group approach. Now, ask yourself: Who is thespeaker? What is the<br />
occasion? Who is the audience? What is the purpose? What's the subject/<strong>to</strong>pic?<br />
“Well, the speaker here is the author of our World His<strong>to</strong>ry textbook. The occasion is the forced<br />
migration of Greeks in Asia Minor <strong>to</strong> the mainland in 1921. That's clear; it is stated in the text.<br />
The audience is…us…the world who needs <strong>to</strong> know about his<strong>to</strong>rical events. The author’s<br />
purpose is <strong>to</strong> present us with facts, causes and effects of social events on Greek culture,<br />
language and literature in the 1920s. The subject is the Greco-Turkish war and its effects on<br />
Greece.”<br />
Explain <strong>to</strong> students that by quickly determining the speaker, occasion, purpose, audience, and<br />
subject/<strong>to</strong>pic while reading, we can easily deduce why the author is writing this text and even predict of<br />
what will follow. Help students <strong>to</strong> understand (through experiences with texts and with using the SOAPS<br />
strategy) that actively reading passages can build understanding and save them much precious time<br />
when they get <strong>to</strong> the questions.<br />
3. Allow time for students <strong>to</strong> practice using the SOAPS strategy and provide feedback and support as<br />
needed. Provide them with a different piece of text and ask them <strong>to</strong> work <strong>to</strong>gether in small groups using<br />
the strategy. Moni<strong>to</strong>r their work and at the end, have a class discussion on their findings and a reflection<br />
on what this process did for their understanding.<br />
Additional Instructional Extensions for SOAPS:<br />
Teaching students how <strong>to</strong> identify the “author’s <strong>to</strong>ne” will help them <strong>to</strong> “listen for the author’s <strong>to</strong>ne” in<br />
written text. This is a challenging task and it requires critical thinking skills. Students often have<br />
difficulties with identifying <strong>to</strong>ne as it is not stated explicitly in written text. A reader will have <strong>to</strong> infer the<br />
author’s <strong>to</strong>ne by looking at certain details while reading the text. As students learn how <strong>to</strong> identify the<br />
author’s <strong>to</strong>ne, they will develop a better understanding of text. Identifying the author’s <strong>to</strong>ne will help<br />
readers <strong>to</strong>:<br />
Clarify the author’s attitude <strong>to</strong>ward the <strong>to</strong>pic/subject.<br />
Decide: is the author emotional, objective, or biased about this <strong>to</strong>pic/subject?<br />
19
Identify what types of details, language, and sentence structure “tell” the author’s feelings<br />
about the <strong>to</strong>pic/subject.<br />
If you were the author and were <strong>to</strong> read the passage aloud, describe the <strong>to</strong>ne you would use.<br />
Assessment:<br />
Focus on observation, anecdotal note taking, and listen <strong>to</strong> students as they use and discuss SOAPS<br />
individually or in their small group. Use the SOAPS template as a form of informal assessment and assess<br />
what aspects of the SOAPS are more challenging for students <strong>to</strong> identify. Then, teach those elements of<br />
text using a variety of texts (narrative and exposi<strong>to</strong>ry). Review students’ discussions and reflections <strong>to</strong><br />
provide additional feedback, teaching, and support as needed.<br />
Resources:<br />
A lesson for Grades 9-12 using the SOAPs strategy.<br />
http://www.readwritethink.org/lessons/lesson_view.asp?id=942<br />
Strategies for reading comprehension.<br />
http://www.readingquest.org/strat/<br />
A report on the benefits of questioning the author reading strategy.<br />
www.fcrr.org/FCRRReports/PDF/QuestioningAuthorFinal.pdf<br />
References:<br />
Durkin, D. (1993). Teaching them <strong>to</strong> read (6th Ed.). Bos<strong>to</strong>n: Allyn & Bacon.<br />
Keene, E.O., & Zimmermann, S. (1997). Mosaic of thought: Teaching comprehension in a reader’s<br />
workshop. Portsmouth NH: Heinemann.<br />
Pearson, P.D., & Fielding, L. (1991). Comprehension instruction. In R. Barr, M.L. Kamil, P.B. Mosenthal, &<br />
P.D. Pearson (Eds.), Handbook of reading research: Volume II (pp. 815-860). White Plains, NY: Longman.<br />
Pressley, M. (2000). What should comprehension instruction be the instruction of? In M.L. Kamil, P.B.<br />
© Copyright 2003-2008 for FOR-PD by the Florida Department of Education and the University of Central<br />
Florida. All rights reserved.<br />
20
SOAPS Organizer, With Explanations<br />
SOAPS Strategy<br />
Who is the Speaker?<br />
- Who is the speaker? Identification of the person (or group<br />
of people) that wrote this text: what is the speaker’s age,<br />
gender, class, or education?<br />
- Identify the main voice within the text.<br />
- What can you tell or what do you know about this person’s<br />
role in the text?<br />
What is the Occasion?<br />
- Identify the time and place of the text. What is the current<br />
situation?<br />
- Is it a personal event, a celebration, an observation, a<br />
critique, or…?<br />
- Identify the context of the text.<br />
Who is the Audience?<br />
- The readers <strong>to</strong> whom this text is directed.<br />
- The audience may be one person, a small group, or a<br />
large group.<br />
- Does the speaker specify an audience?<br />
- What assumptions exist in the text about the intended<br />
audience of this text?<br />
What is the Purpose?<br />
- What is the purpose for the passage/text?<br />
- What is the message?<br />
- Why did the author write it? What is the author’s goal?<br />
- How does the speaker convey the message?<br />
What is the Subject?<br />
- The <strong>to</strong>pic, content, and ideas included in the text.<br />
- Can you identify and state the subject in a few words?<br />
- Is there one or more than one subject?<br />
- How does the author present the subject? Does s/he<br />
introduce it immediately or not? Is the subject explicit or<br />
implicit?<br />
© Copyright 2003-2008 for FOR-PD by the Florida Department of Education and the University of Central Florida. All rights<br />
reserved.<br />
21
SOAPS Organizer- Blank for Student and Teacher Use<br />
SOAPS Strategy<br />
Who is the Speaker?<br />
What is the Occasion?<br />
Who is the Audience?<br />
What is the Purpose?<br />
What is the Subject?<br />
© Copyright 2003-2008 for FOR-PD by the Florida Department of Education and the University of Central Florida. All rights<br />
reserved.<br />
22
Week Two: Planning and Organizing, <strong>Writing</strong> Introductions and<br />
Conclusions<br />
• Day One:<br />
• Day Two:<br />
• Review the <strong>Writing</strong> Process<br />
• Some Prewriting Options<br />
• Little Red Riding Hooks<br />
• Right from the Start<br />
• Famous First Movie Lines<br />
• Introductions Handout<br />
• Day Three, Four and Five:<br />
• Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach<br />
• Examining Essays: Leads and Conclusions<br />
• Conclusions Handout<br />
• Famous Last Movie Lines<br />
• Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
• This I Believe Essays<br />
• Listing for Prewriting<br />
• Directed Free <strong>Writing</strong><br />
• Rough Draft: Focus on Organizational Skills<br />
• 6 Traits Organization Revision Notes<br />
• Conclusions<br />
23
Week Two: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong><br />
Measurement Categories<br />
Grade 8<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.3.1<br />
LA.B.1.3.2<br />
LA.B.1.3.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student organizes information<br />
before writing according <strong>to</strong> the<br />
type and purpose of writing.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused, purposeful,<br />
and reflects insight in<strong>to</strong> the writing<br />
situation; conveys a sense of<br />
completeness and wholeness with<br />
adherence <strong>to</strong> the main idea; and<br />
demonstrates a commitment <strong>to</strong><br />
and an involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion of<br />
this benchmark is assessed by<br />
LA.B.1.3.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.3.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student<br />
drafts and revises<br />
writing that has<br />
an organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical<br />
progression of<br />
ideas.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that has support that<br />
is substantial, specific,<br />
relevant, concrete, and/or<br />
illustrative; has clarity in<br />
presentation of ideas; uses<br />
creative writing strategies<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the purpose of<br />
the paper; and demonstrates<br />
a command of language<br />
(word choice) with freshness<br />
of expression.<br />
24
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents<br />
that have been edited for correct<br />
spelling; correct punctuation, including<br />
commas, colons, and semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; effective sentence<br />
structure; correct common usage,<br />
including subject/verb agreement,<br />
common noun/pronoun agreement,<br />
common possessive forms, and with a<br />
variety of sentence structures, including<br />
parallel structure; and correct<br />
formatting.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the<br />
conventions portion of LA.B.1.3.2.<br />
Correct formatting is not assessed.<br />
Grade 10<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.4.1<br />
LA.B.1.4.2<br />
LA.B.1.4.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student selects and uses<br />
appropriate prewriting<br />
strategies, such as<br />
brains<strong>to</strong>rming, graphic<br />
organizers, and outlines.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused,<br />
purposeful, and reflects insight<br />
in<strong>to</strong> the writing situation, and<br />
demonstrates a commitment<br />
<strong>to</strong> and involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion<br />
of this benchmark is assessed<br />
by LA.B.1.4.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.4.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student drafts<br />
and revises writing<br />
that has an<br />
organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical progression<br />
of ideas, and has<br />
effective use of<br />
transitional devices<br />
that contribute <strong>to</strong> a<br />
sense of<br />
completeness.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and<br />
revises writing that has<br />
support that is substantial,<br />
specific, relevant, and<br />
concrete; uses creative<br />
writing strategies as<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the<br />
purposes of the paper; and<br />
demonstrates a mature<br />
command of language with<br />
freshness of expression.<br />
25
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents that have<br />
been edited for correct spelling; correct<br />
punctuation, including commas, colons, and<br />
common use of semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; correct sentence formation;<br />
correct instances of possessives, subject/verb<br />
agreement, instances of noun/pronoun<br />
agreement, and the intentional use of fragments<br />
for effect; and correct formatting that appeals <strong>to</strong><br />
readers, including appropriate use of a variety of<br />
graphics, tables, charts, and illustrations in both<br />
standard and innovative forms.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the conventions<br />
portion of LA.B.1.4.2. Correct formatting and use<br />
of graphics are not assessed.<br />
The right combination of strategies and writing<br />
lessons will propel your students <strong>to</strong> excellence on<br />
<strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong>, and in all the writing they do!<br />
26
Day One: Review the <strong>Writing</strong> Process:<br />
A Quick LOOK at the <strong>Writing</strong> Process<br />
Observing: question and notice details in the world<br />
Pay special attention <strong>to</strong> the little details in your surroundings and think about something you<br />
can write about in class.<br />
Brains<strong>to</strong>rming/Prewriting<br />
Brains<strong>to</strong>rm a list of all the things you noticed that you could write about. Choose a few from<br />
your list and add a few more details or ideas <strong>to</strong> each.<br />
Drafting<br />
Write a brief paragraph about one of the ideas you wrote down.<br />
Revising<br />
Look over your piece and change <strong>to</strong> better verbs and nouns. Add any details you might have left<br />
out. Remove anything that seems unnecessary.<br />
Sharing<br />
Ask a peer <strong>to</strong> look at your paragraph and suggest a way <strong>to</strong> improve. Read it aloud <strong>to</strong> hear the<br />
fluency.<br />
Second Revision<br />
Make changes suggested by peers and any other changes you feel are necessary. Read aloud<br />
again <strong>to</strong> listen for fluency--change sentence structure and/ or length <strong>to</strong> improve fluency.<br />
Final Revision and Editing<br />
Check carefully for any spelling and/or grammatical mistakes.<br />
Publishing<br />
Write a final version as neatly as possible and place a copyright symbol next <strong>to</strong> your name.<br />
27
Prewriting Options: Circle Map, from Thinking Maps<br />
28
FLEE Map<br />
Write For the Future<br />
Complete Heading<br />
Transition: Transition: Transition:<br />
Transition:<br />
29
This writers' handout was designed <strong>to</strong> accompany one of <strong>Writing</strong>Fix's on-line, interactive writing prompts.<br />
Little Red Riding Hooks…<br />
From the amazing classroom of Dena Harrison, Mendive Middle <strong>School</strong><br />
Great alternatives <strong>to</strong> introductions, hooks, and leads<br />
"Once upon a time, there lived a little girl with a red riding<br />
hood…" A BORING, CLICHÉ INTRO!<br />
There are more interesting ways <strong>to</strong> start off this famous s<strong>to</strong>ry.<br />
Below are eight techniques <strong>to</strong> consider:<br />
Technique one: Start with a short (four- or fiveword<br />
maximum), effective sentence:<br />
Her hair shone gold.<br />
Technique three: Start with an interesting<br />
question for the reader <strong>to</strong> ponder:<br />
Who could have thought that<br />
a simple trip <strong>to</strong> Grandma's<br />
house could end in tragedy?<br />
Technique five: Start with a riddle:<br />
Who has big eyes, big teeth and<br />
is dressed in Grandma's clothes?<br />
Yes, you guessed it, the Big Bad<br />
Wolf.<br />
Technique seven:<br />
Capture a feeling or emotion:<br />
You might be surprised <strong>to</strong> learn<br />
that a little girl couldn't<br />
recognize her own<br />
grandmother.<br />
Technique two: Start with an interesting<br />
metaphor or simile:<br />
The wolf was a <strong>to</strong>rnado,<br />
changing the lives of all who<br />
crossed his path.<br />
Technique four: Start with a subordinate clause<br />
or other complex sentence form:<br />
Though the road <strong>to</strong> Grandma's<br />
house was spooky, Red skipped<br />
along with an air of confidence.<br />
Technique six: Fill in these blanks: "___ was the<br />
kind of ___ who/that ___"<br />
Little Red was the kind of girl<br />
who thought wolves would<br />
never bother her.<br />
Technique eight: Use a string of adjectives:<br />
Tall, dark, and with an air of<br />
confidence, the woodsman<br />
entered the house.<br />
What fairy tales, fables, or s<strong>to</strong>ries are your students familiar enough with<br />
<strong>to</strong> write eight new introductions for?<br />
©2006 Northern Nevada <strong>Writing</strong> Project. All rights reserved.<br />
This resource comes from the best website for writers and writing teachers: http//writingfix.com and http://writingfix.org<br />
Use of this document in the classroom is encouraged and supported. Others must request permission from the website <strong>to</strong> reproduce.<br />
30<br />
This handout is featured in the NNWP's "Going Deep with 6 Trait Language" print guide. Visit http://nnwp.org for information on ordering the<br />
complete guide.
Day Two: Introductions<br />
Right from the Start: Effective Leads<br />
Read examples of effective leads, and then use selected examples <strong>to</strong> write your own.<br />
Effective leads pull readers in<strong>to</strong> any piece of writing. Good leads fit the <strong>to</strong>pic, and hook the reader's<br />
attention from the start.<br />
Directions: Read each of the leads below, studying both the organization and wording. Then, choose<br />
three styles and write your own examples.<br />
Setting: It was one of those dark, muggy, misty New Orleans nights when gentle people avoid the back<br />
alleys.<br />
Situation: Willie and Sarah looked dumbfounded at each other; their television picture had just gone<br />
black.<br />
Former Action: Willie and Sarah had longed for a house in the suburbs, yet each time they had<br />
accumulated a few dollars in their savings account, they had <strong>to</strong> bail Sarah’s no-good step brother out of<br />
jail.<br />
First incident: Joe s<strong>to</strong>pped the truck and, against company orders, picked up the hitchhiker.<br />
Effects: Two cars were completely wrecked, seven people were hospitalized, and three bodies were in<br />
the morgue just because Joe had gazed a bit <strong>to</strong>o long at a passing blonde.<br />
Establishment of the point of view: As I was walking down Main Street last night, I saw...<br />
Importance of subject: Knowing how <strong>to</strong> ....may save your life one day.<br />
Quotation: "Use it up; wear it out; make it do; or do without"—that's a saying that helped my<br />
grandmother learn <strong>to</strong> manage money.<br />
Evaluation of the subject: Alexander Pope was probably the most arrogant and powerful literary<br />
dicta<strong>to</strong>r, and yet the most....<br />
An explanation of the writer's qualification: For seventeen years I have studied the effects of poor diet<br />
on the human body.<br />
Your Examples:<br />
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Famous First Movie Lines<br />
Students can analyze these first lines, or perhaps model some of their own sentences on them.<br />
• “Who am I? You sure you want <strong>to</strong> know? The s<strong>to</strong>ry of my life is not for the faint of heart. If<br />
somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody <strong>to</strong>ld you I was just your average ordinary guy,<br />
not a care in the world... somebody lied.”<br />
– Peter Parker, Spiderman<br />
• “Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the<br />
power <strong>to</strong> create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in<br />
harmony. But like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war. A<br />
war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death, and the Cube was lost <strong>to</strong> the far<br />
reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping <strong>to</strong> find it and rebuild our home. Searching<br />
every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us <strong>to</strong><br />
an unknown planet called... Earth. But we were already <strong>to</strong>o late...”<br />
– Optimus Prime, Transformers<br />
• “Too much garbage in your face? There's plenty of space out in space! B ’n L StarLiners leaving each<br />
day. We'll clean up the mess while you're away.”<br />
– Voice in Commercial, WALL-E<br />
• “I feel like you're driving me <strong>to</strong> court martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you're gonna pull<br />
over and snuff me. What, you're not allowed <strong>to</strong> talk? Hey, Forest...”<br />
– Tony Stark, Iron Man<br />
• “Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.”<br />
– Po, Kung Fu Panda<br />
• “Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom known as Andalasia, there lived an evil queen. Selfish and<br />
cruel, she lived in fear that one day her stepson would marry and she would lose her throne forever.<br />
And so she did all in her power <strong>to</strong> prevent the prince from ever meeting the one special maiden with<br />
whom he would share true love's kiss.”<br />
– Narra<strong>to</strong>r, Enchanted<br />
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Introductions: A Few Words for Students<br />
Introductions may seem difficult <strong>to</strong> write. After all, there is nothing worse than staring at a blank page<br />
waiting for an idea <strong>to</strong> strike. But, with a few simple strategies under your belt, you will find that your<br />
introduction can give you a chance <strong>to</strong> creatively grab the reader’s attention so that they will read the<br />
rest of your essay.<br />
Your introduction must include a<br />
“Hook” or attention-getter.<br />
Statement that answers the prompt, states your thesis.<br />
Road map for the reader – You need <strong>to</strong> give the reader an idea where you are going. It could<br />
include giving your three reasons, but it doesn’t have <strong>to</strong>.<br />
Some tips before we start:<br />
Be creative. Make it interesting. Part of the fun of the introduction is it gives you a chance <strong>to</strong><br />
have fun and share your voice.<br />
DON’T start with, “Hi, my name is _______ and I am going <strong>to</strong> write about ________.” Your<br />
reader is pretty smart. If they want <strong>to</strong> know your name they can look at the <strong>to</strong>p of the<br />
page. As for what you are writing about, there are more interesting ways <strong>to</strong> tell the<br />
reader your <strong>to</strong>pic without using the words “I am going <strong>to</strong> write about...”<br />
Day Three, Four and Five: Conclusions<br />
Examining Essays: Leads and Conclusions<br />
Comparing and contrasting the leads and conclusions in a few of these samples either as a class and/or<br />
in a small group would be helpful for students <strong>to</strong> draw conclusions about effective leads and<br />
conclusions.<br />
After teaching students the Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach lesson, create a packet of 4-6<br />
essays that contain one of the four essay conclusion types. Have students work in pairs and/or<br />
individually <strong>to</strong> identify the types of conclusions used. Share the results with the class.<br />
Here are some examples:<br />
Get Yourself a Tuba (<strong>to</strong>uch back)<br />
I Am Capable of More Than I Think I Am (go <strong>to</strong> the heart)<br />
Other Essays from This I Believe: The True Source of Love, Dirt Bike, Click it or Lose it.<br />
Information and lesson plans on using This I Believe in your classroom:<br />
http://thisibelieve.org/educa<strong>to</strong>rs/<br />
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Get Yourself a Tuba<br />
Bonnie-Tucson, Arizona<br />
Okay, that needs explanation, so I’ll backtrack. My first novel was published a year ago. I’d always been<br />
an artist and never planned on writing a book. Then I wrote my first short s<strong>to</strong>ry, which won a prize.<br />
Encouraged, I started a second s<strong>to</strong>ry, but I abandoned it after seven pages. I forgot all about it for<br />
several years, until my friend Deborah read it and said, “just write it ’til it’s finished.” So I did.<br />
I poured out my s<strong>to</strong>ry, one page a day, until it was finished. That <strong>to</strong>ok about a year, which added up <strong>to</strong> a<br />
book. Since I’d had luck with my first short s<strong>to</strong>ry, I sent my manuscript in<strong>to</strong> the literary world. I quickly<br />
found an agent who quickly sold it <strong>to</strong> Random House, then made a movie deal with Paramount. I still get<br />
goose bumps saying that.<br />
I’ve thought a lot about making that shift from artist <strong>to</strong> author, a process that was almost complete<br />
before I even noticed. Something big had happened, and I missed it. But, of course, life’s big moments<br />
don’t wear blinking red lights; sometimes they’re not visible for years, not until you’ve seen all the<br />
ripples and reflections.<br />
Though I didn’t spot it at the time, I can look back now and pinpoint the moment things changed for me.<br />
It was when Deborah said “write it ’til it’s finished.” Honestly, if she’d said write a book, I would have<br />
said she was nuts, I could never do such a thing. But in that quiet moment with those careless, perfect<br />
words, I forgot <strong>to</strong> be afraid. “Sure,” I said, “why not?”<br />
I give frequent talks now at book events, and the effect is startling. My novel is called “Sleeping With<br />
Schubert,” about a Brooklyn woman who gets inhabited by the spirit of Franz Schubert, composer of the<br />
“Unfinished Symphony.” It’s based on a common fantasy – If only I could sing like that person, dance like<br />
that one, play like the other. At these talks, the combined effect of my novel’s theme and my own<br />
unpremeditated career change inspires people <strong>to</strong> think about their own possibilities. I often invite them<br />
<strong>to</strong> imagine doing something <strong>to</strong>tally new or different. They jump right in. I’m climbing in the Andes …<br />
learning <strong>to</strong> paint … volunteering at a school … And my favorite, the 75-year-old man – very successful in<br />
business – who said, “I’ve always wanted <strong>to</strong> play the tuba.”<br />
“Where do you live?” I said.<br />
“San Diego.”<br />
“They have tubas in San Diego,” I said. “Go get yourself a tuba!”<br />
And he did.<br />
Oh, I should probably mention I was 50 when I sold my first book. And I’ve learned some lessons in the<br />
last few years. First, forget <strong>to</strong> be afraid; fear will never help you. And say “yes” more often than “no.”<br />
Most of all, this I believe: Today is always the perfect day <strong>to</strong> get yourself a tuba.<br />
© http://thisibelieve.org/<br />
34
I am Capable of More Than I Think I Am<br />
Gregg Rogers is an English professor at Pennsylvania State University.<br />
“It is Trisomy 21. It is Down Syndrome.”<br />
Beyond those words I heard nothing, sitting in the obstetrician’s office. The doc<strong>to</strong>r was talking about my<br />
unborn daughter, and the results of an amniocentesis. I know there were words after that statement,<br />
but I don’t remember them. I do remember returning home with my wife and crying on the sofa. I<br />
distinctly remember saying, “I don’t want this.” I didn’t want this situation. I didn’t want this<br />
responsibility. I didn’t want <strong>to</strong> become one of those parents — the parents of a child with a disability.<br />
People <strong>to</strong>ld me, “If anyone can handle it, you can.”<br />
“Easy for you <strong>to</strong> say,” I thought.<br />
“God never gives you more than you can handle,” they reassured me.<br />
“Really? Then why do people have nervous breakdowns?”<br />
“We’ll help however we can,” they said.<br />
“Fine,” I thought. “You have the kid with the developmental delay, and I’ll help you out.”<br />
For months I was terrified. My wife Lucy and I now refer <strong>to</strong> the period of time leading up <strong>to</strong> my<br />
daughter’s birth as “The Pit.” We barely spoke <strong>to</strong> each other because we didn’t know what <strong>to</strong> say. We<br />
simply suffered through each day, <strong>to</strong>gether, but feeling terribly alone. And then Genevieve was born.<br />
She spent her first eight days in the neonatal intensive care unit at a regional medical center. On each of<br />
those eight days I made the 150-mile round trip <strong>to</strong> see her, because she was my daughter. I sat in a<br />
surgical gown in intensive care, holding her in a tangle of tubes and wires, singing the same songs I had<br />
sung <strong>to</strong> other daughters.<br />
On the ninth day, she came home, and I began <strong>to</strong> realize that my feelings of fear and anxiety had<br />
changed in a way that no prenatal screening could ever have predicted.<br />
I now believe Genevieve is here for everyone. I believe Genevieve is taking over the world, one heart at<br />
a time — beginning with mine. I believe that what was once our perceived damnation has now become<br />
our unexpected salvation.<br />
Genevieve recently turned three and is doing very well for herself. She runs and climbs on everything<br />
and loves <strong>to</strong> wrestle with her two older sisters and her younger brother. She doesn’t have a lot of<br />
spoken words yet, although her first full sentence turned out <strong>to</strong> be, “What’s up with that?” She does<br />
have over 100 signs that allow her <strong>to</strong> ask for strawberries, pizza, or ice cream, or tell us when she wants<br />
<strong>to</strong> sleep or play on her computer. She goes <strong>to</strong> a regular preschool three days a week and seems <strong>to</strong> know<br />
more people around <strong>to</strong>wn than I do. I laugh every day because of Genevieve.<br />
35
On my right wrist, I wear a simple silver chain with three little beads on it. I used <strong>to</strong> say the three beads<br />
signified the third chromosome that results in Trisomy 21, Down Syndrome. Now when I look at those<br />
beads, they simply remind me that I don’t ever know as much as I think I do, but I’m always capable of<br />
more than I think I am.<br />
© http://thisibelieve.org/<br />
The True Source of Love<br />
Kristen - Hunting<strong>to</strong>n, West Virginia<br />
My grandma, my hero, my life-long confidant and the receiver of my biggest regret: I hated her, she was<br />
an embarrassment, she was such a hassle. Why couldn’t I have a normal grandmother, the one who<br />
bakes cookies and tells s<strong>to</strong>ries? I had a grandmother who couldn’t even put <strong>to</strong>gether a sentence let<br />
alone bathe herself and it was all my responsibility. I had <strong>to</strong> bathe her, dress her, make her food and<br />
clean everything in her house.<br />
The funny thing is, I now feel like I didn’t do enough, if I had only known what I know now she wouldn’t<br />
be so bad. My life lesson is that people don’t have <strong>to</strong> be perfect <strong>to</strong> be loved.<br />
When I was younger she was healthy, we used <strong>to</strong> have sleep-overs and used <strong>to</strong> make home-made bread<br />
<strong>to</strong>gether. Then things started <strong>to</strong> get bad. She always had a little bit of a speech problem, but it was<br />
getting worse. On <strong>to</strong>p of that, she was getting mean. I didn’t think she loved me, and worse of all I didn’t<br />
think I loved her. I hated going <strong>to</strong> her house, I would beg <strong>to</strong> stay home, anything but going <strong>to</strong> her house<br />
was fine with me.<br />
I cried every night for my old grandma, it was like she died, that person was not my grandma. As I got<br />
older, I had <strong>to</strong> do more. I had <strong>to</strong> bathe her, dress her, pretty much do her shopping and clean for her. I<br />
hated it, I wanted <strong>to</strong> just move <strong>to</strong> another <strong>to</strong>wn and never see her again.<br />
One day she fell down the steps and had <strong>to</strong> go <strong>to</strong> the hospital. We <strong>to</strong>ok her <strong>to</strong> many doc<strong>to</strong>rs before, but<br />
none had discovered what was truly wrong with her. It was three o’clock in the morning and the doc<strong>to</strong>r<br />
<strong>to</strong>ld my mom and me that she had dementia, a disease somewhat like Alzheimer’s disease. He explained<br />
that it would only get worse and she needed <strong>to</strong> be in a nursing home. He <strong>to</strong>ld us that part of the disease<br />
makes people confuse their emotions. So all the times she was mean <strong>to</strong> me she was trying <strong>to</strong> show me<br />
how much she loved me. I couldn’t believe that I hated her for loving me. I spent the better part of a<br />
year crying myself <strong>to</strong> sleep and hating myself for not loving her.<br />
Not accepting my grandmother made me make the biggest mistake of my life –making me believe that<br />
people should be perfect <strong>to</strong> be loved. I now hope that everyone can learn that it is not about that. I<br />
hope people learn that love shouldn’t be decided from people’s flaws, but from their hearts. I hope that<br />
no one has <strong>to</strong> make the mistake that I made, I hope that people take my advice.<br />
If I would have learned this sooner, I wouldn’t hate myself and live in regret. Why couldn’t I have the<br />
perfect grandmother? I do, I was just <strong>to</strong>o blind <strong>to</strong> see it before.<br />
© http://thisibelieve.org/<br />
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Dirt Bike<br />
Daniel-Oxford, Connecticut<br />
For as long as I can remember I have wanted a dirt bike. It might have been since birth. Possibly it could<br />
have started when my friend up the street got a quad. Personally I believe i was born twisting my right<br />
wrist and making engine noises but that’s (slightly) irrelevant. By the time I was in fourth grade u<br />
decided I had <strong>to</strong> have a dirt bike no matter what it <strong>to</strong>ok. I looked around <strong>to</strong> see what a bike cost and <strong>to</strong><br />
my dismay there were none available in my price range (that would be fifty dollars or less). At that age I<br />
worked day in and day out doing chores endlessly for five dollars a week in allowance. That adds up<br />
(slowly) <strong>to</strong> twenty dollars a month. My friend’s shiny new blue quad cost $1800.<br />
Some people might have been discouraged by this situation. Luckily, I was never all that bright. For three<br />
years I barely spent a dime. My friends went <strong>to</strong> the movies and I went <strong>to</strong> television. In school i heard my<br />
friends talk about the movies they saw and watched as my neighbor limped around from his quad<br />
fighting back against his abuse. By seventh grade I had saved up nearly three hundred dollars. My<br />
parents eventually realized what having a bike meant <strong>to</strong> me and agreed <strong>to</strong> match whatever I could pay. I<br />
searched the local papers and bargain news with a passion for a few weeks before I saw a bike I could<br />
afford. It was old, not very shiny and it had bright pink shocks on the back of the bike. That same day I<br />
saw the bike we went and got it. It was not a shiny blue, brand new quad but it was still everything I<br />
imagined it would be. It was loud, wonderfully smelly, and it moved. I rode it up and down my dirt<br />
driveway until I knew every inch of it — the bike and the driveway. My hands must have soon gone<br />
numb since the weather was turning cold at the time but I don’t recall noticing. I had everything I had<br />
dreamt of.<br />
At roughly the same time as this I began <strong>to</strong> notice a few things about my neighbor’s quad. It did not<br />
seem so shiny anymore even though it was only a few years old, much younger than my bike. A lot of<br />
the parts were bent or broken and there always seemed <strong>to</strong> be a flat tire somewhere on it. It sat outside<br />
all alone and uncovered in the rain. The dirt on it was months old and quickly turning <strong>to</strong> rust. None of<br />
this bothered my friend. It was just a <strong>to</strong>y <strong>to</strong> him. If it broke someone would have it fixed for him. Or he<br />
might just get a brand new one.<br />
This is not <strong>to</strong> say my bike was perfect. There were a few times where I might not have had time <strong>to</strong> wash<br />
it after I rode it because it was <strong>to</strong>o dark <strong>to</strong> see the end of my nose, never mind dirt. I did the best I could,<br />
however. My bike got the best possible treatment I could provide for it. I <strong>to</strong>ok care never <strong>to</strong> crash it<br />
becaue there was no extra money for parts in my pocket. I still didn’t have much money <strong>to</strong> go <strong>to</strong> the<br />
movies but i no longer ever wanted <strong>to</strong>. I had something far better.<br />
I’ve grown a few feet since those days and I’ve gotten newer and better and bigger bikes. I even got got<br />
a quad. I had <strong>to</strong> wait for my next bike even when it was long overdue because I had <strong>to</strong> save my money<br />
again. The smart thing <strong>to</strong> do would have been <strong>to</strong> sell my first bike <strong>to</strong> pay for the second. Perhaps you’ve<br />
guessed this by now but that bike is still sitting in my driveway. And I still smile every time i see it and<br />
think of all I went <strong>to</strong> through <strong>to</strong> get it, and then all I went through on it. Sometimes I wonder if my<br />
neighbor smiles when he sees what’s left of his quad in the back of his yard.<br />
© http://thisibelieve.org/<br />
37
Click It or Lose It<br />
Andrea-Seminole, Florida<br />
What is the first thing you do when you get in<strong>to</strong> a car? Turn on the radio? Adjust your mirrors? Start<br />
dialing a friend’s number on your cell phone? The first thing I do is buckle up. Call me crazy, but I firmly<br />
believe that seatbelts can save your life. Why believe it? Well, because I have seen what happens when<br />
a person’s safety belt has been neglected.<br />
I was 12-years old and it was the first time I could go with my mother on “Bring Your Daughter <strong>to</strong> Work”<br />
Day. My mom worked the night shift in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital. Years previous I had gone<br />
with my dad because of my tender age. At first I thought I was banned because of the long late hours<br />
the job required. I realize now it was because I was not yet mature enough <strong>to</strong> handle what I saw. I saw<br />
people on the worst day of their lives. They were lying on a cold bed with tubes coming out of every<br />
orifice.<br />
Seeing this is hard <strong>to</strong> handle, especially for a 12-year old. However, once I started working with my<br />
mom, I found it easier <strong>to</strong> deal with her elderly patients. Their pain was easier <strong>to</strong> come <strong>to</strong> terms with.<br />
They were old. They had lived a full life. What I could not understand was that poor 17-year old kid. He<br />
was in the prime of his life. This boy had his whole life ahead of him. Only now it was changed<br />
drastically. He had been driving his car without a seatbelt and somehow had gotten in<strong>to</strong> an accident. I<br />
do not know the details and I probably never will. All I know is that this 17-year old kid was now a<br />
quadriplegic. If he moved his back at all, he could die. So the nurses strapped him <strong>to</strong> a board. He had <strong>to</strong><br />
spend the entire night in an uncomfortable position, in a very scary place and he was very alone.<br />
I can never forget the tears in his eyes or how his voice quivered when he spoke. I wished desperately<br />
then that I could make his pain, his fear and his problem go away. I soon realized the only way <strong>to</strong><br />
prevent that pain and fear is <strong>to</strong> go <strong>to</strong> the root of the problem.<br />
Now at 17, I do not start my car without clicking my seatbelt in place and without making sure my<br />
passengers do the same. This way if I do get in an accident, I know everyone has a greater chance of<br />
walking away. I am sorry that young man did not get that chance and I pray everything worked out for<br />
him. I just wish I could thank him for showing me that if you do not click your seatbelt, you could lose a<br />
lot.<br />
© http://thisibelieve.org/<br />
38
Leave the Last Cookie<br />
Emily- Austin, Texas<br />
One cookie left. Only one sweet, tantalizing, perfect cookie left.<br />
It’s the unspoken prize that everyone wants and no one will take. It would be so simple for me just <strong>to</strong><br />
grab it. I mean, it is barely three feet from the plate <strong>to</strong> my mouth. One tiny movement of my arm and I’ll<br />
be enjoying the gooey-goodness that only a chocolate-chip cookie can bring. I can see myself throwing<br />
all self-control <strong>to</strong> the wind and gleefully cramming that last precious cookie in<strong>to</strong> my face, my grunts of<br />
delight audible through the s<strong>to</strong>rm of crumbs flying from my mouth… but I leave the last cookie.<br />
I can’t pretend I haven’t noticed my friend’s furtive glances at the tempting treat. I can’t trick myself in<strong>to</strong><br />
believing that I, out of all these people, deserve this cookie any more than they do. So I leave the last<br />
cookie. After all, a cookie is simply food that will bring me momentary pleasure (alright, sheer delight,<br />
bliss, heaven!). But then it will pass through my body unnoticed leaving me with nothing but a little<br />
extra padding around the s<strong>to</strong>mach. On the other hand, leaving the cookie for someone else means much<br />
more. It is a gesture of humility, respect, and simple thanks.<br />
Sometimes I feel like everyone cares only for themselves, racing through life with their heads down and<br />
eyes averted, worrying about nothing more than their own desires and goals. I get caught up in this<br />
selfish race <strong>to</strong>o easily. I won’t be taken advantage of! I need <strong>to</strong> take the last cookie! Why should I show<br />
kindness when I know for a fact that it will only be exploited by the self-centered people around me?<br />
Why would I ever step back and let my competi<strong>to</strong>rs have what is rightfully mine?<br />
However, the simplest things can snap me back <strong>to</strong> reality — a homemade gift from a friend with a hectic<br />
schedule, or a stranger who goes out of her way <strong>to</strong> compliment my new skirt. All it takes is one kind<br />
gesture for me <strong>to</strong> realize that this egocentric competition is all in my head and incredibly enough I am<br />
still losing.<br />
I leave the last cookie because I know everyone deserves it. I leave the last cookie for the stranger who<br />
complimented my skirt. I leave the last cookie for my best friend who <strong>to</strong>ok the time <strong>to</strong> show that she<br />
cared. I leave the last cookie for my worst enemy because they have taught me what it is <strong>to</strong> feel hate<br />
and thereby made me appreciate love all the more. I leave the last cookie out of thanks <strong>to</strong> everyone<br />
who has made me cry tears of laughter, tears of grief, tears of joy, and tears of anger. I leave the last<br />
cookie <strong>to</strong> show that I am humbled by the people around me whose lives have inevitably shaped mine. I<br />
leave the last cookie knowing that by doing so I have made myself worthy, and someday someone will<br />
leave the last cookie for me.<br />
© http://thisibelieve.org/<br />
39
Essay Conclusions: A Kinesthetic Approach<br />
By - Marcy Winograd<br />
Goal: Students will understand the essential elements of a conclusion.<br />
Objective: Students will identify the elements of a strong conclusion and write conclusions for essays<br />
that need them.<br />
Materials: Sample essays with and without conclusions.<br />
Lead-in: The teacher stands in front of the class with his/her hand on her forehead, as though looking at<br />
an approaching subway train. The teacher asks, "What am I doing?" After students comment, the<br />
teacher tells them s/he is demonstrating one of the essential elements of a strong conclusion; the writer<br />
must look <strong>to</strong> the future.<br />
Procedure: The teacher uses gestures <strong>to</strong> explain the four elements of a conclusion. First, s/he uses her<br />
hand <strong>to</strong> reach over her shoulder and pat her back. This represents the need <strong>to</strong> "<strong>to</strong>uch back" <strong>to</strong> the main<br />
idea of the essay, as stated in the thesis paragraph. Second, s/he puts her hand on her forehead <strong>to</strong><br />
demonstrate the importance of looking <strong>to</strong> the future. Third, s/he hits her heart with her fist <strong>to</strong> signify<br />
the importance of going <strong>to</strong> the heart of the matter; What difference does it all make? Why should the<br />
reader care? Finally, s/he pulls her arm back like she is about <strong>to</strong> let go of a sling shot. This is the "zinger"<br />
or final statement that leaves the reader thinking, "Wow!"<br />
After explaining the four conclusion elements, the teacher asks the class <strong>to</strong> join in and gesture along<br />
with her as she shouts, "Touch back; look <strong>to</strong> the future; go <strong>to</strong> the heart; end with a zinger."<br />
To add <strong>to</strong> the fun, the teacher can then invite students <strong>to</strong> come up in groups of four and time them <strong>to</strong><br />
see how fast they can <strong>to</strong>uch back, look <strong>to</strong> the future, go <strong>to</strong> the heart and end with a zinger.<br />
Once students have acted out the gestures, the teacher can pass out examples of essay conclusions that<br />
address all four elements. Students label each part of the conclusion.<br />
Next, the teacher passes out conclusions that are clearly lacking one or more of the elements. Students<br />
identify the weaknesses and rewrite the conclusions.<br />
Assessment: Students can be assessed on the conclusions they write or rewrite. The <strong>to</strong>p score on the<br />
rubric indicates the conclusion <strong>to</strong>uches back <strong>to</strong> the main idea or thesis, looks <strong>to</strong> the future, explains the<br />
importance of the issue and ends with a zinger or statement that makes the reader say, "Wow!"<br />
http://www.lessonplanspage.com/LAKinestheticApproachTo<strong>Writing</strong>EssayConclusions58.htm<br />
40
Famous Last Movie Lines<br />
“Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...and so we'll hunt him,<br />
because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protec<strong>to</strong>r...a dark<br />
knight.”<br />
Lt. James Gordon, The Dark Knight<br />
“With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life <strong>to</strong> our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new<br />
world <strong>to</strong> call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in<br />
secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart,<br />
like us, there's more <strong>to</strong> them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message <strong>to</strong> any<br />
surviving Au<strong>to</strong>bots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting.”<br />
Optimus Prime, Transformers<br />
“This is called farming! You kids are gonna grow all sorts of things! Vegetable plants, pizza plants... it's<br />
good <strong>to</strong> be home!”<br />
Captain, WALL-E<br />
“I sometimes catch myself looking up at the moon, remembering the changes of fortune in our long<br />
voyage, thinking of the thousands of people who worked <strong>to</strong> bring the three of us home. I look up at the<br />
moon, and wonder: When will we be going back? And who will that be?”<br />
Jim Lovell, Apollo 13<br />
“Whatever life holds in s<strong>to</strong>re for me, I will never forget these words: 'With great power comes great<br />
responsibility.' This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man.”<br />
Peter Parker, Spiderman<br />
“After all, <strong>to</strong>morrow is another day.”<br />
Scarlett O’Hara, Gone with the Wind<br />
“Kevin, what did you do <strong>to</strong> my room?”<br />
Buzz, Home Alone<br />
“Do I still have <strong>to</strong> sleep in the cupboard?”<br />
Chip, Beauty and the Beast<br />
“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?”<br />
Stand by Me<br />
“Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.”<br />
Dr. Emmett Brown, Back <strong>to</strong> the Future<br />
41
Additional Activities:<br />
Listing for Prewriting<br />
Listing is a powerful <strong>to</strong>ol for generating ideas and for seeing connections between the ideas and your<br />
assigned <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
Directions:<br />
1. Write your <strong>to</strong>pic at the <strong>to</strong>p of the page.<br />
2. Write single words or short phrases that come <strong>to</strong> mind after reading and rereading your <strong>to</strong>pic. Do not<br />
worry about connections or relevance; simply jot down everything that occurs <strong>to</strong> you.<br />
3. Read the list carefully. Are there some items that seem <strong>to</strong> belong <strong>to</strong>gether? Group them, and assign a<br />
name <strong>to</strong> that group. Feel free <strong>to</strong> add <strong>to</strong> the list at any time and eliminate items that do not fit.<br />
4. Write an assertion about each group: a description, its use, a saying associated with the <strong>to</strong>pic, myths<br />
or legends associated with the <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
NOTE: Each of the above groups might become a section and/or major idea in the first draft of your<br />
paper.<br />
Topic: apple<br />
pie<br />
cider<br />
William Tell<br />
tarts<br />
the Big Apple<br />
apple for the<br />
teacher<br />
“an apple a<br />
day keeps the<br />
doc<strong>to</strong>r away”<br />
applesauce<br />
Apple computers<br />
Adam and Eve<br />
red<br />
green<br />
apple butter<br />
core<br />
stem<br />
Delicious<br />
Granny Smith<br />
Cortland<br />
apple juice<br />
crab apple<br />
apple jelly<br />
Snow White<br />
Topic:<br />
42
Directed Free <strong>Writing</strong><br />
Directed Free <strong>Writing</strong> is a variation of free writing used when you have a <strong>to</strong>pic but do not have any<br />
ideas about it. By freely writing ideas, phrases, sentences, words down, something specific usually<br />
comes <strong>to</strong> mind <strong>to</strong> help you develop your assigned essay <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
Directions:<br />
1. Write the assigned <strong>to</strong>pic at the <strong>to</strong>p of a blank sheet of paper or in the space below.<br />
2. Write nons<strong>to</strong>p for 10 minutes. No rules. Use words, phrases, ideas or sentences.<br />
3. Reread the <strong>to</strong>pic several times during the 10 minutes for some focus <strong>to</strong> your word association.<br />
Your Assigned Topic:<br />
4. Use your highlighter <strong>to</strong> mark interesting words and ideas from this free writing.<br />
5. Choose one of the ideas you have marked <strong>to</strong> develop and support your <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
6. Write your first draft on a clean piece of paper or the back of this exercise.<br />
43
Rough Draft: Focus on Your Organization Skills<br />
Rough Draft<br />
Name:___________________________________<br />
Instructions: Compose your rough draft on these two pages; use an additional piece of paper, if you<br />
need more room <strong>to</strong> complete your writing. When you have written your rough draft, complete the<br />
self-rating checklist on the second page <strong>to</strong> think about your organization skills. Use your self-ratings<br />
as a conversation starter when you go in<strong>to</strong> a response group.<br />
44
Reflecting on your Rough Draft:<br />
Read over your rough draft before rating yourself on these five organization skills. Put a “1”next <strong>to</strong><br />
your strongest two organization skills, a “2” next <strong>to</strong> the two skills you might still need <strong>to</strong> work on, and a<br />
“3”next <strong>to</strong> the one skill you promise <strong>to</strong> think harder about when you write your second draft.<br />
_____ My introduction should “hook” my reader.<br />
_____ I divided the writing’s parts with paragraphs.<br />
_____ I used more interesting transition words than<br />
and and then as I moved from idea <strong>to</strong> idea.<br />
_____ It’s very easy <strong>to</strong> identify where my writing’s<br />
beginning, middle, and end are.<br />
_____ My conclusion wraps up my entire writing in a satisfac<strong>to</strong>ry way.<br />
2008 Corbett Harrison. (http://corbettharrison.com) All rights reserved. Found at http://writingfix.com Teachers<br />
may freely reprint for classroom use; for use outside of the classroom, please request permission <strong>to</strong> reprint at either web<br />
45
A Six Traits Classroom Resource From <strong>Writing</strong>Fix: Organization Revision Notes<br />
Organization: Rank each skill from 1 (low) <strong>to</strong> 5 (high):<br />
My introduction grabs the reader’s attention.<br />
My conclusion links back <strong>to</strong> my introduction.<br />
I used transition words <strong>to</strong> move from idea <strong>to</strong> idea.<br />
My paragraphs show where my sub-<strong>to</strong>pics begin & end.<br />
My title stands for my entire draft, not just a part of it.<br />
Free 6-Trait resources come from <strong>Writing</strong>Fix! This document was downloaded from<br />
http://writingfix.com/ ©2006 Northern Nevada <strong>Writing</strong> Project.<br />
Conclusions<br />
Concluding paragraphs and sentences are sometimes the hardest <strong>to</strong> write. By the end you are tired and<br />
ready <strong>to</strong> be done, yet you aren’t sure how <strong>to</strong> tell the reader “That’s All, Folks.” However, your conclusion<br />
can be one of the most powerful parts of your entire essay.<br />
Your conclusion must<br />
• Restate your opinion/<strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
• End your essay.<br />
Your conclusion is very important. It gives you a chance <strong>to</strong><br />
• Remind your reader of your main idea or opinion.<br />
• Give the essay a sense of completeness.<br />
• Leave a lasting impression with the reader.<br />
Some tips:<br />
• Answer the question, “So what?” Why is your paper important? What do you want the reader <strong>to</strong><br />
do with the information you just gave them?<br />
• Make your conclusion a complete paragraph. Make sure you write more than just one or two<br />
sentences.<br />
• DON’T just repeat your main idea and three reasons. The reader already read your paper. Show<br />
them how your reasons fit <strong>to</strong>gether <strong>to</strong> prove your main point.<br />
• DON’T write, “The End.” This isn’t a fairy tale and we aren’t in 3 rd grade anymore. We need a<br />
more sophisticated way of telling the reader that we are concluding a well-thought-out essay.<br />
• DON’T leave the reader hanging. Have you ever watched a movie or T.V. show that just suddenly<br />
ended? You want the reader <strong>to</strong> have a sense of closure at the end so that they aren’t<br />
wondering if they are missing the final page.<br />
Real Life Examples:<br />
• Essays from “This I Believe” website, included. There are thousands more on the website.<br />
• Last movie lines also provide great ideas for how <strong>to</strong> end without leaving the audience hanging.<br />
See the “Famous Last Movie Lines” handout for movie examples.<br />
46
To Conclude, a Few Strategies for Students<br />
Quote, Saying, or Song Lyrics<br />
• Think of a quote or saying that relates <strong>to</strong> your main idea.<br />
o Example: In Spiderman, the movie ends with Peter Parker (AKA Spiderman) quoting his<br />
uncle: “Whatever life holds in s<strong>to</strong>re for me, I will never forget these words: ‘With great<br />
power comes great responsibility.’ This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man.”<br />
This quote ties up the main idea of the movie quite nicely, don’t you think?<br />
o Example: Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl ends with Captain Jack<br />
Sparrow looking at his compass while singing, “Drink up me 'earties. Yo ho!” (the song<br />
from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World).<br />
Call <strong>to</strong> Action<br />
• This is particularly effective for persuasive essays. In your conclusions, tell the reader what you<br />
want them <strong>to</strong> do as a result of your essay.<br />
o Example: If you are writing a persuasive essay about the need <strong>to</strong> recycle, your final line<br />
might look like this: So, the next time you finish your 20 ounces of Pepsi, make sure you<br />
<strong>to</strong>ss that plastic bottle in<strong>to</strong> a recycling bin. Your contribution can help make our planet a<br />
healthier and greener place <strong>to</strong> live.<br />
Question<br />
• It’s OK <strong>to</strong> occasionally talk <strong>to</strong> the reader in your essay. End with a question that makes the<br />
reader connect your main idea <strong>to</strong> their lives.<br />
o Example: In The Cat in the Hat, Dr. Seuss ends his mad cat-filled caper with the mother<br />
asking her two children what they did that day. The two kids look at each other but we<br />
never find out if they <strong>to</strong>ld their mother the truth. Instead, Seuss ends with a question <strong>to</strong><br />
the reader: “Well . . . What would YOU do if your mother asked you?” Somehow that<br />
works even better.<br />
Echo the Introduction<br />
• If you began your essay with a scenario or dialogue, you can end your essay the same way. It is<br />
almost like you are bookending your essay with another s<strong>to</strong>ry. If you enjoy writing s<strong>to</strong>ries or<br />
dialogues, this is your chance <strong>to</strong> strut your stuff. Be careful <strong>to</strong> make sure your scenario relates <strong>to</strong><br />
the essay <strong>to</strong>pic!<br />
o Example: At the end of Titanic, the boat is sunk at the bot<strong>to</strong>m of the ocean, filled with<br />
water and rotted wood. Yet, as the camera moves through the sunken ship, the boat<br />
slowly changes so that it looks the same as it did on its maiden sail almost 100 years<br />
before. People who died on the Titanic are suddenly alive and we see Jack and Rose<br />
(young again) reunited with all the passengers and crew looking on. It’s the ending<br />
everyone would like <strong>to</strong> see.<br />
47
Weeks Three and Four: Support and Elaboration<br />
• Week Three, Day One:<br />
48<br />
• Define and Understand the Purpose of Support and Elaboration<br />
• Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating Ideas<br />
• Explain<br />
• Exemplify<br />
• Week Three, Day Two:<br />
• Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating Ideas, Continued<br />
• Describe using imagery<br />
• Describe using figurative language<br />
• Week Three, Day Three:<br />
• Elaboration Using Sensory Language<br />
• Week Three, Day Four:<br />
• Week Three, Day Five:<br />
• Elaboration Using Sensory Language, Continued<br />
• Elaboration Using Figurative Language<br />
• Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
• General Support and Elaboration Activities<br />
• Week Four, Day One and Two:<br />
• Outrageous Opinion Letter<br />
• Analyze models<br />
• Brains<strong>to</strong>rm<br />
• Write an Outrageous Opinion<br />
• Week Four, Day Three:<br />
• Week Four, Day Four:<br />
• Provide Support for Arguments<br />
• Revise Outrageous Opinion Letter for Support and Elaboration<br />
• Peer Revision using Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> Rubric, or other Rubric
• Week Four, Day Five:<br />
• Using peer editing comments, revise and draft in personal letter format<br />
• Students participate in a Gallery Walk, reading the final drafts of the Outrageous<br />
Opinion Letter, leaving positive comments about the quality of support and<br />
elaboration with Post-It Notes.<br />
Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
• General Support and Elaboration Activities<br />
49
Weeks Three and Four: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong><br />
<strong>Writing</strong> Measurement Categories<br />
Grade 8<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.3.1<br />
LA.B.1.3.2<br />
LA.B.1.3.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student organizes information<br />
before writing according <strong>to</strong> the<br />
type and purpose of writing.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused, purposeful,<br />
and reflects insight in<strong>to</strong> the writing<br />
situation; conveys a sense of<br />
completeness and wholeness with<br />
adherence <strong>to</strong> the main idea; and<br />
demonstrates a commitment <strong>to</strong><br />
and an involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion of<br />
this benchmark is assessed by<br />
LA.B.1.3.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.3.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student<br />
drafts and revises<br />
writing that has<br />
an organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical<br />
progression of<br />
ideas.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that has support that<br />
is substantial, specific,<br />
relevant, concrete, and/or<br />
illustrative; has clarity in<br />
presentation of ideas; uses<br />
creative writing strategies<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the purpose of<br />
the paper; and demonstrates<br />
a command of language<br />
(word choice) with freshness<br />
of expression.<br />
50
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents<br />
that have been edited for correct<br />
spelling; correct punctuation, including<br />
commas, colons, and semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; effective sentence<br />
structure; correct common usage,<br />
including subject/verb agreement,<br />
common noun/pronoun agreement,<br />
common possessive forms, and with a<br />
variety of sentence structures, including<br />
parallel structure; and correct<br />
formatting.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the<br />
conventions portion of LA.B.1.3.2.<br />
Correct formatting is not assessed.<br />
Grade 10<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.4.1<br />
LA.B.1.4.2<br />
LA.B.1.4.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student selects and uses<br />
appropriate prewriting<br />
strategies, such as<br />
brains<strong>to</strong>rming, graphic<br />
organizers, and outlines.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused,<br />
purposeful, and reflects insight<br />
in<strong>to</strong> the writing situation, and<br />
demonstrates a commitment<br />
<strong>to</strong> and involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion<br />
of this benchmark is assessed<br />
by LA.B.1.4.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.4.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student drafts<br />
and revises writing<br />
that has an<br />
organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical progression<br />
of ideas, and has<br />
effective use of<br />
transitional devices<br />
that contribute <strong>to</strong> a<br />
sense of<br />
completeness.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and<br />
revises writing that has<br />
support that is substantial,<br />
specific, relevant, and<br />
concrete; uses creative<br />
writing strategies as<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the<br />
purposes of the paper; and<br />
demonstrates a mature<br />
command of language with<br />
freshness of expression.<br />
51
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents that have<br />
been edited for correct spelling; correct<br />
punctuation, including commas, colons, and<br />
common use of semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; correct sentence formation;<br />
correct instances of possessives, subject/verb<br />
agreement, instances of noun/pronoun<br />
agreement, and the intentional use of fragments<br />
for effect; and correct formatting that appeals <strong>to</strong><br />
readers, including appropriate use of a variety of<br />
graphics, tables, charts, and illustrations in both<br />
standard and innovative forms.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the conventions<br />
portion of LA.B.1.4.2. Correct formatting and use<br />
of graphics are not assessed.<br />
52
Week Three, Day One:<br />
Defining and Understanding Support and Elaboration<br />
Discuss purpose of Support and Elaboration:<br />
Key Commands in Elaboration:<br />
• Give students Legos, Jenga blocks, or any kind of block. Have them<br />
build the tallest structure they can. However, they can have no more<br />
than two blocks on the bot<strong>to</strong>m and one block on the <strong>to</strong>p and as many as<br />
they want in between. (Represents giving the idea without supporting<br />
it) Once all blocks fall, have the students build the tallest structure they<br />
can. This time, there are no limitations except that at the <strong>to</strong>p they must<br />
have only one block. They can have as big of a base as they want (even<br />
joining with other teams if they want). This structure represents a<br />
properly supported idea. It would be great <strong>to</strong> take pictures of this<br />
activity for a visual reminder of the importance of supporting ideas for<br />
students.<br />
• Tell me more<br />
• Prove it<br />
53
Practice Using Imagery For Elaboration<br />
Use imagery <strong>to</strong> place the reader in a scene by evoking the five senses.<br />
Think of a particular place. (the mall, your kitchen, a classroom, a doc<strong>to</strong>r's office, etc.)<br />
Spend a few moments focusing on the details that most people do not notice.<br />
Then, complete these lines below.<br />
I see<br />
I hear<br />
I smell<br />
I taste<br />
I feel<br />
Now, write a passage <strong>to</strong> describe the place using some of the images from your list. DO NOT use the<br />
words see, hear, smell, taste, or feel.<br />
54
Elaboration Using Sensory Language<br />
Hershey Kiss Discovery<br />
• Students create a writing piece using their senses of sight, <strong>to</strong>uch, smell and taste <strong>to</strong> describe<br />
the outside and inside of a Hershey Kiss without using the words chocolate, Hershey, or Kiss.<br />
The Naming of the Shoe<br />
• Foster different modes of writing focusing on elaboration strategies.<br />
Build curiosity the day before the assignment by telling students <strong>to</strong> be sure <strong>to</strong> wear socks<br />
with no holes the next class day. The day of the assignment, have students take out paper<br />
and pen. Assign them an identifying number- students are NOT <strong>to</strong> put their names on their<br />
papers. Next, have them take off both shoes and place the right one inside a large plastic<br />
bag which you will keep at your desk. Instruct students <strong>to</strong> place the left one on <strong>to</strong>p of their<br />
desks. Allow students 10-15 minutes <strong>to</strong> describe in detail their left shoe. After they have<br />
described their shoe, they may give it a personality, name, tell where the shoe has been,<br />
how they value their shoe, or why they chose that type of shoe (encourage creativity).<br />
After allowed time, collect all papers. Students place their left shoe in a pile centrally<br />
located in the room. Be sure shoes are "mixed up" and the right shoes remain hidden. A<br />
volunteer selects a paper and reads it aloud <strong>to</strong> the class. Volunteers may NOT read their<br />
own paragraphs. The teacher moni<strong>to</strong>rs this by the assigned identifying numbers. If the<br />
volunteer/reader can find the correct shoe from the DESCRIPTION, the owner of the shoe<br />
gets <strong>to</strong> put on both shoes. Should the reader not choose the correct shoe, the paper goes<br />
back in the stack and no shoe is taken from the pile. The student whose paragraph was<br />
written well enough <strong>to</strong> regain his/her shoe, selects and reads the next paper. This continues<br />
until all shoes are gone from the pile. This activity could also be conducted in small groups,<br />
so that students would get their shoes back faster!<br />
Sense(ability) Sense(itivity)<br />
• Use the SENSORY WORD CHART <strong>to</strong> create paragraphs and essays that include sight,<br />
sound, <strong>to</strong>uch, taste, and smell. Hand out the SENSORY WORD CHART <strong>to</strong> each student. Ask<br />
students <strong>to</strong> use one word from each column <strong>to</strong> write a short paragraph. After five minutes,<br />
ask for student volunteers <strong>to</strong> read their work. Explain how the addition of this sensory<br />
elaboration increases the substance of the piece.<br />
Continue the activity by asking students <strong>to</strong> select one more sensory word from each column<br />
<strong>to</strong> add <strong>to</strong> the first paragraph. Start a second paragraph that extends the ideas presented in<br />
the first paragraph. Use more sensory words in this paragraph. Use as many of the words<br />
from each column as needed <strong>to</strong> reinforce adding sensory elaboration <strong>to</strong> the writing.<br />
• Extension:<br />
Assign a row from the list of SIGHT words from the chart <strong>to</strong> create a SIGHT poem using all of<br />
the words.<br />
Assign each of the other rows one of the sensory <strong>to</strong>pics: SOUND, TOUCH, TASTE & SMELL.<br />
Tell each row they need <strong>to</strong> create a poem specific <strong>to</strong> that sensory <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
Ask for volunteers <strong>to</strong> read the sensory poems.<br />
Illustrate the poems with related sensory images or symbols.<br />
Keep the SENSORY WORD CHART in a writing portfolio for future use.<br />
55
56<br />
Sensory Word Chart<br />
SIGHT<br />
RADIANT<br />
COPPERY<br />
LOFTY<br />
LANKY<br />
SCRAWNY<br />
SHUFFLE<br />
MISERABLE<br />
SKULKING<br />
MERRY<br />
OVAL<br />
SPINNING<br />
PUFFY<br />
STOUT<br />
MINIATURE<br />
GARGANTUAN<br />
SLIGHT<br />
DENSE<br />
STIFF<br />
WADDLE<br />
COLD<br />
DREAMY<br />
ELUSIVE<br />
MEAN<br />
KIND<br />
SOMBER<br />
RUDE<br />
PROUD<br />
TIMID<br />
WISTFUL<br />
WILLFUL<br />
YOUTHFUL<br />
OBESE<br />
COLOR WORDS<br />
SOUND<br />
RAUCOUS<br />
ROAR<br />
BLEAT<br />
BABBLE<br />
TRUMPET<br />
WHISPER<br />
CLANGING<br />
SERENADE<br />
GIGGLE<br />
PULSING<br />
GRATING<br />
LITLING<br />
SQUEAL<br />
CHATTER<br />
BRAY<br />
SPUTTER<br />
BOISTEROUS<br />
CLANK<br />
CREAK<br />
RINGING<br />
THUNDEROUS<br />
UPROARIOUS<br />
ANGRY<br />
BITTER<br />
GIDDY<br />
SAD<br />
RAUCOUS<br />
SARCASTIC<br />
SHOCKING<br />
CHATTY<br />
BOMBASTIC<br />
TINKLING<br />
THUMPING<br />
TOUCH<br />
PRICKLY<br />
DRY<br />
RIDGED<br />
GRITTY<br />
DANK<br />
CLAMMY<br />
SATINY<br />
BRISTLY<br />
GNARLED<br />
POWDERY<br />
OILY<br />
WAXY<br />
CRUMPLED<br />
DOWNY<br />
WOOLY<br />
FROZEN<br />
VELVETY<br />
SCORCHING<br />
SLIPPERY<br />
STICKY<br />
YIELDING<br />
ICY<br />
SOFT<br />
TACKY<br />
ROUGH<br />
SCRATCHY<br />
COLD<br />
FRIGID<br />
KIND<br />
SEDUCTIVE<br />
SWEET<br />
SYMPATHETIC<br />
SHOCKING<br />
TASTE & SMELL<br />
SALTY<br />
SUGARY<br />
FERMENTED<br />
ACIDIC<br />
FRUITY<br />
TART<br />
SAVORY<br />
SCORCHED<br />
ZESTY<br />
MEATY<br />
CHARRED<br />
PUTRID<br />
SMOKY<br />
MEDICINAL<br />
BITING<br />
EARTHY<br />
MUSTY<br />
FLORAL<br />
FRAGRANT<br />
WOODSY<br />
NUTTY<br />
SPICY<br />
BARBEQUE<br />
CHARCOAL<br />
ROTTEN<br />
PERFUMED<br />
RANCID<br />
CINNAMON<br />
MUSHY<br />
RUBBERY<br />
AROMATIC<br />
CHOKING<br />
FLOWERY
Week Three, Day Two: More Strategies for Elaborating on Ideas<br />
Focusing the Binoculars<br />
1. List 5 places you love<br />
a. Examples (Key West, posh resort hotel<br />
room, Manhattan, my porch)<br />
2. Choose one place <strong>to</strong> write about and focus the<br />
binoculars, narrowing down a <strong>to</strong>pic<br />
a. Key West<br />
b. (focus the binoculars) The reef<br />
c. (try <strong>to</strong> get even smaller) Coral reef five<br />
miles from shore in the Atlantic Ocean<br />
3. Choose a new location from your list, repeat step #2.<br />
Extension using Sensory Language<br />
1. Think of your special place and what sights, sounds, and smells come <strong>to</strong> mind<br />
a. I see the endless expanse of ocean, extending far beyond my vision.<br />
b. I hear the water lapping against the hull of my boat.<br />
c. I smell the salty air and the dead fish floating past.<br />
d. I taste the ocean water and spit it out, wincing.<br />
e. I feel the weightlessness of the water surrounding me.<br />
2. Students write a paragraph about their favorite place using as many sensory details as possible.<br />
a. The boat speeds <strong>to</strong>ward what seems <strong>to</strong> be a lot of nothing. Nothing but the vast expanse<br />
of ocean in front of, behind, all around us. The eye can see forever, seeing only water as<br />
we continue on. We reach our destination, five miles from shore and I immediately<br />
breathe in the salty air, letting it cleanse my lungs of the pollutants of city life. I feel the<br />
Key West heat and humidity dissipate as I am surrounded by a weightless cool liquid. My<br />
body effortlessly floats face down in the middle of the Atlantic, and I begin <strong>to</strong> see the<br />
aquatic city come alive beneath my body. From this point I feel nothing, hear nothing,<br />
taste nothing, and see everything.<br />
3. Teachers- it is important <strong>to</strong> model this entire process. Write about your favorite place! Stress<br />
sentence variety in conjunction with imagery.<br />
57
Week Three, Day Four and Five:<br />
Five Strategies for Supporting and Elaborating on ideas: Know it & Show it<br />
List for students the following types of elaboration:<br />
Type Definition Two Examples:<br />
Facts/Statistics<br />
Sensory details<br />
Incidents<br />
Examples<br />
Quotations<br />
Statements that can be proved<br />
Words that appeal <strong>to</strong> the five senses<br />
Events that illustrate a main idea<br />
Specific cases or instances that<br />
illustrate a main idea<br />
The words of an expert, authority,<br />
famous person, author, or poet<br />
Discuss and explain the types of elaboration:<br />
• Brains<strong>to</strong>rm a <strong>to</strong>pic <strong>to</strong>gether that will interest students, for example: football, baseball, winter<br />
vacation.<br />
• Ask students <strong>to</strong> share and record 2 examples of each type of elaboration from the chalkboard<br />
that relate <strong>to</strong> the <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
• Have students copy the chart.<br />
Individual Activity: Students will write a paragraph on one of the <strong>to</strong>pics below.<br />
• An incident that taught you something about yourself<br />
• How <strong>to</strong> play a sport you enjoy<br />
• A place that has a special meaning<br />
• A special person who has positively influenced you<br />
• A police car screamed down the street.<br />
• Crime does not pay.<br />
Instruct students <strong>to</strong> develop the paragraph by using at least two of the five types of elaboration.<br />
• Students will take turns sharing their writing.<br />
• Discuss the types of elaboration used in the paragraph and ways <strong>to</strong> improve the writing.<br />
• Highlight and label the elaboration techniques in the paragraph.<br />
• Instruct students <strong>to</strong> revise the paragraph.<br />
• Ask for volunteers <strong>to</strong> share their writing.<br />
• Collect the students’ examples, and display the best examples.<br />
Students will generate ideas on a given persuasive <strong>to</strong>pic, <strong>to</strong> prepare for Day Five. (e.g. High<br />
school football programs should be abolished.)<br />
• Students are <strong>to</strong><br />
• take a position on the issue and develop 3 – 5 reasons <strong>to</strong> support their position.<br />
58
Using “DRAPES” for Elaborating Persuasive <strong>Writing</strong>: Draw and Shade Your Ideas<br />
Objective: Students will produce a layered paragraph or essay using the DRAPES strategy <strong>to</strong> elaborate<br />
their initial ideas.<br />
• The day before, direct the students <strong>to</strong> generate ideas on a given persuasive <strong>to</strong>pic. (e.g. High<br />
school football programs should be abolished.)<br />
• Students are <strong>to</strong><br />
• take a position on the issue and<br />
• develop 3 – 5 reasons <strong>to</strong> support their position.<br />
• The next day, write out the following explanation of DRAPES and discuss the meaning of each:<br />
• D = Dialogue<br />
• R = Rhe<strong>to</strong>rical question<br />
• A = Analogy<br />
• P = Personal example<br />
• E = Example<br />
• S = Statistics<br />
• Ask for student volunteers <strong>to</strong> share one of their reasons for their position on abolishing football<br />
programs. Write it down so everyone can see it. (e.g. Football is a big money-maker.)<br />
• Explain that once they have given a reason for their position, that reason then needs explanation<br />
which proves this reason <strong>to</strong> be true. This provides needed elaboration for a well written essay.<br />
• Next, ask the class <strong>to</strong> generate ideas that relate <strong>to</strong> DRAPES <strong>to</strong> prove that football makes money<br />
and <strong>to</strong> show how they know that.<br />
• Write their responses next <strong>to</strong> the appropriate letter from DRAPES.<br />
• A sample response <strong>to</strong> each would be:<br />
• D (Dialogue): Carlos Rodriguez, our athletic direc<strong>to</strong>r, said, “Last year, profit from football tickets alone<br />
made $18,000 for the school.”<br />
• R (Rhe<strong>to</strong>rical question): Do you know how much an average specta<strong>to</strong>r spends at a game?<br />
• A (Analogy): Football games bring in cash the same way that rain brings in crops.<br />
• P (Personal example): Last Friday, my friend Ebony and I went <strong>to</strong> a football game, and<br />
this is what we spent…<br />
• E (Example): One example of profit is from concessions. Hot dogs alone bring in…<br />
• S (Statistics): 62% of our student body bought at least one ticket <strong>to</strong> a game this month at<br />
the cost of $3 each.<br />
• Instruct students <strong>to</strong> use DRAPES <strong>to</strong> write a well-developed paragraph supporting their<br />
position on abolishing football. Note: this can be expanded in<strong>to</strong> a full essay by using a different<br />
reason for each successive paragraph.<br />
59
Week Four, Day One and Two:<br />
Practice Persuasion: The Outrageous Opinions Letter<br />
Analyze Models, Brains<strong>to</strong>rm, Then Write Your own Outrageous Opinion.<br />
Day One: Give students a few examples of outrageous opinions, such as: “Everybody should start saving<br />
cat hair”, No one should be allowed <strong>to</strong> eat strawberry yogurt.” Students (with the teacher’s help)<br />
brains<strong>to</strong>rm crazy opinions on their own. These ideas are then compiled in<strong>to</strong> a class list. Statements with<br />
“always” and “never” are particularly good.<br />
Examples:<br />
All people should live in caves.<br />
People should be allowed <strong>to</strong> drive as soon as their feet can reach the pedals.<br />
<strong>School</strong>s should be outlawed.<br />
The President of the United States cannot be older than 30 when elected.<br />
People should be allowed <strong>to</strong> live in Walmart.<br />
Using PAC or RAFT, students write out their entire prompt. Be sure that they identify a specific<br />
audience/person who has the power <strong>to</strong> make their opinion happen.<br />
Pre- write on their <strong>to</strong>pic, focusing on support and elaboration. Remind the students <strong>to</strong> use the strategies<br />
they learned last week. (You may want <strong>to</strong> spend one day doing only prewriting <strong>to</strong> make sure the support<br />
and elaboration is quality.)<br />
Day Two: Students write a persuasive letter <strong>to</strong> their intended audience.<br />
Example<br />
Creating the Prompt<br />
RAFT<br />
Role: Taco Bell Fan<br />
Audience: Edi<strong>to</strong>r of Zagat Dining Guide<br />
Format: Letter<br />
Topic: To convince Zagat that Taco Bell is<br />
authentic ethnic food<br />
PAC<br />
Purpose: To convince Zagat that Taco Bell is<br />
authentic ethnic food<br />
Audience: Edi<strong>to</strong>r of Zagat Dining Guide<br />
Context: Letter<br />
60
Dear Zagat Guide,<br />
I have a bone <strong>to</strong> pick with you. Last night, as I do many nights, I sat down <strong>to</strong> choose a dinner restaurant. I<br />
was in the mood for Mexican, so I perused your ethnic foods section. To my shock, I discovered that<br />
Taco Bell was not listed. No problem. I figured it was simply an oversight; some edi<strong>to</strong>r had clearly<br />
mistakenly removed the page with the Taco Bell listing. I figured it was my civic duty <strong>to</strong> make you aware<br />
of the situation. So I called the 800 number on the back of the book. To my shock, Tammy, your not-sohelpful<br />
cus<strong>to</strong>mer service representative, informed me that Taco Bell was not included because it is not<br />
“real” Mexican food! Well, I beg <strong>to</strong> differ.<br />
Taco Bell is clearly real Mexican food. I mean, have you looked at the menu? Every item is in Spanish.<br />
Tacos, burri<strong>to</strong>s, quesadillas . . . there isn’t an English word <strong>to</strong> be found. Having a menu in a language the<br />
typical American doesn’t understand is the very definition of an authentic ethnic restaurant. Taco Bell<br />
surely qualifies. Furthermore, even their mascot is Mexican! Taco Bell’s Spanish-speaking Chihuahua<br />
should be proof enough. For goodness sake, the “Yo quiero Taco Bell” puppy is even named after a<br />
Mexican state! What more do you want?<br />
If you still aren’t convinced, compare the Taco Bell menu <strong>to</strong> the offerings of any given “authentic”<br />
Mexican restaurant. Notice any similarities? Tacos? Check. Burri<strong>to</strong>s? Check. It seems <strong>to</strong> me that there<br />
are more similarities than differences. Even where there are culinary differences, Taco Bell still steps up<br />
<strong>to</strong> the plate. Sure, they don’t serve sopapillas, but they have those crunch cinnamon twists, right? They<br />
are practically the same thing. Sure, Taco Bell might serve Pepsi instead of Horchata, but does that make<br />
my friendly drive-thru restaurant any less Mexican? I think not!<br />
Do you now see that you have unfairly excluded a bona fide culinary treasure? Every year, millions visit<br />
Mexico via their taste buds with a Taco Bell taco, and I believe they deserve <strong>to</strong> have their voices heard.<br />
Be reasonable. To my mind, Taco Bell is as authentic Mexican as you can get. Please add them <strong>to</strong> your<br />
world famous dining direc<strong>to</strong>ry. Millions of Americans will thank you.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
Ms. Rehceat<br />
PS. Would you also consider adding Dominoes Pizza under your Italian dining section?<br />
61
Week Four, Day Three:<br />
You Have an Opinion, and You Want <strong>to</strong> be Heard!<br />
Students will use questioning strategies <strong>to</strong> provide evidence <strong>to</strong> expand opinion statements with<br />
concrete examples.<br />
• Model a personal statement. [e.g. I am good at quilting.]<br />
• Instruct students <strong>to</strong> write a sentence about something they are good at.<br />
• Ask student volunteers <strong>to</strong> share their opening statements of opinion.<br />
• Tell all students <strong>to</strong> “Prove It”: <strong>to</strong> prove their statement. Ask if they have any trophies, honors,<br />
compliments, prizes or products. Show students by modeling. [e.g I was invited <strong>to</strong> exhibit<br />
my quilts at our local public library.]<br />
• Invite students <strong>to</strong> share their written proof <strong>to</strong> show possibilities <strong>to</strong> those who are slower in<br />
responding.<br />
• Then ask them “Who Says So?”, modeling with the teacher’s example. [e.g My friends and<br />
family say my quilts are beautiful and ask me <strong>to</strong> make them one.]<br />
This step adds detail and personalizes the example.<br />
Extension:<br />
• Students write a narrative vignette. A teacher model might begin: [Last year I made a quilt for my<br />
sister’s baby. She loved it. . . . etc.]<br />
Invite students <strong>to</strong> exchange with a peer or read aloud <strong>to</strong> the class.<br />
• Finally, ask students <strong>to</strong> make a comparison. The teacher might model: [e.g. I’d rather make<br />
quilts than crochet.]<br />
Once more, students share.<br />
Elaboration skills targeted in this lesson:<br />
• DEFINITION: What do you mean?<br />
• PROVE IT: Give a specific detail.<br />
• AUTHORITATIVE QUOTE: Who says so?<br />
• NARRATIVE VIGNETTE: Tell a one or two-sentence s<strong>to</strong>ry.<br />
• COMPARISON: Use an –er or –est word or a “rather than” sentence.<br />
62
Week Four, Day Four:<br />
Revise Outrageous Opinion Letter<br />
Students will revise draft essays using questions <strong>to</strong> guide their elaboration.<br />
• Distribute the REWRITING FOR ELABORATION worksheet (next page), and students’ Outrageous<br />
Opinion letters. Students will reread their essays, making sure all relevant questions are answered or<br />
addressed. If the questions are not answered or addressed, the students should incorporate these new<br />
ideas.<br />
Note <strong>to</strong> Teacher:<br />
Students need <strong>to</strong> view rewriting as more than editing,<br />
polishing, or proofreading. Rewriting is more than<br />
correcting flaws in papers that have already been<br />
graded. Although a draft represents an initial attempt<br />
<strong>to</strong> express a message, most writers don’t find its meaning<br />
and form until they’ve reviewed the draft. Students<br />
need time <strong>to</strong> let their compositions grow. They need<br />
<strong>to</strong> examine every level of the discourse, review<br />
the decisions they made, and incorporate responses from<br />
teachers and other students. They may need <strong>to</strong> rewrite the piece<br />
several times until they’re satisfied that it says what they mean.<br />
The questions on the worksheet will help them do so.<br />
63
Rewriting for Elaboration Worksheet<br />
Student Directions: Use the following questions <strong>to</strong> revise and further elaborate your Outrageous<br />
Opinion letter in a small group. Revise your letter, including your new elaborations.<br />
Subject, Audience, Purpose<br />
1. What’s the most important thing I want <strong>to</strong> say about my subject?<br />
2. For whom am I writing this paper? What would my reader want <strong>to</strong> know about the subject? What<br />
does my reader already know about it?<br />
3. Why do I think the subject is worth writing about? Will my reader think the paper was worth<br />
reading?<br />
4. What verb explains what I’m trying <strong>to</strong> do in this paper (tell a s<strong>to</strong>ry, compare X and Y, describe Z)?<br />
5. Does my first paragraph answer questions 1 – 4? If not, why not?<br />
Organization<br />
6. How many specific points did I make about my subject? Did I overlap or repeat any points? Did I<br />
leave any points out or add some that aren’t relevant <strong>to</strong> the main idea?<br />
7. How many paragraphs did I use <strong>to</strong> talk about each point?<br />
8. Why did I talk about them in this order? Should the order be changed?<br />
9. How did I get from one point <strong>to</strong> the next? What signposts did I give the reader?<br />
Paragraphing (Ask these questions of every paragraph)<br />
10. What job is this paragraph supposed <strong>to</strong> do? How does it relate <strong>to</strong> the paragraph before and after it?<br />
11. What’s the <strong>to</strong>pic idea? Will my reader have trouble fi nding it?<br />
12. How many sentences did it take <strong>to</strong> develop the <strong>to</strong>pic idea? Can I substitute better examples,<br />
reasons, or details?<br />
13. How well does the paragraph hold <strong>to</strong>gether? How many levels of generality does it have? Are the<br />
sentences different lengths and types? Do I need transitions? When I read the paragraph out<br />
loud, did it flow smoothly?<br />
Sentences (Ask these questions of every sentence)<br />
14. Which sentences in my paper do I like the most? The least?<br />
15. Can my reader “see” what I’m saying? What words could I substitute for “people,” “things,” “this/<br />
that,” “aspect,” and so forth?<br />
16. Is this sentence “fat”? (e.g. sentences that are lengthened unnecessarily which obscures meaning)<br />
17. Can I combine this sentence with another one?<br />
18. Can I add adjectives and adverbs or find a more lively verb?<br />
Things To Check Last<br />
19. Did I check spelling and punctuation? What kinds of words do I usually misspell? What kinds of<br />
punctuation problems did I have in my last paper?<br />
20. How does my paper end? Did I keep the promises I made <strong>to</strong> my reader at the beginning of the<br />
paper?<br />
21. When I read the assignment again, did I miss anything?<br />
22. What do I like best about this paper? What do I need <strong>to</strong> work on in the next paper?<br />
64
Week Four, Day Five:<br />
Gallery Walk Activity: Directions<br />
The teacher chooses four letters with great examples of<br />
elaboration and support for the outrageous opinions. If possible,<br />
enlarge them for posting on a wall, and remove student names,<br />
using a number <strong>to</strong> identify specific papers.<br />
Students rotate in small groups <strong>to</strong> each station, looking for specific<br />
kinds of elaboration, such as students used in the You Have an<br />
Opinion, and You Want <strong>to</strong> be Heard! activity. Each time they find<br />
support for an opinion, they should copy the example and label it,<br />
or use the chart below.<br />
Letter<br />
#<br />
Type of Elaboration: From You<br />
Have an Opinion and You Want <strong>to</strong><br />
be Heard Activity- Definition,<br />
Prove It, Authoritative Quote,<br />
Narrative Vignette, Comparison<br />
Example:<br />
65
Week Five: Voice<br />
• Week Five, Day One:<br />
• Week Five, Day Two:<br />
• Week Five, Day Three:<br />
• Week Five, Day Four:<br />
• Week Five, Day Five:<br />
• Lessons in Voice<br />
• The Exploding Whale s<strong>to</strong>ry<br />
• Analyzing for Voice<br />
• Rewriting <strong>to</strong> add voic<br />
• Elaboration Using Sensory Language<br />
• Word Choice: Choose Choice Words<br />
• Use Choice Words: Through Different Eyes<br />
• Elaboration Using Layered Language: Believe it or Not Activit<br />
• Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
• General Support and Elaboration Activities<br />
66
Week Five: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong><br />
Measurement Categories<br />
Grade 8<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.3.1<br />
LA.B.1.3.2<br />
LA.B.1.3.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student organizes information<br />
before writing according <strong>to</strong> the<br />
type and purpose of writing.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused, purposeful,<br />
and reflects insight in<strong>to</strong> the writing<br />
situation; conveys a sense of<br />
completeness and wholeness with<br />
adherence <strong>to</strong> the main idea; and<br />
demonstrates a commitment <strong>to</strong><br />
and an involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion of<br />
this benchmark is assessed by<br />
LA.B.1.3.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.3.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student<br />
drafts and revises<br />
writing that has<br />
an organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical<br />
progression of<br />
ideas.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that has support that<br />
is substantial, specific,<br />
relevant, concrete, and/or<br />
illustrative; has clarity in<br />
presentation of ideas; uses<br />
creative writing strategies<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the purpose of<br />
the paper; and demonstrates<br />
a command of language<br />
(word choice) with freshness<br />
of expression.<br />
67
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents<br />
that have been edited for correct<br />
spelling; correct punctuation, including<br />
commas, colons, and semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; effective sentence<br />
structure; correct common usage,<br />
including subject/verb agreement,<br />
common noun/pronoun agreement,<br />
common possessive forms, and with a<br />
variety of sentence structures, including<br />
parallel structure; and correct<br />
formatting.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the<br />
conventions portion of LA.B.1.3.2.<br />
Correct formatting is not assessed.<br />
Grade 10<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.4.1<br />
LA.B.1.4.2<br />
LA.B.1.4.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student selects and uses<br />
appropriate prewriting<br />
strategies, such as<br />
brains<strong>to</strong>rming, graphic<br />
organizers, and outlines.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused,<br />
purposeful, and reflects insight<br />
in<strong>to</strong> the writing situation, and<br />
demonstrates a commitment<br />
<strong>to</strong> and involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion<br />
of this benchmark is assessed<br />
by LA.B.1.4.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.4.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student drafts<br />
and revises writing<br />
that has an<br />
organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical progression<br />
of ideas, and has<br />
effective use of<br />
transitional devices<br />
that contribute <strong>to</strong> a<br />
sense of<br />
completeness.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and<br />
revises writing that has<br />
support that is substantial,<br />
specific, relevant, and<br />
concrete; uses creative<br />
writing strategies as<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the<br />
purposes of the paper; and<br />
demonstrates a mature<br />
command of language with<br />
freshness of expression.<br />
68
Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents that have<br />
been edited for correct spelling; correct<br />
punctuation, including commas, colons, and<br />
common use of semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; correct sentence formation;<br />
correct instances of possessives, subject/verb<br />
agreement, instances of noun/pronoun<br />
agreement, and the intentional use of fragments<br />
for effect; and correct formatting that appeals <strong>to</strong><br />
readers, including appropriate use of a variety of<br />
graphics, tables, charts, and illustrations in both<br />
standard and innovative forms.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the conventions<br />
portion of LA.B.1.4.2. Correct formatting and use<br />
of graphics are not assessed.<br />
69
Week Five, Day One: The Exploding Whale Lesson<br />
Article A: Friday, November 13, 1970<br />
By Larry Bacon<br />
The sun was shining and there was a gentle breeze on the beach south of the Siuslaw River Thursday as<br />
State Highway Division workers placed twenty 50-pound cases of explosives under the 45-foot whale<br />
which washed up on the beach Monday.<br />
Coast residents, as well as many from Eugene, walked over the sand dunes <strong>to</strong> the beach <strong>to</strong> see the<br />
show. Cameras dangled from nearly everyone. The crowd included a sprinkling of television cameramen.<br />
As workmen excavated the holes for the dynamite, shutterbugs <strong>to</strong>ok pictures of each other in front of<br />
the beached whale — lying on its side displaying a gaping red and white expanse of flesh and bone<br />
where someone had sawed away its lower jaw.<br />
Everybody stayed upwind.<br />
One woman onlooker suggested the highway division should wait until Monday <strong>to</strong> blow up the whale.<br />
That way, she reasoned, the people who come <strong>to</strong> the beach for the weekend could have an opportunity<br />
<strong>to</strong> see it.<br />
For safety reasons, George Thorn<strong>to</strong>n, assistant district highway engineer, ordered everyone back as<br />
demolition experts from his Eugene office placed the charges.<br />
He said his plan was <strong>to</strong> place the explosives so the force of the blast would throw most of the pieces of<br />
the whale <strong>to</strong>ward the ocean. Then when the tide washed it back in, he said, highway crews would haul<br />
away or bury what the seagulls didn’t eat.<br />
It <strong>to</strong>ok an hour and 45 minutes <strong>to</strong> place the dynamite. As final preparations were made, a greenhelmeted<br />
sheriff’s deputy moved the ranks of onlookers back.<br />
The dunes a quarter mile south of the whale were dotted with specta<strong>to</strong>rs — most of them watching<br />
through binnoculars [sic] or telescopic camera lenses.<br />
Thorn<strong>to</strong>n gave the signal <strong>to</strong> push the plunger.<br />
The beach erupted in a 100-foot high column of sand and whale. Chunks of the animal flew in every<br />
direction and specta<strong>to</strong>rs began <strong>to</strong> scream and run for cover when they glimpsed the large pieces soaring<br />
directly overhead.<br />
No one was hit, but a piece about three feet long caved in the <strong>to</strong>p of a late-model car in a South Jetty<br />
Road parking lot.<br />
Walter Umenhofer, a Springfield businessman, s<strong>to</strong>od in the middle of a crowd around his damaged car<br />
and ruefully watched a hard-hatted highway worker remove the piece of blubber with a shovel.<br />
“My insurance company’s never going <strong>to</strong> believe this,” he said.<br />
70
After the large pieces had fallen, it began <strong>to</strong> rain small particles of foul-smelling blubber. Many in the<br />
crowd ran for their cars and drove away. But they wouldn’t be rid of the nauseating odor until they<br />
bathed and washed their clothes and cars.<br />
Down on the beach, Thorn<strong>to</strong>n inspected the blast area — strewn with pieces of whale and sprinkled<br />
with blubber powder. Where the whale had been, there was a large hole. The only recognizable part of<br />
the whale was its tail, a few feet from the blast area. The smell had improved, but not much.<br />
“It went just exactly right,” Thorn<strong>to</strong>n said. “Except the blast funneled a hole in the sand under the<br />
whale.”<br />
As a result, he said, part of the whale was thrown away from the ocean <strong>to</strong>ward the parking lot. He<br />
added the result of the blast justified the precautions taken in moving the crowd so far away.<br />
As Thorn<strong>to</strong>n walked away, a bulldozer began moving in <strong>to</strong> bury some of the larger chunks.<br />
A small boy ran down the beach ahead of his father.<br />
“Look,” the boy cried. “A piece of the whale.”<br />
A long-haired young man wearing an Army field jacket and carrying a movie camera s<strong>to</strong>od watching.<br />
“Unbelievable,” he muttered. “So incredibly surrealistic.”<br />
© 1970 Eugene Register-Guard<br />
Article B: Son of Blubber<br />
“My insurance company is never going <strong>to</strong> believe this,” said Springfield, Ore., businessman Walter<br />
Umenhofer as he surveyed the crushed remains of his big Buick.<br />
A 3-foot by 5-foot piece of foul-smelling, rotting whale blubber had moments before soared a quartermile<br />
through the air, arching gracefully over a crowd of specta<strong>to</strong>rs perched on the sand dunes<br />
overlooking the Pacific Ocean, only <strong>to</strong> <strong>to</strong>tally crush the <strong>to</strong>p of Umenhofer’s car.<br />
That was the scene on the central Oregon coast nearly 25 years ago — Thursday Nov. 12, 1970 — a day<br />
that still lives in America’s collective memory. That’s the day the state Highway Division tried <strong>to</strong> blow up<br />
a beached whale south of Florence, Ore. But the plan went awry, creating one of the most interesting<br />
s<strong>to</strong>ries ever reported in newspapers, on radio and TV. It was even voted Oregon’s best news wire service<br />
s<strong>to</strong>ry of the year. And thanks <strong>to</strong> a pirated video and electronic bulletin boards, the s<strong>to</strong>ry not only won’t<br />
die — it’s taken on a life of its own.<br />
The flying blubber incident survives <strong>to</strong>day as an Oregon legend, kept alive by a film-video of the event<br />
that has found its way <strong>to</strong> an east coast think-tank. Last spring, a vivid description of the whale blowup,<br />
titled The Farside Comes To Life In Oregon, appeared on subscriber electronic bulletin boards<br />
nationwide. Its author describes in detail his video copy of a TV film news report of the day by (Portland,<br />
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Ore.) Channel 2’s Paul Linnman. But the electronic bulletin board s<strong>to</strong>ry left out one important detail —<br />
the fact that the blubber blowup happened a quarter- century ago. To <strong>to</strong>p it off, a columnist for the<br />
Daily News in Moscow-Pullman, (Idaho-Wash.), reprinted the electronic bulletin board article word-forword,<br />
oblivious <strong>to</strong> the age of the s<strong>to</strong>ry.<br />
“We started getting calls from curious reporters across the country right after the electronic bulletin<br />
board s<strong>to</strong>ry appeared,” said Ed Schoaps, public affairs coordina<strong>to</strong>r for the Oregon Department of<br />
Transportation. “They thought the whale had washed ashore recently, and were hot on the trail of a<br />
governmental blubber flub-up. They were disappointed that the s<strong>to</strong>ry has 25 years of dust on it.”<br />
Schoaps has fielded calls from reporters and the just-plain- curious in Oregon, San Francisco,<br />
Washing<strong>to</strong>n, D.C., and Massachusetts. The Wall Street Journal called, and Washing<strong>to</strong>n, D.C.-based<br />
Governing magazine covered the immortal legend of the beached whale in its June issue. And the phone<br />
keeps ringing. “I get regular calls about this s<strong>to</strong>ry,” Schoaps said. His phone has become the blubber<br />
hotline for ODOT, he added. “It’s amazes me that people are still calling about this s<strong>to</strong>ry after nearly 25<br />
years.”<br />
Here’s what really happened in November 1970. Remember, we are not making this up.<br />
An 8-<strong>to</strong>n, 45-foot-long sperm whale, dead for some time, washed up on the Pacific Ocean beach south<br />
of Florence, Ore. At first it was a curiosity for local residents and visiting beachcombers. But the beached<br />
behemoth became a stinking mess as the foul smell of rotting whale wafted through the dunes.<br />
The state Highway Division was given the task of cleaning up the mess. But how? If buried, the carcass<br />
would soon be uncovered by the ocean tides. Officials at the Department of the Navy were consulted,<br />
and a plan was hatched <strong>to</strong> blast the blubber <strong>to</strong> smithereens using a half-<strong>to</strong>n of dynamite. What little was<br />
left would be eaten by seagulls. (Remember, we are not making this up.)<br />
Needless <strong>to</strong> say, it didn’t go well. The blast pulverized only part of the whale, sending pieces soaring —<br />
not <strong>to</strong>ward the ocean, as planned, but <strong>to</strong>ward people watching from the dunes. Luckily, although a car<br />
was crushed by a large piece of flying blubber, no onlookers were hurt, unless you count being covered<br />
by a rain of smaller particles of the foul-smelling flesh. That’s when most onlookers left and the Highway<br />
Division crew buried the balance of the beached whale.<br />
“I can remember it vividly,” said George Thorn<strong>to</strong>n, then assistant district engineer, who got the whale<br />
cleanup task by default. “I got designated because district engineer Dale Allen (now ODOT Region 4<br />
manager in Bend, Ore.) and others <strong>to</strong>ok off hunting when this thing broke — conveniently, I think,”<br />
Thorn<strong>to</strong>n said, laughing. “To be fair, they had [already] planned on going [hunting], but this thing made<br />
them all the more anxious <strong>to</strong> go.”<br />
“I said <strong>to</strong> my supervisors, usually when something happens like this, the person ends up getting<br />
promoted,” Thorn<strong>to</strong>n added. “Sure enough, about six months later, I got promoted <strong>to</strong> Medford.”<br />
Thorn<strong>to</strong>n retired from ODOT in 1990.<br />
Epilogue: When a pod of 41 sperm whales washed ashore in nearly the same location in 1979, State<br />
Parks officials burned and buried them.<br />
© 1994 Oregon Department of Transportation<br />
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Article C: The Farside Comes <strong>to</strong> Life in Oregon<br />
By Dave Barry (1990)<br />
I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it all on videotape. The tape is from a local TV<br />
news show in Oregon, which sent a reporter out <strong>to</strong> cover the removal of a 45-foot, eight-<strong>to</strong>n dead whale<br />
that washed up on the beach. The responsibility for getting rid of the carcass was placed upon the<br />
Oregon State Highway Division, apparently on the theory that highways and whales are very similar in<br />
the sense of being large objects.<br />
So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan — remember, I am not making this up — of blowing<br />
up the whale with dynamite. The thinking here was that the whale would be blown in<strong>to</strong> small pieces,<br />
which would be eaten by sea gulls, and that would be that. A textbook whale removal.<br />
So they moved the specta<strong>to</strong>rs back up the beach, put a half-<strong>to</strong>n of dynamite next <strong>to</strong> the whale and set it<br />
off. I am probably not guilty of understatement when I say that what follows, on the videotape, is the<br />
most wonderful event in the his<strong>to</strong>ry of the universe. First you see the whale carcass disappear in a huge<br />
blast of smoke and flame. Then you hear the happy specta<strong>to</strong>rs shouting “Yayy!” and “Whee!” Then,<br />
suddenly, the crowd’s <strong>to</strong>ne changes. You hear a new sound like “splud.” You hear a woman’s voice<br />
shouting “Here come pieces of… MY GOD!” Something smears the camera lens.<br />
Later, the reporter explains: “The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way <strong>to</strong> a run for survival<br />
as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere.” One piece caved in the roof of a car parked more<br />
than a quarter of a mile away. Remaining on the beach were several rotting whale sec<strong>to</strong>rs the size of<br />
condominium units. There was no sign of the sea gulls, who had no doubt permanently relocated in<br />
Brazil. This is a very sobering videotape. Here at the institute we watch it often, especially at parties. But<br />
this is no time for gaiety. This is a time <strong>to</strong> get hold of the folks at the Oregon State Highway division and<br />
ask them, when they get done cleaning up the beaches, <strong>to</strong> give us an estimate on the US Capi<strong>to</strong>l.<br />
© 1990 Miami Herald<br />
73
Lesson: Identifying Voice, Audience and Purpose<br />
Using the three preceding articles students create two separate tree maps identifying the voice within<br />
the articles and the intended audience.<br />
Tree Map One: Examples of Voice<br />
At the <strong>to</strong>p write "Exploding Whale".<br />
The three stems are the three article titles.<br />
Under each of the article titles, students pick out specific examples of voice. They write the exact quote.<br />
It could be a word, phrase, or sentence.<br />
Exploding Whale<br />
Articles: Examples<br />
of Voice<br />
Article A<br />
Article B<br />
Article C<br />
Example of<br />
Voice<br />
Example of<br />
Voice<br />
Example of<br />
Voice<br />
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Tree Map Two: Categorizing by Audience and Purpose<br />
At the <strong>to</strong>p write "Audience and Purpose"<br />
The four stems are: Article title, <strong>Writing</strong> Format (article, column, etc), Audience, and Purpose<br />
After reading the articles, fill in the tree map, working across so that the students see how audience and<br />
purpose influence voice.<br />
Tree Map<br />
Audience and<br />
Purpose<br />
Stems<br />
Article Title<br />
<strong>Writing</strong><br />
Format<br />
Audience<br />
Purpose<br />
Article A<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
Article B<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
Article C<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
(Examples)<br />
75
Week Five, Day Three: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?<br />
An Exercise in Voice.<br />
Read through these examples with students. Help them analyze each different “voice”, and<br />
describe how it impacts word choice. Then have students brains<strong>to</strong>rm other “voices”, such as<br />
Paris Hil<strong>to</strong>n, Homer Simpson, Batman, etc. Students should rewrite the original in three new<br />
voices<br />
The Original<br />
Why did the chicken cross the road?<br />
To get <strong>to</strong> the other side.<br />
Dr. Seuss<br />
Did the chicken cross the road?<br />
Did he cross it with a <strong>to</strong>ad?<br />
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,<br />
but why it crossed,<br />
I’ve not been <strong>to</strong>ld!<br />
Ernest Hemingway<br />
To die.<br />
In the rain.<br />
Colonel Sanders<br />
I missed one?<br />
Martin Luther King, Jr.<br />
I envision a world where all chickens will be free <strong>to</strong> cross without<br />
having their motives called in<strong>to</strong> question.<br />
Grandpa<br />
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone <strong>to</strong>ld us that the chicken crossed<br />
the road and that was good enough for us.<br />
Aris<strong>to</strong>tle<br />
It is the nature of the chicken <strong>to</strong> cross the road.<br />
Karl Marx<br />
It was a his<strong>to</strong>rical inevitability.<br />
Saddam Hussein<br />
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 <strong>to</strong>ns of nerve gas on<br />
it.<br />
Captain Kirk<br />
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.<br />
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Bill Gates<br />
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important<br />
documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.<br />
The Bible<br />
And God came down from the heavens, and He said un<strong>to</strong> the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And<br />
the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.<br />
Use this form each time you rewrite the original version<br />
Identify the voice: (i.e., President Obama):<br />
Rewrite the Original:<br />
Analyze your writing and list the specific words you used <strong>to</strong> indicate your character’s voice:<br />
77
Week Five, Day Four: Choose Choice Words<br />
Remind students of the importance of word choice by reviewing the Chicken Crosses Road s<strong>to</strong>ries they<br />
wrote. Model some examples of switching out words <strong>to</strong> change the voice of a piece of writing. Use<br />
some of their Chicken Crosses Road rewrites, and switch out specific words <strong>to</strong> illustrate.<br />
Students will need <strong>to</strong> fold a piece of paper in<strong>to</strong> three columns. Label the columns “My Choice Words”,<br />
“My Friend’s Choice Words”, and “Choice Words I’ve Read”. Direct students <strong>to</strong> look back at the writing<br />
they have done this week. In the first column, list “choice words” they have used in their own writing.<br />
Next, switch papers with someone. On a piece of extra paper, copy the words in their first column. Give<br />
papers back. Add any different words found in someone else’s first column <strong>to</strong> the second column.<br />
Lastly, look over the Chicken Crosses Road s<strong>to</strong>ries, and the Exploding Whale articles, hunting for choice<br />
words. Write down any found in the third column. Do not repeat any words.<br />
My Choice Words My Friends’ Choice Words Choice Words I’ve Read<br />
78
Through Different Eyes<br />
Directions: Write a brief description from the varied perspectives listed below. Use your choice<br />
words!<br />
slice of pizza:<br />
o described from the perspective of a Survivor cast member, who has run out of rations.<br />
o described from the perspective of a dietician.<br />
o described from the perspective of the pizza chef.<br />
rowdy classroom:<br />
o described from the perspective of the popular kid in the class<br />
o described from the perspective of a new student <strong>to</strong> the class<br />
o described from the perspective of a substitute teacher.<br />
hurricane:<br />
o described from the perspective of a television reporter, getting her first national s<strong>to</strong>ry<br />
o described from the perspective of a homeowner who lives two blocks from the beach.<br />
o described from the perspective of an insurance agent.<br />
the family dog:<br />
o described from the perspective of the mail carrier<br />
o described from the perspective of the family’s mother<br />
o described from the perspective of the vet<br />
high-diving board:<br />
o described from the perspective of an Olympic diver<br />
o described from the perspective of a seven year-old child.<br />
o described from the perspective of a parent watching his/her child prepare for the first dive.<br />
homemade apple pie:<br />
o described from the perspective of a person who is on a strict diet.<br />
o described from the perspective of a hungry lumberjack who has been cutting wood all day.<br />
deer:<br />
o<br />
o<br />
described from the perspective of a hunter.<br />
described from the perspective of a animal rights activitist.<br />
the game winning shot during the last second of a basketball game:<br />
o described from the perspective of a fan from the winning team<br />
o described from the perspective of a fan from the losing team<br />
the <strong>to</strong>p of a bungee jumping platform:<br />
o described from the perspective of a thrill seeker who loves an adrenaline rush<br />
o described from the perspective of a first time jumper<br />
79
Week Five, Day Five: Believe It or Not Activity<br />
Believe It or Not<br />
Objective: Students will create a personal narrative or reflective essay using<br />
revision and elaboration techniques <strong>to</strong> create a more layered piece of writing.<br />
Time: 20 minutes <strong>to</strong> a full class period<br />
• Assign groups or rows of students the following sentence beginnings <strong>to</strong> produce a personal narrative<br />
or reflective essay (100-150 words):<br />
A. I can’t believe I was afraid of…<br />
B. I can’t believe I was intimidated by…<br />
C. I can’t believe he/she never <strong>to</strong>ld me…<br />
D. I can’t believe how many months it’s been since…<br />
E. When I first heard the bad news, I…<br />
• Inform students that<br />
• The writing content may be true or fiction<br />
• They are <strong>to</strong> write for only 10 minutes<br />
• They are <strong>to</strong> write on every other line<br />
• Their writing will be shared with the class<br />
• Tell the students <strong>to</strong> begin writing. At the end of 10 minutes, instruct them <strong>to</strong> STOP. Instruct the<br />
students <strong>to</strong> add the following <strong>to</strong> their original piece of writing using a pen with a different color ink each<br />
time they make an addition.<br />
• 5-10 new adjectives<br />
• 5-10 action verbs<br />
• 5-10 concrete nouns<br />
• 3-5 “color” words<br />
• This should take no more than 5 minutes; however, it can be challenging because no new sentences<br />
can be added.<br />
• After they add the new words, ask students <strong>to</strong> share their writings with the rest of the class.<br />
• Put the pieces in<strong>to</strong> the students’ portfolios for future elaboration.<br />
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Additional Combinations of Activities for Week Five:<br />
Ten Teacher or Student-Led Activities for Word Choice<br />
1. Build a word bank (in your notebook,, bulletin board, classroom word wall, etc.) of words you like.<br />
2. Build a memorial <strong>to</strong> DEAD words. Find a mutual place in the classroom <strong>to</strong> get rid of all dead words<br />
such as good, nice, very, etc.<br />
3. Find HEAVY words. In any piece of writing, some words and phrases are asked <strong>to</strong> carry most of the<br />
weight, most of the meaning. Get an excerpt from any piece that is rich with HEAVY words. Students<br />
should circle those words that carry the most weight then compare <strong>to</strong> see if others chose the same.<br />
Look through your own writing <strong>to</strong> see if you can identify HEAVY words. You should be able <strong>to</strong> do so.<br />
4. Connotation/Denotation Thesaurus work. Students work in groups <strong>to</strong> look up a word (from a list of<br />
words that have multiple meanings) provided by the teacher. Ask students <strong>to</strong> choose 6-10 of the most<br />
interesting diverse variations on their word theme, and create a lesson in which they make the nuances<br />
of meaning clear. They can do written or oral definitions, give a quiz, dramatize the meanings—or do<br />
anything they wish <strong>to</strong> make the meanings clear, and <strong>to</strong> make the point that synonyms are not all<br />
interchangeable.<br />
5. Talk about the life of language. Have a discussion about some words that are no longer in use and<br />
new words that have just been created. Make a list of words that we use now that will most likely be<br />
gone in the next fifty years.<br />
6. Take out JARGON. Again, the books for dummieshas grown popular because of their ability <strong>to</strong> remove<br />
jargon from typically difficult text. Bring in a piece of technical writing and have students (possibly in<br />
pairs) work on revising it <strong>to</strong> make it more user-friendly and less jargonistic.<br />
7. Collect quotations with really great language in it. One of my favorites is by Mark Twain, “Loyalty <strong>to</strong><br />
petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul.” I love this quote because the words are so<br />
rich. They are simple enough words individually, but <strong>to</strong>gether in this sense it becomes very rich.<br />
8. Play word games so that students become fascinated with words. Tell about the origins of words such<br />
as Bikini (named after the island where the a<strong>to</strong>mic bomb was tested—recognizing the bathing suit could<br />
create the same reaction). Talk about cliches and their origins. Ask about words or sayings that are<br />
specific <strong>to</strong> family members. What colloquial sayings do your students know?<br />
9. Highlight all the verbs and nouns in your writing and revise at least half of them <strong>to</strong> improve. Changing<br />
verbs often requires rewriting or restructuring the sentences. Make sure they are well-aware of all the<br />
“be” verbs.<br />
10. Pay close attention <strong>to</strong> adverbs, especially used as taglines in dialogue. Use “said.” As Strunk and<br />
White so eloquently say “Do not dress words up by adding -ly <strong>to</strong> them, as though putting a hat on a<br />
horse. “ -- Elements of Style, 4th ed..<br />
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A Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> Classroom Resource:<br />
Voice Response & Revision Notes<br />
Rank Each Skill from 1(low) <strong>to</strong> 5(high):<br />
1 2 3 4 5 I really tried <strong>to</strong> show passion about my <strong>to</strong>pic.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 If read aloud, it sounds like something I might really say.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 I did things in my writing <strong>to</strong> help my audience understand.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 I captured a <strong>to</strong>ne or mood with my words.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 Any use of humor or sarcasm is appropriate for this assignment.<br />
A Traits of <strong>Writing</strong> Classroom Resource:<br />
Word Choice Response & Revision Notes<br />
Rank Each Skill from 1(low) <strong>to</strong> 5(high):<br />
1 2 3 4 5 My adjectives are excellent and thoughtful.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 I use a good balance of action and linking verbs.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 My nouns are precise; I don’t overuse pronouns.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 It is clear that I am not afraid <strong>to</strong> take risks with new words.<br />
1 2 3 4 5 I used a few color and texture words <strong>to</strong> describe.<br />
Free 6-Trait resources come from <strong>Writing</strong>Fix! This document was downloaded from<br />
http://writingfix.com/ ©2006 Northern Nevada <strong>Writing</strong> Project.<br />
82
One Syllable Words<br />
Big words can make the way dark for those who read what you write and hear what you say.<br />
Small words cast their clear light on big things—night and day, love and hate, war and peace,<br />
and life and death. Small words are the ones we seem <strong>to</strong> have known from the time we were<br />
born, like the hearth fire that warms the home.<br />
<strong>Writing</strong> Magazine, March 1994<br />
Directions<br />
Write a piece using only one syllable words. This does not mean you only use simple words. Think of<br />
concrete words that have depth and are single syllable. It might help <strong>to</strong> first make a list of words.<br />
Nouns: brute, range, clay, dawn, mast,<br />
Verbs: rhyme, slice, shear, prove, lure,<br />
Adjectives: slim, beige, weak, bronze,<br />
Student example:<br />
Not once this week, but twice he woke at four a.m. just <strong>to</strong> see her. The dawn came <strong>to</strong>o quick, like their<br />
love for each other had—in what seemed like an hour. The girl crept from the glass pane like a bold thief<br />
and sat with him in the wet grass, her skin chilled and yet her core warm. They spoke in a soft hush as<br />
they each kept their eyes <strong>to</strong> the house. When the light came on and a dark gray moved past the shades,<br />
the boy kissed the girl once more, soft, soft. And she felt full, like the star-crossed pair they knew from<br />
the play.<br />
Now, it’s Your Turn!<br />
83
Week Six: 30-02-06(<strong>Thirty</strong> <strong>Days</strong> <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> <strong>Success</strong>)<br />
• Week Six, Day One:<br />
• <strong>FCAT</strong> Writes Plan of Action<br />
• Week Six, Day Two and Three:<br />
• Fun Things <strong>to</strong> do With <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts<br />
• Week Six, Day Four:<br />
• Stepping in<strong>to</strong> a Painting Activity<br />
• Week Five, Day Five:<br />
• Elaboration Using Layered Language: Believe it or Not Activity<br />
• Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
• General Support and Elaboration Activities<br />
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Week Six: Sunshine State Standards Benchmarks by <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong><br />
Measurement Categories<br />
Grade 8<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.3.1<br />
LA.B.1.3.2<br />
LA.B.1.3.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student organizes information<br />
before writing according <strong>to</strong> the<br />
type and purpose of writing.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused, purposeful,<br />
and reflects insight in<strong>to</strong> the writing<br />
situation; conveys a sense of<br />
completeness and wholeness with<br />
adherence <strong>to</strong> the main idea; and<br />
demonstrates a commitment <strong>to</strong><br />
and an involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion of<br />
this benchmark is assessed by<br />
LA.B.1.3.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.3.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student<br />
drafts and revises<br />
writing that has<br />
an organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical<br />
progression of<br />
ideas.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that has support that<br />
is substantial, specific,<br />
relevant, concrete, and/or<br />
illustrative; has clarity in<br />
presentation of ideas; uses<br />
creative writing strategies<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the purpose of<br />
the paper; and demonstrates<br />
a command of language<br />
(word choice) with freshness<br />
of expression.<br />
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Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents<br />
that have been edited for correct<br />
spelling; correct punctuation, including<br />
commas, colons, and semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; effective sentence<br />
structure; correct common usage,<br />
including subject/verb agreement,<br />
common noun/pronoun agreement,<br />
common possessive forms, and with a<br />
variety of sentence structures, including<br />
parallel structure; and correct<br />
formatting.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the<br />
conventions portion of LA.B.1.3.2.<br />
Correct formatting is not assessed.<br />
Grade 10<br />
Benchmark<br />
LA.B.1.4.1<br />
LA.B.1.4.2<br />
LA.B.1.4.3<br />
Focus<br />
The student selects and uses<br />
appropriate prewriting<br />
strategies, such as<br />
brains<strong>to</strong>rming, graphic<br />
organizers, and outlines.<br />
The student drafts and revises<br />
writing that is focused,<br />
purposeful, and reflects insight<br />
in<strong>to</strong> the writing situation, and<br />
demonstrates a commitment<br />
<strong>to</strong> and involvement with the<br />
subject.<br />
Note: The conventions portion<br />
of this benchmark is assessed<br />
by LA.B.1.4.3. (Also assesses<br />
LA.B.2.4.3)<br />
Organization<br />
The student drafts<br />
and revises writing<br />
that has an<br />
organizational<br />
pattern that<br />
provides for a<br />
logical progression<br />
of ideas, and has<br />
effective use of<br />
transitional devices<br />
that contribute <strong>to</strong> a<br />
sense of<br />
completeness.<br />
Support<br />
The student drafts and<br />
revises writing that has<br />
support that is substantial,<br />
specific, relevant, and<br />
concrete; uses creative<br />
writing strategies as<br />
appropriate <strong>to</strong> the<br />
purposes of the paper; and<br />
demonstrates a mature<br />
command of language with<br />
freshness of expression.<br />
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Conventions<br />
The student produces final documents that have<br />
been edited for correct spelling; correct<br />
punctuation, including commas, colons, and<br />
common use of semicolons; correct<br />
capitalization; correct sentence formation;<br />
correct instances of possessives, subject/verb<br />
agreement, instances of noun/pronoun<br />
agreement, and the intentional use of fragments<br />
for effect; and correct formatting that appeals <strong>to</strong><br />
readers, including appropriate use of a variety of<br />
graphics, tables, charts, and illustrations in both<br />
standard and innovative forms.<br />
Note: This benchmark assesses the conventions<br />
portion of LA.B.1.4.2. Correct formatting and use<br />
of graphics are not assessed.<br />
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Week Six, Day One:<br />
<strong>FCAT</strong> Writes Plan of Action<br />
1. What are the first three things I need <strong>to</strong> do when I get my <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> prompt?<br />
Step 1<br />
Step 2<br />
Step 3<br />
This should take ______ minutes or less.<br />
2. Five AWESOME transitions are:<br />
____________________ it means/ can be used _____________________<br />
____________________<br />
____________________<br />
____________________<br />
____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
3. My introduction must include: My conclusion must include:<br />
__________________________<br />
__________________________<br />
________________________<br />
________________________<br />
__________________________<br />
4. Three ways I can start my essay are: Three ways I can end my essay are:<br />
________________________________<br />
________________________________<br />
________________________________<br />
______________________________<br />
______________________________<br />
______________________________<br />
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5. During the last 10 minutes I will:<br />
__________________________________________<br />
6. Five POWERFUL words and five ways <strong>to</strong> elaborate are:<br />
POWERFUL Words<br />
Ways <strong>to</strong> Elaborate<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
_____________________<br />
____________________________________<br />
____________________________________<br />
____________________________________<br />
____________________________________<br />
____________________________________<br />
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Week Six, Day Two and Three:<br />
Fun Things <strong>to</strong> do With <strong>FCAT</strong> <strong>Writing</strong> Prompts<br />
Pick one prompt from a list provided. Everyone writes the BEST first line <strong>to</strong> this prompt.<br />
Pick one from a list provided. Everyone writes the BEST last line <strong>to</strong> this prompt.<br />
Working in groups, students create prompts that are similar <strong>to</strong> <strong>FCAT</strong> prompts. Be sure they model the<br />
criteria of the prompt. It must be general enough so that it does not provide bias. Must be worded in<br />
the same format. Must have an exposi<strong>to</strong>ry and a persuasive prompt.<br />
Each student has two sheets of paper and one prompt (student generated or otherwise). Get in<strong>to</strong><br />
groups of 5 or 6 and number each paper. Students should remember the number they started on. They<br />
must be in a circle and go in order. Each student adds one line <strong>to</strong> the essay until they have gone all the<br />
way around. The purpose is <strong>to</strong> continue <strong>to</strong> support, keeping in mind that they want <strong>to</strong> complete the<br />
essays by the end of class. Add detail. Add support. Consider transitions. Stay with the voice so that it<br />
sounds like the same person wrote it. If doing the extension activity, make sure they write doublespaced.<br />
Extension- Next day, pass papers <strong>to</strong> other group and have them revise one or two of the pieces directly<br />
on<strong>to</strong> the paper. Note areas of support. Use the traits in order o address issues: 5 minutes look at Word<br />
Choice, 5 minutes look at Sentence Fluency, 5 minutes look at Ideas , etc<br />
Another Extension- Give back <strong>to</strong> the original group and they can edit/type and turn in. Also, have them<br />
write a brief reflection about the original piece compared with the last, edited and revised piece.<br />
Post the prompts on large sheets of paper around the room. Have the students walk around and write<br />
on sticky notes the MOST unique angle they could take with each essay. They will be reading others’<br />
ideas as they s<strong>to</strong>p <strong>to</strong> read and write their own.<br />
Choose a prompt and put on the board. Give students five minutes <strong>to</strong> write a list of possible angles <strong>to</strong><br />
take with the essay. Share with class <strong>to</strong> see who had the best and most unique.<br />
Explain <strong>to</strong>pic<br />
<strong>Writing</strong> (Teacher must write)<br />
Share writing (Teacher must share)<br />
Self Evaluation Rubric<br />
Reflection Exit Slip<br />
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Week Six, Day Four and Five: Fine-tune Your Powers of Observation and Description<br />
Stepping In<strong>to</strong> a Painting<br />
Objective: Students will use the "Stepping in<strong>to</strong> a Painting" handout <strong>to</strong> create a descriptive essay.<br />
Time: One class period<br />
• Instruct students <strong>to</strong> select a fairly large picture from the following art pieces.<br />
• Ask students <strong>to</strong> take out a clean sheet of paper and copy the sentence frames below<br />
from an overhead transparency as they examine the picture.<br />
• After filling out the handout, students will use the information <strong>to</strong> write a descriptive<br />
essay in first person point of view.<br />
STEPPING INTO A PAINTING HANDOUT<br />
1. What is your first response or reaction <strong>to</strong> the picture? What emotions are awakened in you?<br />
2. I am standing_________________. (Tell exactly where.)<br />
3. From here I can see________, but I can't see.____________.<br />
4. I notice the temperature is ______, and I think the time of day is ____because______.<br />
5. I am able <strong>to</strong> identify the figures of ________, and I imagine he/she (they) is (are) saying, "____."<br />
6. Tasting the scene reminds me of the taste of _____and when I <strong>to</strong>uch ( any part of the scene; name<br />
one)_____it feels like_______.<br />
7. I do ( do not) feel comfortable and safe in my surroundings because_____; furthermore, it<br />
reminds me of_____(perhaps a place you've been).<br />
8. As I take a closer look at the scene, I notice that at first I overlooked_____.<br />
9. Standing in these surroundings, I recall memories of _____(people, places, events, sights, or<br />
ambiguous things like memories).<br />
10. As I take a final look at this scene, I notice_____which I had not noticed before.<br />
11. Give the painting/picture a title.<br />
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The Four Step Critical Method of Observing Art<br />
Objective: Students will use the "Four-Step Critical Method of Observing Art” <strong>to</strong> ramp up their<br />
observation and description of detail in artwork.<br />
Time: One class period<br />
Also known as “The Feldman Model”: how <strong>to</strong> talk about art using the four step critical method.<br />
Step One: Describe exactly what you are looking at.<br />
Step Two: Analyze the artists’ use of the art elements/principles (i.e. colors, shapes, textures, balance,<br />
value, contrast…..)<br />
Step Three: Interpret….what do you think the artist was trying <strong>to</strong> “say” <strong>to</strong> you through this art, what<br />
s<strong>to</strong>ry does it tell, how does it make you feel(there is no right or wrong).<br />
Step Four: Evaluate/Judge…what makes this a successful/unsuccessful art work?<br />
Use one of the three theories for judging art, choose one….Imitationalism, Formalism, or Emotionalism<br />
• Imitationalism – artist did a great job making it look like what it is<br />
• Formalism – artist really was successful with the way he used colors, lines, shapes,<br />
forms, textures<br />
• Emotionalism- artist was able <strong>to</strong> get a strong sense of feeling/emotion from the viewer<br />
Remember that each one of you may decide <strong>to</strong> judge/evaluate the artwork using a different<br />
theory….and that is fine….it is just a great way <strong>to</strong> get people <strong>to</strong> really think about the artwork they are<br />
viewing (or the music they hear, the play they see, the ballet or opera they view, a s<strong>to</strong>ry they read, a<br />
movie they saw…… you can use this process in many different ways in your classrooms.<br />
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Verda, by Albert Guasch. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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Junk Food Vertumnus, by Andy Council. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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The Optimist, by Chris Scarborough. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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AnimeSara, by Chris Scarborough. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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Chiaroscuro 2, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by Permission of the artist.<br />
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G 5, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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Nathan, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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Lauren, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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Uri, by Igor Kraguljac. Used by permission of the artist.<br />
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Additional Combinations of Activities:<br />
Rewrite <strong>to</strong> Elaborate<br />
Objective: Students will revise draft essays using questions <strong>to</strong> guide their elaboration.<br />
Time: One class period<br />
• Distribute the following REWRITING FOR ELABORATION worksheet, and instruct<br />
students <strong>to</strong> reread their essays, making sure all relevant questions are answered or<br />
addressed. If the questions are not answered or addressed, instruct the students <strong>to</strong> rewrite<br />
their essays <strong>to</strong> incorporate these new ideas.<br />
Note <strong>to</strong> Teacher:<br />
Students need <strong>to</strong> view rewriting as more than editing, polishing, or proofreading.<br />
Rewriting is more than correcting flaws in papers that have already been graded.<br />
Although a draft represents an initial attempt <strong>to</strong> express a message, most writers don't<br />
find its meaning and form until they've reviewed the draft. Students need time <strong>to</strong> let their<br />
compositions grow. They need <strong>to</strong> examine every level of the discourse, review the<br />
decisions they made, and incorporate responses from teachers and other students. They<br />
may need <strong>to</strong> rewrite the piece several times until they're satisfied that it says what they<br />
mean. The questions on the worksheet will help them do so.<br />
Rewriting for Elaboration Worksheet<br />
Use the following questions <strong>to</strong> revise and elaborate your essay.<br />
Subject, Audience, Purpose<br />
1. What's the most important thing I want <strong>to</strong> say about my subject?<br />
2. For whom am I writing this paper? What would my reader want <strong>to</strong> know about the subject? What<br />
does my reader already know about it?<br />
3. Why do I think the subject is worth writing about? Will my reader think the paper was worth<br />
reading?<br />
4. What verb explains what I'm trying <strong>to</strong> do in this paper (tell a s<strong>to</strong>ry, compare X and Y, describe Z)?<br />
5. Does my first paragraph answer questions 1 - 4? If not, why not?<br />
Organization<br />
6. How many specific points did I make about my subject? Did I overlap or repeat any points? Did I<br />
leave any points out or add some that aren't relevant <strong>to</strong> the main idea?<br />
7. How many paragraphs did I use <strong>to</strong> talk about each point?<br />
8. Why did I talk about them in this order? Should the order be changed?<br />
9. How did I get from one point <strong>to</strong> the next? What signposts did I give the reader?<br />
Paragraphing (Ask these questions of every paragraph)<br />
10. What job is this paragraph supposed <strong>to</strong> do? How does it relate <strong>to</strong> the paragraph before and after it?<br />
11. What's the <strong>to</strong>pic idea? Will my reader have trouble finding it?<br />
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12. How many sentences did it take <strong>to</strong> develop the <strong>to</strong>pic idea? Can I substitute better examples,<br />
reasons, or details?<br />
13. How well does the paragraph hold <strong>to</strong>gether? How many levels of generality does it have? Are the<br />
sentences different lengths and types? Do I need transitions? When I read the paragraph out loud,<br />
did it flow smoothly?<br />
Sentences (Ask these questions of every sentence)<br />
14. Which sentences in my paper do I like the most? The least?<br />
15. Can my reader "see" what I'm saying? What words could I substitute for "people," "things," "this/<br />
that," "aspect," and so forth?<br />
16. Is this sentence "fat"? (e.g. sentences that are lengthened unnecessarily which obscures meaning)<br />
17. Can I combine this sentence with another one?<br />
18. Can I add adjectives and adverbs or find a more lively verb?<br />
Things To Check Last<br />
19. Did I check spelling and punctuation? What kinds of words do I usually misspell? What kinds of<br />
punctuation problems did I have in my last paper?<br />
20. How does my paper end? Did I keep the promises I made <strong>to</strong> my reader at the beginning of the<br />
paper?<br />
21. When I read the assignment again, did I miss anything?<br />
22. What do I like best about this paper? What do I need <strong>to</strong> work on in the next paper?<br />
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S t r e t c h and Write More<br />
Objective: Students will revise weak and/or simple sentences in<strong>to</strong> well-developed, expanded sentences.<br />
Time: 20 minutes (30 if sentences are <strong>to</strong> be shared)<br />
Directions:<br />
• Explain that sentences may be expanded and elaborated in a number of specific ways. For example,<br />
writers may add adjectives, adverbs, phrases, and/or clauses <strong>to</strong> an original simple sentence.<br />
• Instruct students <strong>to</strong> write a simple subject/action verb sentence. (The duck quacked. The woman<br />
screamed. The ball fell.)<br />
• Distribute the SENTENCE ELABORATION worksheet.<br />
• Instruct students <strong>to</strong> rewrite their own sentences following the examples given.<br />
• Sentences may be shared with the class as a small group or whole class activity.<br />
Sample: The boy ran.<br />
Add an<br />
adjective<br />
Add an<br />
adverb<br />
Add a<br />
prepositional<br />
phrase<br />
Add a<br />
participial<br />
phrase<br />
Add an infinitive<br />
phrase<br />
Add a definitive clause<br />
The<br />
foolish<br />
boy ran.<br />
Finally the<br />
foolish boy<br />
ran.<br />
Finally, the<br />
foolish boy<br />
ran across the<br />
broken bridge.<br />
Showing off<br />
for his friends,<br />
the foolish boy<br />
ran across the<br />
broken bridge<br />
To prove he was<br />
brave, the foolish<br />
boy ran across<br />
the broken<br />
bridge.<br />
After the neighborhood<br />
bully called him a<br />
coward, the foolish boy<br />
ran across the broken<br />
bridge.<br />
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Sentence ElaborationWorksheet:<br />
Write your simple subject/action verb sentence here.<br />
Add an adjective Add an adverb Add a prepositional phrase<br />
Add a participial phrase Add an infinitive phrase Add a dependent clause<br />
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