NEWS So I’m watching this guy on TV, and he’s talking about THE EDITOR important celebrity stuff, like, why so and so is not dating so and so, because so and so has a drug problem, but, so and so is going to rehab at some resort in California, and how tough it will be for so and so because a cheeseburger at that place cost $28, plus, there’s a stupid looking chandelier with fake bird feathers, hanging in the lobby bar. Anyway, as the TV guy was talking, hey, I was thinking about important stuff too…like have you noticed how gigantic and white the TV guy’s teeth are? Anyway, he’s got all this video stuff going on behind him and I’m Geezer Alert: An Old LD’s Vision of the Future having trouble concentrating because there are all these globs floating behind his head. They’re all going like 90 miles an hour, and I’m trying to figure out the globs, and about the time I feel my eyeballs start oozing something, I think I figure out what the globs are. (Don’t worry, turns out my eyes weren’t bleeding or anything, it was just some kinda of crud.) Anyway…I decide those video globs behind the news guy look kind of like giant boogers and I can’t figure out how giant boogers would make his teeth look so gigantic unless they’re high def boogers. So, I called the station ‘cause I know some stagehand guy and he let me talk to the video guy. I don’t usually understand when video guys talk because they talk about pixels and things, and their mouth is usually full of Oreos or something. But this video kid asked me what I thought of the video boogers and did I think they should be green or orange? So, I laughed at him and I asked him when was the last time he saw an orange booger? So, he made them all orange because he wanted to be “edgy.” Anyway, I hang up the phone and keep watching the giant, orange boogers, and this time the TV guy was talking about why skinny people go to the bathroom about 14 times a day and don’t eat potato chips or sweat much. And I’m starting to get dizzy and confused, so I PROJECTION LIGHTS & STAGING NEWS change the station and I watch this other show about people eating spiders so they can lose weight. Later, I go to a concert because I know some guys backstage. And this is a really famous band, I think, because I can’t really see them because my eyes still hurt a little bit from before and there’s still some crud. The video walls behind the band have really bright globs on them and the famous guys onstage look all fuzzy and the globs are pulsating so much that my beer spills on the guy next to me who didn’t even notice ‘cause it was like he was in a trance or something. I get confused again because I know I’m supposed to think this is really creative and all but I can’t see the freakin’ guys on stage! (I know, I know…I can always watch the I-Mag screens, I guess, but if l hadn’t got in for free and all, I would’ve paid about $326 for a ticket. If I was paying that much, I would want to see the famous guys in real life, not on some giant screen with video boogers all over it.) Sometimes, I wish I had a big ole clanky handle that I could carry around with me and just slam down and fade things down a bit. (If it was too clanky it would probably just piss off the audio guy, but that’s not so bad, is it?) I’m basically old and dumb and not edgy and I like to see people on stage and I don’t really care that they have the largest video screens known to mankind making humongous, sweaty, convulsing globs behind them that some genius, 20 year old kid made, so everybody could see how creative he was. It’s like that Super Bowl concert a few years ago with McCartney, and his band that wasn’t the Beatles, where everybody was all dark, but the video going 90 miles per hour on the stage looked fantastic, didn’t it? I bet if George Harrison hadn’t been cremated and spread all over India, he would’ve rolled over in his grave. Anyway, I like you’re magazine and I think I’ll just quit being an LD and start eating spiders. P.S. — My, my…how things have changed… Back in the day when I was walking to high school in the snow and dreaming about Debra Winger, my idea of a big lighting rig was 36 dented PAR cans, no spares, and some burnt out Roscolene gel. Usually I just gaffed tape the gel in because the gel frames never fit. I later figured out, that if I bent the frames over my knee and put a nice crease down the middle, I could cram them in. Then, if I used the proper tools, I could usually uncram them after the show. Unless it was raining. —Wayne H. Lambert, Showcrafters Inc., Dallas, Texas CALENDAR <strong>PLSN</strong> University Oct. 5-7, 2009 New York, N.Y. www.plsn.<strong>com</strong>/university AES Convention Oct. 9-12, 2009 The Javits Center New York, N.Y. www.aes.org Litec CM Hoist Training Oct. 12-13, Nov. 16-17 Mogliano Veneto, Italy www.litectruss.<strong>com</strong> Pro Light + Sound Shanghai Oct. 13-16, 2009 SNIEC, Shanghai, China www.messefrankfurt.<strong>com</strong> Creative Stage Lighting Open House Oct. 13, 15, 19; Dec. 7, 2009 Various locations www.creativestagelighting.<strong>com</strong> ETC Ion Training Oct. 14-15, 2009 (Boston) Oct. 22-23, 2009 (Baltimore) www.etcconnect.<strong>com</strong> SAE Alumni Convention Oct. 15-16, 2009 Berlin, Germany www.sae-alumni.org SIEL-SATIS Oct. 20-22, 2009 Paris Expo-Porte de Versailles Paris, France www.siel-satis.<strong>com</strong> ESTA Rigging/Electrical Seminars Nov. 16-22, 2009 Orlando, Fla. www.estafoundation.org LDI Nov. 20-22, 2009 Orange County Convention Center Orlando, Fla. www.ldishow.<strong>com</strong> Ad info:http:// www.plsn.<strong>com</strong>/instant-info Ad info:http:// www.plsn.<strong>com</strong>/instant-info 6 <strong>PLSN</strong> OCTOBER 2009
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