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on our material and generate hypotheses it has been necessary
to generalise.
The methodology that we have used with different
forms of supervision for therapists working with men
and women was both fruitful and problematic. Our
ambition was to better understand what happened when
the men and women met, what each brought with them
and what they desired from the other both consciously
and unconsciously. When we first met and discussed our
clinical work, it appeared difficult to understand each
other’s very different clinical experiences of the clients.
At the same time, we also discovered important common
ground, especially in relation to the dialectical themes
described earlier.
Nevertheless, since we had different supervisors
and were even using different forms of treatment (i.e.
individual therapy and group therapy) it was difficult to
understand whether the difficulties we noticed was caused
by differences in methods or whether they reflected more
“qualitative” difference in our clients’ psychological conditions.
In order to better understand this and get to know
more of each other’s work, we interviewed each other
on separate occasions. These interviews were then used
together with our other experiences as a basis of generating
hypotheses concerning psychological driving forces.
Along with meetings to critically discus the relevance of
our emerging hypotheses we gradually reached the following
formulations.
Men who buy sex
The man needs to reinforce his masculinity and this is
done by purchasing sex. Engaging the services of a prostitute
reinforces his sense of masculinity in a way that is
separated from ordinary life, anonymous, and where no
mutuality is required. His behaviour can in fact define the
conditions necessary for maintaining a stable relationship
with a wife or partner. Without his “secret” and forbidden
space, the closeness with his partner would become
too overwhelming, threatening and claustrophobic. The
sexual purchases maintain an illusion of autonomy in the
relationship to his partner. The fear and aggressiveness
that arise within the closeness of his partner relationship
become sexualised and expressed in the coldness of the
sex purchase.
There is something vitalising and “anti-depressive”,
in the preparations and fantasies preceding his purchase
of sex. In fact, the excitement and fantasising are more
important than enjoyment of the act, and involve a temporary
release from anxiety or depression. This release is,
however, volatile and is soon replaced by disgrace, selfhate,
anxiety and depressiveness, resulting in a need to
repeat the act.
That which is repeated could be likened to the movement
of a pendulum. From first feeling powerless and
threatened in a relationship where closeness is too great,
he moves to a position of power and control over another
person choosing a woman and buying the right to use
her sexually. Money regulates what goes on and makes
it appear like a business transaction, reducing possible
feelings of guilt.
Women who sell sex
The woman needs to be accepted and desired, someone
who possesses what someone else needs. To be desired and
able to say yes or no gives a sense of power, control and
activity, as opposed to being a passive victim of someone
else’s desires.
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