The Standard 22 June 2014

June 22 to 28 2014 THE STANDARD STYLE / FAMILY / PARENTING 21
Dealing with Teens
Prudence Muganiwah
Part
Four
IN previous weeks we have been looking at
how you as a parent to a teenager should
be handling your teen, giving tips on how
best to discipline them, exercise authority
whilst at the same time ensuring that you
maintain a close, barrier-free relationship
with your child. Bit of a catch-22, isn’t it?
This week I would like us to begin to try
and enter into their world. Become them,
in a sense. This may help in understanding
your teen more as you gradually accept their
viewpoint based on where they are coming
from. And one of the main ways in which a
teenager identifies herself/himself as one is
through fashion. During this phase, there is a
particular way of dressing and fashion sense
that ensures that your teen belongs or fits into
their group of friends. Similarly, there is dress
sense that may isolate them from everyone
else, hence the rebellion from you as parent
when you buy clothes that may be suitable but
not in sync with the “rest of the gang.” Contrary
to the belief that your son or daughter
is just being too fussy or difficult when they
insist on a particular brand, label or colour
of clothes, there are actually a couple of significant
reasons why your child chooses to
dress in a particular manner. And these have
an effect of how well your child goes through
or manages this difficult phase of growing up.
Mass culture
Most decisions, trends and worldviews that
teenagers’ lives revolve around are based on
and are influenced by mass culture across the
world. It has become the norm that each generation
of teenagers embraces a series of icons
and styles that accompany that period in their
lives; for instance in the early 2000s it was
Britney Spears and now Miley Cyrus. With
DStv, the internet and smart phones, children
and adults alike are becoming more and more
exposed to international mass culture – the
world has literally become one global village
wherein certain fashion, music, sporting, lifestyle
and other trends rule and if you do not
follow them, you simply do not belong. The
idea is not entirely exclusive to teens; adults
too have certain world trends they follow
in order to fit in. Most mothers reading this
have been part of the colour blocking craze,
the peplum dresses and so on while the dads
can testify to have followed in Usher’s jacket
and jeans at one point or another. Similarly,
fashion engages teenagers with their own
mass culture and clothes manufacturers and
marketers constantly seek to understand their
preferences to satisfy their needs.
Sense of belonging
Most teenagers find themselves between a
rock and a hard place as they strive to find
their individuality on one hand but at the
same time feel a strong desire to fit in to one
group or the other. Peer pressure is synonymous
with teenhood – and fashion is one of
the ways in which fellow group members
use to make another member either fit in or
remain out. You will find that your teen will
express their fashion sense by aligning with
what their friends are wearing or by imitating
the styles of role models who are usually
slightly older than them, expressing their aspiration
towards an eventual public persona
or attitude. The craze caused by international
teen sensations such as Justin Bieber and Willow
Smith is just one example of many. And
because of this, many teenagers, including
yours, tend to be aware of buying the correct
clothes based on their social affiliation. Teen
fashion trends assist teens in distinguishing
a belonging within their own age group, separating
their style from that of older adults and
younger children. So whilst you may not understand
the concept as an adult, do bear in
mind that your teen has his/her own circles
of influence for instance friends, cousins,
church mates and so on whom they interact
with daily. It should not come as a shocker
then, if one of your teen nephews comes over
to your house wearing nerdy glasses and neon
cross belts and the next day your teen wants
them too.
Affordability
Because they are relatively inexperienced at
expressing themselves or having a permanent
identity through their clothing, their conceptions
about themselves are constantly evolving
and changing. Thus fashion brands for
teens tend to be popular with teenagers as a
result of the low price-point at which they are
offered, which allows them to experiment with
different styles regularly. Affordable fashion
gives teenagers a way to explore their sense
of style without much commitment, as this
age group is generally flighty and more interested
in current styles than long-term quality.
Furthermore, many teenagers are still in the
process of learning how to dress their everchanging
bodies, consequently their fashion
preferences are usually more experimental
than committed. For this reason, fashionable
clothing for teens is inexpensive and fairly
disposable. The fact that clothes are cheap and
available at their convenience, for instance
at markets such as Sam Levy or Avondale
flea market, has the subsequent result that
many teens will go out of their way to save up
or ask for money to purchase items of their
choice just to fit into their age group.
However, while understanding your teenager’s
fashions sense may be crucial in your
relationship with them, it can result in your
teenager going extreme by wearing baggy
pants showing their boxers or revealing tops
that show off too much cleavage. The onus is
on the parent to worry about what should be
done do to keep everything under control.
One of the many instances where you
should speak to your child about their fashions
is if it may end up causing them some
harm – for instance the low cut shirts and low
rise jeans. In today’s increasingly dangerous
society, everyone needs to be on the lookout
for sexual criminals roaming the streets. Thus
you may want to take the time to explain rape,
molestation, sodomy and sexual harassment
to your child, as the possibility of putting
themselves in danger may sink in better than
if you were just to command them to change
clothes because “I say so.”
Fashion trends regularly change, thus if
you are not content with the current fashion
trends your teen is exploring, you could try
to encourage them to look at other options
in fashion magazines, fashion websites, new
boutiques and shops that have a large number
of fashion trends. You will find that not all
fashion trends actually require the wearing
of “skimpy” or revealing clothing. Besides
putting your child on the right track, this
shopping together could actually turn into a
nice mother - daughter or father – son bonding
experience.
Teenagers and fashion are synonymous and
you need to accept that as a parent – your child
cares about clothes. Help them strike a balance
between looking nice and staying safe.