The Founder Volume 5 Issue 4

The Social
Network
reviewed on page 18
E X T R A
thefounder
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Volume 5 | Issue 4
Thursday 4 November 2010
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Student protests against the cuts go ‘national’ with November 10th’s ‘Demo Lition’ march scheduled
The outcome of
the Comprehensive
Spending Review
Amy Norman
Sport
Interview with Lady Bear
Kristine Flyvholm
LUISA MIRANDA MOREL
delves into ladies basketball 30»
Chancellor George Osborne has announced
the government’s spending
plans for the next four years, with
£81bn being cut from the budget in
an attempt to reduce the deficit and
Comment & Debate
Solidarity is the only
forward
RUSTAM MAJAINAH on why we
should get out and protest 7»
make savings. The Comprehensive
Spending Review (CSR) has announced
huge cuts in all sectors, incontinued
on page 4 »
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2 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
The Founder
The Independent Student Newspaper of Royal Holloway, University of London
Email: editor@thefounder.co.uk
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For the latest news, reviews, and everything Holloway, get online
Check out our website
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RAG Chooses
its Charities
Chooses its
tf editorial team
News Editor
Tom Seal
Comment & Debate
Nick Coleridge-Watts
Features Editor
Kate Brook
Film Editor
Daniel Collard
Editor-in-Chief
Jack Lenox
Editors
Tom Shore & Edward Harper
Arts Editor
Alexandra Kinman
Don’t Run With Scissors
A Report From the Anti Cuts Meeting
Heather Rimington
Pictures
Julian Farmer
Amy Taheri
Music Editor
David Bowman
Sport Editor
Johanna Svensson
Sub-Editors
Heather Rimington
Julia Armfield
Designed by
Jack Lenox, Edward Harper & Tom Shore
On Thursday 21st October the SU
coordinated with the ‘Royal Holloway
Anti-Cuts Alliance’ (RHACA)
to stage a meeting called ‘Don’t
Run with Scissors: Cuts to Education
Never Heal’ in order to deal
with the news of the government’s
recent spending reviews. This meeting
aimed to introduce students to
how these cuts will affect both our
university and the wider local community.
To these ends, a number of
speakers were invited, representing
different organisations, including
The British Trade Union and the
NUS, as well as representatives from
Royal Holloway.
The first speaker to address the
packed Founder’s Main Lecture
Theatre was Kit Leary from ‘Save
Our Services in Surrey’, who spoke
about the specific effects of the cuts
on Surrey. Leary opened by countering
the recent BBC survey that lists
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Runnymede as the seventh most
resilient county to the cuts by contrasting
this to the fact that the nearby
Spelthorne was listed as seventieth.
He accepted that areas of Surrey
are very affluent but emphasised
the pockets of poverty which can
also be found in this borough. On
the matter of the cuts, Leary stated
that the ‘axe was coming’ and that
wherever it falls it will ‘hit from cradle
to grave’. He also discussed the
planned downsizing of the Connexions
Careers Service which would
relocate the current twenty centres
into two offices in Epsom and Camberley.
Combined with planned cuts
to the bus service, Leary expressed
his fears that Connexions would
now be rendered virtually inaccessible.
He concluded by calling the
cuts a single unified program of attacks
that require a single unified
program of defence.
The second speaker was Duska
Rosenburg, as a representative of
‘University and College Union’ and
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a professor of Computer and Information
Communication at Royal
Holloway. After stating that she fully
backed the RHACA, Rosenburg
declared that at a time where other
countries are investing in education
our government should not be
undermining our future with these
‘misguided’ cuts. She described
the danger of focusing on a monetary
economy at the expense of the
knowledge economy, which is a beneficial
but unquantifiable force. The
responsibility of the academic circle
in supporting the wider community
was also emphasised as Rosenburg
closed with the statement ‘this is not
just about academics but about the
rest of us as well’.
There was a change in focus to
how these cuts would affect specific
communities disproportionately
with the presence of Dave Weaver
speaking on behalf of ‘Black Activ
continued on page 6 »
Charities
Beth Bridewell
Communications Officer
At the RAG meeting on Wednesday
20th October, the charities that RAG
would support for the academic year
2010/2011 were chosen. This was
done by reading through an application
form sent in by over 15 charities,
containing vital information
about their cause and the money
they raise. Three charities were to be
selected and this occurred through
a vote of people attending the meeting.
The charities selected shall be
the focus of RAGs fundraising endeavors
throughout the year, these
being: Anthony Nolan, Street Invest
and International Alert.
Anthony Nolan is a medical charity
of upmost importance that has
helped find thousands of people a
bone marrow donor. Anthony Nolan
is the best chance for thousands
of people needing a bone marrow
match, but for every person they
help there are people that miss out.
Bone marrow is very specific and
therefore to have a transplant requires
a perfect match – this takes
time and money and to save lives
money is key. They have a long history
of innovation and have created
the world’s first register of people
willing to donate their stem cells
and now have the UK’s first dedicated
cord blood bank. Anthony Nolan
are constantly seek ways to improve
the success of stem cell transplants
using cutting edge technology. For
every pound raised by us 82p will go
towards helping save lives, 9p goes
towards vital research into making
stem cell and bone marrow transplants
more successful, 8p goes to
raising more money and the last 1p
goes towards administration. Anthony
Nolan is an amazing medical
charity and that’s why they are one
of the 3 RAG charities this academic
year.
In addition to “Make a Wish”, for
which the pantomime will be raising
money for, RAG’s main children’s
charity for the year is “Street-
Invest”. The charity writes that their
mission will be fulfilled “when street
children are just children.” They
help forgotten children through the
professional training of street workers
who work as the trustworthy
adults that the street children need
in their lives. Through these listeners
on the ground level, the charity
can fully understand where best
to invest in order to truly improve
the lives of these children. Based in
the UK, this is a smaller charity for
Royal Holloway to support and we
hope that students will feel an affinity
with these children who have to
live alone, and support a charity that
aims to invest in the children that
do.
Our third charity, International
Alert are a non-governmental organisation
and charity, based in
London. They describe themselves
as “an independent peace building
organisation that works to lay the
foundations for lasting peace and
security in communities affected by
violent conflict”. Active in over 20
countries all over the world, their
regional work is located in places
such as the West Africa, South Asia
and the Andean region of South
America; which are all areas affected
by, threatened by or dealing with the
after-math of conflict. With 99% of
their annual income (£10.5 million)
going to charitable causes, it is clear
that this company are making a
huge difference on an international
scale.
We believe these charities are all
well worth raising money for and
we can’t wait to get started. We need
help for fundraising ideas, help putting
events on and donations from
everyone and anyone!

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
News
3
POLLING
STATION
First Cross Campus
Election Results
Emily Lees
An Icy Treat
is Heading
Towards
Founders
Christmas is coming early to Royal
Holloway this year, with the South
quad of Founder’s building being
adorned with a glistening sheet of
ice.
The synthetic ice rink will measure
144 square meters and will be
open to all students, staff and the
public from December 6th until
23rd December.
Sessions on the rink will last 45
minutes and will be offered daily
from 2pm to 9.45pm. For Royal
Holloway students and staff the sessions
will only cost £7 at peak times
or £6 off peak (Monday – Friday
before 5pm) The ice rink is environmentally
friendly so this Christmas
pleasure is entirely guilt free; skaters
will be provided with skates...however,
the ability to stay on your feet
is up to you!
Skaters may be a little cold after
their skate, and will be able to
warm themselves up with some
seasonal treats and mulled wine
from Crosslands café.
Royal Holloway is very much
reaching out to the local community
with this free ice rink as Melanie
Loizou, Deputy Director of
Client Services at Royal Holloway,
has stated: “We are really proud to
be able to bring something quite
unique to the area for Christmas.
Our beautiful Founder’s building
will make a stunning backdrop
to the ice rink and we will be encouraging
local families to come
along and enjoy this festive experience
alongside our own students
and staff.”
This wonderful winter treat is
one not to miss, so for any more
information and to book time
slots online go to: www.conferences.rhul.ac.uk/christmas.
Vikki Vile
The much anticipated results of the
recent Royal Holloway Student’s
Union elections (the first to utilise
online voting) were announced last
week, with this year’s appointees
more determined than ever to make
a change to our university experience.
Cordelia Masters received more
votes than any other candidate this
election, gaining 213 to become this
year’s RAG Vice-Chair. She told The
Founder “I’m really excited about
the position, and am looking forward
to helping RAG reach out to
every element of Holloway life.”
An English student, Cordelia is
predominantly concerned working
together with all the societies
to create future charity fundraising,
adding “We really want to encourage
all societies to put on their own
charity events with the help of RAG.
I’m also really excited about how the
pantomime is coming along.”
With 178 votes, Anoosheh Dastbaz
was voted the 2010/11 ‘SU Publication’
Editor, facing no opposition.
Elizabeth Bridewell won her election
to become this year’s NUS Delegate
receiving 137 votes. She said of
her appointment “to have gained the
position of NUS Delegate at a time
like this seems perfect.” This ‘time’
refers to the current political climate
concerning the removal of a cap on
tuition fees and Elizabeth hopes to
make a stand against the cuts, saying:
“With the recent news of the
Browne Report and the Spending
Review, I feel it is a vital time to unite
as a union of students and make it
clear that we care about how the system
pans out. I am excited to attend
the ‘Fund Our Future: Stop the Cuts’
Demonstration on the 10th of November
in London. I hope as many
people as possible from Royal Holloway
come to show their motivation
to see things change.”
Two candidates ran for the position
of NUS Delegate and, gaining
119 votes, Waleed Wain was also
elected.
Liz Scott-Wilson was another student
who faced no opposition in the
elections but was still very pleased
to receive 192 votes to become this
year’s First Year Representative. She
told The Founder, “I was quite surprised
at the lack of candidacy for
the post of First Year Rep. I only
found this out after the deadline
had shut.” Liz went on to say she
really enjoyed the candidacy process
at Royal Holloway, explaining,
“Comparing it to the elections for
Students’ Committee President that
happened at school every year, this
election was crazy: a lot of bits of
paper, videos and stuff that I wasn’t
sure were wholly necessary since
there wasn’t any opposition...but it
was fun.”
However, Liz is aware there is a
lot more to the position than making
videos. Acting as a voice for
tentative first years’ is an important
job: “I stick to what I’ve said over
and over again, we all need to have
our say. I’d also like to say “Hi” and
“Sorry, mate” to the re open nominee!”
As Liz was the only candidate
to stand, the electorate is given the
option of voting to re-open the position,
though fortunately this did
not happen in any of the candidates’
cases this year.
The position of International Student
Officer for this year was voted
for by 236 students, 209 of whom
voted for Paras Jain to fulfil this role.
However, the most fiercely-fought
for position was that of Union
Chairperson for the coming year.
Four candidates stood and 280 votes
were cast. Candidates were required
to gain more than 140 votes to become
elected. After a third round
of voting revealed a very closely
fought contest with Katie receiving
117 votes and Jude receiving
120 votes meaning Jude Davé will
serve as Royal Holloway’s 2010/11
Union Chair. He was keen to send
out a message to all students that
their voices should be heard, “I am
here to promise the best of myself to
the position and to let the Student
voice be heard. There is work to be
done, not necessarily to change the
Union, but to improve it. I want to
tell the students that the Union is
you! Without you, there would be
no Union. It is for the students. If
students do not take an active role
in the Union, then there is no use
having one, hence I urge RHUL Students
to come to General Meeting
and use it as a platform to showcase
your voice.”
Jude’s enthusiasm is easy to see
and he is keen to be seen as an approachable
and accessible figure in
the student body, stating “I am not
above or below any student, if anything
I am their equal. They can find
me, talk to me, and together, we can
light the sparks to the firework. The
Voice is Yours.”

4 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
News
A generation ‘on our own’: the
Comprehensive Spending Revi
» continued from front page
cluding higher education, prompting
angry responses from many
groups, including the National Union
of Students who have said the
review “looks an entire generation
in the eye and says ‘you’re on your
own’”.
This year, the government predicted
that £697bn will be spent, yet
they will only raise £548bn through
taxation. The deficit of £149bn is
made up of borrowed money; however
with already £44bn in debt
interest to be paid back, the new
coalition government wishes to borrow
as little as possible. David Frost,
from the British Chambers of Commerce,
said that “business has been
absolutely clear on this – the deficit
has to be tackled no matter what
and this starts the process”.
With key sectors such as Health
and the Schools budget protected
from cuts, other areas have been
hit hard. Amongst these are higher
education and business, two sectors
which greatly affect students. The
Department for Business, Innovation
and Skills has an annual budget
of £21.2bn but is set to lose 25% in
current spending (items including
salaries) and 52% in capital spending
(assets such as buildings). The
university teaching budget is to be
cut by 40% and the further education
budget for over 19s is to fall by
25%.
40%
The budget cut faced by universities
This will have a knock on effect
for mature students and adult learners,
especially in job-related training.
The ‘ Train to Gain’ programme,
which aids people over 25 in developing
vocational skills and seeking
new jobs, has been axed, as has the
Education Maintenance Allowance.
The EMA helped young people between
16 and 18 from low income
families carry on in further education
rather than enter the workplace
directly after leaving school at 16. By
scrapping the scheme, many young
people may be prevented from continuing
Sixth Form and subsequently
from attending university.
It has been said that the 40% loss
from the university budget will be
“offset” by the raised tuition fees, a
sentiment which coincides very well
the recent results of the apparently
independent Browne Review. Given
the nature of the cuts it now seems
very likely that the suggestions from
the review will be implemented
by the government. These suggestions
include the concept of £7,000
a year tuition fees and huge graduate
debts paid back over 30 years at
a higher rate of inflation plus 2.2%.
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg
stated that the coalition will publish
its plans for tuition fees within two
weeks and confirmed that tuition
fees would definitely be capped.
These cuts will affect many aspects
of daily life, with police funding
being reduced by 4% a year as
well as the Ministry Defence seeing
a large budget cut. This will result
in a predicted 5,000 job losses from
the RAF and Navy and 25,000 civilian
staff, combined with half a million
public sector jobs also expected
to be lost. Danny Alexander, Chief
Secretary to the Treasury, said that:
“Spending cuts overall do affect everybody
– I’ m not trying to disguise
that. It is going to be difficult for a
lot of people. But the cumulative effect
of the spending cuts we’ve announced
today, the investment in
education we’ve announced along
with the welfare changes and the tax
measures – give a picture which I
think is broadly progressive”.
Chancellor George Osborne announced
that “today’s the day when
Britain steps back from the brink,
when we confront the bills from
a decade of debt. To back down
now and abandon our plans would
be the road to economic ruin. We
will stick to the course. We will secure
our country’s stability.” Yet not

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
News
5
outcome of the
ew
everyone is in accordance with his
views – Shadow Chancellor Alan
Johnson stated that “it’ s our firm
belief that the rush to cut the deficit
endangers the recovery and reduces
the prospects for employment in the
short term and for prosperity in the
longer term. We believe we can and
should sustain a more gradual reduction,
securing growth.”
Aaron Porter, the NUS president,
said “This is a devastating blow to
higher and further education that
puts the future of colleges and universities
at risk and will have repercussions
for the future prospects
of students and learners. They are
proposing to eliminate almost all
funding for university education
whilst simultaneously transferring
the debt onto students”. A group
of Royal Holloway students has
formed an Anti Cuts Alliance to defend
all students and staff from the
effects of the cuts and to campaign
for a system where everyone has fair
access to education. The NUS has
organised a national demonstration
against cuts to further and higher
education in central London on
Wednesday 10 November 2010.
Clockwise from top-left: Students at Plymouth rally in
preparation for the national demonstration, the protest
poster being used by the NUS and other organisations,
the RAF Harrier GR9 is one of the most notable victims
of the cuts in defence spending, students at Kent show
their support for the national protest

6 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
News
Don’t Run
Staines-on-Thames?
With Scissors
» continued from Page 2
ists Rising Against Cuts.’ He began
by stating that he was ‘disgusted’
with the spending cuts and the
‘devastating impacts they will have
on all communities’. Weaver continued
to call Nick Clegg a political
sell-out, getting a positive reaction
from the crowd. He highlighted the
already disproportionate effects of
poverty on black communities, with
higher levels of unemployment, failure
in higher education and child
poverty. Weaver asserted that, with
these cuts already expected to hit
the poor hardest, this will be disproportionately
reflected in black communities.
Fears were also expressed
that in this harder economic climate
people will seek to find a scapegoat,
potentially causing an increase in
racism, prejudice and hate crime.
Wanda Canton continued this
theme, speaking as Queen Mary’s
Women’s officer and representative
of the NUS LGBT, addressing the
effects of the cuts on certain societal
groups. She presented how the cuts
will affect support services for the
most vulnerable in our society, such
as victims of domestic abuse, people
suffering from homophobia and
prejudice as well as children who
live under the poverty line. Canton
further discussed the role of education
in challenging prejudices and
extending fair opportunities, saying
that ‘by crippling education you are
also crippling equality’.
Ben Robinson was the fifth
speaker representing ‘Youth Fight
for Jobs’ bringing the evening back
to focusing on how the cuts will
affect our generation specifically.
Robinson called the cuts an ‘attack
on our generation’, and described
how people may be alienated from
higher education because of the
tf Next deadline
debts involved. He also spoke of the
plans to scrap the Education Maintenance
Allowance as well as wide
spread job losses in the public sector
and how this will affect already high
youth unemployment rates. The example
of the political activism seen
in French students was used as an
example as Robinson urged English
students to protest against the cuts
and ‘defend our right to a future’.
To conclude the speakers for the
evening was Sean Rillo Raczka, a
senator of the University of London
Union. He presented the most
inflammatory speech, calling The
Browne Review ‘an audacious and
savage attack on higher education’
and referred to our ‘illegitimate
government’. The main thrust of
his argument was that our society
needed to develop a keener sense
of social awareness and needs to
awaken political feeling in students.
Raczka argued that the fairness of
the cuts was a lie and that those on
the poorest incomes will be affected
disproportionately. He highlighted
the potential damages that would
be caused by further cuts to teaching
grants, as well as the fact that increased
charges for over 25s taking
GCSEs would alienate even more
people from higher education. The
example of French student activists
was brought up again and Raczka
finished his speech with the rallying
cry ‘Let’s get French’.
After a brief Q&A section the
meeting was closed by the RHACA
themselves, by thanking everyone
for their support and advertising
the national demonstration taking
place on 10th November. They
emphasised their plans for an increased
presence on campus, with
further planned events such as staffacademic-student
meetings, panel
debates and further protests against
the cuts.
The next deadline is set as midday on Monday
8th November, please email any articles to the
relevant section
You can also keep up-to-date with everything that’s happening at
Royal Holloway on our new (and improved) website:
www.thefounder.co.uk
Changing Staines’s reputation may require more than just a name change
Thomas Seal
News Editor
Local business leaders have suggested
that Staines add the beautifying
affix to its name in a simple
but potent move to dispel the
town’s negative image, which has
permeated popular culture from
the exploits of Sacha Baron Cohen’s
Ali G (‘West Staines is da
best!’) to recently being sneered at
by Stephen Fry on the most recent
QI.
The forum believes that adding
‘on-Thames’ or ‘upon-Thames’ to
the (undeniably evocative) current
name will help improve the public
perception of the town.
According to Alex Tribick, chairman
of the forum, ‘not one person
we spoke to said they wanted it to
remain as Staines’, citing the city’s
section river as part of an ‘iconic
image’ of Britain.
In the run up to the 2012 London
Olympics, local businesses and
councils are striving to maximise
their appeal in preparation for the
huge influx of tourists the event will
bring to London and its surrounding
counties, especially the Games’
so-called ‘satellite villages’, which
will include some of Royal Holloway’s
halls of residence. Staines’
commercial sector gains to benefit
greatly from this, receiving a generous
slice of the predicted £2bn with
which the Games will flood our
economy.
The decision will be run by Spelthorne
Borough council at a cabinet
meeting on November 1st.
Please don’t throw this newspaper in a river when you are finished, recycle it
Recycling bins are located at:
Arts Building, The Hub, Gowar and Wedderburn Halls, T-Dubbs

tfComment
& Debate
Solidarity is the only way forward
We may not all be in this together, but that doesn’t stop us standing together
The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
7
Rustam Majainah puts forward the case for the protests
One of the main
arguments people
have against
those campaigning
against the
cuts is that they
have vested interests in what they
are campaigning against. As if
somehow we should expect those
who will lose their jobs, benefits or
education to lie down and take the
cuts without a murmur of disapproval.
They say that the arguments
against cuts should be completely
disregarded as irrational and self
serving, even if they are effective
and well-reasoned, dismissing them
as ‘clever dick arguments’ (Founder,
20th October).
However, as much as the Government
would like to play High
School Musical politics and parrot
that we are ‘All in this together’, it is
quite obvious that there are some
people who will not be affected by
the cuts. I know this because I am
one of them. I am a middle class
man who has entered university
before the fees increase, just turned
18 after child benefit was cut back,
have a tuition fee loan that can be
paid back if interest is raised to
commercial rates and have even
managed to choose to study physics,
which has been spared any
major cuts in funding. A number
of you may also be in my fortunate
position (especially in regard to a
rise in tuition fees), because statistically
Runnymede is number 26 in
the list of boroughs least affected by
the cuts, and six of the top ten are
not far from us.
So why am I going to be out
campaigning against the cuts, I hear
you ask. It is precisely because I
know that I am in a lucky position
in not being affected that I, and
you, need to be out protesting in
support of the much larger proportion
of society that will be affected
by the cuts. These people could be
your friends, your family or even
your lecturers, many of whom will
lose their jobs directly because of
the cuts. We must stand with them
and support them.
The ‘Royal Holloway Anti-Cuts
Alliance’ is so called because it is
exactly that, an alliance. We have
spoken to people of all political colours
who have supported our cause,
I WANT TO GO TO
UNIVERSITY
BUT I CAN’T AFFORD
THE DEBT
STOP EDUCATION CUTS
because they know that if one department
faces cuts to its funding,
theirs could easily be next. There
is also excitement that students
for the first time in years have the
chance to ‘act like students’ and go
out on a demonstration. We must
stand up and be counted on the
‘Fund Our Future: Stop Education
Cuts’ on the 10th of November, and
make sure we as citizens make our
voices heard about the unfairness
of the cuts. Whether we are affected
in a personal capacity by the cuts or
not, the only way to fight them is to
stand together in solidarity.
One of the campaign posters
being used by the NUS and UCU
What’s your
view?
Is reading all
of this making
your blood
boil with
disagreement?
Or will you
be heading
off to protest
on November
10th?
Either way,
we’d like to
hear from you:
comment@
thefounder.
co.uk

8 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
tf Comment&
Debate
The Real Ring of F ire
Nick Coleridge-Watts examines the phenomenon
of student drinking
After a bad day of
cramming for seminars,
earning the
minimum wage, or
simply because you
aren’t getting laid
as much as you’d like, you may find
solace by crawling into a bottle of
something mind-altering. I know I
do. Alternatively you may be predrinking
before a top night out with
your mates, or engaging in hefty
sessions of ring of fire (on behalf of
the final group I’d like to take this
time to issue a personal message to
the last king in every deck of cards
– you, sir, are a cunt). Whichever
it is, we all regularly enjoy the
pleasures of drinking, frequently to
excess, which forms an integral part
of 21st Century youth’s mission of
self-abuse.
With the government’s slow
dismantling of Britain very much
dominating the news recently,
many of you may have skipped over
a report published by Alcohol Concern
regarding the estimated NHS
costs of treatment for underage
drinking amounting to £19 million.
The report offered the shocking
statistic that alcohol contributed to
5% of young people’s deaths, and
that the UK has the highest rate of
alcohol-related injuries in Europe.
Sobering stuff (that’s right pun
police – come get me).
The under-18 drinking phenomenon
is just one aspect of a broader
issue; one in five men and one on
seven women drink more than
double the recommended daily
allowance. In 2003 it was revealed
17 million working days in the
UK are lost to hangovers, whilst
22,000 premature deaths occur each
year as a consequence of alcohol.
Demographically-speaking, there
will be a substantial increase in
alcohol-related illnesses as the
quantities consumed by the young
go far beyond appropriate levels.
If your parents are anything like
mine then you’ll have frequently
been on the receiving end of
lectures decrying young people’s
behaviour, and claiming that in
their day standards were far more
restrained. This is, in a word, bollocks.
Or rather, it’s a crass oversimplification.
Bad behaviour, or fun,
depending on your point of view,
‘17 million
working
days in
the UK
are lost to
hangovers’
has been a consistent feature of our
species since time began. Only the
extent to which it affects society as
a whole varies. It was 1962 when
my dad was my age, looking down
the barrel of a decade in which
drug use, free love, women’s liberation
and many other extra-curricular
activities abounded in glorious
Technicolor.
The difference between then and
now was not restraint; it was naivety.
The fact is that in the century
before mass communication BC
life was slower, and influences were
mainly local as opposed to global.
Knowledge of the consequences of
drinking, and other vices, was limited.
Censorship made spreading
the message of what was out there
difficult at a mass level. Similarly,
unpleasant truths in public life were
swept under the carpet, adding to
that rose-tinted shine frequently
tagged to the past. Anyone ever
watched a sitcom from forty years
ago? The families presented are
perfect, the children never disaffected
and each episode ends with a
moral. They were safe to an extreme
degree.
As this protective bubble burst
towards the tail end of the Sixties,
the cynicism quickly set in, and the
social consequences of freedom
have provided a stick for the Rightwing
to beat us with ever since. The
potential, and desire, for self-harm
was clearly always there, it only
needed to be stimulated. Therein
lays the generational difference
between us and our parents: we
know exactly what we’re doing. We
know the risks of excessive alcohol
consumption, just like we know the
risks of promiscuity, drug abuse
and so on. And we do it all anyway,
this time not because we’re naïve,
but rather because we can’t ever
envisage it going wrong for us individually.
We’re supermen, and bad
things only happen to other people.
The superman mindset affects us
all, and the actions it leads to are
freedoms which should be enjoyed.
But just because you have the right
to stick a gun in your mouth and
pull the trigger doesn’t mean it’s a
good idea. By the time this story is
published I will have attended my
first session at an alcohol and drug
abuse clinic. I have no idea what
their recommendations will be, but
after well over a year of indicators
e.g. not remembering the night
before, concerned friends saying ‘I
think you have a problem’, a loyalty
card from the medical centre etc.,
it’s time to call a halt.

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
9
What’s a-mattican with the Vatican?
Thomas J. Cooke defends the recent attacks on the
Catholic Church in the wake of the Pope’s visit to the UK
From my point of view,
the past few weeks
have proven quite
interesting as far as on
campus journalism is
concerned. Both the
Orbital and this esteemed publication
have produced some real gutter
journalism as regards the Catholic
Church and its leader. The Orbital
ran an article on page four by Ms.
Boodt, with various inflammatory
remarks. She mistakes the organisation
for individuals within it.
Looking to the founder as the
balanced voice of reason, I was to
be disappointed again...
Mr. Douglas James’s article,
although marginally better written
than Ms. Boodt’s, was in essence
more of the same bile. In the wake
of the visit, the Church has seen a
massive revival, with lapsed members,
and new converts packing out
our churches. Last Sunday I had
trouble finding somewhere to sit in
the church it was that packed. Most
of them it should be said, were
young couples, students, teenagers,
and families. This archaic and
unequal organisation that promotes
the death of millions throughout
the world, that has no place in
modern society seems remarkably
popular.
But what I really take issue with
here is the lack of balance or tolerance.
I do not believe that any of
the writers of these articles and
comments would ever have the
integrity or courage to attack any
other faith. Christianity and in particular,
Catholicism is a nice comfy
target. There is no risk in slagging
off the Pope because in this country
it is a majority view and therefore
acceptable it seems.
I am by no means a good
catholic. I am a sinner through and
through. Not for one minute would
I defend a lot of Vatican policies
(not to be confused with actual
doctrine), especially the handling
of the abuse scandals, plus their use
of funds in the world. The Church
is ridiculously rich, and from time
to time, poorly governed. But it is
also an enormous force for good in
the world.. No Church is perfect,
but people are renewed through the
sacraments; the Christian faith is a
faith of reconciliation. It is where
God becomes human to live as one
of us.
You are free not to agree with this
faith, but what I have come across
in these articles appears to be
(ironically), a betrayal of the very
ideals being championed: tolerance,
understanding, fairness...
I challenge you all to reconsider
whether you truly do believe in an
equal society and treating all beliefs
and people fairly.
The etiquette of (student) dining
Douglas James explains why he feels poor etiquette is
reflecting badly on us all
There are few things in
life that are quite as
enjoyable as dining
out. Nothing can
beat the creak and
pop of a pulled cork
followed by the glug of a rapidly
emptied bottle of wine, all the while
safe in the knowledge that it wont
take you take you the best part of
an hour to clean up a demolished
kitchen. The right combination of
restaurant, wine and company is
the perfect escape from the ‘Holloway
bubble’ and the stress of
chasing that elusive first. However,
there a few things quite as painful
as having to wait those tables.
As both a waiter, working to fund
my degree, and a lover of food I feel
in the perfect position to comment
and pass judgement upon the more
ill-mannered habits of my fellow
students when eating out. From the
offset I should say that this article
is inspired by my own personal
experiences and that for every table
that commits the sins found below,
many more avoid them and are an
absolute pleasure to serve.
Chances are if you eat out within
a ten-mile radius of most universities
you’re going to be served by
another student; waiting tables
has after all always been a favourite
student profession due to its
few skill requirements and flexible
working hours. Yet I find it
continually strange how students
behave when being served by
their fellow students. The rudeness,
impatience and general lack
of manners is astonishing. Having
worked fifty-hour weeks over the
summer it wasn’t until one evening
in October that I would experience
being clicked at for the first time.
If you thought it only happened in
films you’re sadly mistaken, and
what shocked me even more was
that it was someone who I had seen
on campus only a few hours earlier.
It doesn’t seem to make any sense
when students who act so pleasant
towards each other on campus act
so badly off it.
Ill manners, however, are quickly
forgotten when the subject of
money is brought up. Nothing fills
me with more dread than the sight
of a student table of twelve trotting
up en masse each with a ten pound
note clutched in their hands. This
inevitably being followed by the
demand to pay separately, something
they would have done well to
mention before they sat down. For
those who have never experienced
the joys of waiting tables, a table
asking to pay separately is incredibly
awkward ,requiring a lot of
time that should be spent making
sure other diners are having the
best possible time.
Many students also tend to be
fantastically forgetful at the very
moment it comes to paying. The
onset of such sudden amnesia often
manifests itself in an inability to
perform simple arithmetic functions
or indeed remember what
they ordered in the first place. The
result, a small collection of wellthumbed
notes far short of the bill
total and one poor member left
to make up the difference. Seeing
the birthday boy or girl having to
cough up because their cheapskate
‘friends’ have decided to leave
without paying is infuriating and
embarrassing. Then, finally, there
is the issue of the tip or indeed lack
of it.
There aren’t many things that
the Americans can truly claim to
be ahead of us in, however tipping
is one of them. Tipping is not only
expected it’s all but demanded, just
look at the opening scene of Reservoir
Dogs if you’re in any doubt.
The question therefore presents
itself, why don’t students tip?
I’d like to take a brief pause here
to say that anyone reading this and
formulating a retort that includes
the words; “money”, “tight”, “poor”,
“student”, “loan”, “frugal” or in any
other way complains about your
lack of money, stop it right now because
guess what, that’s why I work.
I cannot decide whether the
reason behind this is unawareness
of what is considered polite or a
conscious decision, however, when
compared to the general public the
difference is clear. Obviously if the
service is terrible then don’t leave a
penny and please do complain, but
the vast majority of tables I have
served leave smiling and saying
what a lovely a time they have had,
so why not leave the standard 10%?
Whereas it is a rarity that a table
of non-students won’t leave some
form of gratuity, it is equally rare
for a student table to leave a tip at
all. Is there something I’m missing?
It is little wonder there is so much
anti-student animosity around if
many of us behave in such a way.
Again I would like to reiterate that
many of the students I encounter
are a pleasure to serve, yet a not
inconsiderable number of our fellow
students continue to behave in
a manner that brings scorn upon
us all.

10 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
tfComment
& Debate
Israeli settlements are not the issue
Stephen Beckwith puts forward his views on the
ongoing turbulence of the West Bank
Here Obama goes
again, asking
Israel to extend
a settlement
construction
freeze in the
West Bank for another two months
while demanding nothing from the
Palestinians. Two months seems
an arbitrary number unless you
remember the upcoming November
elections.
It seems that Obama does not
want to have another public confrontation
with the Jewish state,
until after the November elections,
in order not to upset Jewish voters.
Meanwhile, he is trying to temporarily
appease and convince the
Palestinians to stay in the negotiations
until after the elections, when
he will again start pressuring Israel
for even more concessions.
Otherwise, how do you explain
the fact that the US president is
adopting the Palestinian point of
view and recycling a mostly mythical
controversy that settlements
are the major obstacle to negotiations
and peace in the Middle East?
Those who believe this farce never
visited the West bank as I have
done, or they would realise that the
settlements are physically a negligible
issue and a cover-up and excuse
for Arab Palestinian rejectionism.
The claim that settlement activity
is an obstacle to peace because it
will supposedly diminish the territory
of a future Palestinian entity
is baseless. The amount of territory
taken up by the built-up area of all
121 settlements in the West Bank,
with approximately 290,000 residents,
is estimated to be just 1.7%
of the territory. Two thirds of the
settlers reside in five major blocks,
and half of the settlements have 500
or less settlers. Four of the blocks
are very close to the 1949 armistice
line (“Green Line”) and many of
them are suburbs of Jerusalem and
Tel Aviv. Ninety eight percent of the
Palestinian population lives within
roughly 40% of the West Bank, in
six major cities and 450 villages.
Consequently, 60% of the West
Bank is empty of any build-up. You
can drive for a long while in the
West Bank and find no Jewish settlements
or Arab cities, or people.
Moreover, the settlements are a
major source of jobs and income
for the Palestinians.
The argument that settlements
will undermine a future territorial
compromise lost much of it force
after Israel dismantled settlements
in the Sinai in 1982 as part of its
peace treaty with Egypt and unilaterally
withdrew 9,000 Israeli settlers
and dismantled all settlements in
the Gaza Strip in 2005.Moreover,
for the last five years prior to the
10-month construction freeze,
all Israeli governments, including
the present one, have adhered to
the guideline that there would be
no new settlements or physical
expansion of existing ones except
for construction confined to the
boundaries of existing settlements
for “natural growth.”
It has been understood in the last
decade by both Presidents Clinton
and George W. Bush that, in any final
peace treaty, Israel will keep the
major close-in blocs of settlements
and compensate the Palestinians
accordingly with land swaps from
within Israel itself. President Clinton
endorsed this in 2000 at Camp
David and in 2001 at Taba, Egypt.
President Bush endorsed this
principle in a 2004. During the last
decade, the only obstacle to peace
was the Palestinian leadership, who
twice rejected the so-called “twostate
solution”. In fact, whenever
an Israeli government has offered
the Palestinians a sovereign state
with eastern Jerusalem as its capital,
while agreeing to dismantle the majority
of those “hated” settlements
outside the major blocs, Palestinian
leaders rejected the offer and
never even made a counter offer. In
2001 in Taba, Prime Minister Ehud
Barak, in the presence of President
Clinton, offered this to Arafat, who
rejected the offer and started the
second Intifada, a campaign of
terror that resulted in the death of
over 1,000 Israelis.
In December 2008, Prime
Minister Olmert, in the presence
of President Bush, made Palestinian
President Mahmoud Abbas
an unprecedented peace proposal
where the PA would receive an area
equivalent to 100% of the West
Bank, by swapping land inside
Israel, and where Jerusalem would
be divided, but Abbas rejected the
offer and started a campaign of
de-legitimisation against Israel. It
seems the Arab world still has only
a one-state solution for the Middle
East. It is a “final solution” that
eliminates Israel altogether.

E X T R A

12 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
Review
Clybourne Park at The Royal Court
Arts
It is almost a staple rule of the stage
that there is seldom a better way
to be cruel than through comedy.
Speeches and shocks and bald statements
of fact are all well and good,
but when it comes right down to it,
there is really no better way of communicating
unpleasant truths to
an audience than by making them
fervently wish they weren’t laughing.
Just so, in Dominic Cooke’s
bold new production of Bruce Norris’
sharp-tongued assault on racial
intolerance in America, the laughs
come thick and fast, yet always
laced with poison.
Taking place over two acts, the
first set in 1959 and the second in
2009, Norris’ drama is a masterwork
of wry symmetry, confronting
the thorny intersection between
property and race as it applies to
the same Chicago house over a
span of fifty years. The first act,
something of a pantomime though
it appears with its hoop skirts
and sixties slang, reveals a darkly
unforgiving picture of suburban
intolerance, as the white, middleclass
residents of Clybourne Park
react to Russ (Steffan Rhodri) and
Bev (Sophie Thompson) attempting
to sell their desirable two-bed at
a knock-down price, allowing the
very first black family to move into
the neighbourhood. The throughline
of this act is one of savagely
spiralling tension; the façades
of friendship and neighbourly
restraint gradually falling away as
the friction builds towards inevitable
explosion. Martin Freeman’s
bigoted neighbour is a stunning
piece of theatrical subtlety; a headtwitching,
tic-ridden family man
with a barely-controlled rage at perceived
impropriety and an inability
to keep his opinions to himself.
Russ and Bev are desperate to sell
the house to escape the memory of
the suicide of their Korean War Vet
son, yet early shows of neighbourly
sympathy are short-lived and soon
replaced by more heartfelt concerns
that their actions will undermine
property values. Fifty years later, in
the second act, and old wounds are
reopened, though this time it is a
Julia Armfield
white couple who want to demolish
and rebuild the newly-bought
house, much to the chagrin of a
more ethnically diverse modern
community. Echoes of previous
tension abound as the same actors
appear in different roles, trampling
over old ground with all the
same intolerances but none of the
enforced etiquette of years gone by;
proving, often through sheer force
of indelicacy, that there is nowhere
so misleadingly distant as the
recent past.
This play’s real genius lies in its
ability to dispense with euphemism,
often at the expense of what might
be regarded as taste. The second act,
in particular, is a fantastic display
of a breakdown of delicacy; Freeman’s
white house-buyer and Lorna
Brown’s black neighbour trading
racist jokes, whilst Sarah Goldberg’s
shrieking white housewife’s
mindless liberal outrage (together
with the painful assertion that she
has “loads of black friends”) neatly
highlights the hypocrisy as inherent
in smug political correctness as in
outright antagonism. Freeman, in
both acts, is the outspoken herald
of white resentment and, whilst
he is certainly no hero, the stigma
of empty liberalism falls hard on
other characters. Throughout the
first act, even the apparently liberal
Bev cannot help but patronise the
black maid and her husband Albert;
her continued efforts to present
them with utensils she doesn’t need
leading to one of the most powerful
moments of the play, when Albert
(Lucian Msamati) informs her
that they “have their own things”.
Interestingly, for a play about racism,
nothing is black and white.
All ethnicities are shown to be as
capable of hypocrisy and intolerance,
no matter how much the
balance of economic power seems
to have shifted from the first act to
the second.
Cooke’s production is a strikingly
honest piece of wit and sociology,
which leaves little implied or unsaid.
Performances are universally
stellar, with Freeman and Thompson
offering particularly striking
pictures of white anger and white
guilt, whilst Rhodri’s heartbroken
1950s father is particularly compelling,
even if only because he’s the
bloke who pays Dave on Gavin
and Stacey and honestly, that’s
just weird. The power of property
in bringing out resentment
and intolerance is neatly played
upon throughout, with the parallels
between private property and
territory on a much grander scale
strongly highlighting the racial
problems still prevalent in much
of modern society. The production
will move onto a run at the
Wyndham’s Theatre without Freeman
next year (largely, I imagine,
because he’s due to start running
around Middle Earth with a gaggle
of dwarves any day now) and his
loss will be a blow, but this play
must still be viewed as a marvellous
work of comedic honesty and a noholds-barred
attack on hypocrisy in
all forms.
Review: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s
Me and Juliet at the Finborough Theatre
Alexandra Kinman
Arts Editor
Following the huge success of
Rodgers and Hammerstein’s State
Fair at both the Finborough Theatre
and in the West End, Me and Juliet
is the second European premiere
of a Rodgers and Hammerstein
musical to be directed by acclaimed
young music theatre director Thom
Southerland. Paired with a superb
backstage production team, including
one of Royal Holloway’s own as
stage manager, the performance is a
well constructed and easily enjoyed
enactment.
With a heart-puppeteering love
story as the corner stone, Me and
Juliet gathers the audience into
following the flurry of a hectic
‘show within a show’ scheme.
The result is to keep the audience
captive in their need to soothe the
outcomes of several threads to the
plot. Firstly, the ‘show within a
show’ governs the audience’s initial
concerns as we observe the peaks
and troughs of many cock-ups and
falters. Nevertheless, this comedy
is thinly veiled, purposeful errorbased
entertainment which serves
up endless humour. As a result, the
audience’s desire to have their show,
as both the show we have paid to
see and the show which the characters
themselves are rehearsing,
come off is the overwhelming need.
In turn, our hopes are intertwined
with the performance, and our
need for a good ending for both
(and paradoxically the same show)
is intense.
In turn, the love story almost
takes a backseat as the audience
is guided through the hilarious
musical tumult of the characters’
organisation of their musical.
Together with the tongue-in-cheek
satire of ‘showbusiness’, and being
conducted in a very broadwaylike
heavy New York accent, the
audience is constantly reminded of
the play’s inbuilt satirical hilarity.
Many jokes are made at ‘the
business/ the industry’s’ expense,
and having watched this play in a
small ‘pocket-sized’ theatre, I felt
my companions in the spectator’s
seats were in a closely knit selection
who were given permission to scoff
at the ridiculousness of the arts.
Knowing for a fact that the actors
were unpaid only added to this.
Nonetheless, the quintessential
line that the show must go on
reigns true…

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
13
Arts
‘Strictly’ & ‘X Factor’: Revamped and
Rejuvinated?
As another academic year begins,
almost with as much certainty you
can guarantee the annual return of
the country’s most popular reality
TV shows. However, this year,
changes are afoot on both The X
Factor and Strictly Come Dancing.
Vikki Jane Vile
Does this signal some doubt from
producers in their own formats
after both hav‹e experienced plummeting
ratings? Or is the pressure
of the constant revamping from
their screen rivals causing them
both to crack? Having watched the
opening episodes of both these
successes of light entertainment, I
remain unsure ...
For the first time in the broadcasting
of both shows, the seventh
series of X Factor started five weeks
ahead of Strictly Come Dancing,
allowing plenty of time to hook
viewers in before a single sequin
has been sewn on a costume over
on Strictly. So how did Simon Cowell’s
unstoppable machine choose
to abuse this head start? In the only
trashy and tasteless way it knows
how – exploitation. “I know!” you
say, ”Don’t they do that every year?”
Yes, my dear reader, but usually to
their hapless contestants – not their
own judges. And so here we had
on the trailer of the first episode,
footage of a frail-looking Cheryl
Cole bent double over a desk barely
able to explain the obvious that she
thought she was “going down with
something”. That something which
we all know now was the malaria
that bought her close to death. Presumably
the nearest Strictly could
get to this would be Brucie making
his entrance before falling noisily
down the stairs of the set proceeded
by nothing but the eerie silence of
the in-house band and an awkward
smile from Tess Daly as she attempted
to carry on by herself.
With one judge described as
being “hours from death” (Another
classic from the Daily Mail) what
else can the X Factor offer? A selection
of guest judges at each audition
location was one discernable difference
this year, although what right
Pixie Lott has to be judging talent
is just as questionable as why Louis
Walsh is still on the panel after
spawning Jedward.
And what of the contestants? The
people this televised circus is supposedly
for? A call girl on crack, a
Tesco check-out lady, a Cheryl Cole
wannabe, and someone claiming
to be Freddie Mercury’s biggest
fan who then went onto forget the
words to We Are The Champions
make up the illustrious line-up of
this year’s boot camp.
Over on Strictly, things are a
lot more classy but changes are
rife here as well and I’ve yet to be
convinced they are for the better.
The set has been overhauled and
is now identical to its American
equivalent Dancing with the Stars.
Much loved professional dancers
have been dropped, even Brucie
can’t be bothered to turn up for the
results shows anymore AND Alesha
is staying!
Series eight, according to the
press, was meant to be the year
Strictly went A-list. Rumours were
flying of Sharon Osbourne and
Gary Lineker being among the stars
to trip the light fantastic but who
did we end up with? Jimi Misti,
anyone? Pamela Stephenson? ...
Not so A-list, then. To add insult
to injury, they’ve even thrown in
Paul Daniels. Do we like this? Not
a lot ...
After my initial disappointment,
however, it only took for me to see
the opening professional demonstration
in Strictly’s much hyped
launch show to reassure myself that
I am doubtlessly devoted to team
Strictly. Everyone is such a pleasing
shade of orange, the costumes are
exquisite and once transported into
the safe environment of the Strictly
bubble you can be fooled into
thinking all is well with the world,
which is what has been enough to
persuade me that this winter, I’m
sticking with the sequins.

14 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
Music
EXTRA
Music News
Oh Kanye, will a day come when
you cease to be newsworthy? This
week, the awards-crashing egomaniac
has been as busy as ever, not
only releasing another track for his
G.O.O.D Friday series with Keri
Hilson and Pusha T (Clipse) but
also finding time to lend a werewolf-themed
verse to a remix of La
Roux’s ‘In For the Kill’, appearing
in the video for Kid Cudi’s newest
single ‘Erase Me’, announcing
a collaboration album with Jay-Z,
making a surprise appearance along
with GZA (Wu-Tang Clan) at the
Fools Gold expo at Offline Festival
and, last but not least, premiering
his 35 minute short film, ‘Runaway’,
which sees him fall in love
with a phoenix, attend conceptual
banquets and wear very expensive
suits whilst playing tracks from his
upcoming album, ‘My Beautiful
Dark Twisted Fantasy’.
Sometime Kanye-collaborator
Rhymefest has announced his candidacy
for alderman in Chicago’s
20th ward in a move potentially less
ill-considered than Wyclef Jean’s
attempt at running for Haitian
President in the wake of this year’s
earthquake.
Major Lazer (Diplo, Switch) have
announced that their follow-up to
last year’s floor-filling ‘Guns Don’t
Kill People…Lazers Do’ will feature
collaborations from Vampire
Weekend, Santigold, Lee ‘Scratch’
Perry and Lykke Li, who has also
made tracks from her upcoming
album available for download on
her website.
The Beastie Boys have released
the track listing for their upcoming
record ‘Hot Sauce Committee
David Bowman
Music Editor
pt.2’, which was originally intended
to be the follow-up to the now
unreleased ‘Hot Sauce Committee
pt.1’, which was cancelled after
band member Adam Yaunch was
hospitalised, following emergency
surgery for a cancerous tumour.
As reported last week, Daft Punk
will be making a cameo in Disney’s
Tron Legacy and the new trailer for
the film sees them (imaginatively)
playing futuristic robot DJ’s. The
trailer also includes the longest clip
yet from Daft Punk’s Tron soundtrack,
which contains all the jittery
electro sounds you could expect
from a Daft Punk release.
Sufjan Stevens, having recently
released both an EP and LP has
(like the Shins and Big Boi before
him) had a ballet made, which is
choreographed around his second
album, ‘Enjoy Your Rabbit’.
Mark E Smith (The Fall) has
admitted to both verbally and
physically assaulting the purveyors
of questionable folk, Mumford and
Sons, in the following quote from
an interview with Brag magazine:
“We were playing a festival in
Dublin the other week. There was
this other group, like, warming
up in the next sort of chalet, and
they were terrible. I said, ‘Shut
them cunts up!’ And they were still
warming up, so I threw a bottle at
them. The bands said, ‘That’s the
Sons of Mumford’ or something.
‘They’re number five in charts!’ I
just thought they were a load of retarded
Irish folk singers.” Beautiful.
T.I helped talk a man down from
the roof of Hip-Hop radio station
V-103 after the man allegedly
threatened to kill himself. This was
just days before his court date for
his parole violation for having been
caught with ecstasy inside his car.
The strongest singles this week
were from James Blake and Crystal
Castles. Rising minimal electronic
DJ, James Blake, has recorded a
breathtaking cover of Feist’s ‘The
Limit to Your Love’ that sees him
exploit dubstep and negative space
to create a track that in many ways
surpasses the original.
Crystal Castles collaborated with
Robert Smith (The Cure) on a remix
of their epic synth-laden ‘Crystal
Castles II’ track ‘Not In Love’ for
what may well be Crystal Castles’
most accessible track to date.

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
15
Music
Oh!gunquit and
Barringtone at
Tommy’s bar
David Bowman
You could be forgiven for rolling
your eyes at the skinny-jeaned
hipsters who filed their way into
Tommy’s bar on the evening of
October 14th. Some were in tweed,
others in scarves, despite knowing
full well that the cramped
venue would soon be transformed
into that sweaty furnace where
self-respect goes to die amongst
some of the most extreme forms of
(ironically?) terrible dance moves
(many executed by yours truly) that
Holloway has to offer.
But far from desiring to see the
bescarved DJ caught in the needle
of his decks and dragged in an
ever-shrinking spiral towards his
aggressively retro vinyl, he actually
managed to play an excellent set
of 60’s tunes that had the audience
well and truly warmed up for when
Oh!gunquit took to the stage.
Despite the crowd’s earlier
enthusiasm, Oh!gunquit had to
milk every morsel of zeal out of the
now cross-armed mass. However,
if anyone was up to the task, it
was lead singer Wanda Smacksome,
who went to every length
to eventually earn an encore. She
pushed bored-looking crowd members,
she hula-hooped, she walked
around on her knees; hell, she even
climbed onto the PA and was good
enough to flash us a boob. There
was even audience participation
when Smacksome offered up her
hula-hoop and a particularly keen
gig-goer leapt forth, proceeding
gyrate with a conviction that can
only really be understood by those
privileged enough to be in attendance
that night.
Theatrics aside, Oh!gunquit do
make some extremely good and
presence and a male/female vocal
dynamic somewhat reminiscent of
the B-52’s with a surf-rock twist.
Their set may have seemed a little
on the short side but what they
lacked in quantity they most certainly
made up for in quality, with
an unusually tight performance for
such a dynamic show.
The recurring problem with Love
To Make Noise shows is that after
the first set, everyone tends to go
outside to smoke and enthuse about
the band that’s been on, which
meant that when Barringtone came
to the stage, Tommy’s bar was by no
means at capacity. What also didn’t
help was the lack of gig etiquette
displayed by many of those in attendance,
who were happy to talk
the entire way through a set that
was already going to be very much
an uphill battle, following on from
Oh!gunquits’s impeccable performance.
Despite this, they battled on
with an up-tempo and, dare I say,
vibrant set that was only lacking in
as far as a response from the crowd
was concerned, possibly due to
their awkward time signatures that
made it a mission to dance to, or
perhaps simply because the impractically
warm clothing choices had
forced so many people out into the
Photo: Max Cambridge
cool of the smoking area.
Either way, you couldn’t help but
be impressed by the precision of
their performance and feel a little
sorry for them as they informed us
that they were “truly very grateful”
for the lacklustre applause they
were offered as they left the stage.
The next LTMN event at Tommy’s
bar is scheduled for late November/
early December.
Review: Sufjan Stevens
All Delighted People
Sufjan Stevens released ‘All Delighted
People’ without announcement.
With a few months worth of
progress reports the norm from artists
now, this was a distinctly Sufjan
move. One day in August his fans
were blasting ‘Illinois’, wishing for a
proper follow up, and the next, they
had a Simon & Garfunkel-sampling,
nearly hour long, eight track
EP that was packed with everything
you might expect from a Sufjan recording.
The music was dense and
complex, the lyrics haunting and
honest, hitting emotional chords it
feels Sufjan is only capable of. ‘All
Delighted People’ made for a lot of
delighted fans.
Still, the context of the release
would make little sense if it weren’t
Matt Grifferty
for the subsequent release of the
full length ‘The Age of Adz’. With
that LP now understood as a departure
for Stevens, the release of ‘All
Delighted People’ is understandable.
It is the Sufjan his fans have
come to know and love, before his
sonic escape. On ‘From the Mouth
of Gabriel’ he may be asking an
ex-lover to “forget about the past”,
but he could just as well be asking
his fans.
The album serves less as homage
to ‘The Sounds of Silence’, as
his website suggested it would,
than it does to Sufjan’s past work.
Despite the bombastic nature of his
music, you would never call Stevens
indulgent. Everything always seems
to work perfectly. The eponymous
track, its “classic rock version” and
‘Djohariah’ all suffer from being
overlong. The tracks are not
without their merits, certainly ‘All
Delighted People’ is on the whole
brilliant, but their length impedes
revisiting.
The standouts here are ‘Enchanted
Ghost’, ‘Heirloom’ and ‘From
the Mouth of Gabriel’. Deserving
attention is ‘Arnika’, which simmers
brilliantly, swells in moments, but
suffers from its placement on the
track list.
“And if it pleases you to leave
me, just go,” he repeats through
‘Enchanted Ghost’, a track where he
seems to be reminiscing over the
final moments before a break-up.
Between acoustic strumming, a
soft electric guitar and piano that
emerges and echoes loneliness,
he is wounded and pleading, but
ultimately defeated.
‘Heirloom’ may be the shortest
and least complex of the EP, but
these turn out to be strengths as
they allow the lyrics to take centre
stage. While most seem deliberately
vague, they build until he asks,
“So do you think I came to fight?
And do I always think I’m right?”
In what appears to all intents and
purposes a break-up record, Sufjan
never falls to Kanye West standards.
The complexity of his situation
is never sacrificed for theatre.
On ‘Heirloom’, this is admirably
realised.
Sufjan Stevens’ religious belief
appears on occasion in his music,
but ‘From the Mouth of Gabriel’
invokes biblical imagery for reasons
only Sufjan may understand. “You
probably should, but I won’t let
you run away,” he says just too
weakly for you to believe him
capable of such possessive behaviour.
The song seems designed for
misdirection, with faces changing,
attempted suicides and scenes from
the planet Mars. The choral backing
operates perfectly, surrounding and
complimenting Sufjan’s vocal performance.
It is their performance
here (along with Sufjan’s direction),
and on the rest of album, that lend
beauty and weight to an otherwise
sad and quiet affair.
“I’m tired of life,” Sufjan sings
believably in ‘Anrika’. He may be
tired of waiting for someone, but
he still seems to be courting their
understanding. While the song
swells musically at its centre, it is
the conclusion that echoes. Here,
he darkly leaves the door open for
more conflict, saying, “No I’m not
afraid of death or strife or injury,
accidents, they are my friends.”
While other tracks may not have
been mentioned, each certainly
deserves attention. ‘Djorariah’
finishes with five beautiful minutes
written to his suffering sister and
‘All Delighted People’ might be the
best track on the album if it was cut
by three minutes. On the whole, ‘All
Delighted People’ is a flawed but
welcome addition to Stevens’ catalogue.
It deserves attention and one
can only hope it is not forgotten in
the shadow of ‘The Age of Adz’.

16 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
Music
Review: Sufjan Stevens The Age of Adz
Andrew Hutchinson
“It’s been a long long time since I
memorised your face”. Never to me
has an opening line seemed more
fitting.
‘The Age of Adz’ is Sufjan Stevens’
first full length album since
his well-received ‘Illinois’ of 2005,
and it has been a long long time
indeed. Stevens’ fans have had to
make do with a mix of unreleased
material from previous albums,
ninety-two Christmas songs and recent
EP, ‘All Delighted People’, over
the past five years to get their fix.
Much has changed since 2005.
The years passed and Stevens
abandoned his supposed plans
to release an album for all of the
fifty American states, eventually
confessing that the whole “states”
project was a promotional gimmick
he never intended to finish. I for
one was enthralled and excited by
the somewhat unrealistic plans of
a marathon project; to me Sufjan
seemed a man who was writing his
dream-like melodies and orchestral
arrangements in his sleep. How
could I question a man with such
ambitions? The idea of using each
American-state as a platform for
exploring faith, family and location,
with such deep heart-felt lyrics, had
me and many others hooked.
So what did the much-adored,
dorkily sincere Detroit singer tackle
next? The only subject matter you
really could after trying to tackle
America; the apocalypse. Inspired
by the outsider artist Royal Robinson,
whose art adorns the cover,
‘The Age of Adz’ comes across
as a combination of his previous
dabbling in electronica, his 2001
album ‘Enjoy Your Rabbit’, and the
aforementioned ‘Illinois’.
He opens ‘The Age of Adz’ with
‘Futile Devices’, very similar to
the Sufjan fans warmed to in his
previous “State” works. Much of the
same soothing tones and orchestral
arrangements grace the track, causing
me to question what all the fuss
was about and ponder what has
changed. But ending the track with
“words are futile devices” signals
his intentions to move away from
his marathon project, and to strive
to be remembered more for his
music than his ambition.
Track two, ‘Too much’, sets the
tone for the remainder of the
album, stepping away from the
banjo, trumpet and guitar, which
he himself had grown tired of, and
stepping into the realms of experimental
electronica. Whether or not
this will isolate his loyal fanbase,
we’ll see, but it’s certainly a step
away from the masses, taking a bold
move using an array of hip hop
beats, synths and broken glitches.
The rest of the album follows
much in the same vein; a series of
layered electronic beats and his
trademark orchestra, all mixed with
sentimental melodies. Some tracks
work magnificently, with ‘Now that
I’m Older’ and ‘I Walked’ reminding
us all of Stevens ability to create
a melody that captures and emotes
his audience. However, with tracks
‘Bad Communication’ and ‘I Want
to be Well’ it can feel like Sufjan’s
characteristic ability to connect
with his audience is lost; overcomplicating
beats and hiding his vocals
behind one too many electronic
beats and glitch soundscapes.
Lucky Shiner - Gold Panda
Ben Parfitt
It is the summer of 2010. A crowd
gathers in a little tent at a small
weekend festival. The tent resembles
a downscaled version of
a circus marquee – capacity one
hundred or so. The previous act has
just finished and a rather clunky
transition is taking place. The
growing audience wait tentatively
as a laptop is placed on a desk. Out
steps a man; 20-odd in age, slight
build, greasy hair and furry in the
face. He pops the hood of his shiny
Topman jacket over his head and
proclaims: “I am Gold Panda from
Chelmsford, Essex.”
Judgment at that point is reserved,
but as soon as he starts
tapping about, twisting knobs and
pushing sliders, the man garners respect.
The sound generated weaves
in and out, it rises and falls, it chops
and it changes – all to the headbopping
bassline that holds the
rhythm to bring the whole song,
set and crowd together as one. It is
although the hooded head of this
bear from East of London acts as a
metronome, moving back and forth
throughout at the required pace for
the entire set. This is the embodiment
of music.
It’s a tricky job trying to pin Gold
The ending track, ‘Impossible
Soul’, to me epitomises the album,
with moments of brilliance and
connection mixed with baffling effects
and somewhat cluttered background
tracks. When I first caught
ear of the 25 minute crescendo to
this album before actually listening
to the LP, I expected the flutes,
violins, choirs, and a triumphant
sense of
hugeness we’ve come to expect
from Sufjan. In practice, the listener
is left with a series of harrowing
lyrics and breathtaking melodies
(many worthy of a track of their
own), all over near-perfectly
orchestrated tracks, deep bass and
hip-hop beats, topped off with a sequence
of autotune/vocoder effects
Panda down to a genre. The official
NME verdict is that he “lies somewhere
between minimal house,
ethno techno, eclectic turntablism
and spun-silver electronica.” If that
makes the slightest bit of sense then
give yourself well a deserved pat on
the back. Gold Panda’s own claim is
to be part of the ‘Bedroom electro’
crowd.
Those familiar with the work of
Gold Panda, real name Derwin,
will recall ‘Quitters Rag’ as his big
breakthrough single. This album
continues the tradition of mishmashing
sounds drawn from the
East. One must state that Derwin
that would make T-Pain himself
proud.
‘The Age of Adz’ is a bold step
away from the self-created safezone
of Surfjan’s “Fifty Sates”
project, producing his most baffling
and mysterious piece of work yet,
but no matter how many boundaries
of the rock/pop divides are
crossed and how distant his words
seem at times, there’s still his
unique way with a melody sweetly
coating it all.
And once you’ve taken it all
in, this stands alone as more of a
unique piece of art to admire than a
chronicle of all fifty American states
could ever be.
ain’t your stereotypical Essex lad.
After studying at SOAS, he headed
off to tour in the land of the rising
sun. Be it this cultural exploration
or some other influence, this album
has an eclecticism rarely displayed
elsewhere.
It may take a while to get into this
sometimes disorientating collection
of ins and outs, but stick with it and
you shall be duly rewarded. This
really is an album worth the investment
that will have you nodding
away like there’s no tomorrow. If all
else fails, go and see him live for it
is his intimate performances that
bring the music to life.

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
17
Film
Jackson to return to
Bag End once more as
The Hobbit receives
the green light
Review: The
Death and
Life of Charlie
St. Cloud
Jo-Anne East
Corinne Dale
Through the fog of rumours hanging
over the Hobbit films it seems a
ray of light has finally emerged: the
green light has been given for their
production and the man to portray
Bilbo Baggins has been chosen.
More fireworks have exploded
during the planning stages of the
films than Gandalf could ever have
hoped to set off at Bilbo’s one-hundred-and-eleventh
birthday party.
Since the announcement long, long
ago that two films were being made,
Guillermo Del Toro has left his role
as director, major issues have been
raised and settled with MGM, and
disputes with Equity - the actors’
union - have erupted. All in all, the
journey to make The Hobbit has
been just as perilous as Bilbo’s own
journey to find the treasure under
the mountain.
But now, at long last, producers
have announced that filming will
begin in February and that British
actor Martin Freeman will be donning
the hairy hobbit feet. Freeman
is an excellent choice for the role.
Ironically, I had already drafted
an article for The Founder on the
green-lighting of the Hobbit movies,
expressing excitement at the
prospect of the Sherlock star playing
our curly-haired hero, whilst
acknowledging nail-biting concerns
about scheduling clashes. Thus,
despite the prospect of re-drafting,
tidings of Freeman’s participation
in the project made me more
chuffed than Sam Gamgee finding a
Snickers in his pocket.
Many big names were bandied
around the fan-bases when casting
rumours were rife – Tobey Maguire
and James McAvoy were popular
ones – but, as recent reports have
revealed, Freeman was always Peter
Jackson’s first choice. “There has
only ever been one Bilbo Baggins
for us,” the director said in a recent
statement. Having been impressed
by Freeman’s portrayal of Dr. Watson,
where he gave a bygone hero
a compelling mixture of humour
and warmth, I really can’t imagine
anyone better suited to the role. He
certainly has the Bilbo look: I can
see his hobbit-esque face framed by
a wavy wig already. As a character,
Bilbo is a funny old stick, sometimes
irritable, often bumbling and
flappable, yet resourceful and, on
the whole, quite brave: Freeman,
I don’t doubt, will balance the humorous
and serious aspects of his
nature very well, and may even give
our hero a slightly modern edge.
It is widely accepted (those as yet
officially unconfirmed) that both
Sir Ian McKellen and Andy Serkis
will return as Gandalf and Gollum
respectively and I look forward to
seeing what sort of chemistry will
be created between the two actors
and Freeman himself. Several of the
dwarfs have also been cast, most
prominently Richard Armitage
(BBC’s Robin Hood) as their leader
Thorin Oakenshield.
However, with no women featuring
at all in Tolkien’s fantasy epic,
it will be interesting to see whether
any significant female roles will be
written in and, if so, who will play
them. There has been no indication
yet but, considering the (relatively)
substantial roles Arwen and
Galadriel played in The Lord of the
Rings trilogy, it will not be surprising
if a glamorous elf floats into The
Hobbit films somewhere. Time to
start another rumour…
Romantic, emotional and beautiful,
the film looked perfect. There was
only one problem: Zac Efron. Not
the kind of star name that sells the
promise of a seriously crafted, moving
film. Named the ‘poster boy for
tweenyboppers’ by Rolling Stone,
Zac Efron is the epitome of teenage
dreams, singing his way through
high school and into the hearts of
little girls worldwide. His soul ensnared
in the Disney Channel from
a young age, Efron is the all-singing
all-annoying cliché of a young girl’s
fantasy. His hope of redemption
in the 2009 flick 17 Again was met
with the desperate giddy screams
of his pre-teen fangirls as he came
on screen, while the more serious
Me and Orson Wells pushed the
boundaries between intriguing and
painfully tedious. Expectations for
The Death and Life of Charlie St.
Cloud were, therefore, admittedly
limited. Armed with galaxy minstrels
and a trusty pack of kleenex,
the girls and I were proven perfectly
wrong. Mr. Efron has grown up.
Tears were quickly glistening as a
blaze of headlights, a shattering of
glass and an impenetrable darkness
tore across the screen, stealing the
precious little brother of Charlie St.
Cloud. The twenty-three year old
ex-‘Wildcat’ delivers a surprisingly
passionate performance, convincingly
retelling the story of a boy lost
and thrown into the perils of love,
sacrificing his dreams to fulfill an
impossible promise. His performance
is sophisticated and mature,
as he handles a character torn
between the illusions of life and
death, often leaving the audience in
question of which is the reality, and
which is the dream. And he doesn’t
sing! Instead, Efron delves deeply
into the emotional and psychological
torment of losing one that
is close to you, battling with the
****
agonies of guilt and the despair of
lost chances.
The film itself is beautifully shot,
as life and death are played out
against candlelit graveyards and
sunset-filled seas. From dancing
with the shadows of death in the
moonlight to rushing along the
torrent rivers of a raging thunder
storm, the film is indeed visually
very pleasing. Inescapably romantic,
as well as heartbreaking, the
narrative is a spiral of emotions.
Within all the death and sorrow, the
film offers beauty and hope. After
all, as we are constantly reminded
throughout, there is no such a thing
as a lost cause. However, the entrancing
story was unable to escape
the fault of predictability.
With his divine forget-me-not
blue eyes that fill with pain, Efron
shines in the responsible role of
Charlie, despite the stiff competition
that he faces from the sparkling
performance given by his
undeniably adorable twelve year old
co-star, Charlie Tahan. Efron convincingly
delivers the strong bond
that he shares with his brother,
successfully conveying that their
love will stand the test of time, even
if the film does not. As Charlie heroically
races to the rescue, diving
beneath the troubled waves, every
girl in the cinema will fall (willingly
or not) under his inescapable
charms.
Tall, golden and handsome, in
The Death and Life of Charlie St.
Cloud Zac has finally thrown off
the sickening high school cliché
image to become a dashing young
man with the ability to act seriously,
and at last show off his talent.
So perhaps, ladies, it has finally
become acceptable for a twenty
year old to swoon hopelessly at
the mercy of Zac Efron. Do take
tissues.
Please recycle this newspaper when you are finished
Recycling bins are located at:
Arts Building, The Hub, Gowar and Wedderburn Halls,
Tommy’s

18 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
Film
Review: The
Social Network
At the age of sixteen, a young man
named Hugh Hefner was rejected
after pursuing a crush. That young
man “made up for it” by starting
Playboy Magazine, a crucial component
of the sexual revolution of
the 60s that ultimately changed the
face of gender and sexuality in the
western world forever, with both
admirable and tragic consequences.
All because one young man wanted
a lover. In 2003, a young man
named Mark Zuckerberg was also
rejected; this led to the creation of
the social networking site we now
know as Facebook. A wonderful
website that enables people from
Nathaniel Horne
****
all over the world to form connections
with each other, many would
argue that Facebook has led to the
formation of important relationships,
an advanced development of
the human brain and even several
deaths. All because one young man
wanted a friend.
The Social Network tells the
parallel story of how Zuckerberg
(Jesse Eisenberg) established the
website, along with the drama of
how his friends and fellow students
sued him for stealing their idea. At
first glance this story doesn’t sound
all that compelling but thanks to
the brilliant script by Aaron Sorkin,
The Social Network becomes what
is by far the most compelling film
of the year. Sorkin writes Zuckerberg’s
story as a kind of epic
tragedy, emphasising the themes
of friendship, betrayal and power.
The film has a lot of snappy, funny
and genuinely clever dialogue that
always complements both the story
and the characters.
Whilst Sorkin probably deserves
most of the credit, director David
Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en) does
a fantastic job too. He presents the
halls of Harvard University as a delightfully
dark catalyst to the hopes
and ambitions of the students.
Aside from one self-indulgent set
piece at the Henley Royal Regatta,
Fincher appears to sit back and allow
the actors and their dialogue to
create the drama.
The actors themselves are all
revelations in this film. Jesse Eisenberg
should certainly shake off
that ‘Michael Cera 2’ tag after his
work here. He manages to nail all
of Zuckerberg’s mannerisms while
still managing to create a nuanced
and very moving character. As
cocky Napster creator Sean Parker,
Justin Timberlake gives the kind
of spot-on turn that will probably
enable him to move further into
establishing himself as an actor, and
Armie Hammer is most amusing
playing both the Winklevoss twins,
who claim that Facebook was their
idea. The best performance comes
from Andrew Garfield as Zuckerberg’s
best friend (and later worst
enemy) Eduardo. Garfield has been
a regular in the industry for a few
years now but his bravura performance
here singles him out as a real
acting talent and one to watch for
the future (he is replacing Tobey
Maguire for the next Spiderman
movie due for release in 2012).
The film starts with the rejection
scene, after which Zuckerberg goes
back to his room to create ‘facemash.com’,
a website that collects
photos of girls from the University
and enables the males to vote for
which one is hotter. Such silliness
has caused the film to come under
criticism for being sexist, and whilst
it is true that none of the female
characters in this movie are well developed,
it all seems relevant to the
ideas the film wants to communicate.
The Social Network illustrates
how the bitterness within these
men has helped lead them to the
billionaire status they have today.
Sean Parker raises Zuckerberg as a
kind of apprentice, reminding him
over a drink (with Victoria’s Secret
models at his side) that they aren’t
to be treated like kids anymore, because
it’s these kids that are running
the world we live in from behind
their laptops.
The Social Network is the kind
of film you should see not only
because it is ‘relevant’, but because it
is a well crafted piece of cinema all
round. It has already generated $85
million for its producers, produced
performances from which its stars
can build glittering careers, and
even caused me to consider deleting
my own profile. The Social
Network will surely become known
as the definitive film of the Internet
Generation and just may go on to
be known as the classic movie of
this age. You can bet it will receive
some Oscar attention come January
too. All because one young man
wanted a friend...
Review: RED
Hannah Riekemann
My friends will regularly attest
that I am an annoying person to
watch a film with. Scratch that. I am
probably the most annoying person
to watch anything with because I
suffer from a horrible tendency to
fidget after only a few moments,
and when I say fidget, I do mean
the full works. It means that I can
only get the most hardcore film fans
(and some very good friends) to
watch a film with me. On this occasion,
I had to resort to some heavy
bribery to get my sister and father
to tag along to the latest Hollywood
offering and put up with a couple
hours of my moving and shifting
about.
As per the usual formulaic Hollywood
smorgasbord, we have the
boy (or in this case, very older
man) meets girl, he happens to be
an ex former Black ops CIA agent,
she works in a call centre, he has a
hit squad after him, she tags along
(he does kidnap her to be fair),
they get the old gang together and
lead the fight against the bad guys.
Throw in a few big smooches,
several big booms and a lot of guns
and you have the plot of RED (or
Retired: Extremely Dangerous).
***
Bruce Willis must have it written
into his contract that in every film
he is in, he has to be the one to get
the girl. In this case Mary Louise
Parker, which is a cute coupling
but in a very odd and somewhat
uncomfortable sense. It seems to
be less about the relationship and
more about Brucie proving that he
is still a testosterone-laden macho
man. Add to the mix for the final
hurrah, Morgan Freeman as the
team’s analyst, Helen Mirren as an
ex MI6 agent, John Malkovich as the
acid head, alongside Brian Cox and
Karl Urban, and you have an actor
for every single member of the
audience. There is a camaraderie
between them that just hints at the
level of fun they had making the
film.
And yet...I don’t know. Don’t get
me wrong. They are intensely gripping
and insanely good actors, from
their quick one liners to the tension
in their relationships; maybe they’re
just having too much fun came at
the cost of development of their
characters. Even Helen Mirren
acting all sophisticated wielding a
sniper rifle lacks the je ne sais quoi.
Robert Schwenke is a good director
and understands the individual
characteristics of each of the actors
but maybe lets them get away with
being themselves for too long,
and it ends up feeling like a bit of
a lost opportunity. The cast seems
to be the string holding this film
together and the big flashy bangs
and gun battles are too frequent
and monotonous to be of interest.
There are moments of side-splitting
humour, but however good the
comedy, the sheer amount of running
about (funny in itself given
the amount of geriatrics on board)
does mean that locations are blitzed
through at a rather alarming rate.
In fact, the only reason the audience
does know where the action is
taking place is through visual clues
and the place names appearing in
rather large letters. RED should
have focused more on the comedy
than trying to be something it isn’t.
Regardless of these flaws, however,
what shines through in the film’s
apparent ethos that life doesn’t end
at 50. Sure, it isn’t a particularly
intelligent sort of film, but it is
incredibly enjoyable. My father was
thrilled that he could potentially be
one of the ‘gerries’ running around
and being James Bond. You do feel
that this is almost a film for the
older generation, especially those
males going through the midlife
crisis. Yet in spite of this, I enjoyed
myself. And strangely enough, I
didn’t fidget at all.

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
E X T R A
19
Film
Review: Easy A
Every few years there is a new
adolescent generation experiencing
its own journey through cinema.
The current female adolescents,
groomed in their tween years by
Hannah Montana, are now besotted
with Robert Patterson in that
sparkly-vampire-saga-thing or that
speccy goody two shoes wizard.
But with each generational change
comes a defining teen comedy: Fast
Times at Ridgemount High; Clueless;
10 Things I hate About You.
Easy A attempts to fill this quota,
and doesn’t do too bad a job of it.
Much like Tina Fey’s Mean Girls,
Easy A strives to be the teen
comedy with a difference. And like
the aforementioned bitch-fest it
triumphs through its sharp writing
and characterisation. There
isn’t such a cartoonish feel to the
characters here. The teen hallmarks
are there, but they are more
humanised or merely referenced
to in passing: the obligatory gaybest-friend
is more or less a plot
device, the adults present are flawed
and unbelievable, even the main
protagonist is neither ‘the new girl’
nor popular or unpopular, more a
quiet yet confident girl not taken in
by the broad strokes of the classroom
‘jock or geek’ politics. A cute
little nod to the John Hughes school
of teen drama doesn’t prove it as
particularly different or self aware,
but rather places it amongst those
very same thoughtful 80s teen
dramas, and will hopefully turn its
target audience on to discover the
aforementioned Hughesian gems.
Unfortunately, the film is so conscious
of being a self-reflective teen
movie that it never quite accepts
its true place as a well-balanced
and sweet personal drama about
the contradictory affair of sex and
growing up.
The honest and identifiable story is
tf Features
Sam Gridley
***
ultimately carried by the charming
performance of its central actress.
Ultimately, this is the Emma Stone
show, but for all the right reasons.
She is given free reign to exploit
all the qualities she has under her
belt: funny, likeable, attractive and
yet smart. She also holds great
versatility, showing that, unlike a
male equivalent like Michael Cera,
Stone could be perfectly comfortable
in a straight drama. A one trick
pony she is not. This is surely partly
owed to the current ‘Apatow’ age
of American comedy, with a meld
of Farrelly Brothers and Woody
Allen that allows for intelligence
and hilarity to come hand in hand,
and Stone is an exemplary alumnus
of this philosophy. Stone is also
surrounded by an impressive supporting
cast. Patricia Clarkson and
Stanley Tucci are the immensely
funny and endearing parents,
a change to the usual ‘kind, yet
blissfully unaware’ parents of other
teen-com fare. Thomas Haden
Church, as nuanced as ever, plays
the cool and grounded teacher.
However, Amanda Bynes, although
adequate, is let down by the nature
of her character: an über Jesuslover
with a dedication to teen
abstinence, the kind of character
we’ve all seen before. Subsequently,
the film cannot decide whether
the fundamentalist Christian teens
are a comment on the concerning
growth of right wing evangelism in
young Americans or simply an easy
target for jokes.
Easy A hits all the teen-com notes
while still remaining fresh. If only it
would realise it had higher aspirations
that it could quite easily have
reached. It won’t prove much for a
post-cinema pint discussion, but it
will leave you salivating for more
Emma Stone performances.
Seen a film so bad that it makes you want to eat
your own face recently?
Before you swallow, contact our film editor at:
film@thefounder.co.uk
Review: Legend of
the Guardians: The
Owls of Ga’Hoole
Alexander Hyde
***
You can’t beat a good epic fantasy
adventure, with a plucky young
hero, amusing sidekicks, inspiring
mentors and chilling villains
- especially if they’re all talking
animals. And especially if they’re
voiced by a light selection of acting
elite. Legend of the Guardians fits
this formula to the last detail, but
unfortunately I suspect it wouldn’t
take a lot to be beaten. An epic fantasy
adventure set in a (suspiciously
Antipodean) kingdom of owls and
their anthropomorphic brethren,
the film plays all the usual cards
in the hope of a hit, producing a
mediocre effort at best.
Plucky owlet Soren (voiced by
Jim Sturgess) is catapulted onto a
daring crusade when he and his
brother are snatched from their
home and taken to what essentially
is a brainwashing labour camp
run by what amount to Nazi owls.
While his less-than-likable brother
is indoctrinated into the bizarre
cult, Soren is inspired to seek out
the Guardians of Ga’Hoole and thus
rescue all his friends. Along the
way he gathers a raggedy bunch of
misfits and learns how to master
all the skills necessary to finally
face his wayward bro. It’s a paintby-numbers
plot, with even more
factory-made characters, but it’s not
all entirely bad eggs. We’re flying on
dark skies here, with some scenes
bordering on the genuinely disturbing.
Herein we find one of the film’s
problems: who exactly is it aimed
at? It’s not stimulating enough for
adult audiences but a little too scary
for younger viewers. The result is
more than a little confusing.
There is some compensation,
however. Every frame is resplendent
in glorious animation; each
feather remains distinct on our
flying heroes as they soar through
a variety of fantastical landscapes,
from rocky canyons to writhing
waves. The only thing preventing it
from being entirely breathtaking is
the fact it’s all been seen before. Vocal
talent is top notch though, with
the likes of Geoffrey Rush, Sam
Neill and Miriam Margoyles pulling
out compelling ‘eeks’ and ‘aahs’. Kudos
to the studio for predominantly
casting a host of Australian talent
– it made a refreshing change to the
usual line-up of voice-over stars.
Having said that, if you want to cast
a good villain make them a Brit,
and Helen Mirren certainly carries
the imperial baton well as the steely
queen of the ‘Pure Ones’. There
seemed real potential for moving
performances, though any hope
of achieving it was scuppered by
the fact we were watching a drama
about a bunch of owls.
This brings up the second big
problem with the film. Based on
a series of books it may be, but
beyond this there seems to be no
genuine, concrete reason the protagonists
should be owls and not
flying humans, or any other species
for that matter. Orwell proved
that anthropomorphism can tell a
powerful story that resonates in our
reality as strong as it does in the
fiction and since then several films
have proved this to be true at various
levels. Fox and the Hound is as
stirring a tale of friendship as there
is; Disney’s version of Robin Hood
removes the menace of the Prince
of Thieves by transposing the action
to a charming world of foxes,
bears and rabbits. Every time there
is a definite reason. Here though
the allegory is thin and in a situation
where the owls wear armour,
fight with swords and even record
their own history, it seems to me
something wholly more satisfactory
could have been achieved by simply
making them human beings.
It’s very difficult to dislike anything
particular about the film and
overall it’s an inoffensive exercise
that, a few plot holes aside, is fairly
enjoyable but never once truly
excites. It’s visually pleasing but it
doesn’t stun. It’s emotional but it
doesn’t stir. It’s entertaining but it
doesn’t change your world. That
being said, with half a dozen more
entries in the book series there
is plenty of material for a sequel
and if enough money is made I’m
sure we’ll be seeing the guardians
fly again sometime soon. Let’s just
hope that this time they iron out
the creases and then maybe the result
will be something that properly
captures the imagination.

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
21
tf
Editor’s Feature
Imprisoned for a crime that
she did not commit
because it is not a crime...
The Founder editor Tom Shore explores a little-reported story
about the controversial nature of home-births in Hungary
and the unbelievable way that midwifes can be treated by the
authorities.
She was then held
for a further week
without charge before
she appeared in an
open court. When she
did appear, she was
shackled in leg chains
and handcuffs
On 5th October, a mother in a
house in Hungary undergoing an
ordinary medical examination
went into labour. Midwife Agnes
Gereb, 58, was contacted by phone
and asked to come to the mother’s
aid and deliver the child. The birth
outside of hospital was unplanned.
Ms Gereb is a highly experienced
obstetrician, gynaecologist, midwife
and is the founder of a birthing
centre. She has completed deliveries
for 3,500 babies at home.
Within a half hour of the mother
going into labour, an ambulance
was at her door, but with an additional
entourage of police officers
who took Ms Gereb into custody.
The mother was taken into hospital
where her newborn baby was
delivered safely and both were well
cared for.
Ms Gereb was taken to Budapest
Prison and at 10pm that same
night, after being interrogated
intensely, put in front of a closed
court.
She was then held for a further
week without charge before she appeared
in an open court. When she
did appear, she was shackled in leg
chains and handcuffs which caused
a bleeding wound, visible in court,
because they were incorrectly fitted
and too tight. This wound was later
treated and in the next trial, she
was not held in chains.
Ms Gereb stood accused of negligent
malpractice and one charge of
manslaughter relating to an earlier
birth after what has been said to be
a difficult labour.
Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s
Woman’s Hour, Tomas Fazekas, one
of Ms Gereb’s lawyers, explained
that ‘Hungary doesn’t have any
regulations on this issue so there
is no law concerning planned
homebirths. It’s not automatically a
crime.’
Campaigners say that authorities
in Hungary are trying to criminalise
home births and to make
hospital births compulsory. Ms
Gereb herself has been an active
campaigner for a mother’s right to
have her baby delivered at home for
30 years.
Ms Gereb faces a five year sentence,
and after her trial, was held
under maximum security conditions
When asked why Ms Gereb was
facing criminal charges, Mr Fazekas
replied ‘It is not clear to me so I am
very sad to say that this is not clarified
by the police so of course they
have given her charges, but with the
charges they have not shown any
kind of evidence.‘
The Hungarian constitution
technically allows mothers to give
birth in their own home but at the
same time it states that the practical
conditions required to ensure a
safe home birth do not exist. This
latter clause is on the authority of
the ANTSZ, the Hungarian health
authority who refuse to sign over
licences to independent midwives.
‘Technically it is no more difficult
than it is anywhere else in the world
or in Europe [to deliver a baby at
home], but the regulations are not
clear,’ Mr Fazekas adds, ‘there is no
low-end regulation on this despite
the fact that there is an EU directive
on it.’
When asked how he was planning
to defend Ms Gereb, Mr Fazekas
replied that he was interested
in the evidence that the police
currently hold ‘because we have not
been shown any sign of evidence
despite the fact that she is being
held in pre-trial detention. We
have asked to be shown everything:
forensic experts’ opinions, police
reports... anything,’ he said. But Mr
Fazekas’ team have been shown
nothing.
The authorities have stepped up
their efforts to crack down on home
births in the last five years. It is
estimated that there are 15 midwives
who will assist home births. 5
of these are currently facing lengthy
sentences in jail.
There are some claims of conspiracy
in the country and that power
and money lie behind the authority’s
insistence on hospital births.
Donal Kerry, spokesman for the
Hungarian Homebirth Community
has claimed that, despite Hungary’s
apparently free healthcare system,
parents expect to pay up to a
month’s salary to the doctor present
at the birth for each child. Doctors
are legally obliged to attend births.
Obstetric care in Hungary is of an
excellent standard, but campaigners
say that the problem is that the
procedures are doctor-centric and
highly interventionist. Inductions
and episiotomies and standard
procedure.
Ms Gereb is facing additional
criminal charges for two births
where postpartum haemorrhage
was too great, one death of an
infant due to shoulder dystocia and
one death of a twin who suffered
a lack of oxygen during their birth
and died seven months later.
The mothers and newborns in
the postpartum haemorrhage cases
were all discharged from hospital
within hours and only the parents
of the child in the shoulder dystocia
case are pressing charges. The
parents of all other cases have expressed
their support for Ms Gereb.
Mr Fazekas, who represents Ms
Gereb on behalf of a team from the
Hungarian civil liberties union also
revealed that she is confined to her
four-woman cell for 23 hours of
each day and is subjected to strip
searches. She is only allowed to see
her family once a month though
and they have not been granted
permission to see each other since
her arrest, but is allowed a tenminute
phone call once each week.
The day after Gereb was arrested,
over 600 people protested outside
the remand prison in Budapest.
Two days later, they created a
human chain from the municipal
court to the national parliament
2,000 people long.
The Hungarian constitutional
court and the European court of
human rights have been lobbied by
campaigners to draw up necessary
regulations as soon as possible.
TS.

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The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
23
New Student Help Desk
Support and Advisory Services have opened a new help Desk within the Founder’s building to act as a first port of call for any student welfare related
issues you may need help or advice on. If we can’t answer your query we can sign post you to the relevant sub-section of Support & Advisory
Services for more specialised advice. The S&AS sections are Chaplaincy & Faith Support, Community Liaison & Support, Educational Support,
Residential Support, International Student Support, Student Counselling, Student Finance and Funding advice who are all based in Founder’s
West, the Health Centre located on the 1st floor of Founder’s East and the Careers Service who are in the Horton building. The Help Desk is also
being used as the sales point for tickets for Halls of Residence Social events such as the forthcoming Christmas parties. You can also pick up one
of our wide range of leaflets and publications or a free personal safety alarm and hand in application forms, time sheets or similar if the office you
need is temporarily closed.
The Help Desk is manned between 10am and 4pm during term time and is located on the Founder’s West 1st floor corridor next to the Fee Payment
Centre.
You can also email us at SupportAndAdvisory@rhul.ac.uk or telephone on 01784 443394 / 443955.
‘Novel’ idea taken to schools to
encourage budding young authors
aving already successfully
showcased their
innovative experiment in
accelerated, collaborative
fiction writing – creating
60,000 word novels in
under a week – Dr Joseph
Reddington and Dr
Douglas Cowie of Royal
Holloway, University of
London will be offering
school children the opportunity
to take part in
their ‘TooManyCooks’ project,
due to a grant from
the College’s Outreach
Fund.
The project has already
seen a team of nine
undergraduate students
collectively produce two
novels in summer 2009,
with The Shadow Hours
and The Delivery written in
seven and five and half days
respectively.
The concept of ‘TooMany-
Cooks’ is to speed the workflow
for writing fiction novels
to unprecedented levels
by using a procedure based
on techniques currently used
in designing computer
software. Innovative software
helps the writing team
to see how the structure of
their novel is progressing
and whether they are being
successful in achieving a
consistent writing style.
The project employs cutting-edge
linguistic analysis
research developed by
Royal Holloway’s Computer-
Supported Narrative and
Semantics Group, which as
been featured in ‘Nature’.
Dr Reddington says, “The
first time we ran the project
we were just interested to
know if it was even possible.
It was only during the process
that we could see how
much valuable development
the students were getting
from it. The benefits were
not just in terms of the pure
writing that such an intensive
environment would be
expected to improve, but
also in areas such as teamwork,
feedback, productivity
– ‘soft’ skills that many claim
universities do not develop
sufficiently in their students.”
In addition, the students
benefited enormously from
seeing the full workflow of
a novel from the inception
and development of highlevel
structure to proofing
and choosing a cover illustration.
This view was backed-up
during the 2010 Royal Holloway
graduation ceremonies
when the academic members
of ’TooManyCooks’ won
the College’s team teaching
prize for their contribution
to student development.
Now, thanks to a grant
from the university’s outreach
fund, a new gen-
eration of students from
sixth form colleges and
schools will be able to
give the project a try, and
produce their own works
of fiction. The younger
students will have a
slightly cut-down version
of the project and will cooperate
to write a 40,000
word novel in five days
During this process
they will get a chance
to interface the cuttingedge
linguistic analysis
techniques developed at
Royal Holloway, and will
receive detailed feedback
on their writing ability,
style, teamwork, and editing.

24 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
Features
How to Survive on a Student
Budget
Felicity King after an epiphany, looks at how to save crucial pounds on a
tight student budget
Last week, I found myself scanning
the pavements of Windsor for a 20p
piece. I wasn’t doing it for fun. Obviously.
Scanning the pavement for
20p is hardly fun – it’s actually quite
embarrassing. I was doing it because
I didn’t have enough money
to buy a postcard. I don’t know if
any of you have ever scanned the
pavements of Windsor for 20p. I
wouldn’t advise it. You tend to walk
into things a lot, and considering
that Windsor is where the Queen
lives, there really isn’t very much
loose change lying around. I gained
nothing but a bruised head, and
returned home postcard-less and
pissed off.
I suppose you could call my 20pscanning-experience
an epiphany.
I realised I was skint. I don’t mean
‘skint’ as in ‘I don’t want to lend
you a few quid to get some pizza
because I don’t really like you’. I
don’t mean ‘skint’ as in ‘darn it, I’ll
have to buy my unicorn with gold
plated bridle next month because
I’m a few thousand short’. I mean
‘skint’ as in ‘I’m going to totally
humiliate myself by scanning the
streets of Windsor for 20p because
I can’t even afford a postcard’. Skint
skint, that is. In fact, I did some
very complicated long division and
worked out that I had only 30p a
day to live on. After screaming,
there are only two things a girl can
do in this situation – it was a choice
between prostitution or ringing
the parents. Thankfully, I had my
Checking the bank balance can be a terrifying ordeal
phone.
Now, there are many occasions
in this life on which you will curse
yourself for being bad at maths; it
becomes quite an issue, for example,
when taking a maths exam.
Today, however, was not one of
those occasions. I was thrilled to
learn from my parents that I was
an absolute failure at maths, and
in fact had more like £18 a week at
my disposal. This was definitely an
improvement, but it would hardly
fund tea at the Ritz. I realised I
needed to start saving.
It is interesting to note the sort
of changes we go through when we
realise we haven’t got any money.
Eating, for example starts to become
a mildly irritating biological
flaw. We start to realise how much
easier it would be if we didn’t need
regular food – money could then
be spent on more important things,
like alcohol or clothes. The best way
of dealing with this is to learn to
distinguish between what you want
and what you need. For example,
the cute dog umbrella in Tesco
is probably not necessary to you
being alive, despite the fact that it
looks cute. Before buying such an
item, ask yourself: do you even have
a dog? And does it really need an
umbrella? Even if you answer yes to
both those questions, is a period in
your life in which you’re living off
£18 a week really the best time to
buy it? In order to defeat this temptation,
make a shopping list before
you go, and stick to it. Otherwise
you’ll end up like me: the cateredfor
vegetarian with nothing but a
microwave at her disposal, who
ended up buying a ready-to-roast
chicken with accompanying vegetables
just because it had 50% off and
came with a really cool free pen.
The next threat to your bank
balance is going out. I’m not going
to suggest the best money-saving
technique, which is of course, not
going out at all, because it’s a stupid
idea. But when you do go out, apply
the same principle: what do you
need when going out and what
do you just want? Fun as it is, you
do not need to buy yourself, your
mates, and everybody else in the
club – who, in your drunkenness,
you have claimed as your new best
friends – lots of drinks. Similarly,
once you stagger out of the club,
you do not need to buy chips – it’s
just another two or three pounds
you will never get back. Except possibly
in weight, if you do this too
regularly.
Another effective money-saving
scheme is to have themed nights
out. Instead of the usual ‘ridiculously
overpriced outfit that I can
only wear once’ theme, which
requires you buying a new ridiculously
overpriced outfit that you
can only wear once every week, try
such themes as the trampy ‘I can’t
afford to wash my clothes’ theme,
the ‘this is what I wore last week’
theme, the ‘this is what my friend
wore last week’ theme, and finally,
if you’re really desperate, the ‘stark
naked’ theme. This last one is doubly
cheap because most clubs won’t
let you in dressed in such attire and
therefore, you save money on the
entry fee because, well, you never
get to enter.
Basically, learn to distinguish between
what you want and what you
need and act accordingly. If your
acting accordingly involves you
buying only what you want, and
not the boring stuff you probably
need, then that’s fine too. Just don’t
die of starvation, alcohol poisoning
or from the fact that your
room hasn’t been cleaned since the
French Revolution simply because
you can’t be bothered to buy a mop.
Above all, remember that if you
can’t eat it, clean with it or drown
your sorrows in it, it is probably
not worth buying – however cute it
may look on the dog.

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
25
Features
Experiments
with retro
technology
Kate Brook
Features Editor
At a certain point in the worryingly
recent past, my fashion sense
ceased its journey through a series
of short-lived phases that had previously
led me to consider the Sum
41 hoodie, the hot pink cords, the
tie-dye maxi-skirt and other similar
horrors to be uncontested wardrobe
staples and therefore suitable for
wearing in public. After that point,
my taste became more refined. I
started to appreciate old things. I
developed a penchant for rummaging
in flea markets and antiques
shops; I lusted after silk shirts and
pearl earrings, pencil skirts and
old-fashioned suitcases. Above all, I
lusted after an old bike. I longed to
sit atop a leather saddle, belongings
tossed into a wicker basket protruding
from charmingly curved
handlebars, and I began to harbour
a fantasy in which I pedalled down
the uneven streets of an anonymous
but picturesque town on a gleaming
Pashley Princess, dressed in a
decadent ensemble involving red
lipstick, a high waistline and a patent
snap-clasp handbag.
A naïve attempt to realise this
fantasy ended in me making a
whimsical Ebay purchase one day
last year. Before I knew it, I was in
possession of my very own 1960s
3-speed Triumph bicycle which,
though burdened with a number
of less-than-desirable retro features
including absent-minded brakes
and a chronic rust problem, melted
my tender little heart. Oh, but
she was beautiful – battered, but
exquisite. I was enchanted. After a
test run or five, I armed myself with
some wire wool and a can of WD40
and set about restoring her to her
former glory. I was forced to accept
the impossibility of this task after
several days and approximately
thirty-seven old toothbrushes, but
my enthusiasm was nonetheless not
to be dampened, and I remained
hopelessly in love.
Regular use, however, soon began
to put our relationship under strain.
My daily route took me through the
tired council estates and uninspiring
alleys of Englefield Green – a
far cry from the shady boulevards
and cobbled back streets I considered
to be this bike’s natural
home. Out of context, she seemed
pretentious and showy, a sad misfit
among the BMX monstrosities and
skinny racing bikes that frequently
overtook us. Nor was the general
ensemble quite so romantic as I had
previously envisaged. No kid gloves
ever graced my darling’s handlebars;
no silk scarves ever fluttered
in her wake. The leather on the
saddle was forlorn and peeling,
and the role of wicker basket was
filled, I am sad to say, by a practical
but somewhat less fetching green
rucksack.
Then there was the Sturmey
Archer gear box, which offered but
three choices: easy, medium and
hard. Easy sent the pedals spinning
so fast that my legs blurred out
of all recognition. Medium made
for a pleasant ride until the road
sloped upwards by more than three
degrees, and hard was like trying to
pedal five bikes at once. In the end,
I concluded that walking would be
easier on both parties, and my poor
dear bicycle was consigned – momentarily,
I promised myself – to
the garden shed.
But my experiments with retro
technology were far from over. My
next acquisition was a 30-year old
film camera – nothing fancy, you
understand, but still pretty enough
to double most conveniently as
a fashion accessory. Whenever I
lifted it to my eye, I was struck by
its simple charm. How quaint it
was to peer through a view finder!
How delightful to wind on the
film! Those poor fools with their
‘retro camera’ apps, I thought. I’ve
got the real thing! I happened, at
this time, to be on a year abroad in
Paris, which seemed to me very appropriate
(more so, certainly, than
Englefield Green). I prowled street,
park and quay à la Cartier-Bresson,
the camera slung casually around
my neck, in search of starry-eyed
lovers, old pétanque players, elegant
espresso-sippers and jovial waiters,
and other, touching moments of
cultural significance crying out to
be immortalised in 35mm.
A few weeks later, after paying a
princely sum to have the film developed,
I awaited the finished pieces
with baited breath. They would
need naming, for sure; titles such as
‘Lost in thought’, ‘Little boy laughing’
and ‘Hannah, caught unawares’
were perhaps to be considered. But
when they arrived, the pictures
were not quite everything that I
had hoped. In some, the subjects
were blurred out of all recognition.
In others, they were obscured by
shadow, or by large patches of pink
I took to be stray fingers. Some
were even missing bits of their
person. It was very disappointing,
and brought a short-lived hobby to
an abrupt end.
These days, the camera sits
filmless and forgotten in a bottom
drawer and the bike awaits its
pending re-sale on Ebay. The story
is not over, for a typewriter may
be my next purchase, or perhaps,
when I have learned to drive, a
Citroen 2CV. But in the meantime,
I am learning to accept that soulless
modernity is perhaps no bad thing
after all.
Image Courtesy of:
tomazstolfa/Flickr
Features Needs You
Features is everything! No subject to ‘out there’
or subject to ‘strange’
Simply write and article of 400 - 700 words and
send it into features@thefounder.co.uk before
midday Monday 8th November

26 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
Features
Carbon Emissions at RHUL
Ashley Coates examines the inconvenient truth of just how much our
energy demands costs Royal Holloway
Following the publication of a plan
for higher education spending created
by the retired executive of an
oil and gas firm it seems appropriate
to highlight the issues facing
universities with regards to their
carbon emissions. If you thought
the Browne Report made for a scary
read – and obviously any student
making a fuss about it would have
read the actual report and not just
the ‘At a Glance’ section of the BBC
News website – then you should
take a look at some of the documents
coming out of the Environment
Agency and the Carbon Trust
– they are not a pretty sight.
Having said that, in an aesthetic
sense they are, like the Browne
Report, actually very pretty to look
at. Most of them are plush pdf files
filled with expensive graphics that
tell us unwelcome news in fancy,
colourful bubbles. Even the Carbon
Reduction Commitment guides
outlining fines for universities
potentially in excess of £100,000,
look like friendly nursery school
prospectuses. Appropriately enough
the Browne Report is misery set to
a brown background, perhaps in
deference to its mighty creator or in
an attempt to discourage you from
printing the document and giving
it a good read for fear that your
magenta cartridge wouldn’t handle
it. Anyway, I digress.
in 2006 Royal
Holloway released
carbon emissions
equivalent to 7,000
return flights to New
York.
One of the more disturbing of
these beautiful documents is the
lengthily named “Higher Education
Carbon Management Programme:
Strategy and Implementation Plan”.
Unlike the Browne Report, the
Carbon Trust tends to make the
terror facing universities as clear
as possible and it hits you straight
away: in 2006 Royal Holloway released
carbon emissions equivalent
The Energy Efficeny Table in the Moore Building. Photo Courtesy of Amy Taheri
to 7,000 return flights to New York.
The document and the subsequent
revised report of 20th January 2010
based its considerations on energy
consumption for the academic year
2005-6. It estimated that in that
year the university emitted 14,131
tonnes of CO2. This is roughly the
same as the average yearly emissions
of 4,500 motorists.
As well as the effect on the environment,
this level of consumption
will come to account for an increasingly
significant proportion of
Royal Holloway’s annual expenditure
as energy bills get more and
more expensive. The Department of
Trade and Industry estimates that
gas and electricity bills will increase
at an average of 3.5% over the next
10 years. Royal Holloway spent
£1.8 million on energy in the year
2005-6, so assuming consumption
continues increasing at the same
rate, the year 2013-14 will cost the
university £3.6 million. Given that
in the financial year 2008 Royal
Holloway was left with only £4.3
million of the £125,949,000 that
came into the university coffers,
this is not a cost that can be
ignored.
Our university is committed (as
are all higher education institutions
in England) to reducing its
carbon footprint by 34% come 2020
and 80% by 2050, based on 1990
levels. The recommendations of
the Carbon Trust report were to
tackle buildings emissions first,
as they accounted for 94% of
the total emissions produced.
The Trust suggested inter-hall
energy efficiency contests and
a ‘switch-off campaign’. They
also recommended that each
department have an ‘environment
champion’ that looks
after green issues at the departmental
level. Less innovative
were such recommendations
as ‘adopt an energy policy’ and
‘adopt a heating policy’ but
there is still a fair amount of
work to be done here.
Adding further pressure is the
introduction of the UK’s first
mandatory carbon trading scheme.
In the CRC Energy Efficiency
Scheme, the government is to start
charging non-energy-intensive
institutions that consume more
than 6,000 MWh of energy a year
on a per-tonne of carbon basis and
universities will be included in
this. Institutions that exceed 6,000
MWh/year will have to purchase
allowances from the government,
starting at £12 per tonne. The payment
of these allowances was to
begin next year but following the
Spending Review released last week
it will now begin in 2012. Should
university emissions remain around
14,000 tonnes of carbon per year
the Carbon Trust estimates that
Royal Holloway could end up paying
between £112,000 and £210,000
a year in carbon allowances.
Royal Holloway
spent £1.8 million on
energy in the year
2005-6
What all this could mean for
Royal Holloway is increased costs at
a time of restricted spending as the
government cuts funding for higher
education. The college has already
responded by carefully considering
the efficiency of their new buildings
and has plans to start smart-metering
in order to analyse when and
where the greatest consumption of
energy takes place on campus. But
effective energy saving will require
a change in attitude and a greater
awareness of the problems that
face both the environment and the
college.
Royal Holloway is going to be
squeezed into reducing its carbon
footprint over the next few decades
and everyone is going to have to
help reach the emissions targets.
Please recycle this newspaper when you are finished
Recycling bins are located at:
Arts Building, The Hub, Gowar and Wedderburn Halls, T-Dubbs

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
27
Features
Is the Hype About
Fashion Over Before it
has Even Begun?
Josh Minopoli
In the world of fashion, it could be
said that things are done differently.
If we were to consider the account
of one Vogue intern who recalled
having to send a plate of turkey
sausages to Hermès via blacked-out
limo, all in the name of fashion,
then we could say things are
definitely done differently. These
particular ‘things’ could include
matters that concern being practical
and conventional. It simply would
not be fashion otherwise. For example;
is it at all practical to import
a 265 ton iceberg as a feature for
a fashion show? It absolutely is if
you’re Karl Lagerfeld, as he proved
when he did exactly that for one
of his Chanel runways in Paris.
Furthermore, is fashion in itself
conventional? Fashion certainly has
a tendency towards artistic eccentricity
and even pretentiousness,
which may cause some to view the
industry as inaccessible and make
it impossible to describe it with a
word like ‘conventional’.
However, among the almost
frivolous endeavours and the
glamorous aura of fashion (not forgetting
the sausages and icebergs, of course) there
is one so-called unconventionality that
requires more thought: the previewing
of collections six months before they are
actually released for sale. After reading an
article by Belinda White in The Daily Telegraph,
I was prompted to ask: “is fashion
too ahead of itself for its own good, so
much so that today’s fashion becomes yesterday’s
news in the blink of an eye?” The
article discussed the illustrious designer,
Tom Ford, and his attempt to keep his
collection current and out of the grasp of
the internet.
Ford has taken steps to ensure that
his new Spring/Summer womenswear
collection is not exploited in any way by
the press, barring celebrities and photographers
alike from his private launch at
New York Fashion Week last September.
This meant that only a lucky few could
cast their eyes on what is likely to be a
masterpiece.
Part of his reasoning for taking such
drastic measures and rejecting the vast
majority of the fashion pack did seem
to make sense. “You see the clothes –
within an hour or so they’re online, the
world sees them,” went his argument.
“It’s everywhere – all over the streets in
three months and by the time you get it
to the store, what’s the point?” And the
painful truth is that Mr Ford does have
a point, and a rather sharp one at that. Is
it wise to parade a cherished collection
six months before it is even due to enter
the boutiques? Its eventual release for
sale risks being labelled an anti-climax if
everyone has already seen the clothes. In
Ford’s case, however, his collection will
only be published online in December,
before appearing in fashion magazines in
January – perhaps a clever way of keeping
his brand fresh. By not permitting any
sort of visual publicity until he dictates
otherwise, Ford is stating his desire for
fashion collections to remain under
wraps until later in the season. Why even
bother going to the runway shows, people
might end up asking, when you can view
collections online within hours?
Of course, the highly publicised and
photographed runway show is a system
which has worked for years and
continues to generate Louis Vuitton
trunks-full of interest, and is one which,
atmospherically, cannot be contended
with. I simply cannot remain so cynical
about something I love so much. A more
positive way of looking at the situation is
to compare the long wait for collections
to enter shops to the build-up to Christmas:
you know it’s coming; you know
what you want months in
advance, and when it finally
arrives it is all the more
special having waited. If
we start attributing staleness
to something that is
so unique and brilliant
then everything becomes
so boring and ‘has been’.
Culling visual publicity and
refraining from using the
internet might well be a
way of keeping a collection
unspoiled and preserving consumers’
eagerness at the same
time. But when everyone else
is happily inviting the press
in, Ford’s attitude seems to
border on being snobbish in an
industry that cannot cater for
any more snobbishness. When
everyone else starts following
Ford’s idea, however, it will be
another story.
Pay attention – your results don’t lie!
Ailson De Moraes
Have you ever asked yourself
why you decided to do a degree? I
bet you have! If you haven’t, I am
sure you parents have done it for
you! Anyway, if you are reading
this article it means that you are
now here, at Royal Holloway, and
therefore that you have decided to
get a degree (or maybe you are still
thinking!)
“Man is a goal-seeking animal,”
wrote Aristotle. “His life only has
meaning if he is reaching out and
striving for his goals.”
The fact that you are studying
for a degree means that you, like
Aristotle, are striving to achieve
the goals in your life. Life is much
more interesting when those goals
have been reached. It has to be said
that finishing a degree feels great
(and I have finished a few), but I
can assure you that the very best
thing is the journey to achieve it; or
at least, that piece of paper called a
degree diploma (which, by the way,
it is a very plain A4 piece of paper).
When I completed my first degree
and was awarded the diploma, I
thought to myself: I have worked so
hard to get this piece of paper – but
now what? Well, that piece of paper
opened the doors to my professional
career and to a better salary,
among other things. But it takes
courage to continue this journey
and, at times, many of us stop and
think seriously about dropping out
and starting another journey elsewhere.
However, whether you do
drop out or continue your degree,
you will have to decide for yourself,
and I am not here to decide for you,
simply because it is your responsibility
to face the challenges in front
of you.
Some time ago, I heard an interesting
story about a man who, after
many years of poverty and hardship,
decided to walk into a church.
The man fell to his knees, looked at
the altar and said, ‘God, I’ve done
my best to be a good man, I’ve
worked hard, but I have nothing to
show for my life. If only I could win
the lottery! Please help me.’
A few weeks later, having had
no luck, the man went back to
the church and went down on his
knees once again. ‘Please God,’ he
implored, ‘I’m begging you. Help
me win the lottery, just once – lift
me from this wretched life of poverty
so that I can experience what
wealth can give a man.’ Nothing
happened.
But he was a stubborn man, and
a determined one. Finally, he went
back to the church, dropped to his
knees, looked upwards, and with
tears in his eyes, he said: ‘Please
God, I’m begging you! Just once.
Reward this humble, holy man who
has done his best to serve you well!
All I ask of you is that you please,
please, please let me win the lottery.’
Finishing his prayer, the man sat
and looked at the altar, when suddenly,
there was a rumbling in the
sky. A beam of light shone down
into the church and a deep, Godlike
voice said: ‘Okay, I will, but do
me a favour – go and buy a lottery
ticket first!’
If you fail to set yourself
a well-defined goal, you will more
than likely end up wandering
around with no luck at all. If you
fail to read and prepare for your
assignments, essays, presentations,
reports and exams, you are failing
to take real responsibility for your
life as a student. Your results will
reflect this!
It is easier to wander
around and get lost if your goals
lack clarity, and it is definitely very
easy to get lost here at university,
and later to cry about not having
taken things more seriously. I am
not telling to you to stop enjoying
your life as a student – on the
contrary, I am inviting you to enjoy
your student life fully while you are
here. But by organising yourself,
you will be able to take full responsibility
for your life.
As Goethe said, “what you
get by achieving your goals is not as
important as what you become by
achieving your goals.” Remember
you can only achieve good results
if you ‘buy the ticket’. Define your
goals and fight for them!

28 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
Sport . . . .
Royal Holloway
heading to
Svensson Says:
Johanna Svensson
Sports Editor
tf
the BUCS
Championships
The 4th annual BUCS Championships,
the pinnacle of the domestic
university sporting season, will
return to Sheffield in March 2011.
This season 19 BUCS sports will be
in action over seven days of competition.
The City of Sheffield will
witness some of the best athletes
in the country competing in world
class sporting venues.
The BUCS Championships brings
together thousands of students who
will be competing in individual
championships or their team sport
finals after a season long campaign.
Some great BUCS finals are
expected in sports such as hockey
and netball while sports such
as judo and climbing will see
hundreds of students fighting for
individual glory.
Last year, Royal Holloway did
exceptionally well at the Championships
with students winning a
number of medals across various
disciplines. Notable performances
include the Judo Club which
walked away with Gold, Silver
and Bronze medals, in particular
Fiona Jones (STARS) who took
Gold. Further special mentions
go to Emily Moss and Darren
March (both STARS students).
Continued on opposite page »
…what a week! As lecturers
go crazy on essays and reading
(funny how they manage to
accidentally plan their deadlines
in the very same week!), our
sports teams craze it out in their
respective venues. Royal Holloway
did well in general, and for
our five Performance Package
teams, the week proved highly
successful. ‘Performance-what?’
you say? Not to worry, you’re
probably not the only one.
The Performance Package
was introduced at RHUL Sports
2009 as an important step in
boosting its ranking in the
British University and College
Sports (BUCS) table, at the time
finding itself on a 62nd place.
The ultimate aim is to place
Royal Holloway in the top 20
within the next 5 years by giving
five teams additional support in
form of professional coaches and
strength & conditioning sessions
for example.
The outcome? Royal Holloway
climbed to 52nd place in the BUCS
ranking – an impressive improvement
in one year! Back in the
days; back in 2002/2003, Holloway
placed itself on a slightly humbler
93rd place, and an even less boastful
96th (!) place the following
year. 04/05 proved to be a golden
generation as RHUL shot up to
70 – that’s a 26-step climb! In the
season of 05/06 our athletes leaped
up another 4 places to 66th and the
progression has only gone up from
there.
However, (and this applies to all
40-or-so competitive teams in the
college) as long as UCL remains
higher than Royal Holloway in the
ranking, we shall not rest.
Many would label UCL as
something of an ‘archrival’,
and I don’t think anyone
would particularly mind
seeing them trailing behind
RHUL. As a reference: they
are currently ranked as
number 40. Looking back
in their history in the BUCS
table, they have resided quite
comfortably around places
40-45 as long as the records
go. In other words, no significant
development in ten
years or so.
Women’s football beat
them last weekend (well
done, ladies!) and I know
the clash is coming up in
basketball soon…
Stay Tuned.
Rhul Trampolining Club raises money for charity
Sarm Falaki
The RHUL Trampolining club is
small but vibrant and has a growing
membership year on year. We
play hard and we work hard and
no more so than this week when
we raised money for our chosen
charity. In light of the university’s
Make-A-Difference day, we decided
to make our difference in our own
way by hosting a fancy dress
themed trampolining session with
the help of RAG.
Through a combination of
session fee’s, selling RAG t-shirts
and passing around the charity
bucket we raised over £65 for Great
Ormond Street Hospital. We must
have looked a strange bunch to the
kick-boxing club practising across
the hall, but then it’s not every day
that you see a pirate, a zombie, a
fairy, an angel, a devil and all other
manner of “Make Believe” characters
working their moves on a
trampoline!
Sessions run every Thursday
from 8 - 10 PM and cost only £3,
which enables us to hire our lovely
coach Laura to take us through
badges and competitions. Members
need to have valid insurance from
the SU and pay a one-off membership
fee of £10 which helps us to
plan socials and sort out equipment
we may need. Socials are nearly
always casual, and planned for a
night in which most people can
make it; they range from a relaxed
drink at a local pub to days out
at theme parks to weekends in
Amsterdam. Everyone is welcome
to join our club from all skill sets
and backgrounds, whether you are
a complete beginner or you know
the trampoline like the back of your
hand. We’re always happy to get
new members so please come and
try it out!

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
29
tf
Sport . . . .
Royal
Holloway
heading to
the BUCS
Championships
Emily competed in a highly contested
800m final and after going
out strong and attacking the lead
she was beaten in the final 30m
pushing her to third. Darren March
looked comfortable all weekend
after qualifying for the final after
one jump. He continued his form
into the second day by standing
out as one of the more competitive
triple-jumpers taking a well
deserved Silver.
With the support of Sheffield
International Venues (SIV), who
will also be hosting the majority
of sports at their world class elite
sporting venues, BUCS is thrilled to
be returning to the City of Sheffield
to make use of its world class venues.
BUCS Chief Executive Karen
Rothery said:
‘It is great to bring the BUCS
Championships back to Sheffield
for the fourth consecutive year.
Sheffield offers some of the best
facilities for sport in the country
and I know students appreciate
competing in these world class
venues. The BUCS Championships
bring together some of the finest
student athletes in the country who
will have fought hard to make it
to their respective finals. SIV is a
great partner to help us to make
their experience as memorable as
possible and a reward for all their
hard work during the season”
Royal Holloway will be aiming
to support even more students
to represent the College at the
Championships, this is possible
as RHULSPORT is being support
by the Annual Fund with a donation
of £2,000 to subsidies cost of
accommodation, travel, and student
support services at the event.
Mark Hyndman, Sports Development
Executive comments:
It will be great to travel back to
Sheffield for what is a spectacular
student sports event and I can’t wait
to see more Royal Holloway student
compete. The support from Alumni
Fund allows us to support more
students to attend the event, which
is enriching their student experience
at the College through sport.
A team worth watching:
RHUL Women’s Football
Paola Orive
The new football season began
this Sunday 17th and what a start
did the women’s first and second
team had.
Having won last years ULU
premiership by a clear point and
goal difference to second place
UCL, Women’s 1st had to maintain
its reputation in the field,
and so they did! Winning both
games of the season so far from
both BUCS and ULU leagues by
crushing scores (7-0 and 8-1)
proved that this team was not going
to be satisfied by simply being
known as last year’s champions.
They stayed true to their title
and are now establishing a well
deserved reputation amongst the
other teams. They are so far the
only team who has scored more
than three goals in a match and
it doesn’t look like they will stop
any time soon.
As I caught up with my last
year’s teammates and heard all
about the first two games of the
season, I was very excited to go
down this Sunday 24th to the
sports field for their first home
match of the year. I knew this
would be a tough match since
they were playing archrival UCL.
The first half began and already
by 20th minute RHUL had scored
three goals (one courtesy of UCL’s
defender), and so I began to see
what all the fuss was about this
year’s team. Even though there are
many new girls in the team, the
chemistry on the pitch was apparent
for all who went down to see
them play. RHUL played the ball
with ease and always looking up
for open teammates. It came to no
surprise that this team was doing as
well as their charts say they are. The
game ended with a clear win for the
Holloway girls winning 7-0 against
a worn-out UCL 2nd, sending out
a thunderous warning to UCL’s 1st
team who will be facing Holloway
in the near future.
It looks like the 2nd team has
a lot to talk about as well: they
remain undefeated at ULU league
having beaten SOAS 1st and Goldsmiths
1st this Sunday at their first
home match. I guess the reputation
that follows the 2nd teams in sports
as being ‘not as good as the first’ is
not applicable for the Royal Holloway
girls. The 2nd team girls are
just an extension of the 1st team.
As an example, RHUL beat Kings’s
team in a friendly by no less than
13 - 0.
Not only were the girls’ football
skills impressive but the club
President Sian also talked about the
future plans for the club. They are
planning on being very pro-active
during Volunteering Week with a
traditional football activity called
Spring Street Cleaning and there
is also a football camp going on in
campus some time during summer.
Looks like this club is going to be
a very big threat for others who
aspire to win any colors in the climatic
end of the year’s Colors Ball.
Coming down for their games
is not only a nice way to spend a
Sunday or Wednesday evening with
your mates, but is also a chance to
watch two grand teams play their
hearts out for our university. Their
matches are a result of the love they
have for the game and their devotion
they have to take Royal Holloway
to the highest of the league’s
charts. For whatever reason, these
girls are worth watching and keeping
a good eye out for what they
are to become and what they are to
make of our football team. Make
note of them, for I can assure you,
they will give a lot to talk about in
the future.

30 The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
Sport . . . .
tf
Interview: Kristine Flyvholm, Lady Bears Basketball
Luisa Miranda Morel
What first got you in to basketball?
I got into it when I was about 12
years old, so I’ve played for almost
11 years. Before that, I was doing a
lot of sports then I started playing
basketball it stuck on me.
My first team was in my hometown
in Halden and when I was 18
I moved to Oslo to do my last year
of high school there and played top
division with a club called Ullern.
In Oslo I went to an athletic school
and I had basketball as a course; I
was playing for two teams, so with
just basketball I had 8 practices a
week and games every weekend.
So my life for that year was school,
basketball and sleep. I loved it.
When I was 15 I played for the
junior national team in Norway and
I was going for the senior national
team but because I got injured I was
unable to go for the trials. I was out
for two years and now I’m back,
playing for Holloway.
Was basketball a big thing in your
hometown?
We started a new team and we
did quite well so we became one
of the good ‘youth teams’ and then
we played and did well in the Oslo
league.
How has basketball affected you and
you career path?
Career path-wise basketball
hasn’t got that much to do with
Media Arts, but I think that I’m
quite career orientated because I’m
so competitive. I’ve always done
sports in a competitive way, I’ve
always aimed for high competition
and I am competitive in everything
I do. That helps me in my career
because it makes me want to put an
extra effort in.
You mentioned an injury?
It’s a slap in the face when you
get the message that you are going
to be out for so long, something
that you love that much is taken
away from you. Not being able to
play properly for two years straight
is quite hard to take but I haven’t
given up! It makes you think ‘what
can you do?’ but it teaches you to
handle a situation in which things
don’t go exactly how you had
planned and it toughens you up,
especially when you pull through in
the end.
In international basketball, who is
your favorite player?
My favorite all time player is Michael
Jordan.
Would you say he has been your role
model so far?
Yes, definitely. Michael Jordan is my
number one.
Tonight Boston and Miami are
playing at midnight who will you be
supporting?
Tonight I want Boston to win,
and I love Rondo and Ray Allen.
Ray Allen is one of the best three
point shooters in the league and has
been so for a while. Rondo is just a
rising star, he’s really, really young
to be playing as much as he does
and as good as he does. Last year
he was one of the one’s who made
a difference for Boston in the playoffs.
Being that young and doing
that well is a great achievement.
What did you think of last years’
team and their achievements?
tf
I think we did really well. I was
a bit surprised because when you
play at university you don’t know
what to expect because you don’t
know if the teams have got good
players. I was really glad that we
did as well as we did: that we got
Team and Club of the Year and that
we won everything possible. So it
couldn’t have been any better.
What role do you play in this year’s
committee?
I run classroom sessions. I do stats
and watch the tapes of our games
and talk to the team about how the
game went and what we can do to
improve, go through plays and talk
about future games.
What are your first impressions of
this year’s team?
We’re missing tall players. My first
impression is that our bench is not
as full as it should be, so I think we
would be quite vulnerable if some
of our players got injured (knocks
on the wooden table). After the first
couple of games I am more positive
than I was before but I still think its
going to be a tough season for us
but hopefully we’ll pull through.
It seems to me that this year’s team
has a lot to live up to, what are your
goals as a team and how will you
achieve them?
Goals: to be in the top three of the
1A league and get as far as possible
in the cup (BUCS). We have been
talking about the Premiership but
we have to take one game at a time
and see how it goes. It would be fun
though…to play in the Premiership.
Want to write for the Sport section?
If you’re keen to get involved with the sport section of this
newspaper as a photographer, reporter or know someone who we
should interview, email:
sports@thefounder.co.uk

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
31
tf
Results
Sport RHUL Team Opposition League Result
Undergraduated
4. Lecture Hell
Nicholas Blazenby
Seeing as it’s getting close to Reading
Week, I thought I should pull
my finger out and actually start
doing some uni work. The first half
of term is always a waste of time
anyway because the library is full of
over eager pains in the ass and you
can’t get any peace (or a seat), and
there are enough excuses to avoid
seminars to last about 3 or 4 weeks
at least. First week you can’t find
the room, second week you mix up
your timings, third week you’re ill
and fourth week change courses
because you can’t be arsed with the
massive reading list for the old one.
So I finally went to a seminar that
I’ve been causally avoiding all term
because a) it’s at 9am and b) it’s on a
Thursday after the Union. I’d had a
bit of a virus – although The Rower
said it was just a cold, but he never
gets ill so he knows nothing about
my suffering, the self righteous
dickhead – so I hadn’t gone to the
SU and I was fairly well rested from
sitting in bed all week watching
iPlayer and ordering Dominos.
Contrary to popular belief, cheese
does not give you more flem when
you’re ill. I found it had quite a lot
of healing properties actually. So
suck on that Mum.
The seminar was on something
old and I hadn’t done the reading,
well, I sort of had. I read the first
and last paragraphs of the stuff on
Moodle then planned to do what
I always do – be the first to speak
then sit back and relax for the next
hour and fifty minutes. Unfortunately
the class of seventeen had
gone down to four thanks to Come
if You’re Fit or something similar at
the Union the night before.
The next two hours were the
most painful of my entire life. I
held back from saying my one point
for as long as possible, then one
of the others said it and I began
to feel prickly heat on my neck as
the panic grew. I managed an hour
of emphatic nodding and agreeing
before I had to speak and I
somehow managed to pull together
other people’s points and compare
them in quite a fine argument…the
tutor bummed it, the three other
people in the class saw through me
and venom glistened in their eyes.
I made a hasty exit afterwards and
hid in Café Jules. I think I might
have to change courses. Again.
The major reason that has driven
me into doing work, and actually
realizing that the libraries are busy
(because I didn’t even step foot
in Bedford last year) is because
Housemate with Social Interaction
Issues has, finally - when we were
just starting to doubt his sexuality/
ability to see thanks to the overload
of hardcore pr0n that he uses
a projector for in his room – got
a girlfriend. A real one. Not an
inflatable one. And she’s not that
ugly either. Or fat. She seems quite
nice actually. Met on their course or
something.
Basically the vicinity of his
room to mine plus the volume
and amount of copulation meant
that I had to wear noise-reducing
headphones for most of the day.
And night. The TV could not go
loud enough. Especially when they
banged against the wall.
So there I was, forced from my
own home by the inconsiderate
filth that I live with and had to go
to the library to try and while away
some hours before the pub. The
best thing about Bedford – other
than the utterly vast range of books
available to one and all - are the
snacks. My first point of call is
always the vending machine, and
until this week it had been very
faithful. On Sunday evening however,
after a particularly obscene day
of blocking out the sound of love, I
went to get a coke and a kitkat and
the coke fell just fine but the bloody
kitkat only wound on half way and
it teetered on the edge of falling but
it DIDN’T FALL. Any other day
and I might have tried again but
I had no more change and I WAS
NOT walking all the way to Natwest
in the cold then attempting to
get change from god knows where
(cos that damned change machine
in there never works either), oh
no, so in a moment of madness I
shoulder barged the machine with
as much a run up as I could manage.
This led to two things; firstly
the kitkat fell and I felt the surge of
victory over College and their capitalist,
vending machine endeavours,
but it also set off an alarm which
led to the Library Assistant calling
security and having me escorted
outside.
Looks like I won’t be in Bedford
much this year either now.
Words by Tamsin Bell

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