The Founder Volume 5 Issue 4

The Founder | Thursday 4 November 2010
31
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Results
Sport RHUL Team Opposition League Result
Undergraduated
4. Lecture Hell
Nicholas Blazenby
Seeing as it’s getting close to Reading
Week, I thought I should pull
my finger out and actually start
doing some uni work. The first half
of term is always a waste of time
anyway because the library is full of
over eager pains in the ass and you
can’t get any peace (or a seat), and
there are enough excuses to avoid
seminars to last about 3 or 4 weeks
at least. First week you can’t find
the room, second week you mix up
your timings, third week you’re ill
and fourth week change courses
because you can’t be arsed with the
massive reading list for the old one.
So I finally went to a seminar that
I’ve been causally avoiding all term
because a) it’s at 9am and b) it’s on a
Thursday after the Union. I’d had a
bit of a virus – although The Rower
said it was just a cold, but he never
gets ill so he knows nothing about
my suffering, the self righteous
dickhead – so I hadn’t gone to the
SU and I was fairly well rested from
sitting in bed all week watching
iPlayer and ordering Dominos.
Contrary to popular belief, cheese
does not give you more flem when
you’re ill. I found it had quite a lot
of healing properties actually. So
suck on that Mum.
The seminar was on something
old and I hadn’t done the reading,
well, I sort of had. I read the first
and last paragraphs of the stuff on
Moodle then planned to do what
I always do – be the first to speak
then sit back and relax for the next
hour and fifty minutes. Unfortunately
the class of seventeen had
gone down to four thanks to Come
if You’re Fit or something similar at
the Union the night before.
The next two hours were the
most painful of my entire life. I
held back from saying my one point
for as long as possible, then one
of the others said it and I began
to feel prickly heat on my neck as
the panic grew. I managed an hour
of emphatic nodding and agreeing
before I had to speak and I
somehow managed to pull together
other people’s points and compare
them in quite a fine argument…the
tutor bummed it, the three other
people in the class saw through me
and venom glistened in their eyes.
I made a hasty exit afterwards and
hid in Café Jules. I think I might
have to change courses. Again.
The major reason that has driven
me into doing work, and actually
realizing that the libraries are busy
(because I didn’t even step foot
in Bedford last year) is because
Housemate with Social Interaction
Issues has, finally - when we were
just starting to doubt his sexuality/
ability to see thanks to the overload
of hardcore pr0n that he uses
a projector for in his room – got
a girlfriend. A real one. Not an
inflatable one. And she’s not that
ugly either. Or fat. She seems quite
nice actually. Met on their course or
something.
Basically the vicinity of his
room to mine plus the volume
and amount of copulation meant
that I had to wear noise-reducing
headphones for most of the day.
And night. The TV could not go
loud enough. Especially when they
banged against the wall.
So there I was, forced from my
own home by the inconsiderate
filth that I live with and had to go
to the library to try and while away
some hours before the pub. The
best thing about Bedford – other
than the utterly vast range of books
available to one and all - are the
snacks. My first point of call is
always the vending machine, and
until this week it had been very
faithful. On Sunday evening however,
after a particularly obscene day
of blocking out the sound of love, I
went to get a coke and a kitkat and
the coke fell just fine but the bloody
kitkat only wound on half way and
it teetered on the edge of falling but
it DIDN’T FALL. Any other day
and I might have tried again but
I had no more change and I WAS
NOT walking all the way to Natwest
in the cold then attempting to
get change from god knows where
(cos that damned change machine
in there never works either), oh
no, so in a moment of madness I
shoulder barged the machine with
as much a run up as I could manage.
This led to two things; firstly
the kitkat fell and I felt the surge of
victory over College and their capitalist,
vending machine endeavours,
but it also set off an alarm which
led to the Library Assistant calling
security and having me escorted
outside.
Looks like I won’t be in Bedford
much this year either now.
Words by Tamsin Bell