Because I am a Girl - Plan USA

When can men cry? Research with
adolescents in Brazil
For this report, Plan undertook
original research with young people in
Brazil, India, Rwanda and the UK. In
Brazil, adolescent boys and girls were
asked: “What are the moments and
circumstances when men can cry?” These
were some of the responses from Brazil.
They showed that on the one hand both
young men and young women thought
it was ok for men to cry, but also that
there was some ambivalence about it,
especially in public, in case it damaged
your tough image.
Young women:
• Dana, 16: “I have a friend who knows
how to express when he’s sad: when
his grandmother died he came to talk
to us, saying that his grandma had
passed away and crying a lot. Even
when he likes a girl he knows how to
show it. He used to like my sister and
he used to say: ‘Ah, Nati, you know
how much I like you, but you like
some other guy.’ He always shows his
feelings.”
• Kelly, 16: “They’re afraid to get hurt,
I think. My brother shows his feelings
a lot, he talks, he calls practically the
whole family to talk [laughs]. When
he’s at home he talks, says he likes
this and that girl, he really expresses
his feelings little by little, but he talks
about what he feels. But sometimes he
doesn’t...”
• Lana, 16: “There are some boys who,
you know, have feelings but they want
to look tough and then they don’t
demonstrate what they feel, they want
to be ‘men’.”
• Mariane, 16: “Because they are not
made of stone, I think every human
being cries, even the animals cry. Why
wouldn’t men cry?”
Young men:
• Matheus, 14: “Men cry when they go
travelling, and they have to leave their
mothers, their wives and children, some
men cry.”
• Jean, 14: “When a person loses a
family member.”
• Marcelo, 14: “When they feel a sadness
in their heart – ‘ah, she has left me’ –
and then they start to cry.”
• Pedro, 14: “Sometimes men cry, and
then people ask them why they are
crying, and they wipe their tears and
say they’re not crying.”
• Marcelo, 14: “When there’s news about
someone who’s suffering, you feel like
crying, and then you have to run to your
bedroom because people ask you why
you’re crying.”
• Guilherme, 14: “I cried because my
dad promised to buy me a computer
and because I did not behave well, he
did not buy it. I’ve spent one month
without talking to him.”
As well as learning not to show their feelings,
boys develop a belief that they are or should
be in control, seeking out ways to get the
things they want and assert their needs. 28
One study in Bolivia, India, Indonesia,
Jamaica, Morocco and Mali noted: “We
found in all the cultures studied, that there
is less socialisation and education of boys
into clear roles and behaviours than of girls.
Traditional practices included a tendency to
privilege boys – giving boys wider leeway
in behaviour, and excusing non-social
behaviours by saying ‘boys will be boys’. This
does not teach boys responsibility, nor clarify
what will be expected of them. When they
are asked to take on responsibilities in their
adult life, in increasingly complex contexts,
they have little support or preparation for the
task.” 29 This indicates clearly that traditional
understandings of masculinity let boys down
and reduce their ability to be adequately
prepared for adult life.
In another study, in the Western
Balkans, young men in Sarajevo noted that:
“Communication and intimacy with their
girlfriends was a characteristic they wanted
to develop. Yet, some young men expressed
fear that such emotional intimacy could
allow young men to be manipulated by
women. When one participant in Belgrade
said: ‘Your girlfriend will expect you to
be open and tell her things about your
emotions’, other participants responded:
‘No, don’t do that, she will take advantage
of you’.” 30
In most Western countries, eight out of
P l a n
10 pupils with serious behavioural problems
in schools are boys. 31 This violence can be
turned outward, towards others, or inward.
Around 2.8 million adolescents attempt
suicide each year. Around 71,000 die. 32
While three times more young women than
young men attempt suicide, three times
more men than women are successful. 33
This is at least partly because they are less
likely to seek help. Research for the IMAGES
report in Brazil, Chile, Croatia, India,
Mexico and Rwanda found that there were
stark differences between women and men
seeking help for mental health problems. In
India only 11 per cent of Indian men sought
help compared to 93 per cent of women. 34
This is why programmes like Salud y Genero
to support young men in discussing the issues
that are important to them are so crucial.
That’s not us – health and gender
in Mexico
The Mexican-based NGO, Salud y Genero
(Health and Gender) 35 seeks to generate
new ways of being a man or woman by
highlighting the health consequences of
rigid gender norms. Through workshops
and awareness-raising activities, Salud
y Genero helps men to understand the
relationship between traditional masculine
behaviours – risk-taking, low involvement
in childcare, denial of sickness or
vulnerability – and men’s shorter life
expectancy, their failure to form intimate
relationships with partners and children,
and their inattention to their own mental,
physical and reproductive health.
Workshops held by Salud y Genero use
a number of exercises to deal with the
problems that male socialisation pose
for men’s health. One such exercise –
‘The Male Body’ – involves participants
writing down what they associate
with being a man. The idea that ‘men
are strong’ is most prominent. Hats,
belts, pistols, machetes, mobile phones
and alcohol all tend to feature highly.
References to emotions are rare – with
the exception of ‘loneliness’. In eight
years of working with men’s groups, the
word ‘father’ has been suggested only
eight times. Yet many men, after seeing
the male image they have created, say:
“But that’s not us”. 36
It's good to
talk.
84 the s tate of the world’s girls 85