The Pinko - The Peak

frontal features
The Pinko • November 26, 2001 13
front du libération du pinko
The revolutionary manifesto of The Pinko of SFU
The SFU student newspaper, The Pinko, is not the Messiah nor a modern-day Robin Hood. It is a group of working
students at SFU who are committed to do everything they can to allow people of SFU to take their destiny in their own hands.
The Pinko is a movement, not of aggression but of response to aggression — the aggression organised by high finance
through the marionettes of the federal and provincial governments and the SFU administration.
The Pinko has drafted a list of 10 revolutionary demands which amount to an overthrow of the tyrannical, oppressive and
exploitative regime of administrative bureaucrats that run this institution of ‘higher’ learning:
opération libération
1. The Pinko calls on the abdication and resignation of President Michael Stevenson from the post of supremecommander-in-chief
of SFU. Free passage will be arranged for Mr. Stevenson to Mexico where he will be assured
that no Pinko henchmen will hunt him down with ice picks. We’re not Stalinists!!
2. The Pinko also calls for the SFU Senate and the Board of Directors to be dissolved. In their place a student vanguard
will form a revolutionary council of soviet deputies made up of students representing each departmental student union,
the SFSS, Teaching Support Staff Union members, CUPE workers, and members of the Altered Reality Club.
3. SFU security and their walkie-talkies will be replaced with the Pinko Red Guard who will be armed with 75¢ pop cans.
4. The Pinko feels that the SFSS postcard campaign is a bourgeois-nationalist counter-revolutionary approach to
the student tuition issue. The Pinko refuses to negotiate for a lower tuition — we DEMAND free tuition for all
SFU students. Even Grandma and Grandpa Jones, oh wait…they already get it.
5. The Pinko proposes to eliminate all library fines, especially those reserve items which cost $1 an hour!! This
way SFU graduation rates will improve exponentially since students will no longer have grades withheld.
6. The Pinko demands that Dr. David Noble be instated as honourary chairperson of the humanities department.
He will be given the position Commissar of Free Thinkers and People who are cited in a Plethora of different
Academic Disciplines (PPAD).
7. The Pinko also calls for free housing for all SFU students. Burnaby Mountain Development Corporation will be
dissolved and replaced by a provisional council of student commissars who will only expand development if it can
be determined to be environmentally sustainable and if it provides completely free student housing and services to
students living on campus.
8. The Pinko also proposes to make a distinct and symbolic break with the repressive colonial history of
dedications at SFU. Buildings on campus shall be renamed in accordance with the revolutionary struggle of
students at SFU (and at The Pinko)
-SFU will be renamed Suddenly Forgoteverythingilearnedin Undergraduatestudies.
-The WAC Bennett library will be renamed the Tony Danza library
-The Maggie Benston Centre will be become Who’s the Boss Centre
-The Academic Quadrangle will become the Taxi Quadrangle (TQ)
-The WMX will became the Family Law Complex
-The East Academic Annex will become the Garbage Picking Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon. (Yes
this is a name of a television show that Tony Danza appeared in.)
9. Both Tony Danza and his alter-Australian-ego Paul Hogan will be invited as guests of honour in perpetuity to
every convocation ceremony…forever and ever and ever…hahahaha…ahem!
10. The Pinko also states that any on-campus filming by private film corporations will be restricted to films by or
about Tony Danza. Thus there shall be no more action films about aliens and mutants featuring Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
In the memory of the stupendous seven professors who were violently purged by the SFU oligarchy during the fall of 1970, The
Pinko has outlined the steps to revolutionary victory that must be taken to rid this university of the capitalistic overlords that so
brutally clamped down on our fallen comrades.
STUDENTS OF SFU UNITE, WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT OUR CHAINS!!
VIVE LA REVOLUCION!!
VIVE LE SFU LIBRE
JOIN THE PINKO REVOLUTION!!!
Manifesto drafted by the Commissar of Sideburns and the Commissar of Postmodern Dialogue with Civil Society from The Pinko’s Revolutionary Command Council.
traced by David Wilson-McLeish / The Pinko