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<strong>The</strong> <strong>Pinko</strong> • November 26, 2001 17<br />
Puttin’ on the foil coach<br />
Hanson versus Hanson<br />
Dickey Dunn<br />
<strong>The</strong> <strong>Peak</strong><br />
Last weekend at the SFU theatre<br />
old time hockey faced off against<br />
teen pop sensations<br />
in a battle royale of<br />
semantic proportions.<br />
It was Hanson<br />
vs. Hanson, no holds<br />
barred as the boys<br />
from the iron league<br />
took on the musical<br />
prodigies from middle<br />
America.<br />
As the curtains rose, the scene<br />
was set as each side was interviewed<br />
by Charlestown Chiefs<br />
broadcaster, Jim Carr. “Stick em’,<br />
fuck ‘em, Christ pop ‘em!”<br />
shouted the hockey Hansons<br />
when asked what they would do<br />
to the musical Hansons. When<br />
asked about the prospect of fighting<br />
the hockey Hansons, the teen<br />
Hansons hid behind their mom’s<br />
skirt and phoned their lawyers.<br />
Pre-game warm-ups featured<br />
the hockey Hansons knuckle-foiling<br />
and stick taping while the teen<br />
Hansons were busy pretending to<br />
tune their guitar strings and chewing<br />
bubble-gum. <strong>The</strong> first act featured<br />
a stirring rendition of the<br />
hockey Hansons “mmm-bopping”<br />
the musical Hansons on the head<br />
with the butt-end of their hockey<br />
sticks. Following a confusing<br />
melee of vicious sucker-punching,<br />
the musical Hansons managed to<br />
escape to the locker room with<br />
MUSICAL<br />
THEATRE<br />
Hanson vs. Hanson<br />
SFU <strong>The</strong>atre<br />
Nov. 17<br />
only minor facial lacerations.<br />
<strong>The</strong> hockey Hansons didn’t<br />
come out unscathed, however.<br />
During the mayhem of the first<br />
act, someone from the crowd had<br />
thrown a monkeywrench,<br />
enciting<br />
them to attack the<br />
crowd. SFU security<br />
was forced to intervene,<br />
beating the<br />
hockey Hansons with<br />
walkie-talkies and<br />
turning them over to<br />
the RCMP.<br />
After a long intermission in<br />
which the Hansons had to be<br />
bailed out of jail by producer Joe<br />
McGrath, the second act was finally<br />
underway. Both the second<br />
and third period was full of both<br />
mmmbop...<br />
song, blood, hockey pucks, and<br />
dance. A moving spectacle that<br />
would have excited both old-time<br />
hockey fans and teeny-boppers<br />
alike. <strong>The</strong> show was not complete<br />
without a cameo appearance<br />
from all of the original<br />
Charlestown Chiefs who took<br />
pot-shots at the teenage Hansons<br />
as they walked onstage. Especially<br />
exciting for the audience<br />
was the appearance of Clarence<br />
“Screaming Buffalo” Swamptown<br />
who chased Zackary Hanson<br />
from one end of the theatre to another<br />
with a two-by-four. <strong>The</strong>re<br />
was a final appearance by the<br />
Chiefs player-coach Reggie Dunlop<br />
(Paul Newman), who gave yet<br />
another sales pitch for his famous<br />
salad dressing.<br />
<strong>The</strong> <strong>Pinko</strong><br />
... since 1965<br />
Listen to the fuckin’ song
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