June 2006 - The Parklander Magazine

Wedding EtiquetteBy Charlene Keel & Christine KlingstenCongratulations! You’ve set thedate and it’s time to plan yourwedding. Of course, you’reoverwhelmed with all the choicesyou have to make—like selectingor designing invitations, whereyou’ll have the ceremony andreception, who will cater the eventand who to choose as yourattendants. It’s a lot to think aboutand you still have to figure outwho pays for what and what jobsto delegate to whom.With so much to do, it’s never too soon to get organized. First,divide everything that must be done into categories and tackleitems one at a time. Even if you’re using a wedding planner, you’llneed a wedding checklist. Be sure to include with each task a dateby which it must be completed.First choose the date and location for your wedding andreception. You’d be surprised at how far in advance these places arebooked. Next, decide on your attendants (and remind the groom todecide on his) and invite them so they’ll have plenty of time toarrange their calendars to accommodate yours. When yourwedding party is set, you can start delegating responsibilities tothose who will play an important role in the weeks andmonths ahead.Your maid of honor will have several responsibilities. She shouldbe at your side for all of the pre-wedding parties, helping to makethis time truly wonderful. She should be the one to plan your bridalshower and document gifts received at the shower. She should helpaddress invitations and assist with the bridesmaid fittings. On yourwedding day, she should be in charge of securing your belongingsat the ceremony and reception sites, bringing you sips of water andkeeping you calm. Some maids of honor even make sure thehoneymoon attire is packed and ready for a post-weddingdeparture. It’s not just about rearranging your train and holdingyour bouquet while your groom slips that ring on your finger.The best man is responsible for taking care of the groom byplanning the bachelor party and making sure the groom arrives ontime for the ceremony. The best man is also responsible for theushers and picking up and returning the groom’s tuxedo (if it’s arental). For safety, travel tickets, marriage license and rings shouldbe left with him and he should make sure the officiant receiveshis/her fee. If the newlyweds are departing on the honeymoonimmediately after the reception, the best man will take care of theluggage and perhaps even drive you and your groom to the airport.Your bridesmaids will be responsible for their own gowns andaccessories; however if there is a cost issue, this is certainly not arequirement. The bride may help with costs as part of her gift to anattendant. The bridesmaids should also assist with making thefavors and decorating the get-away car. Each bridesmaid isexpected to dance with her paired groomsman or usher for thewedding, so make sure ahead of time that she’s comfortablewith this.Groomsmen or ushers are responsible for their own tuxedos andaccessories. They are responsible for seating guests at theceremony and, if necessary, at the reception. They should also helpdecorate the get-away car and the groom should inform them thatthey are expected to dance with the bridesmaids with whom theyare paired, during the reception.Be sure that the parents of your flower girl and ringbearer arecomfortable with the cost of the required wedding attire and anyaccessories needed. Your flower girl can carry a pretty bouquet offlowers or gently drop flower petals from a basket as she walks downthe aisle. Make sure the venue you’ve chosen will allow fresh petals.Some do not, because of possible staining. The ringbearer carries asatin pillow on which the rings are secured with a ribbon. If you havea trainbearer, he/she will beresponsible for his/her ownattire and will hold the bride’strain during the processional.The parents of both the brideand groom have responsibilitiesas well. The mother of the brideshould plan and host agathering to include the groomand his family. She will also, ifasked, assist the bride withdecisions, give helpful advice and go shopping with the bride asneeded. She’ll be responsible for her own gown and all her accessoriesand she’ll give the engagement party and be the official hostess on thereceiving line at the reception.Besides paying for the wedding and reception, the father of thebride is responsible for his own tuxedo and accessories; and he(sometimes with the bride’s mother) will escort his daughter downthe aisle and give her away. At the engagement party he’ll assistthe mother of the bride with hosting duties, and he’ll toast thecouple at the reception.The mother of the groom can also host the first meeting of the inlaws.She will co-host the rehearsal dinner and (optional) stand in thereceiving line at the reception. She pays for her own gownand accessories.The father of the groom can share in the financing of the weddingand he will pay for and host the rehearsal dinner, at which he willtoast the couple. He is responsible for the cost of his tuxedo andaccessoriesand (optional) stand in the receiving line at the reception.The groom—well, he mostly just has to show up (don’t besurprised if he’s not eager to participate in planning). But he willpay for the bride’s ring, bouquet and wedding gift, gifts for hisgroomsmen or ushers, corsages for both his mom and the bride’s,his own boutonniere and those for his groomsmen, the marriagelicense, officiant’s fee, limousine and honeymoon.Having a wedding planner could be a big help, but rememberthat it will add to the expense. By choosing attendants you cancount on and recruiting willing and creative family and friends tohelp, you’ll be sure to have a day that will always live inyour heart.50the PARKLANDER