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HUMORDegrees of Blonde:FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when thephone rang at 2:00 AM. The wife (undoubtedly blonde),picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "Howshould I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.Thehusband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "Idon't know, some woman wanting to know if the coastis clear."SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down thestreet. One notices a compact on the sidewalk andleans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror,and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar". Thesecond blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the firstblonde hands her the compact. The second one looks inthe mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend ofcheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. Shegoes to his apartment unexpectedly and when sheopens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse totake out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcomewith grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.The boyfriend yells, "No honey, don't do it!" The blondereplies, "Shut up, you're next!"FOURTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctorwhen he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"FIFTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about herknowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Goahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says,"OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blondereplies, "Oh, that's easy: W."SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as aUCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. Theprofessor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wadewas about. Bambi pondered the question then finallysaid, "That was the decision George Washington had tomake before he crossed the Delaware".SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, ablonde was shocked to find her house ransacked andburglarized. She called the police at once andreported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast thecall on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, wasthe first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached thehouse with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onthe porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, thensat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, shemoaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, I callthe police for help, and what do they do? They send me aBLIND policeman!Eight Words with Two Meanings1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.Female...... Any part under a car's hood.Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.Male.... Playing football without a cup.3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one'spartner.Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip withthe boys.4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with thisone.5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.Male.... .. Anything that can be done while drinking beer.6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, malebonding.7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple canachieve.Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel toanother.Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5minutes.22 • September 2007