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Georgia PBS Interventions - Florida's Positive Behavior Support ...

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How to Give Problems Back to Kids So They Aren’t Yours:(www.loveandlogic.com)1. Show empathy2. Lay the problem back on them3. Ask them if they would like to hear what others have done in similar situations (this gives youpermission to give advice)a. Give the worst solution firstb. Always end by saying “How would that work out?”c. Give them as many solutions as you can think of at the timed. Tell them that you are all out of ideas4. Tell them good luck and to let you know what they decide to do.Here’s how it sounds:Daughter: Mom, I was in Best Buy and I just couldn’t resist. There was a new cell phone that takespictures and I just wasn’t thinking and I bought it and it cost $220 and now I don’t have enough moneyfor my car payment. (Hidden message: I need $220 for my car payment)Mom: That’s a bummer. I can understand how cool that phone must be for you to spend your carpayment money without thinking. What are you going to do about your car payment? (Hidden message:You are not getting it from me)Daughter: I dunnoh! (Hidden message: I need $220 for my car payment. You can put it in my bankaccount for me.)Mom: Well, would you like to hear what some other kids have done when they found themselves in thatsituation?Daughter: I guess. (Hidden message: Okay- bore me with your ideas. I just need the money)Mom: Well, some kids let the bank know they will be late with their car payment and take a chance onthat hurting their credit. How would that work for you?Daughter: I can’t do that. My credit rating is very important to me.Mom: Well, some kids take the phone back to Best Buy and get them to take it back since it was animpulse purchase. How would that work out for you?Daughter: I can’t do that. Best Buy doesn’t take things back. (Hidden message: I want this phonereally bad.)Mom: Well, some kids borrow a little here and a little there from their friends until they have enoughto pay their car payment and then they work really hard to pay their friends back. (Hidden message:the MOM ATM is closed.) How would that work for you?Daughter: My friends don’t have that kind of money.Mom: Well, some kids would just sell the phone to a friend for the same money and then they’d havethe money to pay their car payment…and honey, I’ve got to go. I’m all out of ideas. Good luck with thisdilemma. Let me know what you decide to do. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love Ya. MOMDaughter: Next day, “MOM, guess what? I went to Best Buy and believeitor not they took the phone back. Now I can make my car payment.”<strong>Positive</strong> <strong>Interventions</strong> and Effective Strategies Riffel -© 2005 - 39 -

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