e-asTTle writing generic exemplars

Prompt 21:Exemplar 4:I heard a whisper but no one was thereDon’t moveELEMENTIdeas R1–R6 R6Structure andlanguageRUBRIC RUBRICRANGE COMMENTS CATEGORY COMMENTS E02104R1–R6R6Organisation R1–R7 R7Vocabulary R1–R6 R6Sentence structure R1–R6 R6Punctuation R1–R7 R7Spelling R1–R6 R6Ideas show originality and insight, with reference tocomplex issues such as family violence, and generalisationto universal feelings (real fear makes you paralyzed).Although some aspects of the story could be developedfurther (e.g., the father’s motive for looking for thedaughter/murderer), the ideas are sufficiently effective andelaborated for a category R6.The orientation is compelling and engages the reader. Thebody of the text creates tension and suspense, building to aclimax towards the end. Language features are controlledfor purpose: present tense is used to bring the reader intothe moment, descriptive language is used throughout, andcharacters are developed.Paragraphs are structured and linked to pace the narrativeand build tension.Language choices consistently enhance meaning and mood(gripping their mouths shut while they whimper and sob;Nearly suffocating like a fish out of water under my hands).Sentences are deliberately crafted to have an effect on thereader: e.g., short, choppy sentences build the pace andsense of dread (Don’t move. Don’t make a sound. Don’t evenbreathe).While there are some errors in punctuating direct speech,and with contractions and apostrophes, the punctuation isused to enhance meaning and to guide the reader throughthe text.Writes with few errors and spells a wide range of difficultwords correctly (whimper, echo, comfortable, immediately,surprised, surrounding, sympathy).«=jáåáëíêó=çÑ=bÇìÅ~íáçå=OMNOm~ÖÉ=S===