Jeffrey Alan Payne - Doczine

4 – Breaking News: Michael Jackson Remains DeadWe followed Dave’s advice the next morning, making no references to Michael’spenchant for the company of boys under the age of 14. However, the aftermath of idioticstatements by the family and a newfound host of “friends” could not be ignored. Wewere in ecstatic anticipation of the impending circus that would be his memorial service.In the eight o’clock hour, we usually spent some time talking about local sports. TheToronto Blue Jays had been a lot of fun, thus far in the season, achieving first placewithin their division for the first couple of months. We loved going to the games,especially when the Yankees were in town. I had the obvious nostalgic connection withthe team’s name, and anytime they came to Toronto, they were the most hated of anyteam in baseball. Not only were they division rivals, but they had so many players thatwere so easy to dislike.Derek Jeter was booed, just because he was a franchise player, and happened to bereally good. As was Alex Rodriguez, except A-Rod brought out a very special kind ofcollective disdain from the crowd. I don’t know if it’s because of his accusations ofphilandering, including an alleged affair he may have had with Madonna, or the fact thathe admittedly took steroids. That tainted everyone’s opinion of this celebrated andtalented baseball player. However, Toronto fans couldn’t stand him, long before thesteroid disclosure became public or he had ever met Madonna. All I know is that it wasalways a lot of fun yelling, “Hey Lucky Star!” or “He’s juiced!” every time A-Rod came tobat.It was also fun being seated near die-hard Yankee fans that make the trip fromManhattan to be at the Jays’ games. Some of these guys can’t order a hot dog withoutmentioning the word “fuck” within the sentence. They also had some great commentsfor the umpires, who are apparently all “bums”, at least the ones that make calls againstthe Yankees.We were just discussing the Yankee pitcher from the night before. Jim brought up, “Mygirlfriend watched the game with me, and she said, ‘I’ve never seen any human beingspit that much. How do you even generate that much fluid?’ She was right, he spit fouror five times before every pitch.”“You should have shown her how much fluid a man is capable of generating, there Jim.”“No. We were watching baseball. It’s that ‘watching sports’ and ‘renting movies’ time ofthe month, if you know what I mean.”“Again? You should buy stock in Kotex. You could get your girlfriend a job in Researchand Development. She could be the corporate test dummy.” Jim mouthed the words“thanks a lot” inaudibly across the control board. We were frequently open about ourrespective girlfriends’ menstrual cycles. This practice contributed to more than onebreakup.I quickly changed the subject, “You’re right though about that fluid there Jim. What is itabout baseball that requires everybody to spit so much? You ever watch a wide shot ofthe dugout? I’m surprised the bat boys aren’t soaking wet by the end of the game.”23