Jeffrey Alan Payne - Doczine

“This is 93 Rock in…..”“Wait. I’m sorry, whatever your name is. I’ve just hit something that’s either part of thesprinkler system or gold bullion. If it’s gold, I have to make sure the killers don’t get it.”“Okay, call us back after the breast augmentation.” There was a click, followed by a dialtone sound effect.“She’s a real go-getter,” Jim was the first to speak.I replied, “You have to give it to La Toya for one thing. She never abandons her pursuitof entitlement to fame. While Janet’s out there engineering silly little juvenile ‘wardrobemalfunctions’ at halftime shows, La Toya’s taking it off for Playboy, just begging forsomeone to look at her.”“I thought she was going to pop them out at the end of the memorial service. She’sstanding up there, trying to get as close to the front as she can. Wouldn’t that have beenthe greatest television moment of our lifetimes, if La Toya had just ripped open her shirtlive and stood there with her headlights all aglow. The rest of the Jacksons are justmortified.”“I told you not to let her in here,” Cam was doing his Marlin Jackson voice.I imitated a generic member of the crowd in attendance at the funeral, “Damn, I was upordering a fourteen dollar bag of ‘The King of Popcorn’ and a ‘Billy Jean Bratwurst’ formy buddy, so I missed the whole thing.”“I wonder if they did sell concessions at the memorial. You go in for a funeral, expectingall this solemness, and the first thing you see is people lined up to buy stadium nachos,with that orange plastic cheese and canned chili on top.”“I bet you’ll be able to buy commemorative T-shirts in the lobby,” Cam said.“And, the little sequined gloves,” I was thinking to myself that this was way too much funto be having at work.Jim spoke up, “I guarantee that you’ll be able to order a DVD copy of that memorialservice, before long. I guarantee it, and I haven’t been wrong yet.”“Your predictions have been right on, so far. You were right about that tribute concerttour.”“You’ll be able to buy a DVD of that, too.”“Maybe they’ll package them together as a box set,” we were running late again, “Alright,we’ve got two of our Toronto Blue Jays named as starters in the All Star Game. Newsand sports are next on 93 Rock.”***Our meeting with Dave that morning was brief and easy. He thought the show wasgood, overall. “The La Toya Jackson bit was funny. Everyone, even the lamebrain43