Jeffrey Alan Payne - Doczine

“Yeah. You right about that man. We been practicin’ too, so maybe they’ll let Marlin andme sing this time. I mean, out loud.”It was time to wrap up the bit and go to the hourly news report, “All right Tito. You travelsafely. We’ll hopefully talk to you tomorrow.” Cam played the hangup sound effect,“That was Tito Jackson right there, with Marlin.”“I heard that,” Jim said.“News is next and we’ll be talking to the bands who headlined the Rock-a-Bi-Babyconcert at this year’s Pride Festival, Newborn Youth and Passion Sponge, next on 93Rock.***Dave, the Program Director, seemed pensive when we walked into his office. Wepromptly found out why.“I just got off the phone with the Blue Jays. They are not happy. Did you say that AlexRios was gay or something?”I was immediately on the defensive, “No, we said that he was very pretty, and he wouldmake a great drag queen.”Dave didn’t seem too relieved by that, “Did you also say that Jesse Carlson was acrackhead?”Jim answered this time, “No, that’s not at all true. We said that if you saw him on thesubway, you MIGHT think that he might be an ex-con junkie.”Cam interjected, “We also said he looked like he COULD be Vulcan. Obviously theguy’s not a Vulcan, since there’s no such thing, so why would anyone take our othercomments seriously.”Jim tried to turn the conversation into light humor, “But think of all the tickets they wouldsell if he were. The Blue Jays would have the only Vulcan pitcher in the Major Leagues.”“Not necessarily,” I countered, “That would mean that there is such a thing as a Vulcan,and why wouldn’t other teams have some Vulcans on their rosters?”Cam continued, “Good point, Rick. What if Vulcans all had incredible arms. I meanimagine if you got a Vulcan pitcher that could throw a 150 mile an hour fast ball.”Jim acted as if he had actually given the concept some thought, “Then they wouldn’t letthem play, unless they could figure out a way to handicap the batters who face them.”“Maybe they could just have a rule that the pitch doesn’t count if it’s over, say 100 milesper hour,” I tried to help.Dave was as stressed as I think I had ever seen him, “HEY! Can we have a seriousdiscussion here? I got a sales rep who’s looking for heads, because he could have just27